New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)

[Gee SCREAMER !!]

I did go to university-  It does show you have the capacity to learn things but you only really make money from doing a degree if it's specialises you down a particular route - rather than jack of all trade's business like mine.   For anyone whose done one recently, from experience I would advise it only has relevance for about six years.  After this, see what you can do to increase you skill set further . 

Incidentally,  my uncle left school at fifteen,  became a pipe layer and is now minted after starting his own business at thirty so there are many avenues.

What I find very demoralising is the lack of career opportunity in Derby as a whole - Courtaulds, Qualcast, BREL all gone .  Also much of  Royal Mail and practically all Civil Service jobs moved to Nottingham .  We are slowly becoming a city devoid of long term opportunity for all to allow for real long term life plan's .  Our local MP'S need to do more to protect job's in the city

Edited February 3, 2019 by Gee SCREAMER !!

[DarkFruitsRam7]

29 minutes ago, bigbadbob said:

Yea you're right mate . Never mind, let's get back to the jokes to cheer you up a bit.

How do.you stop a scouser breaking into your house?

put up a.sign saying "job vacancies"

Either you didn’t see my posts in the ‘Scouser wants sympathy’ thread the other day or you’re a sly bar steward.? 

[1of4]

14 minutes ago, Gee SCREAMER !! said:

I did go to university-  It does show you have the capacity to learn things but you only really make money from doing a degree if it's specialises you down a particular route - rather than jack of all trade's business like mine.   For anyone whose done one recently, from experience I would advise it only has relevance for about six years.  After this, see what you can do to increase you skill set further . 

Incidentally,  my uncle left school at fifteen,  became a pipe layer and is now minted after starting his own business at thirty so there are many avenues.

What I find very demoralising is the lack of career opportunity in Derby as a whole - Courtaulds, Qualcast, BREL all gone .  Also much of  Royal Mail and practically all Civil Service jobs moved to Nottingham .  We are slowly becoming a city devoid of long term opportunity for all to allow for real long term life plan's .  Our local MP'S need to do more to protect job's in the city

Don't worry in a couple of months time, with all the great new trade deals in place and all those johnny foreigners being shown the door. There'll be more jobs available than there are highly skilled university graduates to fill them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good job this is the joke thread or people may take it seriously.

[bigbadbob]

3 minutes ago, BurtonRam7 said:

Either you didn’t see my posts in the ‘Scouser wants sympathy’ thread the other day or you’re a sly bar steward.? 

Did you like the way I kept the joke sort of relevant to your post? I didn't know whether to go with that one of this one.

What do you call a scouser in a university ?

Lost !

and what posts in the scouser wants sympathy thread ? Don't know what you're on about. Honest. Coyr

[S8TY]

You have to be careful today when telling jokes as it seems easy to offend people and some obviously don't have a sense of humour or it touches a nerve....for example  I was in a pub once and told the joke about " what do you do if you see an epileptic in the bath ? chuck your washing in !!"

When this giant of a man approached me at the bar and said " oi thats not funny and i find it quite distasteful as I had a brother who was an epileptic and he died whilst in the bath ! "

I apologised instantly and said i was sorry and didn't know about his brother and wouldn't be telling that joke again then asked

" I take it he drowned ?"

The man then said " No he choked on a sock !! "

[Bwash_Ram]

[Stive Pesley]

Gary Barlow has blocked me on Twitter!

I've no idea why, but ....

Whatever I said, whatever I did - I didn't mean it

[Turk Thrust]

Policeman arrests a man for being naked in public

Policeman:-Can you come with me sir

man:- Sure. I've got nothing on

 

[Angry Ram]

21 hours ago, BurtonRam7 said:

All valid points. Nobody is blameless.

I just get annoyed when so much is attributed to being the fault of my generation, when much of it is the work of the generations before us.

That’s bollx mate. Typical victim attitude. 

Every generation says the same, your generation is not special in any way shape or form.

What are you doing at Uni if you don’t mind me asking?

Not having a dig at you directly but jeez millennials are a weird lot, so is whatever the next lot are called. 

You have so much more opportunity than us old guys. Uni is not always the answer, neither is dark fruits. 

 

[DarkFruitsRam7]

45 minutes ago, Angry Ram said:

That’s bollx mate. Typical victim attitude. 

1) Every generation says the same, your generation is not special in any way shape or form.

2) What are you doing at Uni if you don’t mind me asking?

3) Not having a dig at you directly but jeez millennials are a weird lot, so is whatever the next lot are called. 

4) You have so much more opportunity than us old guys. Uni is not always the answer, neither is dark fruits. 

 

1) Perhaps, but just because it’s always been that way doesn’t make it right. I’d also suggest that it is currently worse than it ever has been due to people reading a headline on social media and using that to form their view on a matter. This is exacerbated by media sites wanting ‘clicks’, which leads to misleading headlines (this isn’t a recent phenomenon but it has increased in prominence as a result of social media). If someone of your generation keeps seeing ridiculous headlines about the latest millennial fad, it doesn’t take long before you form a pretty firm view on us.

2) I’m studying law. I’ve always intended to go to uni and my degree is necessary to pursue my current career path. It’s people that I know who are pushed into uni when it won’t necessarily benefit them. 

3) I agree with you in the sense that you hear some utterly bizarre things about my generation (technically, I’m a few years too young to be classed as a millennial but there isn’t much of a difference). However, this links to my first point because much of what you hear comes from misleading headlines and articles which make out that the strange behaviour is far more ubiquitous than it really is. Do you really think that, for example, most people of my age agree with the ‘clapping ban’ that has been proposed for the Students’ Union building in Manchester? Or that all millennials want to be gender fluid?

I believe that millennials have done a lot of good (whilst admittedly going too far on occasion), such as making mental health issues less of a stigma. We’ve also made a lot of progress when it comes to homophobia, environmental awareness, etc in recent years. Surely you can’t argue that these are bad things?

4) In some ways, we have more opportunities. In others, it’s a lot harder than it was for you lot e.g. relative house prices, retirement age, etc. I know uni isn’t always the answer, as demonstrated by my previous posts. Far too many people go to uni and it’s ridiculous that people of my generation are essentially told that it’s the only way to have a good career.

I feel that I’m quite rational when it comes to ‘millennial things’. I don’t jump on trends; rather I look at what is happening, why it is happening and consider both sides of the argument before forming a view. I think that this is quite rare in a world in which people of all ages are far too quick to take sides without looking at issues in enough depth.

Again, apologies for ruining the joke thread.

Edited February 4, 2019 by BurtonRam7

[Angry Ram]

25 minutes ago, BurtonRam7 said:

1) Perhaps, but just because it’s always been that way doesn’t make it right. I’d also suggest that it is currently worse than it ever has been due to people reading a headline on social media and using that to form their view on a matter. This is exacerbated by media sites wanting ‘clicks’, which leads to misleading headlines (this isn’t a recent phenomenon but it has increased in prominence as a result of social media). If someone of your generation keeps seeing ridiculous headlines about the latest millennial fad, it doesn’t take long before you form a pretty firm view on us. I would argue, bar buying a house, you have much more opportunity now. Travel, education etc. That's probably due to the generation before you.

2) I’m studying law. I’ve always intended to go to uni and my degree is necessary to pursue my current career path. It’s people that I know who are pushed into uni when it won’t necessarily benefit them. Good I am glad you have an end game and you are not wasting your time. Good luck to you.

3) I agree with you in the sense that you hear some utterly bizarre things about my generation (technically, I’m a few years too young to be classed as a millennial but there isn’t much of a difference). However, this links to my first point because much of what you hear comes from misleading headlines and articles which make out that the strange behaviour is far more ubiquitous than it really is. Do you really think that, for example, most people of my age agree with the ‘clapping ban’ that has been proposed for the Students’ Union building in Manchester? Or that all millennials want to be gender fluid? Not for one minute, I hate happy clappers, so perhaps a clapping ban is not a bad thing. Likewise, we should not all believe what we read about your generation, neither should you about mine. I 'think' I am a 'baby boomer' whatever the fook that is.

I believe that millennials have done a lot of good (whilst admittedly going too far on occasion), such as making mental health issues less of a stigma. We’ve also made a lot of progress when it comes to homophobia, environmental awareness, etc in recent years. Surely you can’t argue that these are bad things? Yes again I would agree in some instances. I won't get drawn into the things you have shown as examples.

4) In some ways, we have more opportunities. In others, it’s a lot harder than it was for you lot e.g. relative house prices, retirement age, etc. I know uni isn’t always the answer, as demonstrated by my previous posts. Far too many people go to uni and it’s ridiculous that people of my generation are essentially told that it’s the only way to have a good career. Uni is a waste in most cases.. The Facebook sketch you scorned had a lot of truth behind it sad to say. What is a 'good' career anyway. Hopefully when you pass your bar exams and can practice, you won't have to worry about retirement ages.

I feel that I’m quite rational when it comes to ‘millennial things’. I don’t jump on trends; rather I look at what is happening, why it is happening and consider both sides of the argument before forming a view. I think that this is quite rare in a world in which people of all ages are far too quick to take sides without looking at issues in enough depth. It sounds like you are, so good on you. Please don't turn into one of those entitled victims, I see coming to ask me for employment.

Again, apologies for ruining the joke thread.

Yes agree we should not ruin the joke thread,

 

Edited February 4, 2019 by Angry Ram

[AmericanRam]

If I owned a DeLorean, I'd only drive it from time to time. 

[MuespachRam]

A teacher on Merseyside asks a classroom full of kids “what team do you all support, raise your hands if it’s Liverpool” the whole class raises their hands except for one kid. 

“Who do you support John?”

”Everton”

”why?”

”because my mum and dad are Everton fans so i am too”

”you don’t have to copy your mum and dad, what would you do if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a crack head?”

“Then I would support Liverpool like the rest of you scruffy bar stewards”

[King Kevin]

                       BIOLOGY EXAM 


                       Students in an advanced Biology class were taking 
their mid-term exam.
                       The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of 
Mother's Milk.?
                       The question was worth 70 points or none at all. 

                       One student, in particular, was hard put to think of 
seven advantages. 

                       However, he wrote:
                       1) It is perfect formula for the child.
                       2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
                       3) It is always the right temperature.
                       4) It is inexpensive.
                       5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
                       6) It is always available as needed.
                       And then the student was stuck. Finally, in 
desperation,
                       just before the bell rang indicating the end of the 
test, he wrote:
                       7 ) It comes in two attractive containers and it's 
high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it. 

                       He got an A.

[King Kevin]

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bar steward!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

[King Kevin]

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my
feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

[Angry Ram]

7 minutes ago, King Kevin said:

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my
feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

Are you here all week? ?

its like a stand up routine ?

[Rev]

7 minutes ago, Angry Ram said:

Are you here all week? ?

its like a stand up routine ?

If they had Tasers in the 70's I'd agree.

[Angry Ram]

Just now, reveldevil said:

If they had Tasers in the 70's I'd agree.

Don’t knock the 70s yoof. 

[King Kevin]

 

 

The difference between complete and finished

 

When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"