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New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)


admira

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On 28/05/2024 at 21:32, Turk Thrust said:

my two favourite Bob Monkhouse jokes
 

I want to die like my grandpa, sleeping peacefully. Not desperately screaming like the people in the bus he was driving.

and

I still enjoy sex at 76. I live at 75 so it’s no distance 

Reminds me of Rik Mayall…

what does a man with a 2ft penis have for breakfast?

this morning I had a boiled egg.

 

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Following on from two favourite Bob Monkhouse jokes, here’s my two favourite Les Dawson jokes:-

I met my wife in Spain. I said “what the hell are you doing here? Who’s looking after the kids?”

and

I feel really sad. My wife ran off with the man next door, and ooh I do miss him”.

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"When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a bold proposal, "Whoever dares to jump, swim to the shore, and survive, I'll give you $1,000,000. No one dared to move. Suddenly, a man jumped into the water, and desperately swam, and made it to the shore, while being chased by all the crocodiles.

The owner announced, "We have a brave winner!!" After the man collected his reward, he and his wife returned to the hotel. Upon arrival, the manager told him that he had been very brave to jump. To which the man replied, "I didn't jump, someone pushed me!" His wife smiled.....

Moral - Behind every successful man, there's a woman who pushes him!

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