How to be a dad, any advice

[FindernRam]

Always defer to HER mothers input for first year. Never compare your child's progress with anyone else's. Good or bad. Remember the baby can't read the baby manuals so doesn't know when the first tooth is due.

Surreptitious coaching to say Dada as a first word is good but don't get caught!

Baby crying alarms all new parents: Rule of three: Burp, Nappy, Feed.  If that doesn't work trust your wife's instincts. 

[Malagaram]

Dont,children bring nothing but heartache.

[Returning ram]

Never let anyone judge you, bring your children up the best way you feel fit, there is no right or wrong way.

Get them signed up to pay football as soon as you can.

 Good luck, you'll need it 😊

[Ghost of Clough]

17 hours ago, Big Al said:

So the Mrs is soon to pop (19th Feb she's due) and there's absolutely nothing out there for dads to be.

It's still not hit me properly yet somehow, and at the grand old age of 36 I'm a late bloomer. I've got nephews and godaughters but never thought I'd finally have a family of my own and am bricking it. 

Ive looked at everything I can but the majority of things tell dad's to clean (I'm an ocd cleaner) or be prepared for changing nappies (I work in care). So I was wondering if anyone can give any proper advice on being a dad.

I've looked on dadsnet which was depressing and mumsnet (but obviously that's targeted mainly for women) so thought I'd post it on my dcfc family forum. 

Her name will be Eva Christine Marshall and she will be a ram! 

 

Thank you all for your advice in advance

Help your wife with as much as you can handle. Don't be afraid to say it's too much for you.

Try to settle on a routine which works for you both. Feeding/changing at set times at need makes it a bit easier for you. Maybe your wife will feed the baby during the night on work nights, and you'll do the last feed before you go to sleep and the first feed when you wake up. At the weekend roles are reversed so you both get a chance for some rest. Change the nappy straight after feeding and you'll most likely get away with not having to change the nappy again until the next feed.

Sleep whenever a small window to do so crops up.

Practice staying calm. It'll be impossible to do all the time, especially after zero hours of sleep in several days and nothing will make her go to sleep. There will be nights when you just can't handle it and you need to spend the night in another room and leave everything to your wife. Your wife will feel the same way at other times too. It helps if you understand how each other is feeling, so make sure you talk to each other.

Ignore everything the health visitor (or whatever the title is) tells you. Their opinion will differ to another health visitor, and neither will know your exact situation and what works for you. They work on 'typical' cases, so they make a big fuss over anything they aren't doing that only 50% of other toddlers their age are doing (crawling, walking, speaking, putting penne on a piece of string, etc..). Similarly, don't compare to other babies/toddlers.

Don't wish away the time, hoping they walk or start talking soon.

At some point, she'll start asking both of you the same question, hoping one of you gives her the answer she wants. Before answering, make sure she hasn't asked your wife first.

Spend as much time as possible with her as you can. You'll never get that time back again.

Accept that you'll make mistakes.

[Mucker1884]

43 minutes ago, Malagaram said:

Dont,children bring nothing but heartache.

That's sad to read, mate. 
I'm gonna cross my fingers and hope you are exaggerating.

There's no arguing they can and do bring heartache, but "Nothing but"? 🤷‍♂️

Even our granddaughter... who only lived for an hour... brought chunks of joy and positivity with her.  And she can still make us smile occasionally, almost 8 years on.

[JuanFloEvraTheCocu'sNesta]

18 hours ago, Big Al said:

So the Mrs is soon to pop (19th Feb she's due) and there's absolutely nothing out there for dads to be.

It's still not hit me properly yet somehow, and at the grand old age of 36 I'm a late bloomer. I've got nephews and godaughters but never thought I'd finally have a family of my own and am bricking it. 

Ive looked at everything I can but the majority of things tell dad's to clean (I'm an ocd cleaner) or be prepared for changing nappies (I work in care). So I was wondering if anyone can give any proper advice on being a dad.

I've looked on dadsnet which was depressing and mumsnet (but obviously that's targeted mainly for women) so thought I'd post it on my dcfc family forum. 

Her name will be Eva Christine Marshall and she will be a ram! 

 

Thank you all for your advice in advance

Honestly, my advice would be to do it your way. All the advice I got went out the window when I took my daughter out of the car when we got back from the hospital, my wife went for a well-earned rest, and I sat down in the lounge with her car seat and just looked at her and thought "what the f*** do I do now?"

You figure it out, largely on instinct I guess.

The only bit of advice I tend to offer is to get baby grows with zips. Mucking about with a load of tiny buttons at 3 am when your baby has just done a massive, sloppy dump is never fun.

Edited December 20, 2023 by JuanFloEvraTheCocu'sNesta

[Big Al]

Honestly thank you all so much for the advice you've given and put my mind to rest that it's ok to be clueless as well, words can't thank you all enough for replying to this

[MaltRam]

Day 1, whatever your background, you're overwhelmed and clueless. Inevitable.

Stick together with the missus. You've had your fun, now you're committed for 18 years. Do not let that baby down by disappearing.

Talk over and share the whole parenting experience with her every step. You need to be on the same page.

Love you child, and show it. Set boundaries that are firm but fair.

Be prepared to flex those boundaries when the teens arrive. Don't break, but accept they'll need to assert themselves in the world just as you did. Be ready to forgive.

Your child. Your rules.

Never, EVER, accept any  inclination towards any football club but Derby County, on pain of disinheritance.

There. You'll be grand.

[BaaLocks]

12 hours ago, TigerTedd said:

The other advice I give to all new dads is that breast feeding is not a contraception! That’s how I ended up with number 2 and 3 exactly a year apart from each other. 

You could have just left her to feed the baby in peace?

[BaaLocks]

I wouldn't say there is advnce as such because, as others have suggested, you will need to be a different person at every stage. But I would say two things. First is that it goes so quickly, savour every single moment - even the tough ones. And second, when one stage is gone it is gone. As someone once said to me, there will be a day when you pick up your child and carry them in your arms for the last time. On the day that happens neither you nor they will know it will be the last time, but it will, and it will then be gone forever. So cherish it now.

[uttoxram75]

11 minutes ago, MaltRam said:

Never, EVER, accept any  inclination towards any football club but Derby County, on pain of disinheritance.

This.

 

[Ramslad1992]

Best advice I could give is trust your instincts. Congratulations! The best thing you’ll ever do mate.

[Ewe Ram]

Just know that, just because you are the dad, you can do nothing right in the first weeks. This isn’t as bad as it seems, mum will be confused, exhausted and overwhelmed too, she still loves you. 
Accept offers of help, don’t be too proud. Grandparents will treat that baby like the most precious thing in the world, let them help. 
you’re going to be tired beyond endurance, because even if they don’t wake up for feeds, you will need to go check they’re ok! 
You will be filled with the most amazing love for her but if she goes out into the world an independent and happy girl you will have done a great job. 

[Chester40]

That moment you get let out of the hospital on your own is terrifying.

You have no clue what to do. It's normal to feel that way.

Take advice,  listen to tips, try them out as a first step   ...and then you will quickly realise every baby is different and what works for one wont work for another.

You will never know what's right ...sometimes keep going to them makes them cry more, ditto leaving them. Sometimes more milk makes them sick all over themselves and sometimes not giving them more makes them wake up 30mins later. Accept it.

Don't be tempted to do everything together for fear you're doing it wrong. You need space,  time, sleep. Be confident asap to say the other can get some fresh air,  or use grandparents or say I'm in charge for the next 3 hours go for a bath.  

Enjoy what you can. Hug them when they're asleep,  cuddle them rather than do jobs... that's the good bit.

Good luck 

 

[Chester40]

5 minutes ago, Chester40 said:

That moment you get let out of the hospital on your own is terrifying.

You have no clue what to do. It's normal to feel that way.

Take advice,  listen to tips, try them out as a first step   ...and then you will quickly realise every baby is different and what works for one wont work for another.

You will never know what's right ...sometimes keep going to them makes them cry more, ditto leaving them. Sometimes more milk makes them sick all over themselves and sometimes not giving them more makes them wake up 30mins later. Accept it.

Don't be tempted to do everything together for fear you're doing it wrong. You need space,  time, sleep. Be confident asap to say the other can get some fresh air,  or use grandparents or say I'm in charge for the next 3 hours go for a bath.  

Enjoy what you can. Hug them when they're asleep,  cuddle them rather than do jobs... that's the good bit.

Good luck 

 

PS don't listen to anyone who says childbirth is a wonderful thing. It's long, grim and stressful...and that's as a bloke..for a woman its mind-boggling any do it more than once.

Edited December 22, 2023 by Chester40

[JuanFloEvraTheCocu'sNesta]

50 minutes ago, Chester40 said:

PS don't listen to anyone who says childbirth is a wonderful thing. It's long, grim and stressful...and that's as a bloke..for a woman its mind-boggling any do it more than once.

If you could bottle up the feeling you get when you first hold your baby and sell it you'd have more money then you can count.

I've never felt anything like it. Every emotion dialed up to 11 and injected straight in to your brain at the same time.

[tinman]

You now have a legitimate reason to talk to other men about boobs. 

[Stive Pesley]

4 hours ago, JuanFloEvraTheCocu'sNesta said:

If you could bottle up the feeling you get when you first hold your baby and sell it you'd have more money then you can count.

I've never felt anything like it. Every emotion dialed up to 11 and injected straight in to your brain at the same time.

Yep - spot on.

Quickly replaced with an absolutely pummelling routine that will almost certainly drive you both to the edge of despair at times, but hold tight, it only lasts about a year, then it starts to get easier, and a lot more rewarding once the little bugger starts smiling at you and interacting. All those hours of hard slog you put in to looking after this helpless pink wrinkly pooing machine will start to pay off!

[CongletonRam]

On 19/12/2023 at 22:12, Big Al said:

Her name will be Eva Christine Marshall and she will be a ram!

Congratulations Sir. Well done to you and wish you the best in becoming a father. You will no doubt dote on your daughter and my advice would be to cram as much time with Eva as you possibly can.

The bond between the mother and daughter is always different and seemingly stronger than that of the father. That's life. It's just a different bond the father has, and accepting that can sometimes be difficult.

Another, slightly left-field piece of advice, a child is able to retain more language learning between the ages of 1-3 more than any other point in their lives. Mine, 10 and 12, were both born in Japan and speak Japanese and English fluently, so if you want them to develop a second language early, straight away is the time to start.

And you hope she will be a a ram...My daughter claims her favourite side is Forest, though I still insist she is winding me up. I do feel than a life supporting Derby can be cruel, so many disappointed Saturdays and all that. I hope it's in Eva's blood.

Good luck mate. It's a wonderful journey though I'm rather dreading the teenage years.

Edited December 22, 2023 by CongletonRam

[Mucker1884]

I used to advise that, if your baby doesn't like cold milk, warm it up in a microwave for 90 seconds, but after being invited to help the police with their enquiries for 7 bloody hours down at Full St nick, no way am I making that faux pas again!