Anag Ram Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 My mum’s brother used to babysit me wearing only his pants, eating chips. He was a monstrous carb-uncle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxjam Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 Stive Pesley 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i-Ram Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 9th day in self-isolation. I worry for the future. Wife: Do you want anything to eat. What are the choices? Wife: Yes or ducking No. Gritstone Ram, Mucker1884 and Pearl Ram 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TramRam Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Just been to the Doctors, I told him i've bought a BMW, A Porche and an Audi, He said i've got...the Car Owner Virus. Mick Brolly, Steve How Hard?, Premier ram and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pearl Ram Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 You’re lucky he didn’t tell you you’d got German Diesels. ? Gritstone Ram, DavesaRam, TramRam and 9 others 1 8 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick Brolly Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 i-Ram, King Kevin, Wolfie and 8 others 1 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxjam Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 Stive Pesley 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxjam Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 Stive Pesley 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve How Hard? Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Pearl Ram, Tamworthram, richinspain and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 Once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The winners are: 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle , olive-flavoured mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon , a Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. The winners are: -Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. -Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. -Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. -Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. -Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) - Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. - Glibido (v): All talk and no action. - Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. - Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature: - Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole. Steve How Hard? and Rev 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 On 24/03/2020 at 21:27, Mucker1884 said: I can't get over the term "Loved her senseless"! I am so gonna suggest that to Muckerette... Probably even on an afternoon now we're both at home... maybe about 2:55, just before our 3pm scone! Thank you! Oh yeah... Norwegian... I get it now! ? You’ll be finished with two minutes to spare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 Absolute genius im ordering a box of them Mick Brolly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 Gritstone Ram 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mucker1884 Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 1 hour ago, RamNut said: You’ll be finished with two minutes to spare. Charming! I'll have you know there was only 1 min 40 secs to spare, so it shows how much you know, Mr Know-it-all! Oh... hang on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester40 Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 I'm worried... first my missus suggested I take up boxing and now she is insisting that I call her Adrienne.... I'm think that we're heading for another Rocky patch... Steve How Hard? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stive Pesley Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 There's going to be a round of applause for couriers and delivery drivers. It will be some time between 9am and 5pm tomorrow. ThePrisoner, TramRam, Steve How Hard? and 7 others 2 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
admira Posted April 6, 2020 Author Share Posted April 6, 2020 I've started a dating site for chickens. It's not my full-time job, I'm just doing it to make hens meet ... Steve How Hard?, TramRam, Premier ram and 4 others 3 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mucker1884 Posted April 6, 2020 Share Posted April 6, 2020 3 hours ago, admira said: I've started a dating site for chickens. It's not my full-time job, I'm just doing it to make hens meet ... How do they recognise each other? Do they arrange to meet under the town hall clock with their capon? admira 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TramRam Posted April 6, 2020 Share Posted April 6, 2020 Driving back from shopping I look down to my right and there's a chicken with 3 legs running along the side of me, I put my foot down but the chicken keeps up with me, Then all of a sudden it sped away, I saw it go down the farm road so I followed it, At the end of the road stood a man, I asked did you see a 3 legged chicken run down here?, Yes I did said the man, I'm the farmer here and I breed them. Why do you breed 3 legged chickens I asked, Well I like a drumstick, The Wife likes a drumstick now Junior has grown he likes a drumstick, Wow I said what do they taste like? I dunno, I've never caught one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie20 Posted April 6, 2020 Share Posted April 6, 2020 55 minutes ago, Mucker1884 said: How do they recognise each other? Do they arrange to meet under the town hall clock with their capon? All the roosters with their combs out Mucker1884 and admira 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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