Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[ramit]

My sincerest thanks for kind words and encouragement.

At least one bit of good news, mother was not moved to the nursing home during the night and will most likely have her operation tomorrow morning.  i am going to drive to the hospital, she is having tests most of the day and i will hang around there until between some tests i can briefly see her.

[Miggins]

4 hours ago, ramit said:

My sincerest thanks for kind words and encouragement.

At least one bit of good news, mother was not moved to the nursing home during the night and will most likely have her operation tomorrow morning.  i am going to drive to the hospital, she is having tests most of the day and i will hang around there until between some tests i can briefly see her.

Please tell her that you have lots of friends and they are all wishing her well! Fingers crossed that all goes well. ?

[Comrade 86]

17 hours ago, ramit said:

We went to visit mother today at the nursing home.  It's been hard watching her slowly fade away to dementia and today was particularly difficult for me.  Her body is broken down, but she is a stubborn proud one and doesn't want anyone to help her get out of a chair, even if she can't, she will.  My wife and i couldn't really talk to her, because she was rambling half sentences of what i don't know, but some parts were of her mother who she sees come to her regularly, she claimed she was waiting for her with dinner on the table at 8pm.

During the drive home we were talking about her and how her situation is unbearable for her and that maybe it was best that she not suffer for much longer and.. you know.  i feel awful about feeling like that.

This evening i got a call from my sister telling me that mother had fallen while trying to stand up after dinner, around 8pm and that she had hurt herself so badly that an ambulance was called.  My niece lives in the same town as the hospital they brought her to and she stood watch, while waiting to hear what xrays would show.  Her leg is broken just below the hip ball and she will have to have an operation in a few days if they figure that she can take it and in the meantime morphine at regular intervals.  What my niece then told me had my jaw drop to the floor, they would send mother back to the nursing home because there is no room in any hospital, even the hallways are taken.  We are driving over there again tomorrow, i doubt she will recognize me, but i just want to hold her hand and be there.

Listen, i am just venting, i don't know where to do that except here.

So sorry to hear your news Ramit. I lost my mum very young, but the small saving grace was it was quick and she knew nothing about it. It must be very difficult watching a love one slip away. I really hope they've at least managed to get her comfortable. FWIW, I really don't think you should chide yourself for thinking it would be better were the suffering not too protracted. It's only natural to think this way. 

Edited August 20, 2022 by 86 Hair Islands

[Wolfie]

Shout out to the "Balance" App - currently free for a year, though you can choose to donate if you want to.

I've been struggling with work stress for a few months and especially with being unable to stay asleep & waking up anxious & irritable every day. Not sure how my wife has put up with me.

This meditiation app was recommended to me by a friend and, after 4 days, I can already feel a big benefit. It doesn't matter if you're new to meditation or an expert, as the programme will be tailored to what experience you have, and the issues you are looking to address.

[Stive Pesley]

I have to admit that I've been struggling a little bit off the back of my operation and the year I've had, so a friend suggested that I request some help from the Derby NHS Mental Health counselling services. I referred myself 2 weeks ago via the website and got a letter today offering me a telephone appointment in the second week of December. Ironic really that a lot of my problems are rooted in how bloody awful the responsiveness from the NHS has been. This is just the icing on the cake

[CWC1983]

1 hour ago, Stive Pesley said:

I have to admit that I've been struggling a little bit off the back of my operation and the year I've had, so a friend suggested that I request some help from the Derby NHS Mental Health counselling services. I referred myself 2 weeks ago via the website and got a letter today offering me a telephone appointment in the second week of December. Ironic really that a lot of my problems are rooted in how bloody awful the responsiveness from the NHS has been. This is just the icing on the cake

I'm in similar situation regarding waiting times re the NHS. Just as you think you are getting there you get the reality that help maybe a couple of months away. It doesn't half knock you for 6. 

December will be here before you know it, and the experts will help you. ?

Mentally, I'm writing off this year and physically hoping 2023 is a better one. New chapter and all that. 

Take care ?

[angieram]

2 hours ago, Stive Pesley said:

I have to admit that I've been struggling a little bit off the back of my operation and the year I've had, so a friend suggested that I request some help from the Derby NHS Mental Health counselling services. I referred myself 2 weeks ago via the website and got a letter today offering me a telephone appointment in the second week of December. Ironic really that a lot of my problems are rooted in how bloody awful the responsiveness from the NHS has been. This is just the icing on the cake

I shouldn't really say this as I'm a governor at DHCFT but have you tried Insight Healthcare? Their waiting list may be shorter as less people will have heard of them.

In fact there's a list here of all Derbyshire IAPT services (which is just a fancy name for talking therapies) and you can try them all for the best wait time! But please remember to cancel the others. 

They are all commissioned by the NHS and operate to the same high standards.

Hope you're able to get the help you need and we'll done for reaching out. 

https://www.derbyandderbyshireccg.nhs.uk/your-health-services/information-for-patients/improving-access-to-psychological-therapies-iapt/

Edited October 11, 2022 by angieram
Add link!

[Anag Ram]

Insight are good. Try Googling Counselling Directory too ?

[Stive Pesley]

20 hours ago, angieram said:

I shouldn't really say this as I'm a governor at DHCFT but have you tried Insight Healthcare? Their waiting list may be shorter as less people will have heard of them.

In fact there's a list here of all Derbyshire IAPT services (which is just a fancy name for talking therapies) and you can try them all for the best wait time! But please remember to cancel the others. 

They are all commissioned by the NHS and operate to the same high standards.

Hope you're able to get the help you need and we'll done for reaching out. 

https://www.derbyandderbyshireccg.nhs.uk/your-health-services/information-for-patients/improving-access-to-psychological-therapies-iapt/

Thanks Angie - I've now got an appointment with Trent PTS in 2 weeks, which is much more in line with what I expected the wait time to be. Much appreciated. Hanging in there

 

[angieram]

1 minute ago, Stive Pesley said:

Thanks Angie - I've now got an appointment with Trent PTS in 2 weeks, which is much more in line with what I expected the wait time to be. Much appreciated. Hanging in there

 

Excellent! 

[Rev]

I've had a bad weekend. 

Without going into too much detail, a family member has well overstepped the mark of what I find acceptable.

That would be bad enough, but I can't share my anger with my wife, because she doesn't know and it would crush her if she found out. 

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, lying to my wife that everything is fine, while being so annoyed at the protagonist that I can barely be civil to them. 

I can't see a way out.

 

[sage]

10 minutes ago, Rev said:

I've had a bad weekend. 

Without going into too much detail, a family member has well overstepped the mark of what I find acceptable.

That would be bad enough, but I can't share my anger with my wife, because she doesn't know and it would crush her if she found out. 

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, lying to my wife that everything is fine, while being so annoyed at the protagonist that I can barely be civil to them. 

I can't see a way out.

 

Time is the only answer to that question. 

Often things seem 1% easier each day until its just a bad memory. 

Hope things improve soon. 

[Archied]

9 hours ago, Rev said:

I've had a bad weekend. 

Without going into too much detail, a family member has well overstepped the mark of what I find acceptable.

That would be bad enough, but I can't share my anger with my wife, because she doesn't know and it would crush her if she found out. 

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, lying to my wife that everything is fine, while being so annoyed at the protagonist that I can barely be civil to them. 

I can't see a way out.

 

Honest answer , share with your wife ,anything else is just storing up problems further down the line and extra problems beyond the one you have and simply you and your wife share the problem and help each other deal with it 

[Mucker1884]

11 hours ago, Rev said:

I've had a bad weekend. 

Without going into too much detail, a family member has well overstepped the mark of what I find acceptable.

That would be bad enough, but I can't share my anger with my wife, because she doesn't know and it would crush her if she found out. 

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, lying to my wife that everything is fine, while being so annoyed at the protagonist that I can barely be civil to them. 

I can't see a way out.

 

It’s a difficult one, not knowing the details… and not knowing you or your wife…

but I’m very, very tempted to agree with @Archied… share with the missus, and deal with it as one.
Lying or holding back the truth from what should be the single most important person in your life is a recipe for torment and heartache!  
When all around appears to be crumbling, me & Muckerette are great believers in “You & me against the world”. 
It works for us, and I’d like to think it works for other strong marriages too!

 

best of luck!  ?

[i-Ram]

On 17/10/2022 at 21:56, Rev said:

I've had a bad weekend. 

Without going into too much detail, a family member has well overstepped the mark of what I find acceptable.

That would be bad enough, but I can't share my anger with my wife, because she doesn't know and it would crush her if she found out. 

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, lying to my wife that everything is fine, while being so annoyed at the protagonist that I can barely be civil to them. 

I can't see a way out.

 

Just seen this. Happy to talk. I am for the ‘share with’ option fwiw. All the best.

[Mostyn6]

HI @Bob The Badger, apologies if you are aware of this thread already. Whilst it may not be directly related to the issues you are experiencing, it may well provide you some comfort or confidence that people care and people have struggles and survival and recovery are achievable for you.

[Bob The Badger]

I *think* I may have posted to it a long time ago, but not 100% sure, but thanks anyway.

[BPV]

Lost a grandparent from both sides of the family yesterday. My dads mum passed away in the afternoon, shortly and more unexpectedly followed by my grandad on my mums side in the early evening.

Not really sure how to best process it and it’s all been a bit overwhelming. 

Especially my grandad who I was really really close to. He’s the reason I’m into football, and the rams in particular. They were a massive passion of his. 
 

Will miss them both a lot 

[i-Ram]

48 minutes ago, BPV said:

Lost a grandparent from both sides of the family yesterday. My dads mum passed away in the afternoon, shortly and more unexpectedly followed by my grandad on my mums side in the early evening.

Not really sure how to best process it and it’s all been a bit overwhelming. 

Especially my grandad who I was really really close to. He’s the reason I’m into football, and the rams in particular. They were a massive passion of his. 
 

Will miss them both a lot 

Two unconnected deaths in the family within the same day must be awful to process. Thoughts with you, and your family. Hopefully the Rams can give you a bit of a lift tomorrow ?

[davenportram]

We’ll the past three months match what happened in January 17 to July 2017. Not talked much about that period.  Lost my dad, separated from my wife, moved away from Derby and my son

 

Past three months list my new mother in law, my step son had life saving surgery and my wife had a cancer scare (thankfully Asthma not Lung cancer)

 

all I can say is short term stress but world breaking at the time