Bob The Badger Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 I had a friend (not me, so it doesn't count) jump about 2 feet onto a garage roof and go through it slashing his achilles and needing a couple of weeks in hospital and two (I think) surgeries. That same *friend* put me in hospital, albeit for a few hours after stabbing me in the head with a pitch fork (I still have the indentation in my skull), but I think my most stupid was cutting my tongue whilst licking the lid of a tomato soup can. What's yours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Clough Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 27 minutes ago, Bob The Badger said: I had a friend (not me, so it doesn't count) jump about 2 feet onto a garage roof and go through it slashing his achilles and needing a couple of weeks in hospital and two (I think) surgeries. That same *friend* put me in hospital, albeit for a few hours after stabbing me in the head with a pitch fork (I still have the indentation in my skull), but I think my most stupid was cutting my tongue whilst licking the lid of a tomato soup can. What's yours? Played bumper cars in the school playground and my front teeth got caught on someone's jumper, leaving my teeth at a 45° angle. Played on a bouncy hopper, lost control and cut my eye open on a garden chair. Then not long later cut the other eye open on a slab when I lost control on the same bouncy hopper. Still got a 3 inch scar on my leg from walking into a floodlight located on the ground. It was lit so not sure how I missed that one. Turned around into a door frame, breaking my nose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxjam Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 A long, long time ago I had to work the occasional night shift, one hot afternoon in summer I decided to mow the lawn despite being extremely tired. Halfway through the job my new (electric) mower packed up so I decided to take the top off and have a look. I messed about with a few wires and recoiled in shock. I thought to myself thats weird it doesn't usually do that (I previously had a manual push mower) and went back and had another fiddle... After I shocked myself again I suddenly realised what I'd done and walked quickly into my house, sat down and began pinching myself to make sure I was still alive... ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxjam Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 2nd ridiculous way... A few years ago my 16yo old dog was beginning to increasingly show signs of her age and we'd come downstairs in the morning to find puddles and poo in the kitchen. Being arthritic as well and having a step outside the back door I'd quite often pick her up and carry her outside. One morning I missed a puddle by the back door and as I carried her outside my foot landed in it and skidded across the floor. A second later I was on the floor, drenched in dog wee and crap with blood pouring from a deep gash in arm (I had twisted my body to protect the dog and fell elbow first). My wife heard the crash and came running downstairs to find me crumpled on the floor, soaking wet and bleeding quite badly. I left her to clean the crime scene whilst I went upstairs to bath the dog and have a shower (which turned out to be like a scene from Psycho lol) A short while later I took the kids to school (1/2 mile round trip) through a park and had to sit down and ring my wife for help on the way back. My foot was in agony! An x-ray later that day showed that as I had skidded across the kitchen floor I must have kicked the wall ending up with a clean break to my big toe. You'd think that would be the end of it but no... A day or two later, my arm swelled up to twice its normal size and was oozing puss I was rushed into hospital and given strong antibiotics as the gash in my arm had become badly infected - it was touch and go for a while lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuespachRam Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 I smashed out all the front row of my teeth on a sea-saw in Markeaton park, some dicksplatprick adult walked up to the other side of it and pushed it down really hard, i flew off and landed on the metal hand hold on my front teeth..... if you are the diclsplatprick that did that to me could you send over $10k please as I have just had them fixed for the 5th or 6th time. A mate of mine broke both his elbows playing cricket diving for a catch...and had his arms plastered up straight with a splint between his arms and his stomach to keep them at a 45 degree angle.....oh, this happened a week before his wedding..... great wedding photos..! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BaaLocks Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 I jumped on a church railing to say hello to someone who was on the other side. I slipped and impaled myself on the spike, much to the surprise of the person on the other side. Was taken to hospital where the nurse called the police as she was convinced it was a stab wound. Now have a big cheloid scar on my stomach that my children think I got in a knife fight protecting my wife from muggers. One day I'll 'fess up. I also have red raw scars on each of my fingertips from arguing with people on here about whether or not Derby are bigger than Wolves / Leicester / Newcastle / West Ham / Brighton / Third Lanark.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramslad1992 Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 I once tripped up a curb whilst walking and chipped my elbow. ?♂️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilkleyram Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 I wonder if anyone has been so daft as to fall off a scooter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mucker1884 Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 4 minutes ago, ilkleyram said: I wonder if anyone has been so daft as to fall off a scooter That's not at all ridiculous. I bet that's an almost daily occurrence. Obviously, if the guy was pi55ed, scootering in the early hours, during a national lockdown when he was not even supposed to be leaving the house, then that would be ridiculous... too ridiculous to even contemplate, to be fair... so I'm not entirely sure why I came up with such a ridiculous scenario! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkFruitsRam7 Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 11 minutes ago, ilkleyram said: I wonder if anyone has been so daft as to fall off a scooter The fact that @David and I have something in common disgusts me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 I once got excited at the sound of the ice cream van, ran across the road, tripped and bust my lip open on the kerb, meaning 2 stitches and no ice cream. I cried more at getting no ice cream. I was 47 I was 3 and a half really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sith Happens Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 Knelt down about 10 years ago to get a DVD out, put my knee out ended up on crutches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bimmerman Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 As a teenager, my 'friend' took a massive dump in the woods and was so proud of it he wanted to show me On said journey back from finding impressive dump(it was monstrous to be fair to him), I tripped over a rotten stick and broke my wrist Lesson learnt, never have I searched for a poo in the woods since Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuespachRam Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 44 minutes ago, DarkFruitsRam7 said: The fact that @David and I have something in common disgusts me. How do you know he has relived himself at Hillsbroro..? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mostyn6 Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 1 hour ago, Ramslad1992 said: I once tripped up a curb whilst walking and chipped my elbow. ?♂️ I once tripped on a speed bump walking up White Hart Lane in a crowd of England and Netherlands fans in about 2001. I seriously hurt my pride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramit Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 Of my numerous self inflicted injuries, i shall limit the count to my right hand. On a fishing vessel on net fishing we were getting a full net of thorny crabs and jellyfish. i was smashing crabs to clean the net while my face was burning from jellyfish splatter and suddenly became enraged and proceeded to karate chop the steel lined railing, fracturing the bone in my hand. Never went to doctor, but only some movements hurt a lot, like shaking hands with someone. On sea again, this time a bigger fishing boat, was cutting the plastic straps from frozen bait boxes. i was cutting towards me like an idiot and a big wave thrashed the boat about suddenly, i stumbled backwards, the strap cut free and i slashed a knuckle on my hand to the bone with the rusty knife. i stood there in disbelief for a moment observing my milk white sinew. We had four days left of our trip and the captain refused to set me ashore and demanded i work in the fish slime. A day later my hand blew up like a balloon and i couldn't sleep from the pain, so i tied my hand with a string to the ceiling light to keep it raised so i could sleep a little. On the second day the captain set me ashore during the middle of the night in a town named Grindavík and a nurse opened up the wound to squeeze amazing amounts of foul smelling puss out my hand and then sewed it shut with 12 stitches, adding that would not hold and i would need hospital to not lose my finger. The captain would have none of it, so i had to endure a couple more days. Ended up having to sue the fishing company, for they would not pay me sick leave. i almost lost my finger, the bone had turned purple and a couple of young doctors at the hospital were about to amputate it when i yelled out for a third opinion. Luckily an experienced doctor was strolling by and came to see what the commotion was about and ordered them to apply a salt solution daily for a week and then amputate if it was not getting better. Third time i was at home drunk as a skunk and wanting to make a grilled cheese sandwich. i couldn't find the cheese cutter, so i used the sharpest knife in the house and cut towards me. The knife slipped and i slashed my hand open from finger to palm. Strolled down to the emergency room in the night, but they wouldn't let me in, so i began knocking on the window with my bloody hand painting it for free for them. i was quickly let in. It was 24 stitches. Yes, i have been known to be an idiot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 The last-but-one time I played cricket (about 20 years ago) I took a tumbling catch off my own bowling, jammed my other hand into the pitch and was quite surprised to see my little finger pointing towards my elbow. I put the dislocation back myself, finished the over, left the field, retrieved a wicket-keeping 'inner' glove, put it on, soaked it in water and returned to the field to complete the match (I even batted). I had great difficulty sleeping that night, so the next day I went to QMC A&E. 5 breaks and 2 dislocations (including the obvious one I put back myself). I was out of the game for 3 months, and came back for the last match of the season - an evening game on West Park, Long Eaton. The match is basically over, the opposition are 8 or 9 wickets down, still need about 50 to win and it's the last over. I'm fielding at cover or midwicket (can't remember which), the ball is hit in my direction, I'm sure I can get to it comfortably in order to make the catch - then I'm sure that if I dive, I can just make the catch, even if it is one-handed at full-stretch. This is followed a couple of hours later by a four hour wait at QMC A&E, waiting for someone to sort out my dislocated shoulder. I retired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gee SCREAMER !! Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 Ripped my foot open to the bone in the sea in Rhyl when I was 8 stepping on a broken bottle. By the time they got to stitching it up the blood loss was such that anaesthetic was deemed to dangerous. Lots of screaming and holding down as they hammered 30 stitches in. Almost took the end of a finger off on boxing day years ago using a knife to tighten a screw. The A & E department that day looked like the waiting room at the end of Beetlejuice. Packed with people who couldn't be arsed to go down over christmas week then realising they really should by 26th. Whilst trying to defend myself from a rather thuggish bouncer in Berlins one night, I inadvertently hit the metal telephone box on the wall and smashed three knuckles thereby doing his job for him to some degree I did see someone taking freekicks on a night out with some neatly layed out traffic cones once. I assume the blokes who put them out assumed this may happen and strategically placed one over a concrete bollard. The blokes face was a picture when he connected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinder Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 A few years ago I was trying to open the wax seal on a miniature bottle of whisky. So I got a sharp knife and positioned the bottle on my leg. The inevitable happened and I stabbed myself in the leg. Fortunately I missed anything vital but there was a lot of blood, so I drank the whisky and eventually stopped the bleeding with a wad of kitchen roll and bandage. When I pulled these off in the morning it started pouring blood again, so I took myself down to A&E and got it stitched up. To add insult to injury, when I told my brother he wet himself laughing and told me that if you twist the cap, it breaks the wax seal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimRam Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 Opened a cupboard door really quickly. I was standing too close and it hit my forehead....hard. "What have you done to your head?" was heard multiple times for a while. ffs As a kid was playing "stretch" with mates. Someone throws knife, stretch to where it lands. You are out if you fall over. You can probably guess the rest. I still have the scar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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