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How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ...    in court, word for word, taken down and published

My wife came into the room whilst I was on my iPad. “What are you looking at” she said ”I’m looking at cheap flights “ She said excitedly “that’s why I love you” and proceeded to make p

I got mugged by six dwarves last night. Not happy.

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DEAR NEIGHBOUR:

Hi, Max. This is Richard, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me.

Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you.

Regards

Richard

Max, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Max then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard.

SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:

Hi, Max. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Checker had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.

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