ramit Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 Found online My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge. Gritstone Ram, Mick Brolly and sheeponacid 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. P Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000; is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN:"I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "£60,000." MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN:"Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £580,000 for it." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of £500,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!" MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?" Rev, rammieib, I know nothing and 7 others 1 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 maxjam, Mick Brolly, Alph and 4 others 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamworthram Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 Came across this on LinkedIn. I’d like to think it’s genuine. Mostyn6, Wolfie and Bwash_Ram 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GboroRam Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 27 minutes ago, Tamworthram said: Came across this on LinkedIn. I’d like to think it’s genuine. DarkFruitsRam7, ThePrisoner, Tamworthram and 7 others 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stive Pesley Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 It's no joke- our corporate email works like this - a guy called Paul Cockburn was given the email cockburp@coname.com and a new guy called Tyler Watt has the email twatt@coname.com Wolfie, TimRam, ThePrisoner and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimRam Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil62uk Posted September 24, 2020 Share Posted September 24, 2020 My new girlfriend said " HAVING A SMALL PENIS , WILL NOT EFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP NEIL personally I'd be happier IF SHE HADNT GOT ONE AT ALL ...!!!! Steve How Hard?, I know nothing, Mostyn6 and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil62uk Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 Got a message off a women whom resides near me .... it read " Hi Neil , Hubby is at work , I fancy some HOT ACTION please come round so i went round and gave her my IRONING .... !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimRam Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 Got offered a new job in a radio shop today. I turned it down. Mick Brolly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gone Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 Sean Dyche’s 400th game as a manager tomorrow, so he’s done 399 post match interviews roughly speaking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick Brolly Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Clough Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 1 hour ago, Mick Brolly said: Given a time span of 27 years, walking in a straight line and the circumference of the Earth... probably not far off where she started Mick Brolly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil62uk Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 Went to the library last week asked for a book on Shakespeare ..!!! Librarian replies WHICH ONE SIR ..? I replied WILLIAM you thick imbecile ....!!! TimRam 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 I came home from work the other day, and the missus is on the stairs dressed in her finest négligée. She asked if I fancied super sex, so I told her I'll have the soup. Steve How Hard? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil62uk Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Just put all my old dogging equipment up for sale on Ebay so far I've had NO BIDS but have 138 watching ...!!!! TimRam and Steve How Hard? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimRam Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Mostyn6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 A woman goes to the funeral home to visit her late husband whose funeral is the next day. Upon seeing the body, she says to the funeral director, “Oh, no, you've dressed him in a blue suit! He hated blue and I've given all his other suits to charity!” The funeral director says, “I'm not sure what we can do at this late hour, but I'll see what I can do.” The next day, the widow returns and asks if they had managed to sort things out and the undertaker says, “Well, as luck would have it a lady came in last night and said her husband was dressed in a grey suit and that he hated grey”. “Oh good!”, says the lady. ”Yes”, replied the funeral director, “all we had to do was swap the heads”. Parsnip, DesertRam, Bob The Badger and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 I keep having recurring nightmares that I’ve turned into a horse.... it’s been seven nights on the trot so far Rev, Mostyn6, Ramslad1992 and 2 others 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account.
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now