What's your favourite blatant corporate lie?

[Bob The Badger]

I have a soft spot for 'Our menu options have recently changed' because it would seem all companies do these days is change their menu options.

We are experiencing higher than normal call volume is a beauty too. My bank is literally experiencing higher than normal call volume every time I call - which does tend to have me thinking that the higher levels is really the norm, and not what they were getting in 1967.

But I think Sky are pulling out all the stops with an email I got the other day telling me that my programmes were handpicked. Of course they are.

[1of4]

Companies who claim that they value your loyalty, but put up the yearly charges for the services they provide. Meaning you have to go through all the BS with their call centre, to get this charge reduced, while having to listen to someone repeating how much they value your loyalty. Knowing the person you are talking to is just offering you what they are reading off computer screen. And what you should have been offered originally.

[mozza]

 

'Your call is important to us'

 

[sage]

When the sullen spotty Herbert at McDonalds tell you to 'Have a Nice Day'

[Bwash_Ram]

Aspartame is very healthy

[Stive Pesley]

I like the one where your current energy tariff finishes and they put you on the "standard" tariff which is about twice as expensive, as if people are going "yeah I enjoyed paying an acceptable price for a while there but now I fancy just getting totally rinsed. Thanks!"

 

Or the one where your insurance is set to auto renew "for your convenience and to ensure continuous cover" whilst simultaneously hoping that you don't notice they have hiked the price by 50%

But it's OK because when you call them to cancel they can miraculously do it at the same price as last year

 

[G STAR RAM]

1 - We are within FFP limits 

2 - I will continue to bankroll the company until a buyer is found 

3 - We are only going into administration because of Covid

4 - I am acting in the best interests of the company

[May Contain Nuts]

New and improved recipe

Fun size

Sharing bag 

[Bob The Badger]

46 minutes ago, Coconut's Beard said:

New and improved recipe

Fun size

Sharing bag 

Speaking of sharing bags, when did grab bags become a thing? I'm sure they didn't exist when I left for the US in 2006.

What does it even mean?

I usually just pick them up normally.

Unless there's a crisp shortage, in which case I grab like my life depends on it and horde them. 

[GboroRam]

[Ewe Ram]

Vegan shoes. 
they are actually the same non leather shoes available for decades but are now expensive because they are ‘vegan’ 

[IronRam 140.6]

The classic diversity workshop tag line "White stale and pale" when referring to middle management.....

 

At my company that means me.

 

......who was a teen in the early 90's, where we spent the decade "loved up" championing and upholding Grunge, Britpop, Acid House & Ibiza dance movements. Also didn't dress like  blockbusters contestants like every young un seems to nowadays! 

Sorry who is stale???

 

[Rev]

1 hour ago, Ewe Ram said:

Vegan shoes. 
they are actually the same non leather shoes available for decades but are now expensive because they are ‘vegan’ 

Car companies are now offering Vegan friendly leather interiors, as a costly additional extra.

Better known as Vinyl, as Ford called it back in the 80's.

[BucksRam]

Vegetarian foods disguised as meat products do my head in.  They're bought by veggies who don't want meat, so why pretend they're meat. It's all a marketing lie. 

Vegetarian Express - "THIS Isn't Chicken Pieces" - no you're right, they're soyabean in breadcrumb.  Call them that.

Birdseye "Chicken Free Nuggets" - ah, just what I was looking for - chicken free nuggets. 

M&S Plant Kitchen "No Beef Burger" - and there was me looking for either No Chicken or No Lamb burgers.  I'll have to make do with No Beef ones instead. 

Richmond "Meat Free Sausages" - they're made of soya protein and other veggie bits, so call 'em what they are, vegetarian tubes. They're not sausages.  A sausage is defined as: an item of food in the form of a cylindrical length of minced pork or other meat encased in a skin, typically sold raw to be grilled or fried before eating.

[GboroRam]

28 minutes ago, BucksRam said:

Vegetarian foods disguised as meat products do my head in.  They're bought by veggies who don't want meat, so why pretend they're meat. It's all a marketing lie. 

Vegetarian Express - "THIS Isn't Chicken Pieces" - no you're right, they're soyabean in breadcrumb.  Call them that.

Birdseye "Chicken Free Nuggets" - ah, just what I was looking for - chicken free nuggets. 

M&S Plant Kitchen "No Beef Burger" - and there was me looking for either No Chicken or No Lamb burgers.  I'll have to make do with No Beef ones instead. 

Richmond "Meat Free Sausages" - they're made of soya protein and other veggie bits, so call 'em what they are, vegetarian tubes. They're not sausages.  A sausage is defined as: an item of food in the form of a cylindrical length of minced pork or other meat encased in a skin, typically sold raw to be grilled or fried before eating.

So what's about beef sausages? 

I'd argue it's a shape, as is a burger. That's why they have a descriptor with them. Beef burger. Pork sausage. 

[RoyMac5]

32 minutes ago, BucksRam said:

Vegetarian foods disguised as meat products do my head in.  They're bought by veggies who don't want meat, so why pretend they're meat. It's all a marketing lie. 

Vegetarian Express - "THIS Isn't Chicken Pieces" - no you're right, they're soyabean in breadcrumb.  Call them that.

Birdseye "Chicken Free Nuggets" - ah, just what I was looking for - chicken free nuggets. 

M&S Plant Kitchen "No Beef Burger" - and there was me looking for either No Chicken or No Lamb burgers.  I'll have to make do with No Beef ones instead. 

Richmond "Meat Free Sausages" - they're made of soya protein and other veggie bits, so call 'em what they are, vegetarian tubes. They're not sausages.  A sausage is defined as: an item of food in the form of a cylindrical length of minced pork or other meat encased in a skin, typically sold raw to be grilled or fried before eating.

If you don't eat them what's your problem?

I object to dead animals being labelled with prosaic nomenclature, call them 'inhumanely slaughtered after being cruelly kept in miserable conditions and wrapped in plastic pieces of beef'.

[BucksRam]

4 minutes ago, GboroRam said:

So what's about beef sausages? 

I'd argue it's a shape, as is a burger. That's why they have a descriptor with them. Beef burger. Pork sausage. 

Yep, a sausage can be any meat so it needs a descriptor of what meat is in it.  But a sausage is meat only, not veggie. So if it's not got any meat in it, it's not a sausage. 

A burger is defined as meat (normally beef) or another product in a flat round shape so call it by what it's made of, not what it's not made of. Beef burger, lamb burger, bean burger, soya burger.  Not "No Beef" burger. 

[BucksRam]

15 minutes ago, RoyMac5 said:

If you don't eat them what's your problem?

I object to dead animals being labelled with prosaic nomenclature, call them 'inhumanely slaughtered after being cruelly kept in miserable conditions and wrapped in plastic pieces of beef'.

Only just call it what it is - that's all I'm saying.  Surely if you're vegetarian and want a burger, you'll be looking for something like a bean burger, not a "no beef" burger.  Prosaic nomenclature is sadly the norm these days. 

And just as a point of interest, I'm having a spicy bean burger for dinner tonight. ?

[alanmarklewis]

1 hour ago, BucksRam said:

Vegetarian foods disguised as meat products do my head in.  They're bought by veggies who don't want meat, so why pretend they're meat. It's all a marketing lie. 

Vegetarian Express - "THIS Isn't Chicken Pieces" - no you're right, they're soyabean in breadcrumb.  Call them that.

Birdseye "Chicken Free Nuggets" - ah, just what I was looking for - chicken free nuggets. 

M&S Plant Kitchen "No Beef Burger" - and there was me looking for either No Chicken or No Lamb burgers.  I'll have to make do with No Beef ones instead. 

Richmond "Meat Free Sausages" - they're made of soya protein and other veggie bits, so call 'em what they are, vegetarian tubes. They're not sausages.  A sausage is defined as: an item of food in the form of a cylindrical length of minced pork or other meat encased in a skin, typically sold raw to be grilled or fried before eating.

I didn't give up eating meat and dairy because I don't like the flavour, I did it because of how damaging animal agriculture is to the planet.

Did you put that lawsuit in to ban products from being labelled as burgers and sausages? ? 

[RoyMac5]

43 minutes ago, BucksRam said:

Only just call it what it is - that's all I'm saying.  Surely if you're vegetarian and want a burger, you'll be looking for something like a bean burger, not a "no beef" burger.  Prosaic nomenclature is sadly the norm these days. 

And just as a point of interest, I'm having a spicy bean burger for dinner tonight. ?

Its mostly to give 'meat and two veg' people a clue as to what they are buying. ? I've been a vegetarian a long time so can read between the lines. 'Pea protein burger' doesn't sound appetising, but some of them are quite tasty and some have a texture like cheap meat! Familiarity is no doubt important to some people too.