Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[TigerTedd]

17 minutes ago, Paul71 said:

It really can be difficult. As you say the signs, what are they?

I think when I look back, things like starting to let the smallest thing really irritate me. to the point i'd really get quite angry about things.

I know i said things to my wife i shouldnt have, looking for reasons to lash out, which isnt good and when i did i felt immediately worse after (i dont mean physicially but verbally which i still regret).

Thankfully I am calmer now since i started the medication.

I think the key is as you say you cant just go straight back, sometimes it takes a long time and your wifes occupation health if they have one should help with that.

Sometimes you do think things and conspiring against you, today my second day back and the A38 is closed due to an accident, so after 3 hours if trying to get somewhere i turned round and came home. I found myself getting annoyed but then stopped myself and thought someone could have died, they may have i dont know, i know it was a very serious accident.

I am trying to tell myself i should set myself very small achievable goals.

I hate it when someone says ‘oh yeah, I feel like that that sometimes too, so I must have that too’ people say that all the the time when I say I have Aspergers. 

But, I feel like that sometimes too, so I do worry I might be bottling something up. I lash out at my wife in similar unfair ways. 

Weve had conversations about it. I get stressed and lash out at her, then I feel guilty about that, so it makes me feel worse, and I feel bad I end up lashing out again, it’s very hard to stop the cycle. It’s like it’s her fault for making me feel guilty, which of course it isn’t. 

But then she lashes out at me in a very similar way, even when it’s one of the few occasions I’ve really done nothing wrong.

like we were just discussing that we don’t tell each other what’s going on with each other, cos I feel extra pressure to pick up the slack from her to make her feel less stressed, but by knowing that she’s causing me stress by being stressed, she gets more stressed, and then I get more stressed, cos I’ve inadverrently made her stressed, by trying to make her less stressed (I think I’ve worn out the s on my keyboard). And so it goes round and round and round. 

[Sith Happens]

7 minutes ago, TigerTedd said:

I hate it when someone says ‘oh yeah, I feel like that that sometimes too, so I must have that too’ people say that all the the time when I say I have Aspergers. 

But, I feel like that sometimes too, so I do worry I might be bottling something up. I lash out at my wife in similar unfair ways. 

Weve had conversations about it. I get stressed and lash out at her, then I feel guilty about that, so it makes me feel worse, and I feel bad I end up lashing out again, it’s very hard to stop the cycle. It’s like it’s her fault for making me feel guilty, which of course it isn’t. 

But then she lashes out at me in a very similar way, even when it’s one of the few occasions I’ve really done nothing wrong.

like we were just discussing that we don’t tell each other what’s going on with each other, cos I feel extra pressure to pick up the slack from her to make her feel less stressed, but by knowing that she’s causing me stress by being stressed, she gets more stressed, and then I get more stressed, cos I’ve inadverrently made her stressed, by trying to make her less stressed (I think I’ve worn out the s on my keyboard). And so it goes round and round and round. 

That seems to be the most true bit sometimes.

[RoyMac5]

13 hours ago, TigerTedd said:

This is a long thread to catch up on, so, to be honest, I haven’t. 

So I’ll tell you about my wife because a) you, or someone else, might find it interesting, and b) you, or someone else, might have some advice. 

...

The new plan is that she’ll take a couple of weeks off, then go back for 2 hours a day for a few weeks. I’m not sure how that’ll work. 

Now im stressing out, cos, to be honest, I’ve had a very stressful couple of years (which, to be honest, my wife has probably had a lot of it deflected into her). Now I’m desperately trying to make the next big thing happen, so she doesn’t have to go back to work...

Sounds like your wife needs some support? Have you asked her whether she wants you to 'make the next big thing happen'?

[TigerTedd]

36 minutes ago, RoyMac5 said:

Sounds like your wife needs some support? Have you asked her whether she wants you to 'make the next big thing happen'?

Unfortunatley I think the die has been cast in terms of the next big thing. I can’t really stop the wheels from turning, so if I don’t crack on, it all goes tits up, and we end up considerably worse off. Luckily, the last big thing is what allows me to not do much work, and be at home most of the time to support her, for now, but I’m a long way from retirement. But I’m far from being able to retire, so it’s either that, or I get a normal job and I’m gone from 8 til 6 and offer no support at all. Sometimes I’m not sure which she’d prefer. 

I’m far from a perfect husband, but I do what I can. 

Meanwhile, we decided to buy a house on a whim, pretty much the most stressful thing you can do. We don’t do ourselves many favours. 

[i-Ram]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/42968278

Short but interesting piece from Billy Kee.  I wonder how many footballers struggle with anxiety?  I wonder if our own Vydra has had a few issues in the past given a few comments by Rowett about keeping him positive and confident.  Fans currently on Lawrence’s back (inside the ground) might wonder for a few moments whether there actions might not be helping the player.

l always read this thread. Had a few issues myself (fortunately) in the distant past. Don’t post my thoughts, but do always wish everyone well.

[Day]

I wouldn’t like to diagnose footballers with mental health issues based off form, but the Billy Kee interview is a reminder if you ever needed one that footballers are real people that are not immune from these kind of issues.

Money can only do so much.

[Coneheadjohn]

2 hours ago, i-Ram said:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/42968278

Short but interesting piece from Billy Kee.  I wonder how many footballers struggle with anxiety?  I wonder if our own Vydra has had a few issues in the past given a few comments by Rowett about keeping him positive and confident.  Fans currently on Lawrence’s back (inside the ground) might wonder for a few moments whether there actions might not be helping the player.

l always read this thread. Had a few issues myself (fortunately) in the distant past. Don’t post my thoughts, but do always wish everyone well.

Cheers for posting,that was interesting.

I bet a lot of footballers struggle with anxiety and depression,I would expect that a club such as Derby has plenty of people who are available to help?

We got so concerned at one point we even offered to help,which when I look back is utterly bonkers.

 

[i-Ram]

4 hours ago, David said:

I wouldn’t like to diagnose footballers with mental health issues based off form, but the Billy Kee interview is a reminder if you ever needed one that footballers are real people that are not immune from these kind of issues.

Money can only do so much.

Fair point David. It was not my intention to suggest a direct correlation. More a clumsy observation for many to spare the thought that footballers are only human.

[Smyth_18]

On 2/6/2018 at 07:58, TigerTedd said:

This is a long thread to catch up on, so, to be honest, I haven’t. 

So I’ll tell you about my wife because a) you, or someone else, might find it interesting, and b) you, or someone else, might have some advice. 

She came home from work in an ambulance just before Christmas. She was having pains in her chest, but ignored it, then she just broke down in tears on the phone to a random customer. 

They called 111, who got a paramedic out, and cos she’s had issues with her heart before, she called an ambulance. 

Turns out it wasn’t a recurrence of her heart issue, but an anxiety attack, which can cause a pain in the chest, which feels like it’s the heart, but it’s not. 

Shes was the 5th in a team of 8 to go off with stress, including her manager. 

Thing is though, it’s not the job that has necessarily sent her over the edge. It’s the kids. 

She’s been seeing a therapist now. And moving away from her family and friends 9 years ago was bad enough. But what really kicked it off was finding out we were expecting a surprise package, just 3 or 4 months after the second (the 1st is a bit older 5 when the second was born, and an absolute god send most of the time). But two babies is hard work. 

I know this thread starts with the question, what are the signs. 

Well this really worried me, as I knew she was getting more and more stressed. She’d get up in the middle of the night, and I’d find her sat in the living room crying and contemplating the decisions that got her to this point. And crying over the guilt of sort of blaming our daughter, and therefore not being able to bond with her like she wants to (despite clearly loving her to bits). 

I’m not a great help. I’m self employed, so I’m very inconsistent. Sometimes I’m around for the school run and bath time. But sometimes I’m out til 10pm without much warning. And there’s added stress from me never really knowing what I’m gojng to earn from one week to the next.

I’d get texts from her saying she’s going punch a kid in the face soon. 

I kept thinking, it’ll get easier, and tried to reassures her that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. They’ll get slightly less dependant week after week. And she’ll be fine. 

But then I kept worrying that that is probably exactly what husbands do, right before their wife wraps the kids in the back of a car and drives into a river. I’m sure my wife would never ever contemplate that, but I bet they said the same thing. 

I did at least her recognise all was not well, and told her she should speak to the doctor  but she bever did  

So im very glad she had this break down at work. As it got her to go to the doctor and the therapist. 

Thing is, she really wants to go back to work. When she was on maternity leave, going back to work was her light at the end of the tunnel, and she really enjoyed going back. But then it started getting really stressful at work too, and that was the final straw. No sanctuary anywhere. 

A couple of weeks ago, she was scheduled to go back to work (they’ve made some changes apparently, and most people in her team have returned now), on half days, but got a chest infection. She thought, she couldn’t possibly call in sick on her first day back, so she went anyway for 2 days, and then had to call in sick on the 3rd. 

The next week she went back to work and started getting pains in her chest again. She didn’t feel mentally too stressed though. She went to the pharmacist at lunch time, who said that he should really be calling an ambulance again, if those were her symptoms. She played it down and had a return to work interview with her manager in the afternoon. 

I told her to tell her manager about it, and she sent her straight home (after she made her manager cry with all she’s been through). 

I told her that it’s like coming back after a major operation. Even if you feel okay, you still need to give it a couple of weeks after that, not just jump straight back in. 

The new plan is that she’ll take a couple of weeks off, then go back for 2 hours a day for a few weeks. I’m not sure how that’ll work. 

Now im stressing out, cos, to be honest, I’ve had a very stressful couple of years (which, to be honest, my wife has probably had a lot of it deflected into her). Now I’m desperately trying to make the next big thing happen, so she doesn’t have to go back to work, but at the same time I’m trying to pick up the slack at home to give her less to worry about, taking her out for nice lunches and things when the kids are at nursery (when I really should be working). 

Now, to add insult to injury, Nursery has shut for the day, on the one day a week we get to truly relax. No rest for the wicked!

Going through quite similar to this at the moment! and i'm sure many more are but are too afraid to admit it.

Life is one hell of a journey, but we'll get through it. Do whatever you can to release your problems. Support on this forum is fantastic!

[ViewsFromTheMiddle]

Not sure if this had already been posted as the video was uploaded on the 14th Jan, the guardian posted it today though.

Ex footballer turned boxer Leon McKenzie on his suffering and how he reinvented himself https://www.theguardian.com/football/copa90/2018/feb/08/leon-mckenzie-football-men-norwich-charlton

 

[Mafiabob]

Hope folk give this a read.....

[Inverurie Ram]

1 hour ago, Mafiabob said:

Hope folk give this a read.....

I just did and cried. Love, Life & Unity. Love and support your fellow humans, help one another, be kind and don't worry.

D.C.F.C.

[Rev]

Thanks @Mafiabob.

I seem to have something in both eyes now. 

[Coneheadjohn]

Bloody hell...don't know what to say.

[Sith Happens]

I can't put into words how that makes me feel. Can't imagine what he has been, and is going through.

 

[Mostyn6]

must've taken him a lot to write that. Heartbreaking, but relatable.

[PistoldPete2]

11 hours ago, Mafiabob said:

Hope folk give this a read.....

Weird to read that his panic attack started a few days before his wife was diagnosed, almost as if he felt it coming. 

[Gypsy Ram]

Long time sufferer, long time reader of this thread. Just thought Its a sign of weeknes, sorry. Do the nhs doctors whom are younger than 25 even understand how they could deal with it when they have no life experienc (and I'm not even that older)? Doctors abroad are just as bad. Been in a rut for a couple of years. Can't even start to tell you how terrible the science behind mental health illness in the uk is. I don't know what to say anymore. Sorry to say this. But it's a real issue. You do realise the highest cause of death in the uk for males from 30 to 45 is suicide. And i don't even live in the UK. Grrr

[Mostyn6]

13 hours ago, Gypsy Ram said:

Long time sufferer, long time reader of this thread. Just thought Its a sign of weeknes, sorry. Do the nhs doctors whom are younger than 25 even understand how they could deal with it when they have no life experienc (and I'm not even that older)? Doctors abroad are just as bad. Been in a rut for a couple of years. Can't even start to tell you how terrible the science behind mental health illness in the uk is. I don't know what to say anymore. Sorry to say this. But it's a real issue. You do realise the highest cause of death in the uk for males from 30 to 45 is suicide. And i don't even live in the UK. Grrr

over the last few years though, the awareness and coverage/acceptance has made men suffering less "taboo" than it was. Hopefully in a few years, we will know and understand, and hopefully prevent the causes.

[Mrs Cone]

On 09/02/2018 at 10:38, Mafiabob said:

Hope folk give this a read.....

Heartbreaking x