What's the most ridiculous way you have ever hurt yourself?

[sage]

38 minutes ago, TimRam said:

Opened a cupboard door really quickly. I was standing too close and it hit my forehead....hard. "What have you done to your head?" was heard multiple times for a while. ffs

As a kid was playing "stretch" with mates. Someone throws knife, stretch to where it lands. You are out if you fall over. You can probably guess the rest. I still have the scar.

When I tell mates I played 'stretch' as a kid they don't believe such a game existed. Glad it wasn't just us. 

[Rev]

9 hours ago, TimRam said:

Opened a cupboard door really quickly. I was standing too close and it hit my forehead....hard. "What have you done to your head?" was heard multiple times for a while. ffs

As a kid was playing "stretch" with mates. Someone throws knife, stretch to where it lands. You are out if you fall over. You can probably guess the rest. I still have the scar.

We used to stand in a circle with a dart each, throw them straight up in the air and dare not to move. 

Straight in above the ankle, didn't hurt much though. Until the next day, when my foot was the size of a balloon, quite hard to make a believable lie to explain it, got me the wet tea towel treatment.

[Day]

On 11/03/2021 at 17:34, DarkFruitsRam7 said:

The fact that @David and I have something in common disgusts me.

The only thing we have in common is we support Derby.

[Van der MoodHoover]

I once made an alarmingly self critical comment about a particularly rascally shirt...... Very wounding ?

[Rev]

As youths ,we had a phase of flicking fencing tacks at each other from an elastic band.

The local park had two banks framing it, so we'd lie lie behind each one in teams then unleash an attack.

All was well, slight battle wounds aside, until one tack pierced someone's eyelid, leaving two holes behind.

The next day, we were warned off in school assembly, and B&Q Spondon would no longer allow under 18's to shop alone, especially in the hardware aisle.

[Carl Sagan]

I had some mates round and we were out in the back garden, just chatting and drinking some beers. I walked across the lawn and trod on a rake, cartoon-style like in Tom and Jerry. It sprang up and whacked me in the face and felt like it had broken my nose. Everybody absolutely pissed themselves laughing thinking it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen so for a while I just had to lie there and grin and bear it. Eventually it hurt too much so I popped inside and ran loads of cold water over it and took some pills.

I went back outside, only to have forgotten about the rake and I stood on it again! Naturally everyone just pissed themselves even more. This time it was certain I'd broken my nose and it was off to A&E.

[maxjam]

6 minutes ago, Carl Sagan said:

I had some mates round and we were out in the back garden, just chatting and drinking some beers. I walked across the lawn and trod on a rake, cartoon-style like in Tom and Jerry. It sprang up and whacked me in the face and felt like it had broken my nose. Everybody absolutely pissed themselves laughing thinking it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen so for a while I just had to lie there and grin and bear it. Eventually it hurt too much so I popped inside and ran loads of cold water over it and took some pills.

I went back outside, only to have forgotten about the rake and I stood on it again! Naturally everyone just pissed themselves even more. This time it was certain I'd broken my nose and it was off to A&E.

Didn't give the laughing emoji for the broken nose bit!

[Tyler Durden]

Went to a bar in town when at Uni who were advertising a £1 Tequila Slammer evening. 

After about ten of them in quick succession and not feeling any ill effects got turkey legs in the toilets crawled into a taxi had to stop half a mile from home to get out and spew up and chucked the driver twenty quid for a 3 pound ride just to get out before soiling his car.

Retched up for the next 24 hours.

Never drunk Tequila again in my life.

Not sure if this counts. 

[Parsnip]

Early hours after an all day bender in Leeds my very drunken self decided it would be hilarious if I climbed over a wall at the back of this pub and jumped into what was essentially a pit of very angry Alsations. How my buddies all laughed as I landed before the snarling beasts, stretched my arms out wide and shouted Rarrrr! At first they backed off, then they went for me. How I managed to scramble back up that wall with the dogs hanging off my legs I'll never know.

I'll never forget waking up at some point that next day, both calves black with bruising, punctured by teeth, so swollen they felt like they would burst.

Didn't get a tetanus from sheer shame. Deserved worse. That's a good 20 years ago now and I still hate myself for it.

[Wolfie20]

14 hours ago, sage said:

When I tell mates I played 'stretch' as a kid they don't believe such a game existed. Glad it wasn't just us. 

We used to call it 'split the kipper'. No idea why.

[Steve How Hard?]

As a 14yr old I got into a petty squabble outside the art block at school. Don't really remember what it was about but thinking I was Mike Tyson, I decided I was gonna knock this feckers head off. Mustering my best hay maker I launched my killer blow only for the said victim to duck out of the way causing me to hit the wall behind him.

Not really sure how but it caused me to break my thumb. You'd think it would be my knuckles that took the brunt of the force. It left me dejected as I missed probably the biggest game of my fledging football career, a Lancashire Cup semi-final and also with a thumb in pot that was set like a teapot spout. You can imagine the grief I got until it was removed. 

I can therefore confirm @Steve How Hard? is not very hard at all. He's an absolute teapot.

[sage]

38 minutes ago, Wolfie20 said:

We used to call it 'split the kipper'. No idea why.

I don't recall what we called it but I do remember playing it.

[uttoxram75]

42 minutes ago, Wolfie20 said:

We used to call it 'split the kipper'. No idea why.

Might use that in the Cleethorpes thread.......

[Gee SCREAMER !!]

2 hours ago, Rev said:

As youths ,we had a phase of flicking fencing tacks at each other from an elastic band.

The local park had two banks framing it, so we'd lie lie behind each one in teams then unleash an attack.

All was well, slight battle wounds aside, until one tack pierced someone's eyelid, leaving two holes behind.

The next day, we were warned off in school assembly, and B&Q Spondon would no longer allow under 18's to shop alone, especially in the hardware aisle.

Someone threw a rolled up kit kat wrapper at me once. Doesn't sound like it would hurt much - it does when it hits you square in an open eye mind. In my top five of most painful things I've had and there's been a few.   Other delights of that job loading lorries in just over 18 months  - a giant cog for a combined harvester landing on my foot, a 10 stone piece of rolled lino being dropped against my shoulder, unloading a chemical lorry that had a split tin of Amyl Nitrate on it- an hour with that and your nearly floating and a 4 inch chemical burn on the arm from a vat of some kind of aluminium cleaner.  H&S not quite the same in 93 as it is now .  Bloody loved that job though, 10 blokes all the same age was great.  Sometimes the laughs make the other stuff worth it.

[Leeds Ram]

I've fallen off my push bike numerous times that led to a scar on my knee as i ripped it right open on one particularly bad occasion. I had a horrible year where i broke 3 fingers, 1 big toe and slipped my growth plate in my arm on the first day of summer holidays. All of these came about from deciding to save shots from 3 yards out hit with tremendous pace. Oh and I did break two fingers playing touch rugby by diving for the ball and someone's studs flicked my fingers leaving them black and blue- that was actual agony. It was compounded the next day by a classmate thinking i was making it up and bending my already broken fingers.   

[Shipley Ram]

1 hour ago, Tyler Durden said:

Never drunk Tequila again in my life.

Tequila is nasty, I've never been able to drink it after being very sick. I can never rid myself of the sensation of tequila flavoured sick being vomited out of my nose.

[Gee SCREAMER !!]

3 minutes ago, Shipley Ram said:

Tequila is nasty, I've never been able to drink it after being very sick. I can never rid myself of the sensation of tequila flavoured sick being vomited out of my nose.

Everyone's got that drink.  I can pretty much drink till the cows come home with two exceptions. Gin which is the one that makes me fine on minute, then obliterated a second later and southern comfort which made me very sick the couple of times I had it with other stuff.  You normally work this stuff out after a year of going out which is for the best ?

[uttoxram75]

9 hours ago, Shipley Ram said:

Tequila is nasty, I've never been able to drink it after being very sick. I can never rid myself of the sensation of tequila flavoured sick being vomited out of my nose.

 

9 hours ago, Gee SCREAMER !! said:

Everyone's got that drink.  I can pretty much drink till the cows come home with two exceptions. Gin which is the one that makes me fine on minute, then obliterated a second later and southern comfort which made me very sick the couple of times I had it with other stuff.  You normally work this stuff out after a year of going out which is for the best ?

Whisky and orange. 

Trying to impress a girl at a house party, looking cool and mature sipping this foulest of beverages whilst my peers were busy spraying ceilings with Party sevens, I ended up spraying a bathroom with the contents of my stomach. The smell of the whisky/orange combination  emitting from my nose and mouth possibly led to the failure of my 17 year old self to engage the lucky lady......

[Eddie]

9 hours ago, Shipley Ram said:

Tequila is nasty, I've never been able to drink it after being very sick. I can never rid myself of the sensation of tequila flavoured sick being vomited out of my nose.

That sounds nachos.

[Sith Happens]

11 hours ago, Shipley Ram said:

Tequila is nasty, I've never been able to drink it after being very sick. I can never rid myself of the sensation of tequila flavoured sick being vomited out of my nose.

I'm the same with aniseed, used to drink red witch in my youth for some reason I cant imagine,  cider, pernod and black, tasted just as bad coming out as going in.

if I'm in Turkey or Greece and get a complimentary raki or ouzo it's not good.