Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[ronnieronalde]

The book really is the gift that keeps on giving. duck me but times like this I wish I'd never met Brian at all never mind picked up a pen to write about it. I'd have been better of as that shitty little kid running away from everyone. At least then I knew who I could trust. No-one.

Kick after kick after kick. Maybe it's karma. I certainly deserve some of it. For someone who keeps trying to convince himself he's a decent lad, something is clearly not stacking up.

If this latest "partner" pulls the plug I'm going to be emailing the few of you who gave me support an email copy of the book, a thank you card and whatever cash you gave. I've honestly had enough, I'm sure the few of you who gave me cash, probably feel the same way.

At least it'll be a limited edition, very limited, there are 37 of you and 19 of those are family and ex family who probably didn't even want a copy in the first place.

I'll know by January 3rd, maybe earlier and if it goes the way I'm expecting, then I'm off for that long walk I promised myself I'd go on once it was out. Somewhere, anywhere warm, dry and even quieter than where I am now.

Considering I've physically spoken to two people since December 18th, and one of those was the food bank vicar, it's going to be a special place I need to find!!

Life, brutal and full of traps, christmas or not.

 

[i-Ram]

2 hours ago, ronnieronalde said:

The book really is the gift that keeps on giving. duck me but times like this I wish I'd never met Brian at all never mind picked up a pen to write about it. I'd have been better of as that shitty little kid running away from everyone. At least then I knew who I could trust. No-one.

Kick after kick after kick. Maybe it's karma. I certainly deserve some of it. For someone who keeps trying to convince himself he's a decent lad, something is clearly not stacking up.

If this latest "partner" pulls the plug I'm going to be emailing the few of you who gave me support an email copy of the book, a thank you card and whatever cash you gave. I've honestly had enough, I'm sure the few of you who gave me cash, probably feel the same way.

At least it'll be a limited edition, very limited, there are 37 of you and 19 of those are family and ex family who probably didn't even want a copy in the first place.

I'll know by January 3rd, maybe earlier and if it goes the way I'm expecting, then I'm off for that long walk I promised myself I'd go on once it was out. Somewhere, anywhere warm, dry and even quieter than where I am now.

Considering I've physically spoken to two people since December 18th, and one of those was the food bank vicar, it's going to be a special place I need to find!!

Life, brutal and full of traps, christmas or not.

Sorry to read this latest chapter Ronnie. I am very lucky to have a loving, close family, and one good friend who helps me cope with the anxiety that l regularly suffer from. A week in Tenerife with the wife has just been a fantastic tonic, but as time rushes headlong towards the 2nd of January l am again finding myself heading to familiar “anxiety territory”. Most fortunately, which l am very grateful for, my life has not been brutal or full of traps so l know even when I am at really low points how lucky l am compared to a good many. I hope 2019 brings you more than just sun and solitude. I wish peace of mind for you as l do for myself. Take care.

Edited December 30, 2018 by i-Ram

[Coneheadjohn]

Just want to wish everyone in this thread(posted or not)all the best.

Try and go into the year positive and for gods sake if anyone’s thinking of doing something to themselves come and tell us about it before you get to that stage.

Have you got any more of your Suicide prevention days @angieram?

Edited December 31, 2018 by coneheadjohn

[angieram]

1 hour ago, coneheadjohn said:

Just want to wish everyone in this thread(posted or not)all the best.

Try and go into the year positive and for gods sake if anyone’s thinking of doing something to themselves come and tell us about it before you get to that stage.

Have you got any more of your Suicide prevention days @angieram?

Yes; there's another one in September but we raise awareness all year round. The Community Trust run the men's team talk group and there are loads of people to talk to if someone needs to. I am always happy to signpost if anyone wants to know what's out there. To be honest, in a crisis I'd always contact the Samaritans.

I personally find Christmas and New Year a difficult time as you remember people no longer around but there is always hope of better times and new experiences to come. Really,  those times are in our own grasp - if we have life's basics then we can build on them. Not necessarily by acquiring money but doing more of the things that make us happy. 

All the best.

[Coneheadjohn]

46 minutes ago, angieram said:

Yes; there's another one in September but we raise awareness all year round. The Community Trust run the men's team talk group and there are loads of people to talk to if someone needs to. I am always happy to signpost if anyone wants to know what's out there. To be honest, in a crisis I'd always contact the Samaritans.

I personally find Christmas and New Year a difficult time as you remember people no longer around but there is always hope of better times and new experiences to come. Really,  those times are in our own grasp - if we have life's basics then we can build on them. Not necessarily by acquiring money but doing more of the things that make us happy. 

All the best.

That’s really good advice,thanks.

And apologies for tagging you in.

Edited December 31, 2018 by coneheadjohn

[angieram]

3 hours ago, coneheadjohn said:

That’s really good advice,thanks.

And apologies for tagging you in.

No need to apologise; I am pleased you thought of me. 

[RamNut]

Craig. If you fancy a pint just PM me.

[mozza]

Keep safe everyone,  and Happy New Year to all ?

 

[dcfcfan1]

Great thread

 

Im lucky enough not to suffer from any mental health issues and have great family and friends around me that I can spend time with. But what interests me is how you guys deal with being alone. Its something that I read and try and take notes from, so when the time comes itself (e.g when Im 30 and all my brothers/friends have married, or when my parents arent around anymore), Ill know how to handle myself.

 

Note- Being alone and being lonely arent the same thing, even though for some people it can inter-link

[Wolfie]

I returned to work today to the news that one of my colleagues had tried to kill himself late on Christmas Eve and has been sectioned for his own safety.

Normally a lovely gentle giant type of bloke, he was behaving strangely at our work do on the 21st - being the life & soul of the party from the start and then very aggressive towards some of the others as the night went on - both of which are out of character. We all thought at the time that he was just getting drunk quickly but apparently he'd been battling his demons for months but only his wife knew.

Of course all us colleagues who would describe him as a friend are now looking for the signs that we missed along the way but there really weren't any until that night and even then, we just put it down to drinking too much & too quickly.

It's been said on here before but, for goodness sake, just talk & share your problems with those close to you - or strangers if that doesn't appeal. Help is there but you'll probably have to make the first move.

I shudder to think what two young kids almost woke up to on Christmas morning. I'm sure it was bad enough as it was.

[ronnieronalde]

16 hours ago, Wolfie said:

I returned to work today to the news that one of my colleagues had tried to kill himself late on Christmas Eve and has been sectioned for his own safety.

Normally a lovely gentle giant type of bloke, he was behaving strangely at our work do on the 21st - being the life & soul of the party from the start and then very aggressive towards some of the others as the night went on - both of which are out of character. We all thought at the time that he was just getting drunk quickly but apparently he'd been battling his demons for months but only his wife knew.

Of course all us colleagues who would describe him as a friend are now looking for the signs that we missed along the way but there really weren't any until that night and even then, we just put it down to drinking too much & too quickly.

It's been said on here before but, for goodness sake, just talk & share your problems with those close to you - or strangers if that doesn't appeal. Help is there but you'll probably have to make the first move.

I shudder to think what two young kids almost woke up to on Christmas morning. I'm sure it was bad enough as it was.

Gutted for your colleague Wolfie, gutted that he feels that's all he has left but have controversial views on sectioning and the other bolded bits.

Sectioned for his own safety? Who gets to decide that is keeping him safe? What if It's prolonging an agony he doesn't want to feel, it's others judging that he's made a mistake in not wanting to carry on.

The bigger issue for me is that people are almost forced into taking their own lives because there isn't a place they can go to to give up with dignity. To stay "safe" until it's all over. What if it was all so overwhelming that he genuinely wanted to give up? Now he has "professionals" forcing him to wake up every day.

It's not illegal to commit suicide.

What if he was totally sane when he made the choice he made. What if he just couldn't take "surviving" anymore.

Now he's got professionals saying he's crazy, feeding him tablets. The same professionals by the way that your pal probably had to wait 18 weeks to try to get to see, making phone call after phone call to try to speak to someone, shouting so loudly they need help, then being told it's not the doctors fault.

Mental Health professional - Are you going to kill yourself today? 

Ill person - No. I don't want to do that. I just need some help

MHP - In that case we're too busy, we'll see you in 18 weeks and you've got our phone number.

IP - But I'm not well, I need some help.

MHP - Sorry about that, you're not unwell enough. We have a budget. We have other priorities.

Does anyone know how that makes an ill person feel? Even more worthless, even more humiliated, even more helpless, even more alone.

Talking to friends and loved ones? Yes if you're lucky enough that they understand but lets be very honest here. MOST people don't care enough to burden themselves with someone else's problem. Hell, everyone in the world has heir own problems to deal with. MOST people would prefer it if you didn't even bother. MOST people stop calling very quickly indeed the second you tell them you have problems.

"I spoke to my mate XXXX today, duck me but he did my head in  going on and on and on about himself and his problems, the selfish ducker, I only rang to wish him Merry Christmas and to ask how he was, he's proper spoiled my mood."

When was the last time you asked someone How are you? and genuinely cared about the answer? (I don't mean you specifically pal)

Help is there? Yes it is but not on the terms the person needs it. Not when the person needs. Not unless they take such drastic measures that someone HAS to take notice.

We'll help you but you've got to wait and in the meantime, that phone number we gave you to ask for help but then didn't help, give us a call on that number if you need our help.

Yeah that'll be right.

If he'd have succeeded there'd have been a procession of what a lovely bloke and we didn't see the signs.  Then the world keeps spinning, no major outcry, people keep on going without him. It's what we do.

Poor bugger. I hope he finds calm one way or another.

[Wolfie]

3 hours ago, ronnieronalde said:

Talking to friends and loved ones? Yes if you're lucky enough that they understand but lets be very honest here. MOST people don't care enough to burden themselves with someone else's problem. Hell, everyone in the world has heir own problems to deal with. MOST people would prefer it if you didn't even bother. MOST people stop calling very quickly indeed the second you tell them you have problems.

"I spoke to my mate XXXX today, duck me but he did my head in  going on and on and on about himself and his problems, the selfish ducker, I only rang to wish him Merry Christmas and to ask how he was, he's proper spoiled my mood."

When was the last time you asked someone How are you? and genuinely cared about the answer? (I don't mean you specifically pal)

Help is there? Yes it is but not on the terms the person needs it. Not when the person needs. Not unless they take such drastic measures that someone HAS to take notice.

I don't have the knowledge or relevant experience to comment on much of your post but I find this bit harsh - or just very sad, if it's true.

I'd like to think that most people would be able to spot the difference between somebody just having a good moan and someone who's struggling mentally with day to day life. My point is that the onus is on the sufferer to reach out (hate that phrase) and ask for support from those close to them.

Your opinion is that most wouldn't care. Fair enough but I would beg to differ on that....and I know you weren't aiming it at me.

By strange coincidence, while my work mate was fighting with others outside the bar in Grantham that night, I was sat inside catching up with another former colleague who I'd bumped into. He was telling me how he had a breakdown last year and is coming out the other side but had contemplated killing himself also. We were never that close when we worked together but we connected over a couple of pints and a laugh that night and I made him promise that he'd stay in touch and especially if he found himself struggling again. I just hope he does.

[ronnieronalde]

2 hours ago, Wolfie said:

I don't have the knowledge or relevant experience to comment on much of your post but I find this bit harsh - or just very sad, if it's true.

I'd like to think that most people would be able to spot the difference between somebody just having a good moan and someone who's struggling mentally with day to day life. My point is that the onus is on the sufferer to reach out (hate that phrase) and ask for support from those close to them.

Your opinion is that most wouldn't care. Fair enough but I would beg to differ on that....and I know you weren't aiming it at me.

By strange coincidence, while my work mate was fighting with others outside the bar in Grantham that night, I was sat inside catching up with another former colleague who I'd bumped into. He was telling me how he had a breakdown last year and is coming out the other side but had contemplated killing himself also. We were never that close when we worked together but we connected over a couple of pints and a laugh that night and I made him promise that he'd stay in touch and especially if he found himself struggling again. I just hope he does.

Brilliant mate, all you can do under the circumstances. Well played.

I'm not having a go at anyone on my post, although reading it back it looks like I am.  More just a typical soap box post from me when things don't go the way I want them to go. For others as well as me. Most of my rants aren't selfish rants. I want things to be better for everyone and anyone.

It's not the professionals fault they don't have the resources. I've not spoken to anyone who I think is or would be happy to turn someone away. The folks in the industry I think are on the whole, wonderful people who would help anyone with anything they could. You don't go into a profession like that unless your heart is in the right place.

I'm not even having a go at the mates who don't know how to handle it. Christ they're not trained to spot signs, the typical reaction though is come on sort yourself out. As if it were as easy as ABC.

It really is the silent killer and until and unless we can somehow find more cash to fund more resources it's not getting any better.

[Ramslad1992]

8 hours ago, ronnieronalde said:

Brilliant mate, all you can do under the circumstances. Well played.

I'm not having a go at anyone on my post, although reading it back it looks like I am.  More just a typical soap box post from me when things don't go the way I want them to go. For others as well as me. Most of my rants aren't selfish rants. I want things to be better for everyone and anyone.

It's not the professionals fault they don't have the resources. I've not spoken to anyone who I think is or would be happy to turn someone away. The folks in the industry I think are on the whole, wonderful people who would help anyone with anything they could. You don't go into a profession like that unless your heart is in the right place.

I'm not even having a go at the mates who don't know how to handle it. Christ they're not trained to spot signs, the typical reaction though is come on sort yourself out. As if it were as easy as ABC.

It really is the silent killer and until and unless we can somehow find more cash to fund more resources it's not getting any better.

When I was in my darkest period the professionals were absolutely useless and it’s not their fault but my girlfriend, friends (the proper ones) and family were all there... 4 months ago I was back in that darkest place when I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me... didn’t even bother trying with the professionals! My friends, family, this forum and more importantly this thread got me through. It’s still a fight but seeing other people in the same position rallying together and helping each other is 10x better what some bloke with a notepad can do.

[Sith Happens]

Must admit I haven't had much success with professionals either. Just didn't seem to work for me. Don't know if I wasn't ready or prepared to listen, hard to say.

I suppose I was looking for someone to click their fingers and everything be better.

@Ramslad1992 so sorry you went through that, cheating is something I just don't understand, its a cowardly thing to do. Relationships and feelings change of course, but I am of the opinion if you are choosing to cheat then you no longer want to be with the person you are with and you should end it, no matter how painful and hard it is.

Like you say family and friends really are the best support. I know for me when I as in my darkest place posting on here and sharing how I felt was really helpful.

 

[Coneheadjohn]

On 03/01/2019 at 15:26, Wolfie said:

I returned to work today to the news that one of my colleagues had tried to kill himself late on Christmas Eve and has been sectioned for his own safety.

Normally a lovely gentle giant type of bloke, he was behaving strangely at our work do on the 21st - being the life & soul of the party from the start and then very aggressive towards some of the others as the night went on - both of which are out of character. We all thought at the time that he was just getting drunk quickly but apparently he'd been battling his demons for months but only his wife knew.

Of course all us colleagues who would describe him as a friend are now looking for the signs that we missed along the way but there really weren't any until that night and even then, we just put it down to drinking too much & too quickly.

It's been said on here before but, for goodness sake, just talk & share your problems with those close to you - or strangers if that doesn't appeal. Help is there but you'll probably have to make the first move.

I shudder to think what two young kids almost woke up to on Christmas morning. I'm sure it was bad enough as it was.

That’s awful,I had a similar experience a few years ago,friend at work who I could tell was down,spoke to him one Sunday to ask him if he was ok.

I’m fine,was the answer,went home had some form of argument with his wife who left with his 2 daughters.

When they came home Monday morning he had hanged himself from the bannister,it’s one of the many reasons why I take such an interest in this thread.

I remember work calling me on the Monday,I was just parking up in Sheffield.

I hope he gets the help he needs.

[McRainy]

On 04/01/2019 at 08:42, ronnieronalde said:

Sectioned for his own safety? Who gets to decide that is keeping him safe? What if It's prolonging an agony he doesn't want to feel, it's others judging that he's made a mistake in not wanting to carry on

Absolutely agree. It's an abuse of power to take away someone's liberty, dignity and autonomy when they have committed no crime  

One day we will look back on the psychiatric system with the same horror we currently reserve for the Victorian madhouse.

[RamNut]

33 minutes ago, Lambchop said:

Absolutely agree. It's an abuse of power to take away someone's liberty, dignity and autonomy when they have committed no crime  

One day we will look back on the psychiatric system with the same horror we currently reserve for the Victorian madhouse.

Not sure about that tbh. Safety v Liberty.

Some times people are a potential danger to themselves or others, and i assume a doctor has to decide.

We've seen stories like this...

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/new-probe-in-case-of-psychiatric-patient-who-beheaded-woman-a3760316.html

....and there was a bloke at work who went totally mad over a weekend.

he was perfectly normal for years; was totally fine on a thursday when i saw him. I got a call from his mother to go and see him on monday as he had broken down over the weekend. I have never seen anything like it. He was completely mental. His eyes were wierd. He had paranoid delusions. He was totally irrational, and suicidal. He could have switched in a second from wanting to kill himself to wanting to attack others. I wouldn't have believed it if i hadn't seen it myself. I think he was sectioned and detained for while for his safety and that of his family. Next time i saw him he was released and therefore had his liberty, but he was drugged up to subdue and control him. He was a zombie. As far as i am aware he never recovered. 

 

Edited January 7, 2019 by RamNut

[McRainy]

3 minutes ago, RamNut said:

Not sure about that tbh. Safety v Liberty.

We already have provision to restrain people who are a danger to others. 

In contrast to your story, I have known (and still know) many gentle souls who have been restrained and drugged against their will, often because there isn't the provision to support them in any other way.

In addition, I worked for Mind for 12 years at a drop in which had around 50 visitors a day. I never met one person who felt they had been done anything but harm by the experience of being sectioned. 

The kinds of cases you mention are not a benchmark by which to determine the treatment of everyone, and in my experience they form a tiny minority of those who find themselves in the psychiatric system. 

[RamNut]

Just now, Lambchop said:

We already have provision to restrain people who are a danger to others. 

In contrast to your story, I have known (and still know) many gentle souls who have been restrained and drugged against their will, often because there isn't the provision to support them in any other way.

In addition, I worked for Mind for 12 years at a drop in which had around 50 visitors a day. I never met one person who felt they had been done anything but harm by the experience of being sectioned. 

The kinds of cases you mention are not a benchmark by which to determine the treatment of everyone, and in my experience they form a tiny minority of those who find themselves in the psychiatric system. 

Well i don't know that much. My experience was with someone who was a gentle soul who went seriously mentally ill with no warning signs at all. I think he would be dead if he hadn't been detained.