Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[Mucker1884]

@David
First off, so sorry to hear of your troubles, and wish you well. 
Secondly, having experienced myself, it does indeed help just to come on here, write down whatever you feel comfortable with, and press send!  More helpful than many would imagine!  ?

I know a woman… also a mother to 5 kids… who got taken by cancer at 43. The good news is those 5 kids not only survived, but flourished, and led healthy and happy lives themselves for decades. 4 of us continue to do so even now, 43 years later, whilst always finding time to cherish the past, and the happy memories of mum, so don’t worry too much about those kids. All will come good, and their mum will never be forgotten. 

It looks like you need to be the strong one in all this, and be there for your family when needed… and sometimes even when you’re not… so stay strong for now. You’ll get your chance to “have a moment to yourself” sure enough. 
Keep talking. Keep caring. Keep being the good man that you are. 
Oh.., and please pass on a massive “Happy Birthday” to your sister in law, from team DCFC. 
xxx

[angieram]

7 hours ago, David said:

Well, I won’t lie times are rough at the minute.

Not sure if I have mentioned this already, but my sister in law was diagnosed with kidney Cancer before Christmas last year.

To keep things short, she had the kidney removed, however they didn’t clear it all away and it spread to the other kidney…..then her lungs, lymph nodes and now throat.

If that wasn’t hard enough, she went and got pneumonia.

She was taken into hospital last Friday, on Sunday morning at 4.30am we had the call that we need to go in and say our final goodbyes.

All the family were gathered in the room, ICU doctor went through every possible treatment that she was too weak to have. The only thing left now was to treat her with antibiotics to clear the fluid off her lungs, if successful she could return home to die. 

Later that day, we held an early birthday party in her room at the hospital, her 43rd birthday is 5th August however when she asked the doctors if she would make it to then, the response was a less than enthusiastic hopefully. Hence holding the birthday party early.

Monday we get a call from my wife’s mum, you need to get down here quick as they don’t think she will make it through the night. We stayed until 4am and it’s probably one of the hardest things I have ever done.

My mum and sister came up to pick up my dog Jax, this is a key part of this week which I’ll get on to later.

Tuesday, still here so we return that night as my brother in law asked us to, said he was scared to be alone when she dies. I had to leave at 1am due to the heat, with no air con and a small fan, the temperature in there was unbearable.

My wife stays until dinner time, comes home to get some sleep, she says she’s looking loads better and the doctors are pleased that the fluid is clearing from her lungs, blood pressure low and she’s still obviously terminally ill.

MacMillan end of life support team come in and we return around 8pm to spend the night there again. Couldn’t believe it, she was sat up, talking and breathing a lot better. Still very weak to even consider moving her back home.

I take a family quiz in as a distraction, after we had finished I received a text from my sister. She’s tested positive for covid again. I saw her Monday. 

We made our excuses and left pretty swiftly, heads a mess trying to find a late night chemist to pick up some covid tests. Find one, £2.50 per test! Pick up enough for the next few days, get home and thankfully we’re negative, but in that position now where we will be testing constantly as he really needs us. 

His parents are looking after their 5 kids, one of which is disabled, 10 years old with a mental age of around 4 and doesn't talk. 

Her parents are old and unable to spend the nights there like we can, brother is still sectioned so pretty much down to us.

To get Covid now would rock the family massively, we both really struggled the first time we had it, didn't leave the house for 3 weeks after.

So yeah, life is somewhat of a rollercoaster right now so this forum and football isn't even on the radar right now.

But one thing my own experiences have told me is it's good to talk and whilst I might not come back to read the replies for a while, it's helpful just to write down and stick out there for others to hear.

There are no comforting words right now, it's one of those challenges that life throws at you.

Sat there, watching someone dying that's only a couple of years older than yourself really brings home how cruel this world can be in deciding how long you're here for.

She's never smoked, goes to the gym, relatively healthy, no genetic history of cancer in the family. Just for whatever reason her name came out the hat.

No words, just heartbreaking. Look after each other and you will get through this between you. 

Being brave enough to be there for her will be the very best treatment for your sister in law. 

[Mostyn6]

I was just thinking on the commute into work that I don't know anyone who is NOT currently going through something. Everyone I know is struggling with a poorly family member, relationship breakdowns, their own mental and physical health concerns, financial issues, a few lost everything on crypto! My head personally is fried and my brain frazzled. Unable to focus and hold any new information!

Not wanting to even attempt to compete or compare with anyone here, including @David, but my own last few weeks have been eerily similar.

My grandmother, who was my favourite person, passed on 8th June. She had a poor quality of life since having a brain tumour removed in 2015. Since that tumour was removed, her speech and movement were gone, and the family were divided and arguing quite a lot. One auntie was blamed for talking my gran out of a check-up years earlier. That aunt then suffered from cancer which she partly blamed on the stress caused by her sisters turning/blaming her. She sadly lost her battle in July 2020. The funeral was under social distancing and my gran was there in a wheelchair but we were not allowed near her. That was horrible. She was devastated.

Fast forward to this year. Early 2022, My gran lost a lot of weight and got COVID, they then discovered she'd been ramming her meds down the side of the sofa and not taking them, she was in and out of hospital and respite care. She was on the mend and was about to move into a better, more appropriate care home, and was spending time there, making friends and building strength and becoming quite happy.

The day before she died, I got a phonecall quite late saying she wouldn't last more than a couple of days and I should go and say goodbyes. I was going to go the following afternoon, but she passed that night, not long after the call. I found out in the morning. Almost immediately, there was phonecalls flying around discussing inheritances and who is taking what etc etc. I found this too much, and tried to stay out of it.

The funeral was last Tuesday and one auntie was absent, and that auntie had been very divisive over the last few years, causing a massive rift. A story went around the family after the funeral that the husband of said auntie visited my gran and facetimed his wife and showed my gran, however my auntie was in a hospital bed. A few hours later, an uncle visited and my gran was in hysterics shouting "she's going to die", but cos her communication was really poor, he couldn't understand what she was on about and reported back to family that dementia might be kicking in. My gran never ate anything again, and died a week later. The absent auntie was blamed a bit for killing my gran.

That was last Tuesday the story about my Auntie came out. On Saturday night, her husband messaged me to ask if I wanted to visit her to say goodbye as she had days left to live, with terminal lung cancer kicking in badly. What? So she was ill and dying in bed. She died yesterday morning at 8am! 

I'm furious as my mum is inconsolable having lost 2 sisters and her mum in two years and didn't even know her little sister was lying there dying. There's a list of family not invited to the funeral, being told she said she didn't want them there. It's all horrible.

anyway @David you never got back to the bit about Jax

[Archied]

3 hours ago, Mostyn6 said:

I was just thinking on the commute into work that I don't know anyone who is NOT currently going through something. Everyone I know is struggling with a poorly family member, relationship breakdowns, their own mental and physical health concerns, financial issues, a few lost everything on crypto! My head personally is fried and my brain frazzled. Unable to focus and hold any new information!

Not wanting to even attempt to compete or compare with anyone here, including @David, but my own last few weeks have been eerily similar.

My grandmother, who was my favourite person, passed on 8th June. She had a poor quality of life since having a brain tumour removed in 2015. Since that tumour was removed, her speech and movement were gone, and the family were divided and arguing quite a lot. One auntie was blamed for talking my gran out of a check-up years earlier. That aunt then suffered from cancer which she partly blamed on the stress caused by her sisters turning/blaming her. She sadly lost her battle in July 2020. The funeral was under social distancing and my gran was there in a wheelchair but we were not allowed near her. That was horrible. She was devastated.

Fast forward to this year. Early 2022, My gran lost a lot of weight and got COVID, they then discovered she'd been ramming her meds down the side of the sofa and not taking them, she was in and out of hospital and respite care. She was on the mend and was about to move into a better, more appropriate care home, and was spending time there, making friends and building strength and becoming quite happy.

The day before she died, I got a phonecall quite late saying she wouldn't last more than a couple of days and I should go and say goodbyes. I was going to go the following afternoon, but she passed that night, not long after the call. I found out in the morning. Almost immediately, there was phonecalls flying around discussing inheritances and who is taking what etc etc. I found this too much, and tried to stay out of it.

The funeral was last Tuesday and one auntie was absent, and that auntie had been very divisive over the last few years, causing a massive rift. A story went around the family after the funeral that the husband of said auntie visited my gran and facetimed his wife and showed my gran, however my auntie was in a hospital bed. A few hours later, an uncle visited and my gran was in hysterics shouting "she's going to die", but cos her communication was really poor, he couldn't understand what she was on about and reported back to family that dementia might be kicking in. My gran never ate anything again, and died a week later. The absent auntie was blamed a bit for killing my gran.

That was last Tuesday the story about my Auntie came out. On Saturday night, her husband messaged me to ask if I wanted to visit her to say goodbye as she had days left to live, with terminal lung cancer kicking in badly. What? So she was ill and dying in bed. She died yesterday morning at 8am! 

I'm furious as my mum is inconsolable having lost 2 sisters and her mum in two years and didn't even know her little sister was lying there dying. There's a list of family not invited to the funeral, being told she said she didn't want them there. It's all horrible.

anyway @David you never got back to the bit about Jax

There really is no explanation for people at times and sometimes I just lose faith in humans as a species, 

we have 2 minature datchunds under 5kg in weight so tiny , Nelly is 1 and a half , Dudley nine months old , we walk them at a park/ nature walk by the hogsmill river / stream off the lead as they love to explore the stream and undergrowth, last Saturday my wife and son took them they were in the undergrowth for two minutes max , Dudley ran back then my wife heard two loud yelps , then a woman held up Nelly at the other side of a fence behind the undergrowth shaking her above her head screaming she had killed her chickens ,my wife said calm down she won’t hurt chickens ( we know as she runs away from them ) please pass let her go under the gate ( totaly unsecure about a foot from the ground ) she refused and screamed her address ,wife and son ran round to street banged on the door ,eventually she came to the door holding Nelly but refused to hand her over even though she was very clearly in massive pain and distress ,my wife stepped in to try to get the dog and her husband dialled 999 ,the woman then ran from the house into a neibours house across the road , my son spoke to the neighbor who promised not to let her hurt the dog , police turned up ,two cars and a van checked the chickens which were totally fine and unharmed and told the woman to hand the dog over and asked my wife to check dog was ok ,,, put the dog down and it collapsed and could not stand , she rushed it to emergency vets and it had been hit so hard it had a fractured pelvis and other injuries ,

I went round when I got home and had words , they denied doing anything to the dog other than restraining it and locking in they’re greenhouse ( on extremely hot day ) ,said dog must have been injured before or after contact with them , quite how a dog with a fractured pelvis would be out on a walk and able to chase chickens ( which were in a coup) escapes me ,

we have since tried to get the police and rspca to do something; rspca say no proof so can’t go forward , police still ongoing ,

now if the woman had said to me she saw the dog and panicked because she thought it might hurt her chickens then I could at least grasp that but speaking to her she was an extremely cold nasty piece of work ,

yep there’s times when you lose faith in humans and wish you were cold enough to visit the same pain on them that they feel is acceptable to carry out on a defenceless animal.

Edited July 21, 2022 by Archied

[richinspain]

Well it's been a fairly  ?y  9 or 10 months. In October, after a routine checkup, my wife was diagnosed with a tumour in her left breast. After several weeks of what seemed like ever worsening prospects she was operated on and what looked to be really daunting ended up as being the worst nightmare you could imagine, but at least we've now woken up and the hope is that a small scar will be the worst of the (physical) effects.

At around the same time we were told that my dad's lymphoma had returned and that he would need Chemotherapy.

Problems with a (married) couple of workmates who were having problems with their family were making work days pretty unbearable.

I ended up realising that I had a mild form of depression when a spent a Saturday in bed crying. Strangely this made me realise I needed help and talking it through with friends was sufficient to help through.

Unfortunately after 5 or 6 years of being clear of cancer my dad's physical strength wasn't the same as when first diagnosed and the treatment was having an adverse effect on him and he decided to stop having it. He also had breathing problems after years working in a foundry and at Willington power station. 
Yesterday the fight finally got the better of him and he passed away. 
Although these are difficult times I am at least happy because my wife, daughter, her boyfriend and I were able to get over for three days at the beginning of the month and I was able to say goodbye whilst he was still just well enough to appreciate what was going on.

I'm feeling low at the moment, but I'm not feeling depressed. Reading some of the stories on here allow me to realise that I'm lucky. My wife is doing well (perhaps too well because she's still off work and wants "fiesta", I want to relax), tensions at work are easing and I've pretty much made up my mind to look for another job, and although my dad is no longer with us I'm thankful that he is no longer suffering.

ps if you've got loved ones tell them you love them before it's too late.!A British stiff upper lip is a load of bow locks. You'll feel much better for it.

[Anag Ram]

21 hours ago, richinspain said:

Well it's been a fairly  ?y  9 or 10 months. In October, after a routine checkup, my wife was diagnosed with a tumour in her left breast. After several weeks of what seemed like ever worsening prospects she was operated on and what looked to be really daunting ended up as being the worst nightmare you could imagine, but at least we've now woken up and the hope is that a small scar will be the worst of the (physical) effects.

At around the same time we were told that my dad's lymphoma had returned and that he would need Chemotherapy.

Problems with a (married) couple of workmates who were having problems with their family were making work days pretty unbearable.

I ended up realising that I had a mild form of depression when a spent a Saturday in bed crying. Strangely this made me realise I needed help and talking it through with friends was sufficient to help through.

Unfortunately after 5 or 6 years of being clear of cancer my dad's physical strength wasn't the same as when first diagnosed and the treatment was having an adverse effect on him and he decided to stop having it. He also had breathing problems after years working in a foundry and at Willington power station. 
Yesterday the fight finally got the better of him and he passed away. 
Although these are difficult times I am at least happy because my wife, daughter, her boyfriend and I were able to get over for three days at the beginning of the month and I was able to say goodbye whilst he was still just well enough to appreciate what was going on.

I'm feeling low at the moment, but I'm not feeling depressed. Reading some of the stories on here allow me to realise that I'm lucky. My wife is doing well (perhaps too well because she's still off work and wants "fiesta", I want to relax), tensions at work are easing and I've pretty much made up my mind to look for another job, and although my dad is no longer with us I'm thankful that he is no longer suffering.

ps if you've got loved ones tell them you love them before it's too late.!A British stiff upper lip is a load of bow locks. You'll feel much better for it.

Wow. I think your post brings home the fragility of life, the power of love and the hope of a better future whenever you feel ready for it.

The bit in bold should be in billboards all over the country. Thank you for putting it in print.

Take care of yourself and remember the pain you feel right now is borne of love.

[Rev]

A couple of weeks ago, my auntie and uncle went missing while on their way to a routine hospital appointment in Toronto. 

My uncle (90) has had stage 4 cancer for the past decade, and my auntie (83), was driving him in when she got lost during a storm. 48hrs later they were found, safe enough in their car, very dehydrated though. 

The responders insisted they attend the hospital as a precaution, despite my aunt's protestations. 

They gave her a full scan, as she was obviously disorientated.  

They found a mass on her breast, which she'd known about for 3 years, and kept quiet so she could continue to look after her husband! 

They subsequently found the cancer had spread, but would respond to treatment, so arranged a care plan for her, which involved moving into a long term care facility, away from her husband of 50+ years. 

He took a massive turn for the worse, and 2 weeks ago they moved her from her bed in the same hospital, to share his room while he slipped away, so they were together in the end. 

The funeral was unbelievably quick, around 2 days, and we could watch it on Zoom. 

One week on, we've received the news that my Aunt has also passed, basically died of a broken heart. 

She lived to love him, gave up when he went, so I'm glad she didn't suffer unduly waiting to be reunited. 

It's their kids I feel sorry for. I know their grown ups, but to lose both parents in the same month must be hard.

 

 

[Day]

On 21/07/2022 at 00:46, David said:

Well, I won’t lie times are rough at the minute.

Not sure if I have mentioned this already, but my sister in law was diagnosed with kidney Cancer before Christmas last year.

To keep things short, she had the kidney removed, however they didn’t clear it all away and it spread to the other kidney…..then her lungs, lymph nodes and now throat.

If that wasn’t hard enough, she went and got pneumonia.

She was taken into hospital last Friday, on Sunday morning at 4.30am we had the call that we need to go in and say our final goodbyes.

All the family were gathered in the room, ICU doctor went through every possible treatment that she was too weak to have. The only thing left now was to treat her with antibiotics to clear the fluid off her lungs, if successful she could return home to die. 

Later that day, we held an early birthday party in her room at the hospital, her 43rd birthday is 5th August however when she asked the doctors if she would make it to then, the response was a less than enthusiastic hopefully. Hence holding the birthday party early.

Monday we get a call from my wife’s mum, you need to get down here quick as they don’t think she will make it through the night. We stayed until 4am and it’s probably one of the hardest things I have ever done.

My mum and sister came up to pick up my dog Jax, this is a key part of this week which I’ll get on to later.

Tuesday, still here so we return that night as my brother in law asked us to, said he was scared to be alone when she dies. I had to leave at 1am due to the heat, with no air con and a small fan, the temperature in there was unbearable.

My wife stays until dinner time, comes home to get some sleep, she says she’s looking loads better and the doctors are pleased that the fluid is clearing from her lungs, blood pressure low and she’s still obviously terminally ill.

MacMillan end of life support team come in and we return around 8pm to spend the night there again. Couldn’t believe it, she was sat up, talking and breathing a lot better. Still very weak to even consider moving her back home.

I take a family quiz in as a distraction, after we had finished I received a text from my sister. She’s tested positive for covid again. I saw her Monday. 

We made our excuses and left pretty swiftly, heads a mess trying to find a late night chemist to pick up some covid tests. Find one, £2.50 per test! Pick up enough for the next few days, get home and thankfully we’re negative, but in that position now where we will be testing constantly as he really needs us. 

His parents are looking after their 5 kids, one of which is disabled, 10 years old with a mental age of around 4 and doesn't talk. 

Her parents are old and unable to spend the nights there like we can, brother is still sectioned so pretty much down to us.

To get Covid now would rock the family massively, we both really struggled the first time we had it, didn't leave the house for 3 weeks after.

So yeah, life is somewhat of a rollercoaster right now so this forum and football isn't even on the radar right now.

But one thing my own experiences have told me is it's good to talk and whilst I might not come back to read the replies for a while, it's helpful just to write down and stick out there for others to hear.

There are no comforting words right now, it's one of those challenges that life throws at you.

Sat there, watching someone dying that's only a couple of years older than yourself really brings home how cruel this world can be in deciding how long you're here for.

She's never smoked, goes to the gym, relatively healthy, no genetic history of cancer in the family. Just for whatever reason her name came out the hat.

11.25pm she passed away.

Went to Derby today to collect Jax and watch the game with srg, on the way home we received a call to say it's time.

Managed to get into the hospital and spend 10 minutes with her before she left us.

Hung in there for us to say our final final goodbyes. ?

[Anag Ram]

I hope you, your wife and family all find comfort in each other at this most difficult time.

My thoughts are with you.

[angieram]

On 22/07/2022 at 22:26, richinspain said:

Well it's been a fairly  ?y  9 or 10 months. In October, after a routine checkup, my wife was diagnosed with a tumour in her left breast. After several weeks of what seemed like ever worsening prospects she was operated on and what looked to be really daunting ended up as being the worst nightmare you could imagine, but at least we've now woken up and the hope is that a small scar will be the worst of the (physical) effects.

At around the same time we were told that my dad's lymphoma had returned and that he would need Chemotherapy.

Problems with a (married) couple of workmates who were having problems with their family were making work days pretty unbearable.

I ended up realising that I had a mild form of depression when a spent a Saturday in bed crying. Strangely this made me realise I needed help and talking it through with friends was sufficient to help through.

Unfortunately after 5 or 6 years of being clear of cancer my dad's physical strength wasn't the same as when first diagnosed and the treatment was having an adverse effect on him and he decided to stop having it. He also had breathing problems after years working in a foundry and at Willington power station. 
Yesterday the fight finally got the better of him and he passed away. 
Although these are difficult times I am at least happy because my wife, daughter, her boyfriend and I were able to get over for three days at the beginning of the month and I was able to say goodbye whilst he was still just well enough to appreciate what was going on.

I'm feeling low at the moment, but I'm not feeling depressed. Reading some of the stories on here allow me to realise that I'm lucky. My wife is doing well (perhaps too well because she's still off work and wants "fiesta", I want to relax), tensions at work are easing and I've pretty much made up my mind to look for another job, and although my dad is no longer with us I'm thankful that he is no longer suffering.

ps if you've got loved ones tell them you love them before it's too late.!A British stiff upper lip is a load of bow locks. You'll feel much better for it.

Just read this, Rich. So sorry to hear of your loss, hope your memories of good times spent together help to ease the pain. Look after each other. 

[angieram]

On 24/07/2022 at 02:08, David said:

11.25pm she passed away.

Went to Derby today to collect Jax and watch the game with srg, on the way home we received a call to say it's time.

Managed to get into the hospital and spend 10 minutes with her before she left us.

Hung in there for us to say our final final goodbyes. ?

Thinking of you. Walk Jax, be there for each other, cry, laugh and remember the good times. 

[sage]

On 23/07/2022 at 22:11, Rev said:

 

It's their kids I feel sorry for. I know their grown ups, but to lose both parents in the same month must be hard.

 

 

My parents died within 9 days of each other after over 50 years together. My Dad was hanging on to see my Mum through her dementia. 

In our case it was actually good that they went together as they both had a poor quality of life. A joint funeral for a joint life. 

 

[PistoldPete]

On 24/07/2022 at 02:08, David said:

11.25pm she passed away.

Went to Derby today to collect Jax and watch the game with srg, on the way home we received a call to say it's time.

Managed to get into the hospital and spend 10 minutes with her before she left us.

Hung in there for us to say our final final goodbyes. ?

Sorry to hear about the troubles you and your family are having David. 

[Day]

Thanks everyone, and sorry to hear your similar experiences @Mostyn6, would never take it as comparing or competing. Nobody should ever stay quiet as they feel their problems are not as bad as someone else’s. 

We’re helping the brother in law go through the process of registering her death, funeral, bank accounts, insurance, it’s the little things like TV licence was in her name with the direct debit, absolute nightmare. 

[Ram-Alf]

44 minutes ago, David said:

Thanks everyone, and sorry to hear your similar experiences @Mostyn6, would never take it as comparing or competing. Nobody should ever stay quiet as they feel their problems are not as bad as someone else’s. 

We’re helping the brother in law go through the process of registering her death, funeral, bank accounts, insurance, it’s the little things like TV licence was in her name with the direct debit, absolute nightmare. 

Sad to hear fella...take care.

I don't want to come across as a mercenary, I've been there several times, You'll get a death certificate from the Doctors, Hit the bank and cancel all DDs and Standing Orders, The bank will do it for you, Then you'll have to register the death with the local authority, Take that certificate to the bank and take control of her monetary affairs, Be aware that HMRC will/could be involved and they could come after the person who's taken control of the banking.

All the best

Alf

[ramit]

We went to visit mother today at the nursing home.  It's been hard watching her slowly fade away to dementia and today was particularly difficult for me.  Her body is broken down, but she is a stubborn proud one and doesn't want anyone to help her get out of a chair, even if she can't, she will.  My wife and i couldn't really talk to her, because she was rambling half sentences of what i don't know, but some parts were of her mother who she sees come to her regularly, she claimed she was waiting for her with dinner on the table at 8pm.

During the drive home we were talking about her and how her situation is unbearable for her and that maybe it was best that she not suffer for much longer and.. you know.  i feel awful about feeling like that.

This evening i got a call from my sister telling me that mother had fallen while trying to stand up after dinner, around 8pm and that she had hurt herself so badly that an ambulance was called.  My niece lives in the same town as the hospital they brought her to and she stood watch, while waiting to hear what xrays would show.  Her leg is broken just below the hip ball and she will have to have an operation in a few days if they figure that she can take it and in the meantime morphine at regular intervals.  What my niece then told me had my jaw drop to the floor, they would send mother back to the nursing home because there is no room in any hospital, even the hallways are taken.  We are driving over there again tomorrow, i doubt she will recognize me, but i just want to hold her hand and be there.

Listen, i am just venting, i don't know where to do that except here.

[Archied]

4 hours ago, ramit said:

We went to visit mother today at the nursing home.  It's been hard watching her slowly fade away to dementia and today was particularly difficult for me.  Her body is broken down, but she is a stubborn proud one and doesn't want anyone to help her get out of a chair, even if she can't, she will.  My wife and i couldn't really talk to her, because she was rambling half sentences of what i don't know, but some parts were of her mother who she sees come to her regularly, she claimed she was waiting for her with dinner on the table at 8pm.

During the drive home we were talking about her and how her situation is unbearable for her and that maybe it was best that she not suffer for much longer and.. you know.  i feel awful about feeling like that.

This evening i got a call from my sister telling me that mother had fallen while trying to stand up after dinner, around 8pm and that she had hurt herself so badly that an ambulance was called.  My niece lives in the same town as the hospital they brought her to and she stood watch, while waiting to hear what xrays would show.  Her leg is broken just below the hip ball and she will have to have an operation in a few days if they figure that she can take it and in the meantime morphine at regular intervals.  What my niece then told me had my jaw drop to the floor, they would send mother back to the nursing home because there is no room in any hospital, even the hallways are taken.  We are driving over there again tomorrow, i doubt she will recognize me, but i just want to hold her hand and be there.

Listen, i am just venting, i don't know where to do that except here.

Life can be heartbreaking and I feel for you mate , you obviously give her as much love and care as poss and really does mean a lot 

[Mucker1884]

6 hours ago, ramit said:

We went to visit mother today at the nursing home.  It's been hard watching her slowly fade away to dementia and today was particularly difficult for me.  Her body is broken down, but she is a stubborn proud one and doesn't want anyone to help her get out of a chair, even if she can't, she will.  My wife and i couldn't really talk to her, because she was rambling half sentences of what i don't know, but some parts were of her mother who she sees come to her regularly, she claimed she was waiting for her with dinner on the table at 8pm.

During the drive home we were talking about her and how her situation is unbearable for her and that maybe it was best that she not suffer for much longer and.. you know.  i feel awful about feeling like that.

This evening i got a call from my sister telling me that mother had fallen while trying to stand up after dinner, around 8pm and that she had hurt herself so badly that an ambulance was called.  My niece lives in the same town as the hospital they brought her to and she stood watch, while waiting to hear what xrays would show.  Her leg is broken just below the hip ball and she will have to have an operation in a few days if they figure that she can take it and in the meantime morphine at regular intervals.  What my niece then told me had my jaw drop to the floor, they would send mother back to the nursing home because there is no room in any hospital, even the hallways are taken.  We are driving over there again tomorrow, i doubt she will recognize me, but i just want to hold her hand and be there.

Listen, i am just venting, i don't know where to do that except here.

Vent away.  It's healthy.  And here is as good a place as any.

It seems hopeless almost, and there is little others can do or say to lighten your burden.
Go and hold her hand.  Talk to her... she'll know, even if it doesn't appear so.  She's your mum after all.  They know everything!
xxx

[Miggins]

6 hours ago, ramit said:

We went to visit mother today at the nursing home.  It's been hard watching her slowly fade away to dementia and today was particularly difficult for me.  Her body is broken down, but she is a stubborn proud one and doesn't want anyone to help her get out of a chair, even if she can't, she will.  My wife and i couldn't really talk to her, because she was rambling half sentences of what i don't know, but some parts were of her mother who she sees come to her regularly, she claimed she was waiting for her with dinner on the table at 8pm.

During the drive home we were talking about her and how her situation is unbearable for her and that maybe it was best that she not suffer for much longer and.. you know.  i feel awful about feeling like that.

This evening i got a call from my sister telling me that mother had fallen while trying to stand up after dinner, around 8pm and that she had hurt herself so badly that an ambulance was called.  My niece lives in the same town as the hospital they brought her to and she stood watch, while waiting to hear what xrays would show.  Her leg is broken just below the hip ball and she will have to have an operation in a few days if they figure that she can take it and in the meantime morphine at regular intervals.  What my niece then told me had my jaw drop to the floor, they would send mother back to the nursing home because there is no room in any hospital, even the hallways are taken.  We are driving over there again tomorrow, i doubt she will recognize me, but i just want to hold her hand and be there.

Listen, i am just venting, i don't know where to do that except here.

Sorry to hear about your mum. My mum is 91 and still lives on her own with a lot of support from us but I know that one day we could well find ourselves in the same place as yourself and even the thought is upsetting.

We'll be sending our best hopes to you over the next few days and we hope that your mum responds to pain relief and is able to draw comfort from the presence and love of yourself and your family.

[EraniosSocks]

8 hours ago, ramit said:

We went to visit mother today at the nursing home.  It's been hard watching her slowly fade away to dementia and today was particularly difficult for me.  Her body is broken down, but she is a stubborn proud one and doesn't want anyone to help her get out of a chair, even if she can't, she will.  My wife and i couldn't really talk to her, because she was rambling half sentences of what i don't know, but some parts were of her mother who she sees come to her regularly, she claimed she was waiting for her with dinner on the table at 8pm.

During the drive home we were talking about her and how her situation is unbearable for her and that maybe it was best that she not suffer for much longer and.. you know.  i feel awful about feeling like that.

This evening i got a call from my sister telling me that mother had fallen while trying to stand up after dinner, around 8pm and that she had hurt herself so badly that an ambulance was called.  My niece lives in the same town as the hospital they brought her to and she stood watch, while waiting to hear what xrays would show.  Her leg is broken just below the hip ball and she will have to have an operation in a few days if they figure that she can take it and in the meantime morphine at regular intervals.  What my niece then told me had my jaw drop to the floor, they would send mother back to the nursing home because there is no room in any hospital, even the hallways are taken.  We are driving over there again tomorrow, i doubt she will recognize me, but i just want to hold her hand and be there.

Listen, i am just venting, i don't know where to do that except here.

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Always vent your feelings no matter what and I’ve always thought that this is a good place to do it. 
 

Im sending all my love to you and your family.