Anag Ram Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 Don't make your life worse with self abuse. Sorry. Don't! Make your life worse with self 9 hours ago, Bwash_Ram said: I'm giving up drinking for a month. Sorry. That came out wrong. I'm giving up. Drinking for a month! Don't make your life worse with self abuse. Sorry. Don't! Make your life worse with self abuse. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?" The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an efficiency expert visited our restaurant. He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen." The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my winky. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time." "Wait a minute," said the diner, "How do you get your winky back in your pants?" "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon." Steve How Hard?, Stive Pesley, Tamworthram and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigfella Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 My mates and I decided to take yodelling lessons. We went to the place where the lessons took place and a man came out and said form an orderly, orderly, orderly queue. Hinzy9, Alph and i-Ram 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FindernRam Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Famous last words: Abraham Lincoln: " Lets go to the Theatre tonight" Dick Rowe (Head of Decca): "Reject the Beetles, Guitar Groups are on the way out" Spike Milligan: "I told you I was ill!" Bill Gate: "640k is enough for anyone" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I like how we say "vegan" now instead of "eating disorder" Steve How Hard? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Female logic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Wolfie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Steve How Hard? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriggRam Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 #news flash# a bus with 33 squadies on board has crashed into a tree.......the IRA have said they planted it ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 Years ago I sold filo faxes to the mafia. I was involved in very organised crime... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriggRam Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 richinspain, Alph, Stagtime and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamworthram Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 Read this one on LinkedIn recently so, it's probably done the rounds: It's exactly 11 years today since my friend came running out the room shouting "it's a boy. It's a boy" Suffice to say we've not been back to Thailand since. Alph 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stagtime Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 BriggRam, jono, Tamworthram and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriggRam Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 mozza 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozza Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 BriggRam, jono and Steve How Hard? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriggRam Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Norman 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester40 Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 My girlfriend said she would have to dump me because of my obsession with flowers. I was stunned to be honest and asked “Where’s all this stemming from petal?” King Kevin, Steve How Hard?, ramit and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 Might be slightly over the Ryanair allowance. BriggRam 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 I've just seen the new Batman shampoo in Tesco. I believe they are missing a key market by not producing a conditioner Gordon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriggRam Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 jono, Abu Derby and Alph 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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