How to be a dad, any advice

[EtoileSportiveDeDerby]

Congrats first of all. As always say the most important job in your life and there is no training for it. You’ll find your way, don’t worry. All I can say to you is what a neighbour told me when we brought the first one home, time with your kids is very precious, enjoy it because it will go much quicker all of a sudden. And then, one day blink and they’ ll be gone to uni or doing their own things just as it should be.

[therealhantsram]

When my boy was about 3.5 I got ill and had to take around 6 months off work. By accident, I became the primary carer for our boy and my wife returned to work. 

It was brilliant.  Sooo much more fun and rewarding than being in a office every day.

So when I got myself better me and Mrs HR split the work. She now works part time and so do I. Boy is 8 now. I pick him up from school every day, make his tea, play with him in the garden, do his homework with him every day. It's fantastic.

I have no doubt we could have more money if one of us worked full-time. When you are both part-time you get passed over for promotion etc. But we have enough. And we both believe we have a better quality of life this way.

I guess what I am saying is to think about what you want from life. Don't necessarily stick to the gender stereotypes. Figure out what works for you.

Good luck!  

[ramit]

Love, lots and lots of it, let her feel secure in it, sleep on your chest, your heartbeat in her ears, your love enveloping her.  A secure foundation allows for the odd mistakes as time goes on.

Edited December 22, 2023 by ramit
typo

[sage]

If you take them to the pub with you, don't get so drunk that you leave them behind.

No one will ever give you any responsibility again.

 

[i-Ram]

17 minutes ago, sage said:

If you take them to the pub with you, don't get so drunk that you leave them behind.

No one will ever give you any responsibility again.

 

 

[i-Ram]

Just now, i-Ram said:

 

For the record, if she were mine if she did that I would have to give her a finger back. I am a tit for tat kind of guy. I do hope she has some tat. Lots of lovely tat. 

[Gaspode]

Aside from unconditional love, time is the most precious thing you can give to your child - give her your attention; talk to her; explain things to her (help her to be curious about the world); read to her (we started reading before bedtime at approx 6 months old - they may not understand what you're saying, but the routine and the fact that the child knows you're focused on them is invaluable); put your phone away when you're spending time with her (way too many parents prioritise socal media above their children); and try to avoid getting into arranging activities for her because of the urge to win at 'competitive parenting' - do what you feel is right for your child, not so that you can compare progress with other mums and dads....

Edited December 24, 2023 by Gaspode

[r4derby]

Be present. Loving your child in the early stages is being there for cuddles, feeds, reading stories, singing songs, interacting on play mat etc. seeing the smile of your baby is amazing, every time.

As they get older, be firm but fair. Don’t be quick to set ultimatums, but do follow through when you do. I remember my 3 year olds meltdown in Matlock about a piece of pear. Didn’t eat it, no ice cream. She cried for hours but I held firm. Next trip to Matlock she demanded pear first so she could get an ice cream (I didn’t take any!) she learnt the lesson. As I say though, try and stay away from ultimatums and extreme language. Hard when you’re tired and stressed!

Your child will become who they are over time. By being with them every step of the way, they’ll hold you close and want you there.

Congratulations mate

[Mucker1884]

Some lovely ideals on here, and I commend those for both suggesting them and for following them.

But with respect, I do wonder just how realistic some of them are.

When my lads were infant school age, I spent the majority of that era working away.  Always dawn til dusk.  Never with a mobile phone to hand (late 80's).  Mostly 6 days a week, and even 13 days a fortnight for the best part of 12 months.  The rare calls home from a phone box were always outside of work hours, hence the kids already being in bed (and the neighbour babysitting for 20 mins, whilst Muckerette popped over to their house to take my call, as we didn't have a home phone either). 

I was always under the illusion that they'd starve and/or be living naked in a cardboard box otherwise.  T'was far from ideal, of course, then or now, but sometimes a parent has to do what has to be done.

Maybe the government make it less critical to get a job nowadays, and a little easier to feed and clothe your kids without the need to earn a wage?  I truly don't know! 🤷‍♂️

[silverback]

 

 

NEVER EVER take your eyes off them if not in a secure environment.(only those who did, will know that feeling when you cant find them)

Give love unconditionally but dont expect a thing in return, they didnt ask to be born (they will tell you this themselves)

Understand that with girls the aliens will come in the approx thirteenth year, and remove any semblance of the child you had for the previous twelve years.

With boys find the stash of 'lady' books and smile 

Take the enjoyment from every moment you get, it is all to brief, and you earned it!

 

Good luck

 

[Mucker1884]

1 minute ago, silverback said:

 

 

NEVER EVER take your eyes off them if not in a secure environment.(only those who did, will know that feeling when you cant find them)

 

Obviously not proud of this bit, but I can confirm 7 seconds is more than enough.

The whole search (For best part of an hour and a half, in and around East Street and The Eagle Centre, as it was then, and involving police foot patrols, Eagle Centre security staff, and lots of walkie-talkies) centred around my anger at the boy for wandering off, and planning the appropriate punishment once he was found.  The reality of the situation once he was found was part collapse, a little vomiting, and literal tears of utter and shameless relief!
Shame itself only kicked in later, and still remains today, nigh on 36 years later*

Never felt so sick in my life, before or since! 🤮

(He was found by BHS staff, apparently within 5 mins of him wandering off, taken to their non-public staff canteen... and nobody thought it wise to actually report it!  He, on the other hand, was lapping up the cakes, fizzy pop, goodies, and attention in equal measure!)  FFS!

 

*He was defo pre-school, so maybe 4 years old?

[ramsbottom]

One piece of advice me & Mrs Ramsbottom found out too late was that you shouldn’t talk to the sprog during a night feed/nappy change as they think it’s play time, and won’t want to go back to sleep.  Babies have to learn how to sleep properly and any stimulation won’t help matters, so don’t make a lot of eye contact, and keep your trap shut.  
 

 

[FindernRam]

On 24/12/2023 at 09:09, sage said:

If you take them to the pub with you, don't get so drunk that you leave them behind.

No one will ever give you any responsibility again.

 

And this is a bad thing  why?

[sage]

21 minutes ago, FindernRam said:

And this is a bad thing  why?

What if you ever fancied being Foreign Secretary, only an fool would employ you.

[Eddie]

On 24/12/2023 at 09:09, sage said:

If you take them to the pub with you, don't get so drunk that you leave them behind.

No one will ever give you any responsibility again.

 

Plus, a seat in the House of Lords and a nice little earner as Foreign Secretary could be yours, so win-win.

[McArthur Park]

Don't feel bad if you don't feel that initial rush of love when they are first born, it really doesn't happen like that for everyone. For both of us it was a slow burn, and that's OK. And when they are a bit older, always make sure you put on a united front, at least in front of them, otherwise they will divide and conquer!

[TimRam]

On 19/12/2023 at 22:49, davenportram said:

stay true to yourself, never undermine your misses in front of family or children or anyone but do address differences in opinion privately 

Mum and Dad did just this. I never recalled them arguing in front of us kids. They also worked as a team be it cooking, cleaning etc. Only domestic they did separate was Mum washing clothes and Dad any heavy diy.