Tiresome Oneupmanship

[jono]

8 hours ago, Ian Buxton's Bat said:

I'm a reasonably diplomatic, boring, steady middle aged bloke.

I'm reasonably well educated and can write reasonably well so try to choose words on this forum that express an opinion that may be different to others, without deliberately causing offence. I certainly don't have 'poor writing' or 'poor vocabulary' as anything like an excuse if I were to cause offence.........but, without being patronising, I do understand not all so-called offensive posts are intended to be offensive.

However, it's apparent that I'm not alone in finding it tiresome that almost every single thread deteriorates into a game of point scoring, oneupmanship and, increasingly, forum archeology, in order to be unpleasant to one another.

There seems to be, in equal measure, deliberate attempts to cause offence and seek offence and it's just not great reading. I'm not in the slightest bit supportive of closing down debates or censoring differences of opinion but the number of personal spats with unpleasant language is getting beyond a joke.

I can't blame the mods because, individually, most of these posts fall below the threshold of complaint but, collectively, they make this forum so much worse than it could be.

I came to this forum for camaraderie when we nearly went under as a club - and it was a source of great comfort, information and humour.

It's got to the point where I'm considering signing off and and using the Telegraph and Radio Derby as my main non-matchday links - they have limitations but they are civil.

Any ideas what we can do?

I agree, and to my embarrassment I get sucked in from time to time as wellThere are parallels with current political debate, everting has to be so polarised. I enjoy discourse, chewing the cud, weighing different views. In a sense it’s the concept of debate: being open to be swayed but also hoping to sway. 
 

The current “ bete noir “ seems to be Warne in or out. When it comes to this I think I get riled by folk being rigidly in one camp or the other. Why do we have to be in a camp ? I am not. I reckon Warne is pretty good but I am more than happy to chew over any failings (and he has them) but on a personal level I want to balance this with the positives. 
 

Not sure what to suggest but I tend to avoid interacting with what I see as extremists but I don’t always succeed (as my recent spat with May Contain nuts illustrates ! 🤣) yet I am delighted there is every view on show. It would be very boring if we all thought the same. Meanwhile get yourself in a camp, there’s no middle ground, there are subversive’s everywhere, we know we are right, Warne should go, Sibley is a 10, we have no ambition, the football is the worst I have seen EVER ! Or everything is going to plan, referees are faultless, all we need is a striker or to play the entire academy. meanwhile the rams say “no to bad language” while being sung to by the south stand boys choir that everything is black and white

[TigerTedd]

50 minutes ago, sage said:

I think utilising the ignore button may save someone's sanity. If a poster regularly annoys you, put them on ignore.

Though sadly, some bugger will quote them and then you froth at the mouth again.

 

I never use the ignite button. I find that someone might be talking crap one day, but then might say something really inciteful the next.

Imagine the nuggets you might miss out on.

i nearly ignored someone once, can’t remember at all who that was though. For all I know, that might have been you (it wasn’t).

that’s the key to not holding a grudge, just have a crap memory. 

Edited December 13, 2023 by TigerTedd

[TigerTedd]

11 minutes ago, Ewe Ram said:

I wish this forum had a ‘you’re tedious’ button. I agree with the OP, I usually pop in and quickly out again as the thread I’m interested in has descended into a boring playground spat 

They should bring back the ‘eye roll’ emoji. 

[Gaspode]

2 minutes ago, TigerTedd said:

.......I find that someone might be talking crap one day, but then might say something really inciteful the next.....

I can supply a list of usernames where that clearly doesn't apply if that would help?

[ramit]

7 hours ago, Gaspode said:

I can supply a list of usernames where that clearly doesn't apply if that would help?

[Gaspode]

Just now, TigerTedd said:

They should bring back the ‘eye roll’ emoji. 

Bring back the face palm - far less contronational way of telling someone they're talking out of their aardvark than having to compose a response to their gibberish....

I think the biggest issue is the lack of puns - inserting a a good stiff pun every now and again would certainly help to lubricate the intercourse....

[DavesaRam]

2 hours ago, TigerTedd said:

I find it funny people have spats with each other and bear grudges. No offence to anyone, but I really can’t remember who I’ve argued with and who I’ve had a nice conversation with. I think I have a text based version of face blindness. If there’s a post I want to reply to, I reply to it. I might back you up in an argument one day, and then sarcastically point out the ridiculousness of your post the next day. And you might think that’s a bit bipolar, but I honestly haven’t even registered who it is I’m replying to.

I think the whole world is just itching for a fight at the minute though. It’s very obvious politically. Never has there been more far right vs far left all over the world (maybe there has, but not since I’ve been old enough to take notice). And I think that angst and tension is filtering down into people’s normal lives.

We all just need to convert to Buddhism or something. Shave our heads, throw our phones away, and go live on a mountain top. 

It would need to be a big mountain or there won’t be room for us all. Then we’d get a sever dose of “not in my back mountain top”!

[Crewton]

19 minutes ago, Caerphilly Ram said:

Oi! Don’t drag me into this!!

Just messing. It’s a fair point, I think I always approach posting on here with an intent of objectivity where I can (some may disagree) and by my own admission I’m typically optimistic in nature and try to “live in the moment”, very aware that the future isn’t promised to any of us, I also accept there are things I simply cannot change so a bit of patience has often served me well, hence my pro patience stance rather than pro Warne. But there was a period were I was overly active in looking to disprove the arguments of various posters where I felt they were ignoring facts to suit an agenda.
I took some time away and realised I’ve only got control over my own thoughts and actions, and whilst I’ll often ask open questions to look to understand an opposing perspective/viewpoint, essentially if someone wants to think or believe their thoughts and opinion are right and mine aren’t (whilst they’re clearly mistaken 😉) I essentially accept that and leave them to it. 
I’m still happy and willing to engage in dialogue and look to share facts/evidence in a bid to open up another poster’s point of view, but I check myself far more regularly, take time away from the forum where I feel it’s annoying me, and leave people to it when I feel they’re just spoiling for a row due to entrenched views and have no willingness to consider an alternative perspective to their own even when facts present a bit of context. That’s up to them and they’re entitled to their opinion. 
 

To answer the original question people should be able to regulate their own conduct, be respectful, consider the other persons point of view, don’t get drawn into the tit for tat, who does it help in the long run anyway?! It won’t change anything.
Respectful, open conversation, the occasional crude joke, puns galore and a winning Rams team is all we can ask 🐏 
 

Fwiw I didn't recognise you from @May Contain Nuts description, but we can all get drawn in to pointless back-and-forth arguments. The hard thing is recognising when it's time to stop. #MeToo

[Tamworthram]

8 hours ago, Ian Buxton's Bat said:

I'm a reasonably diplomatic, boring, steady middle aged bloke.

I'm reasonably well educated and can write reasonably well so try to choose words on this forum that express an opinion that may be different to others, without deliberately causing offence. I certainly don't have 'poor writing' or 'poor vocabulary' as anything like an excuse if I were to cause offence.........but, without being patronising, I do understand not all so-called offensive posts are intended to be offensive.

However, it's apparent that I'm not alone in finding it tiresome that almost every single thread deteriorates into a game of point scoring, oneupmanship and, increasingly, forum archeology, in order to be unpleasant to one another.

There seems to be, in equal measure, deliberate attempts to cause offence and seek offence and it's just not great reading. I'm not in the slightest bit supportive of closing down debates or censoring differences of opinion but the number of personal spats with unpleasant language is getting beyond a joke.

I can't blame the mods because, individually, most of these posts fall below the threshold of complaint but, collectively, they make this forum so much worse than it could be.

I came to this forum for camaraderie when we nearly went under as a club - and it was a source of great comfort, information and humour.

It's got to the point where I'm considering signing off and and using the Telegraph and Radio Derby as my main non-matchday links - they have limitations but they are civil.

Any ideas what we can do?

I think one of the biggest problems, and I’ll freely admit I have been as guilty as most, is that often many of us find it difficult to admit the person we are arguing with has a point. Even if some of us concede, in our own minds, that another person actually has a good point, we often feel the need to have the last word. This means we’ll sometimes go off at a tangent and the debate becomes protracted. 

[tinman]

Absolutely spot on. Highlighted perfectly in the academy thread where Banksy’s petty sniping at BrailsfordRam(?) or exiledinderby (?) ooks to have caused him to leave and delete his account. 

Edited December 13, 2023 by tinman

[Caerphilly Ram]

4 minutes ago, tinman said:

Absolutely spot on. Highlighted perfectly in the academy thread where Banksy’s petty sniping at BrailsfordRam(?) or exiledinderby (?) ooks to have caused him to leave and delete his account. 

I think both have left the forum 😔 

[tinman]

 

2 minutes ago, Caerphilly Ram said:

I think both have left the forum 😔 

Yep, I had a look in the academy bit but came up with guest on the posts I was looking for. 

[i-Ram]

31 minutes ago, TigerTedd said:

I never use the ignite button. I find that someone might be talking crap one day, but then might say something really inciteful the next.

Imagine the nuggets you might miss out on.

i nearly ignored someone once, can’t remember at all who that was though. For all I know, that might have been you (it wasn’t).

that’s the key to not holding a grudge, just have a crap memory. 

There’s an ignite button? Tell me more.

[sage]

42 minutes ago, TigerTedd said:

I never use the ignite button. I find that someone might be talking crap one day, but then might say something really inciteful the next.

Imagine the nuggets you might miss out on.

i nearly ignored someone once, can’t remember at all who that was though. For all I know, that might have been you (it wasn’t).

that’s the key to not holding a grudge, just have a crap memory. 

Another incendiary post

[Caerphilly Ram]

9 minutes ago, i-Ram said:

There’s an ignite button? Tell me more.

 

1 minute ago, sage said:

Another incendiary post

Let’s not fan the flames now chaps 

[Returning ram]

I took a break due to becoming embroiled in the COVID thread, it was more around point scoring, taking things out of context and little groups forming and giving likes or laughing emojis to each post.

Unfortunately that trend has boiled over to the main threads, no longer is the discussion around the football on the pitch, it's delving down to try to find something, anything to try to win an argument and if that doesn't work, dig that little harder.

Even in this thread there appears to be little digs here and there, if even had a little guess that you'd find the likes again are what me made me leave in the first place, from groups of posters who seemed to have formed an alliance based on their stance.

[eccles the ram]

As JFK stated - Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. Okay we all have opinions. I am right and you are wrong. It's okay if we have different opinions. I can't force you to be right. Anyway life is too short (as recently highlighted).We all support this great team of ours. We don't need to make someone 'feel' undervalued by putting their particular opinion down. We are all adults (well most of us) but please consider how the other person would feel. Rant over. Merry Christmas rams everywhere. It's the season of goodwill! UTR.

Communication is good and different per

[Alan Ramage 4 EVA]

8 hours ago, uttoxram75 said:

Chill out fella. I'm sure Mackworth is just messing. We all really need to take a step back.

Well said .

A small group of us 63-65 year olds get together a couple of times a year for a few beers .We went out last Saturday night and got talking about the "good old days" getting the cane ,slipper, dodging the board rubber, p*ss taking, having a laugh everyday, and SARCASM. We got to pondering if there was such a thing as Herbert George Wells Time machine ,and  a 100 13-14 year olds went back to "our" old school in 1973 (At least they would see some GREAT football at the BBG).How many would cope how many would suffer with nervous breakdowns. Would all of them be offended ?

My point is we seem to have lost the ability to accept a bit of "mickey taking", and are too quick to take offence and get upset over trivial comments.

Mr thick skinned Ramage

[JuanFloEvraTheCocu'sNesta]

The problem is that I know for an absolute, undeniable fact that I am never wrong. 

Never have been, never will be.

[hintonsboots]

2 hours ago, sage said:

I think utilising the ignore button may save someone's sanity. If a poster regularly annoys you, put them on ignore.

Though sadly, some bugger will quote them and then you froth at the mouth again.

 

Exactly.