How to be a dad, any advice

[Big Al]

So the Mrs is soon to pop (19th Feb she's due) and there's absolutely nothing out there for dads to be.

It's still not hit me properly yet somehow, and at the grand old age of 36 I'm a late bloomer. I've got nephews and godaughters but never thought I'd finally have a family of my own and am bricking it. 

Ive looked at everything I can but the majority of things tell dad's to clean (I'm an ocd cleaner) or be prepared for changing nappies (I work in care). So I was wondering if anyone can give any proper advice on being a dad.

I've looked on dadsnet which was depressing and mumsnet (but obviously that's targeted mainly for women) so thought I'd post it on my dcfc family forum. 

Her name will be Eva Christine Marshall and she will be a ram! 

 

Thank you all for your advice in advance

[i-Ram]

23 minutes ago, Big Al said:

So the Mrs is soon to pop (19th Feb she's due) and there's absolutely nothing out there for dads to be.

It's still not hit me properly yet somehow, and at the grand old age of 36 I'm a late bloomer. I've got nephews and godaughters but never thought I'd finally have a family of my own and am bricking it. 

Ive looked at everything I can but the majority of things tell dad's to clean (I'm an ocd cleaner) or be prepared for changing nappies (I work in care). So I was wondering if anyone can give any proper advice on being a dad.

I've looked on dadsnet which was depressing and mumsnet (but obviously that's targeted mainly for women) so thought I'd post it on my dcfc family forum. 

Her name will be Eva Christine Marshall and she will be a ram! 

 

Thank you all for your advice in advance

Well this will be at least an 18 year thread, and probably more. My lad is 31 and tonight I have had to help him with an emotional break-up. My best advice is to prepare Eva as best you can to be able to hit adulthood confidently. Parenting isn’t easy, but it can be so very rewarding.  Good luck on your new journey.

[davenportram]

There isn’t a manual but my advice, based on nothing more than my own meandering experiences is as follows

https://youtu.be/EcM3rexWLdk?si=6QQgZHzyiRtc0L61

seriously there’s some good advice in that. 
 

stay true to yourself, never undermine your misses in front of family or children or anyone but do address differences in opinion privately 

Never say “ My mum reckons you should …”

do say “ take you’re coat off or you won’t feel the benefit”

never go back on a sanction - I once “threw away” my sons entire collection of Pixar Cars toys when he refused to tidy them up - I did fish them out the bin while he was asleep and the good fairies returned them as a reward for keeping his room tidy.

Edited December 19, 2023 by davenportram

[Boycie]

In some respects @i-Ram is doing what I’m about to offer advice about.

You do what you have to do.  Don’t think there’s a text book that you have to follow or be judged on.

We do our best.  You’ll be fine, just be there and do your best.

[davenportram]

Oh and I forgot the rule of three!!

 

three times you’ll tell them to do something before they do

never more than three instructions at a time

never more than three bits of information at a time

three pints is what they buy you when they turn 18

 

 

 

okay the last one is made up (the others are valid)

[Grumpy Git]

1 hour ago, davenportram said:

three pints is what they buy you when they turn 18

..... with your money! 😬

[Anag Ram]

Always say ‘ask your mother’.

[Archied]

Kids ?
just give them all the love you can, make decisions from a place of wanting the best for them and that’s about it ,

you will get stuff right and you will get stuff wrong but if you do everything for the right reasons that’s the best you can do ,,, enjoy , it’s a rollercoaster 

[Srg]

There is no text book, unfortunately. But if you do what you do with thought and love then you won’t be far off. 

My biggest practical advice would be to agree with your missus that whatever gets said in the darkness of night is forgotten about in the morning. Tiredness and frustration will cause arguments, it’s inevitable, but you have to let it go just as quickly. 

[Wolfie]

It was just before my 40th birthday when Miss Wolfie appeared & like you, I thought I wasn't ever going to be a dad.

Don't go looking too much in books & stuff for do's & don'ts. Most of it will come naturally & in the early weeks, they normally sleep a lot of the time, so you have the space to get used to it.

The only other advice I ever give people is to get them into a routine as early as possible - and stick to it. Oh, and enjoy that wonderful smell of your new baby's head as much as you can - or was that just me?!

[TigerTedd]

I always thought I should write a book on my parenting style. It mostly revolves around ignoring the kids. When my oldest was a toddler, my wife was working at McDonald’s in the evenings, and I was working from home a lot. We just had to plonk her in front of the tele. She’d ask me for a drink, and I’d say, sure just a minute. But a minute became half an hour. By the time I got up and asked her what she’d like, I’d found she’d already made herself a squash! 

She learned to plait her own hair super quick, and now plaits the hair of all the girls in the dance class. And now she’s 14 she’s learned to cook and cooks us at least 1 3 course meal a week. She’s like a little Cinderella.

Shes super independent. And I genuinely put that down to a slightly hands off style when she was very little. 

Her little sister, on the other hand, is a little princess and expects everything to be done for her, cos she’s the littlest.

[TigerTedd]

The other advice I give to all new dads is that breast feeding is not a contraception! That’s how I ended up with number 2 and 3 exactly a year apart from each other. 

Edited December 20, 2023 by TigerTedd

[Tamworthram]

10 hours ago, Big Al said:

So the Mrs is soon to pop (19th Feb she's due) and there's absolutely nothing out there for dads to be.

It's still not hit me properly yet somehow, and at the grand old age of 36 I'm a late bloomer. I've got nephews and godaughters but never thought I'd finally have a family of my own and am bricking it. 

Ive looked at everything I can but the majority of things tell dad's to clean (I'm an ocd cleaner) or be prepared for changing nappies (I work in care). So I was wondering if anyone can give any proper advice on being a dad.

I've looked on dadsnet which was depressing and mumsnet (but obviously that's targeted mainly for women) so thought I'd post it on my dcfc family forum. 

Her name will be Eva Christine Marshall and she will be a ram! 

 

Thank you all for your advice in advance

This may be of little help but I reckon it’s difficult to actually give any practical advice. It will all come naturally. Yes, you’ll both make mistakes but nothing that will cause any actual harm especially as you already work in care. If anything, you’re more likely to be over cautious. Emotions will probably be off the scale from time to time for both of you so there’s a good chance (IMO) that you and your partner will get frustrated and annoyed with each other occasionally (there will soon be a more important person in both your lives). I would say, just accept it’s going to happen and don’t neglect your relationship with each other. Honestly, I think you’ll be fine.

 

congrats and good luck.

Edited December 20, 2023 by Tamworthram

[chezzyram]

10 hours ago, davenportram said:

Oh and I forgot the rule of three!!

 

three times you’ll tell them to do something before they do

never more than three instructions at a time

never more than three bits of information at a time

three pints is what they buy you when they turn 18

 

 

 

okay the last one is made up (the others are valid)

My kids turned 18 over 20 years ago, I'm still waiting for the first and second pint never mind the third!

[Ram-Alf]

I was a Dad at 19 years of age, Daughter now 47 and Son 42, I had no lifetime experiences and her Mother was the 1st girl I had been with, So advice...be aware there's advice and there's advice, You are now in a different time to others, Grandparents can be a help and a hindrance, They'll tell you that "we did it this way" so what she's ours and we'll do it our way 👍

You'll spend Eva's 1st 2 years teaching her to walk and talk, Then the rest of her life to shut up and sit down 😉, You'll have every tool available at hand there's no excuse to say...I can't find owt, Sleeping will be fractious, Your other half will be the one I guess doing the heavy work, If she's breast feeding the joy of having the left overs is a bonus 😁 Children are great especially with mint sauce ☺️, You'll be the proudest Dad on earth when pushing her in the pushchair to your local park.

So no advice from me other than be a great Dad, Take time to listen to your other half, Children will test your patients they're cunning little feckers...but Eva will be your little bundle of joy  😁

[Crewton]

My only slice of wisdom that I'm not sure others have covered in these terms is : try your hardest not to argue with your wife infront of the kids in any way that might distress your daughter. No child enjoys seeing their parents bicker or worse.

[Alph]

Best advice is don't take advice really. What works for one baby might not work for the next. 

And when you're tired like you've never been tired before you don't need to be asking yourself why something isn't working how it's supposed to. Ignore most 'tips and tricks"

There's stupid ones that you think you obviously already know of but when you've had 4 hours sleep in 2 days then it's easy to go against. Don't put a baby in bed/on sofa with you when you know you're tired. It's obvious but when you're wrecked it's easy to convince yourself that you are just resting. 

The other would be that it's ok to let a baby cry sometimes otherwise they can drive you to the edge of a breakdown. 

Morbid advice I know. But imo all the helpful advice is hit and miss. Except enjoy it. And as @Wolfiesaid, enjoy the smell. It's hard to enjoy it because it's hard but you can easily end up wishing they'd grow up and then when they grow up you wish they were babies again

Congratulations!

[RadioactiveWaste]

Congratulations in advance to you.

We're childless and highly likely to remain so unless we adopt or foster, so I'm not best placed to give advice.

However, here are some handy hints for dos and don'ts:

https://blog.weespring.com/27-dos-donts-parents-taking-care-baby/

 

[Premier ram]

Always make sure your children know you are their for them, don’t pry too much, be prepared to compromise to a certain extent , always know a father and daughter relationship is unconditional, a first baby is daunting but you will be fine mate your DCFC family is here for you

[Mucker1884]

As a son:
My dad was "firm but fair" (in hindsight), with me and my 4 sisters.  (He was ex-army... the guy with the stick, doing all the shouty stuff on the parade ground.)

I pretty much disliked the guy until I started to mature at around 14.  I just about fell to love him dearly, and we started to get proper pally... when he died (I was 18... and probably only ever bought him one pint! 😢).
Fathers... think on!

 

 

As a father:
Keep it loving, obviously... but keep it practical.
Far too many kids nowadays haven't got a clue how to do their own breathing when they flee the nest!

As just one example, our two (boys) were ironing their own school uniforms throughout big school (from age 11?). And they were strict on appearance at Landau Forte back then!
The youngest even went on to "make a small killing" when he joined the army, as non of the other lads at the training camp knew where to start!  He thanked us in the end!  😁👍

 

Never expect two or more siblings to be the same... or even similar.  Think chalk and cheese, but with a mile wide river in between, and you'll get the picture.

 

Best o' luck!  👍

 

Edited December 20, 2023 by Mucker1884