Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[RoyMac5]

1 hour ago, SouthStandDan said:

I’d like to be a manager one day, I need to learn how to master the bs work conversations first so little baby steps ?

Yeah I can see you’ve got problems - you need to be able to show interest and empathy in the bs conversations. You talk bs too!

 

[dcfcfan1]

1 hour ago, SouthStandDan said:

This week I’ve realised I’m absolutely useless at introducing people to one another. I think it’s down a little bit to my social anxiety. My inability to produce decent small talk can affect me at work sometimes so people look at me funny. Thankfully at work I can crack on and get my head down with work I need to do as my boss doesn’t bother me.

I’d like to be a manager one day, I need to learn how to master the bs work conversations first so little baby steps ?

Its good to want to self improve by working on your insecurities but I think generally people are too harsh on themselves when judging their own social skills. I have no doubts that social anxiety is a thing and needs treatment, but I am going to be controversial and say it is a term which is very overused.

For me people dont realise that "social skills/status" applies to literally every situation. So ok you might say that you are socially nervous when chatting to colleagues at work, but what about when you are with your family/close friends? I bet you are more comfortable and arent as nervous. See, you arent doing as bad as you thought socially! Its normal for people to be nervous/anxious in different social situations.  Theres probably plenty of social situations where you do alright and dont even recognise it, as you take it for granted. See! You have better social "skills" than you give yourself credit for

 

Its like, my brother made a point/argument that I was "socially awkward" (which some people are, and there is absolutely no shame in that) because Im awful with girls and never have (or will) be on a date. Well I also happen to be a locum pharmacist , whos job involve speaking to patients every day and discussing their condition and medication with them. I like to think I do a pretty good job at that. Is that not under the "social" scope? Are there no social "skills" involved in that? I get on very well with family and friends. Again, is that not "social" too? I go to the local store and ask for an item I cant find and end up finding it... simple... goes unnoticed... .but is that not social too? Ok fair enough, I struggle in one aspect of the social spectrum but I do fine in almost all the others, so why on gods green earth does that make me "socially awkward"?

 

I might be talking poo but the point is I just think when people say they are "socially awkward" are sometimes harsh on themselves by even labelling themselves as that. There are probably plenty of social situations where they feel comfortable and do ok in but never pat themselves on the back for it or even acknowledge it. Dont expect to feel comfortable in EVERY social situation because it isnt ducking happening. We are all human beings, we all get anxious from time to time  (overthinking stuff and how to word what to say ect), and we all have insecurities.

[dcfcfan1]

Apologies if my post offended anybody

[McRainy]

I'm not sure what people are referring to as social anxiety here; it's sounding very much like being shy or lacking confidence. 

I'm reasonably confident socially and feel I can converse with most people in most situations. I'm also comfortable with silence and my own company. 

Nevertheless, my anxiety can prevent me from leaving the house, even to go to the shop for a pint of milk. This has nothing to do with a lack of social skills, but is a debilitating level of panic, so I'm wondering if the term is being used too broadly. 

[ketteringram]

5 hours ago, Lambchop said:

I'm not sure what people are referring to as social anxiety here; it's sounding very much like being shy or lacking confidence. 

I'm reasonably confident socially and feel I can converse with most people in most situations. I'm also comfortable with silence and my own company. 

Nevertheless, my anxiety can prevent me from leaving the house, even to go to the shop for a pint of milk. This has nothing to do with a lack of social skills, but is a debilitating level of panic, so I'm wondering if the term is being used too broadly. 

It may well be. I've no doubt there are a massive amount of different forms of anxiety. I would never dismiss anyone's personal anxiety though, as being less important to another persons. 

Hopefully, you are not always unable to leave the house to buy milk. So yours seems to come and go? Not sure how often. Do you have any idea why it's sometimes an issue, and sometimes not? I'm more use to the permanent version, but mine is nothing to do with buying milk. Mines also easily avoided, and I'm a master of doing that. Probably taking the easy way out, but at least I can live with that! 

[McRainy]

27 minutes ago, ketteringram said:

I would never dismiss anyone's personal anxiety though, as being less important to another persons.

That was not my intention, just trying to be clearer what we're referring to. 

Yes, my anxiety levels vary, and most of the time I find ways of getting round it. My point was really that it's not something that's going to be improved by gaining a better skill set, or somehow 'trying harder', so I bristle slightly when those kinds of solutions are implied. 

[EtoileSportiveDeDerby]

May have been posted but this is good story linking issues on this thread and football

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/45185521

[Coneheadjohn]

Horizon 9pm on BBC2,I’m going to try and watch it tomorrow.

Don’t know how much I will manage.

[ketteringram]

1 hour ago, coneheadjohn said:

Horizon 9pm on BBC2,I’m going to try and watch it tomorrow.

Don’t know how much I will manage.

Well worth watching. 

[NorfolkRam]

I've had a brief read of a few pages on this thread and got to say I find it really refreshing to see a very open book on this sort of topic. I have been surrounded by family and friends that have different forms of anxiety and depression and I have lapsed at times as well, especially over the last few years were I have suffered from PTSD.

As they say talking about these issues I think are a step on the way to recovery and although I'm not a massive fan of doing so online (facebook statuses, I often find, tend to be more seeking attention from a broad range) this page has been refreshingly open and non-judgmental.

[PistoldPete2]

22 hours ago, ketteringram said:

Well worth watching. 

Watching it now on iplayer... Very tough watching. But everyone should. 

[Day]

 

[Alph]

Love Tyson. The guy is all over the place mentally and he's kind of inspiring. He's not always in the right and he's no Ali but he's a millionaire from boxing. 

[Heisenberg]

On 02/11/2018 at 19:13, David said:

 

His appearance on Joe Rogan’s podcast was a good watch also on how he dealt with his mental health issues.

 

[Coneheadjohn]

1 hour ago, Heisenberg said:

His appearance on Joe Rogan’s podcast was a good watch also on how he dealt with his mental health issues.

 

I watched it,very interesting and honest,good on him.

[SSD]

I watched the Tyson Fury interviews and I was shocked at how much I related to his experiences with mental health. It shows money and success doesn’t matter. Granted, I’ve thankfully never been at the crossroads of if I want to live or die and I don’t think I ever will. I’m incredibly lucky to have people in my life who care about me. It helps ease any negative thoughts that might pass through my mind. 

I unfortunately take things very personally and I believe it’s down to past bullying at school for years and mental scars sometimes don’t heal fully. It’s so bizarre because I can have someone yell at me and not affect  my day. However the next day, a tiny harmless remark can trigger the emotions, which is frustrating and has the knock on effect of having negative thoughts. I can go into my shell and not talk to anyone and even go to the work toilet and cry. Mental health does the stranges things and it’s unpredictable nature sadly costs lives.

In the interview, Fury mentions the time he had a panic attack and felt like dying. Having experienced a severe one, it flooded back the memories. You can’t breathe, you’re passing out, you can’t hold your waters, it’s the worst nightmare imaginable. And 18 months on, I still haven’t fully recovered. Granted, it’s about trying to retrain the brain but you can easily lose focus and the airways mentally close up. It’s a feeling like nothing else. 

I know what I have is genetic and my sister is mentally unwell. Where as I’m open to talk about my issues, nobody can talk about it with her. She’s aggressive if you talk about her condition which is sad, so sad. But that’s not her fault. It never will be.

Mental Health has a stigma and is a silent killer of men and women. If I ever raise money it’s for mental health charities. We hear a lot about it being difficult to spot and I agree. I can quite easily put a poker face on for most of the day if needed. This is why we need to encourage more folks to get involved with talking about feelings and stop shying away from issues. Talking is the hardest yet the best starting point on the path to get help. And thankfully I have a platform to express my thoughts ??

[McRainy]

Very well put. 

[ketteringram]

On 29/07/2018 at 11:37, Lambchop said:

Certainly, people talking openly and honestly about their feelings and experiences, in an environment which listens, accepts and tries to understand, is one of the most powerful and helpful things you can do. Peer support is often the best therapy. 

Re Therapy. I came across this sentence today, which I recognise from my own experience, in a Michael Harding book I'm reading. 

'It's a strange thing to be sitting in a therapists chair, desperately struggling not to tell him what you're paying him to hear' 

[McRainy]

24 minutes ago, ketteringram said:

Re Therapy. I came across this sentence today, which I recognise from my own experience, in a Michael Harding book I'm reading. 

'It's a strange thing to be sitting in a therapists chair, desperately struggling not to tell him what you're paying him to hear' 

Resistance is part of the process. That discomfort makes us aware of what we need to be saying. 

[ronnieronalde]

I'm aware there is this public wave of "speak up" if you're unwell but I'd add a word of caution to that. Be careful and be sure that the person you're speaking to is ready to handle it. Friends or bosses.

I've probably dropped hints that I'm out of work right now, although I am trying to rebuild through running my own business.

I was diagnosed with high functioning depression the year I left Poland and didn't continue treatment here in the UK, thinking I should "man up" (the worst ducking phrase in the world of male depression).

High performance anxiety means among other things that I'm very self critical no matter how well I'm performing and don't need or respond well to others criticising, especially if unwarranted.

So I'm working for my best mate, known him since we were five - over a two year period I've gone from earning 150k USD down to accepting a job with him on 24k just because I need to get back on my feet and think working with/for him is the best thing I could do. issue with that, he speaks to me (and others) like I'm a piece of poo, he ricks my balloon when I'm having great days and nothing anyone ever does is good enough, he always focusses on what hasn't been done. 

As a leader, he's everything I'm not. My view, a leader should motivate and lift those around him.

They gave me a target of 650k in sales, I wouldn't accept it. I told them to make it 1.3m - despite the fact I wouldn't get paid any extra, my bonus was 20% of salary no matter how I performed. They told me I was full of poo and wouldn't hit it, apparently I'd put my balls well and truly on the line....

I hit my targets, he wasn't happy cos most of it came from 3 NEW customers and I should focus on trying to get smaller customers as well.

One day he strolled in an 3pm and the first thing he did was hammer me in front of everyone for going to the toilet while the phone is ringing, I'm 44 I hadn't stopped all day and I needed to ask if I could go for a wee?  we have a massive argument in the office and the writing is on the wall. Anyway, I end up sending him an email handing my notice in. He ignores it. Friday afternoon, still nothing, not even an acknowledgement.

So I come to work as normal, not knowing what the duck I can do to get him to listen or talk. I end up sending him a link to an article explaining my illness and ask him if we can talk about it. telling him honestly the way he talks to me hurts.

We talk about it alright, he brings the owner of the company down, we sit in an office for two hours with him telling me I'm schizophrenic, how I'm like a woman and how I'm an analyst and not a sales person, I'm incredibly selfish and disruptive, eventually I start crying and ask him to stop, he shouts upstairs to one of my colleagues and asks him to come down to confirm that yes, I am indeed nuts.

They owed me 4.8k in bonus, due a month later  so instead of walking out, I stayed and promised I would change...I would change. ffs.

It didn't get any better and eventually ended with my best mate taking my mobile phone, my car keys and telling me to leave, when I asked if he was firing me, he said it's better for everyone that you leave, I said I'm not leaving, you need to fire me. His answer was to threaten to call the police and have me removed. I told him he was a twit and next time we were out for a pint I'd... then I shut up.

I had to walk home from the Showcase in Nottingham to Alfreton cos he wouldn't let anyone give me lift.

After a review meeting with no independent witnesses, I was fired for threatening behaviour with the entire office apparently afraid for their safety.

I now can't and don't want to trust anyone. I'm broken. As a team mate, a colleague or even a boss, I'm terrified that they are right.

Be careful who you talk to. Not everyone is understanding, a lot of people are terrified by the very thought of it.

Edited November 22, 2018 by ronnieronalde