Tiresome Oneupmanship

[Ian Buxton's Bat]

I'm a reasonably diplomatic, boring, steady middle aged bloke.

I'm reasonably well educated and can write reasonably well so try to choose words on this forum that express an opinion that may be different to others, without deliberately causing offence. I certainly don't have 'poor writing' or 'poor vocabulary' as anything like an excuse if I were to cause offence.........but, without being patronising, I do understand not all so-called offensive posts are intended to be offensive.

However, it's apparent that I'm not alone in finding it tiresome that almost every single thread deteriorates into a game of point scoring, oneupmanship and, increasingly, forum archeology, in order to be unpleasant to one another.

There seems to be, in equal measure, deliberate attempts to cause offence and seek offence and it's just not great reading. I'm not in the slightest bit supportive of closing down debates or censoring differences of opinion but the number of personal spats with unpleasant language is getting beyond a joke.

I can't blame the mods because, individually, most of these posts fall below the threshold of complaint but, collectively, they make this forum so much worse than it could be.

I came to this forum for camaraderie when we nearly went under as a club - and it was a source of great comfort, information and humour.

It's got to the point where I'm considering signing off and and using the Telegraph and Radio Derby as my main non-matchday links - they have limitations but they are civil.

Any ideas what we can do?

[Ellafella]

1 minute ago, Ian Buxton's Bat said:

I'm a reasonably diplomatic, boring, steady middle aged bloke.

I'm reasonably well educated and can write reasonably well so try to choose words on this forum that express an opinion that may be different to others, without deliberately causing offence. I certainly don't have 'poor writing' or 'poor vocabulary' as anything like an excuse if I were to cause offence.........but, without being patronising, I do understand not all so-called offensive posts are intended to be offensive.

However, it's apparent that I'm not alone in finding it tiresome that almost every single thread deteriorates into a game of point scoring, oneupmanship and, increasingly, forum archeology, in order to be unpleasant to one another.

There seems to be, in equal measure, deliberate attempts to cause offence and seek offence and it's just not great reading. I'm not in the slightest bit supportive of closing down debates or censoring differences of opinion but the number of personal spats with unpleasant language is getting beyond a joke.

I can't blame the mods because, individually, most of these posts fall below the threshold of complaint but, collectively, they make this forum so much worse than it could be.

I came to this forum for camaraderie when we nearly went under as a club - and it was a source of great comfort, information and humour.

It's got to the point where I'm considering signing off and and using the Telegraph and Radio Derby as my main non-matchday links - they have limitations but they are civil.

Any ideas what we can do?

I feel your pain. The only thing I would say is if you disappear I will really miss your player ratings which are always quality and well observed. I too have had spats with posters on here - it’s part of the territory - but I’ve learned to swerve getting into too heated a debate. I suppose we are all passionate about our Club hence things can get heated. I think the watchword now is for everybody to be more @B4ev6is #BmoreB4. Maybe, take a short break from the Forum and come back re-energised but don’t leave altogether. As for relying on Derby Telegraph site, crikey its Uber click-bait. 
 

[minesahartington]

9 minutes ago, Ian Buxton's Bat said:

I'm a reasonably diplomatic, boring, steady middle aged bloke.

I'm reasonably well educated and can write reasonably well so try to choose words on this forum that express an opinion that may be different to others, without deliberately causing offence. I certainly don't have 'poor writing' or 'poor vocabulary' as anything like an excuse if I were to cause offence.........but, without being patronising, I do understand not all so-called offensive posts are intended to be offensive.

However, it's apparent that I'm not alone in finding it tiresome that almost every single thread deteriorates into a game of point scoring, oneupmanship and, increasingly, forum archeology, in order to be unpleasant to one another.

There seems to be, in equal measure, deliberate attempts to cause offence and seek offence and it's just not great reading. I'm not in the slightest bit supportive of closing down debates or censoring differences of opinion but the number of personal spats with unpleasant language is getting beyond a joke.

I can't blame the mods because, individually, most of these posts fall below the threshold of complaint but, collectively, they make this forum so much worse than it could be.

I came to this forum for camaraderie when we nearly went under as a club - and it was a source of great comfort, information and humour.

It's got to the point where I'm considering signing off and and using the Telegraph and Radio Derby as my main non-matchday links - they have limitations but they are civil.

Any ideas what we can do?

I’ve told you once!

[Tyler Durden]

33 minutes ago, Ian Buxton's Bat said:

I'm a reasonably diplomatic, boring, steady middle aged bloke.

I'm reasonably well educated and can write reasonably well so try to choose words on this forum that express an opinion that may be different to others, without deliberately causing offence. I certainly don't have 'poor writing' or 'poor vocabulary' as anything like an excuse if I were to cause offence.........but, without being patronising, I do understand not all so-called offensive posts are intended to be offensive.

However, it's apparent that I'm not alone in finding it tiresome that almost every single thread deteriorates into a game of point scoring, oneupmanship and, increasingly, forum archeology, in order to be unpleasant to one another.

There seems to be, in equal measure, deliberate attempts to cause offence and seek offence and it's just not great reading. I'm not in the slightest bit supportive of closing down debates or censoring differences of opinion but the number of personal spats with unpleasant language is getting beyond a joke.

I can't blame the mods because, individually, most of these posts fall below the threshold of complaint but, collectively, they make this forum so much worse than it could be.

I came to this forum for camaraderie when we nearly went under as a club - and it was a source of great comfort, information and humour.

It's got to the point where I'm considering signing off and and using the Telegraph and Radio Derby as my main non-matchday links - they have limitations but they are civil.

Any ideas what we can do?

Take a hiatus from the forum as I did.

Sounds an extreme measure but I did it for my own mental wellbeing as reading the same comments from the same posters together with the sad predictability of the Eurovision-esque emojis reactions garnished was more than not just fun anymore; it was damaging. 

[Inverurie Ram]

31 minutes ago, Ian Buxton's Bat said:

I'm a reasonably diplomatic, boring, steady middle aged bloke.

I'm reasonably well educated and can write reasonably well so try to choose words on this forum that express an opinion that may be different to others, without deliberately causing offence. I certainly don't have 'poor writing' or 'poor vocabulary' as anything like an excuse if I were to cause offence.........but, without being patronising, I do understand not all so-called offensive posts are intended to be offensive.

However, it's apparent that I'm not alone in finding it tiresome that almost every single thread deteriorates into a game of point scoring, oneupmanship and, increasingly, forum archeology, in order to be unpleasant to one another.

There seems to be, in equal measure, deliberate attempts to cause offence and seek offence and it's just not great reading. I'm not in the slightest bit supportive of closing down debates or censoring differences of opinion but the number of personal spats with unpleasant language is getting beyond a joke.

I can't blame the mods because, individually, most of these posts fall below the threshold of complaint but, collectively, they make this forum so much worse than it could be.

I came to this forum for camaraderie when we nearly went under as a club - and it was a source of great comfort, information and humour.

It's got to the point where I'm considering signing off and and using the Telegraph and Radio Derby as my main non-matchday links - they have limitations but they are civil.

Any ideas what we can do?

@Ian Buxton's Bat we can stop worrying about other people especially those with the unpleasant language.

Enjoy what makes you happy @Ian Buxton's Bat and carry on being a wonderful person as that’s all you can do.

Those that choose to have personal spats are not worth your time, so try to avoid reading them or put them on ignore, I’m not sure how you do that, but a nice mod will help you with that.

Enjoy the music.

 

 

[uttoxram75]

50 minutes ago, Ian Buxton's Bat said:

I'm a reasonably diplomatic, boring, steady middle aged bloke.

I'm reasonably well educated and can write reasonably well so try to choose words on this forum that express an opinion that may be different to others, without deliberately causing offence. I certainly don't have 'poor writing' or 'poor vocabulary' as anything like an excuse if I were to cause offence.........but, without being patronising, I do understand not all so-called offensive posts are intended to be offensive.

However, it's apparent that I'm not alone in finding it tiresome that almost every single thread deteriorates into a game of point scoring, oneupmanship and, increasingly, forum archeology, in order to be unpleasant to one another.

There seems to be, in equal measure, deliberate attempts to cause offence and seek offence and it's just not great reading. I'm not in the slightest bit supportive of closing down debates or censoring differences of opinion but the number of personal spats with unpleasant language is getting beyond a joke.

I can't blame the mods because, individually, most of these posts fall below the threshold of complaint but, collectively, they make this forum so much worse than it could be.

I came to this forum for camaraderie when we nearly went under as a club - and it was a source of great comfort, information and humour.

It's got to the point where I'm considering signing off and and using the Telegraph and Radio Derby as my main non-matchday links - they have limitations but they are civil.

Any ideas what we can do?

Its an online forum, posts can seem a bit black and white, there's no nuance like you get with a conversation in the workplace or pub.

We can't read every post so use the report function if you think it warrants it.

 

I do believe that people generally are less tolerant then ever based on my own experience at work. Everyone seems stressed out and close to breaking point probably due to the horrendous cost of living and all the fear porn on the news every night.

Edited December 12, 2023 by uttoxram75

[MackworthRamIsGod]

10 minutes ago, Tyler Durden said:

Take a hiatus from the forum as I did.

Sounds an extreme measure but I did it for my own mental wellbeing as reading the same comments from the same posters together with the sad predictability of the Eurovision-esque emojis reactions garnished was more than not just fun anymore; it was damaging. 

[Tyler Durden]

4 minutes ago, MackworthRamIsGod said:

Couldn't resist could you....pretty ironic in a thread about tiresome oneupmanship don't you think?

Why don't you offer the OP some constructive advice instead?

Shouldn't have really expected anything less.

Edited December 12, 2023 by Tyler Durden

[uttoxram75]

Just now, Tyler Durden said:

Couldn't resist could you....pretty ironic in a thread about tiresome oneupmanship don't you think?

Shouldn't have really expected anything less.

Chill out fella. I'm sure Mackworth is just messing. We all really need to take a step back.

[Tyler Durden]

Just now, uttoxram75 said:

Chill out fella. I'm sure Mackworth is just messing. We all really need to take a step back.

Which is why I distanced myself from coming on here so is sound advice. 

[norwichram]

The OP ended by asking what we can do? About the general trend of any/most threads descending on to polarised bickering - of which I have played my part but hope/believe that I have not been rude or offensive - and it’s something I was thinking myself. 
 

I’ve followed Derby since I could kick a ball and I’ve always always been a staunch happy clapping Derby county supporter. Regardless of manager, form or division.
For a couple of reasons I’m no longer a happy clapper (No offence intended just using the term as it has been the point of reference used historically).

I find myself less tolerant this season. 
 as a forum member for a while I was happy to read and  it contribute but I am finding myself being trigger happy with posts. 

so other than reflecting and applying learnings how do we get back to enjoying the forum as it used to be a right laugh coming on here and reading what other Derby fans had written as there aren’t that many in these parts (one love East Anglian Rams fans!!) 

 

 

 

[May Contain Nuts]

I have in the past sometimes indicated that the best thing for someone might be for them have a breather. @Caerphilly Ram actually took about a week off once even when I just meant it may benefit them to take a few moments to breathe before posting in order to maintain a clear head! 😉

I once suggested that if someone were fed up of reading certain things, repetitive posts all about same subject, then the option is always open for them to stop reading for a bit and to come back when things might have changed. Obviously I had this notion thrown back in my face when suggesting it to a certain poster.

It would be ironic but not entirely surprising if that poster was advocating such action now but hey, this thread isn't about promoting point scoring! 

Seriously though not taking one's own advice is very much part of the human condition so I'll probably try to correct that if it leads to greater board harmony... but I wouldn't bet anyone's money me actually managing it, tbh.

Edited December 13, 2023 by May Contain Nuts

[ramit]

I began frequenting a positively hostile news forum, devoid of swear filters, brimful of vicious personal attacks and threats of bodily harm, a place so mean one gets banned for being too nice.  In comparison, this forum is a heavenly oasis of tender intercourse between delightful characters bearing good will towards men and sheep.

Works for me.

[TigerTedd]

I find it funny people have spats with each other and bear grudges. No offence to anyone, but I really can’t remember who I’ve argued with and who I’ve had a nice conversation with. I think I have a text based version of face blindness. If there’s a post I want to reply to, I reply to it. I might back you up in an argument one day, and then sarcastically point out the ridiculousness of your post the next day. And you might think that’s a bit bipolar, but I honestly haven’t even registered who it is I’m replying to.

I think the whole world is just itching for a fight at the minute though. It’s very obvious politically. Never has there been more far right vs far left all over the world (maybe there has, but not since I’ve been old enough to take notice). And I think that angst and tension is filtering down into people’s normal lives.

We all just need to convert to Buddhism or something. Shave our heads, throw our phones away, and go live on a mountain top. 

[Gaspode]

1 hour ago, ramit said:

I began frequenting a positively hostile news forum, devoid of swear filters, brimful of vicious personal attacks and threats of bodily harm, a place so mean one gets banned for being too nice.  In comparison, this forum is a heavenly oasis of tender intercourse between delightful characters bearing good will towards men and sheep.

Works for me.

[sage]

I think utilising the ignore button may save someone's sanity. If a poster regularly annoys you, put them on ignore.

Though sadly, some bugger will quote them and then you froth at the mouth again.

 

[Ellafella]

1 hour ago, ramit said:

I began frequenting a positively hostile news forum, devoid of swear filters, brimful of vicious personal attacks and threats of bodily harm, a place so mean one gets banned for being too nice.  In comparison, this forum is a heavenly oasis of tender intercourse between delightful characters bearing good will towards men and sheep.

Works for me.

 

[BathRam72]

2 hours ago, ramit said:

I began frequenting a positively hostile news forum, devoid of swear filters, brimful of vicious personal attacks and threats of bodily harm, a place so mean one gets banned for being too nice.  In comparison, this forum is a heavenly oasis of tender intercourse between delightful characters bearing good will towards men and sheep.

Works for me.

 

40 minutes ago, Gaspode said:

 

12 minutes ago, Ellafella said:

 

I am more concerned about the interaction between men and sheep

Edited December 13, 2023 by BathRam72

[Ewe Ram]

I wish this forum had a ‘you’re tedious’ button. I agree with the OP, I usually pop in and quickly out again as the thread I’m interested in has descended into a boring playground spat 

[Caerphilly Ram]

5 hours ago, May Contain Nuts said:

I have in the past sometimes indicated that the best thing for someone might be for them have a breather. @Caerphilly Ram actually took about a week off once even when I just meant it may benefit them to take a few moments to breathe before posting in order to maintain a clear head! 😉

I once suggested that if someone were fed up of reading certain things, repetitive posts all about same subject, then the option is always open for them to stop reading for a bit and to come back when things might have changed. Obviously I had this notion thrown back in my face when suggesting it to a certain poster.

It would be ironic but not entirely surprising if that poster was advocating such action now but hey, this thread isn't about promoting point scoring! 

Seriously though not taking one's own advice is very much part of the human condition so I'll probably try to correct that if it leads to greater board harmony... but I wouldn't bet anyone's money me actually managing it, tbh.

Oi! Don’t drag me into this!!

Just messing. It’s a fair point, I think I always approach posting on here with an intent of objectivity where I can (some may disagree) and by my own admission I’m typically optimistic in nature and try to “live in the moment”, very aware that the future isn’t promised to any of us, I also accept there are things I simply cannot change so a bit of patience has often served me well, hence my pro patience stance rather than pro Warne. But there was a period were I was overly active in looking to disprove the arguments of various posters where I felt they were ignoring facts to suit an agenda.
I took some time away and realised I’ve only got control over my own thoughts and actions, and whilst I’ll often ask open questions to look to understand an opposing perspective/viewpoint, essentially if someone wants to think or believe their thoughts and opinion are right and mine aren’t (whilst they’re clearly mistaken 😉) I essentially accept that and leave them to it. 
I’m still happy and willing to engage in dialogue and look to share facts/evidence in a bid to open up another poster’s point of view, but I check myself far more regularly, take time away from the forum where I feel it’s annoying me, and leave people to it when I feel they’re just spoiling for a row due to entrenched views and have no willingness to consider an alternative perspective to their own even when facts present a bit of context. That’s up to them and they’re entitled to their opinion. 
 

To answer the original question people should be able to regulate their own conduct, be respectful, consider the other persons point of view, don’t get drawn into the tit for tat, who does it help in the long run anyway?! It won’t change anything.
Respectful, open conversation, the occasional crude joke, puns galore and a winning Rams team is all we can ask 🐏