Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[i-Ram]

22 hours ago, reveldevil said:

Struggling.

Deliberately taking a hammer to long standing relationships, ignoring my family, drinking far too much.

I know I'm doing it, but I'm not sure I care.

I don't think it's mental either, just who I am.

If you need a break to get away, two nights free of charge in a south coast Resthome is available to you. I thought about three, but not if you drinking far too much. Don’t bring that new recipe book you’ve been working through. You need some good comfort food buddy.

[sage]

22 hours ago, reveldevil said:

Struggling.

Deliberately taking a hammer to long standing relationships, ignoring my family, drinking far too much.

I know I'm doing it, but I'm not sure I care.

I don't think it's mental either, just who I am.

Sad to hear that chap, one of the best posters on here and a delight to meet in real life. I guess many of us have a self destructive streak in one form or another, but it isn't you per se, it is a manifestation of a mental health issue. As many of others have said, always here for a PM if you want to.   

[Rev]

34 minutes ago, Alpha said:

What's up, brother? 

Chuck the words down on here and let's have a look how ducked up you are. 

For me when summer goes my sanity goes with it but this time of year I start growing back into a human. 

Would be good to swim in your mess. You're alright. Nearly like you. 

I can't put my thoughts into a coherent post. 

I know what you mean about the sun on your back, I feel much better waking up and going home in sunlight too.

I just feel atm like I could not talk to another person for the rest of my life and it wouldn't bother me.

 

[mozza]

You're one of the main reasons i love being on this website,  i'm sorry you're going through a rough patch, rev, there's a lot of good people on here rooting for you mate. Stay strong bud.

 

[Mostyn6]

10 minutes ago, reveldevil said:

I can't put my thoughts into a coherent post. 

I know what you mean about the sun on your back, I feel much better waking up and going home in sunlight too.

I just feel atm like I could not talk to another person for the rest of my life and it wouldn't bother me.

 

I went though exactly this end of November and into December. I was aware it was happening, and just needed the time to pass and things to fall into their place. I deleted all social media, logged out of everything, didn't speak to anyone. Turned my mobile off, and bizarrely bought some pencils, crayons, geometry stuff and a pad, and doodled nonsense with music on. Eventually, my mind switched back on. I cannot explain it right now. But I was literally not bothered about anyone except my mum and gran for about 3 weeks. I then felt guilt when I realised how worried people had been cos of me, but I was not apologetic. I was very teary though and couldn't express what I was going through.

If you're going through similar, I can feel your pain. It makes no sense does it.

[sage]

34 minutes ago, reveldevil said:

I can't put my thoughts into a coherent post. 

I know what you mean about the sun on your back, I feel much better waking up and going home in sunlight too.

I just feel atm like I could not talk to another person for the rest of my life and it wouldn't bother me.

 

Have you tried taking Vitamin D tablets? you cab also get a daylight lamp either to wake to or as a extra hour of light in the winter years.

I do both and it helps get me through winter. 

[Alph]

30 minutes ago, reveldevil said:

I can't put my thoughts into a coherent post. 

I know what you mean about the sun on your back, I feel much better waking up and going home in sunlight too.

I just feel atm like I could not talk to another person for the rest of my life and it wouldn't bother me.

 

Ah! Depression classic. Get you to isolate yourself so it can really stick the boot in. It's your enemy mate. Not people. You're under attack. 

I guess the obvious answers are get a hobby, go for walks. Keep busy and distracted. 

Often though you can't be arsed? That's what's always fecked me up. I don't want to take up knitting and go for walks treading in dog poo. I just want to be left alone. 

Do you like yourself? 

 

[Rev]

18 minutes ago, Alpha said:

Ah! Depression classic. Get you to isolate yourself so it can really stick the boot in. It's your enemy mate. Not people. You're under attack. 

I guess the obvious answers are get a hobby, go for walks. Keep busy and distracted. 

Often though you can't be arsed? That's what's always fecked me up. I don't want to take up knitting and go for walks treading in dog poo. I just want to be left alone. 

Do you like yourself? 

 

I don't think I do. 

I'd do anything for anyone, but I wouldn't do anything for myself.

I cry at stupid things like cartoons or episodes of Friends, yet feel nothing when people who I love die.

I'm 43 years old, no mortgage, nice car, no financial constraints, cracking wife and lovely lad who'll be 21 later this year, yet I find myself thinking of the easiest way to die and planning my funeral.

It's fookin nuts when I write it down, and even more nuts that I'd post it!

 

[Ambitious]

On 15/03/2019 at 23:33, reveldevil said:

Struggling.

Deliberately taking a hammer to long standing relationships, ignoring my family, drinking far too much.

I know I'm doing it, but I'm not sure I care.

I don't think it's mental either, just who I am.

It was hard to read, that. I've been on here for my entire adult life almost and have always respected you as a poster & person. 

I'm not the best person to give advice in these situations, but I can say that I've struggled at times due to extenuating circumstances and often do partake in 'self destructive' behaviour which has had serious consequences in the past. iThe one thing that helps me and gets me through these periods is that I remind myself that feelings - good & bad - are absolutely and utterly fickle. The forced focus on 'positive' things, for me, made things worse. I would think about family, for example, but it would come with an overwhelming sense of letting them down. It just gave me another stick to beat myself. The clarity of almost training my mind to remind myself that every feeling and situation that I have ever had and will ever have will ultimately change, sometimes quickly and sometimes not so quickly, but it will change. 

People are different; people react differently in situations and there is no perfect solution - I just hope you find whats right for you! 

[GboroRam]

17 hours ago, reveldevil said:

I don't think I do. 

I'd do anything for anyone, but I wouldn't do anything for myself.

I cry at stupid things like cartoons or episodes of Friends, yet feel nothing when people who I love die.

I'm 43 years old, no mortgage, nice car, no financial constraints, cracking wife and lovely lad who'll be 21 later this year, yet I find myself thinking of the easiest way to die and planning my funeral.

It's fookin nuts when I write it down, and even more nuts that I'd post it!

 

My limited advice, for what it's worth: if you want to change something about your life, change something about your life. Make a small change. Something that you always fancied. Be it music, sport, reading your whatever your thing is. You may have to push yourself into small steps. A small change will be the start. But start. 

[RamNut]

17 hours ago, reveldevil said:

I don't think I do. 

I'd do anything for anyone, but I wouldn't do anything for myself.

I cry at stupid things like cartoons or episodes of Friends, yet feel nothing when people who I love die.

I'm 43 years old, no mortgage, nice car, no financial constraints, cracking wife and lovely lad who'll be 21 later this year, yet I find myself thinking of the easiest way to die and planning my funeral.

It's fookin nuts when I write it down, and even more nuts that I'd post it!

 

None of my business and i usually prefer to refrain from posting in this thread, but when someone close dies, i think it is possible to go into a wierd sort of denial where its as if you are in a film, and you wonder why you aren't as upset as you expected to be. I think the brain put up shields. Grief can also result in anger and a short temper.

it can mess your head up for years if not decades and play havoc with close personal and family relationships because your mood and behaviour is affected, but its only in time that you can see that.

I might be totally wrong, but i'd hazard a guess that " taking a hammer to close personal relationships" is exactly what might occur as a result. And as for contemplating you're own funeral, well....the clues are there.

 

[angieram]

@reveldevil

Please talk to someone about how you are feeling. 

https://www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/

https://www.samaritans.org/#

[AmericanRam]

Toya found out this morning that her favorite uncle has passed away.To say she is upset would be a vast understatement.

I love her so much and to see her crying has me crying.

If you would please put us in your thoughts.

Just a tough day for my angel.

Edited March 20, 2019 by AmericanRam

[Mostyn6]

2 minutes ago, AmericanRam said:

Toya found out this morning that her favorite uncle has passed away.To say she is upset would be a vast understatement.

I love her so much and to see her crying has me crying.

If you would please put us in your thoughts.

Just a tough day for my angel.

I think one of the toughest feelings a proud man can have (I can only speak for myself) is that totally abject feeling of helplessness when witnessing someone you care about in pain.

I've always got people who are going through painful times in my thoughts, it's part of the burden that pains me and contributes to my own mental issues.

It may be a cliche Ryan, but being there for your missus is massive, so just carry on being a big firm shoulder for her.

[Stive Pesley]

This is old, but always good to read when you need to have a word with yourself (which I do quite often)

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

 

[Alph]

Hey @reveldevil, how are you mate. 

Been crazy busy with work but hope you and everyone else struggling are fighting fit

[Rev]

15 hours ago, Alpha said:

Hey @reveldevil, how are you mate. 

Been crazy busy with work but hope you and everyone else struggling are fighting fit

I'm ok. 

@Ambitious nailed it for me, this too will pass. 

I see what needs to change, and just need to pull myself together and stop being a nob.

[sage]

1 minute ago, reveldevil said:

I'm ok. 

@Ambitious nailed it for me, this too will pass. 

I see what needs to change, and just need to pull myself together and stop being a nob.

Please dont stop being a nob, we've all got used to it now.

?

[dcfcfan1]

On 20/03/2019 at 13:27, AmericanRam said:

Toya found out this morning that her favorite uncle has passed away.To say she is upset would be a vast understatement.

I love her so much and to see her crying has me crying.

If you would please put us in your thoughts.

Just a tough day for my angel.

Ill never have kids but I can only imagine. Its not even something you can fix/change which must be frustrating. Seeing my dad cry when my grandad passed away wasnt easy too. Stay strong

[Alph]

5 hours ago, reveldevil said:

I'm ok. 

@Ambitious nailed it for me, this too will pass. 

I see what needs to change, and just need to pull myself together and stop being a nob.

Not a full time nob mate. You're getting your arse kicked by poor mental health. All we can do is survive it when it comes around.

Think you have to try and remember what's important to the real you and recognise you're on your arse and make sure you do your best to keep it all together for when you manage to climb off the canvas. 

I don't think there's really a fix is there? Just different ways of surviving. 

Dead easy to get in a sandwich between self pity and self loathing. 

I think of depression as more of an actual living thing. I know I'm a decent bloke. But at times I am a massive knob for weeks and months. But I know I'm not a knob. I'm not spiteful or jealous or arrogant or egotistical. I know my faults and I'm ok with them. I'm happy and confident in being a decent average Joe. No more and no less. But when depression gets hold of me I become a spiteful person who needs to be loved one minute and hates everyone the next. 

It's just a position we get put in. If you can recognise it then I believe you will always come through it to your old self. 

The difficult thing is not letting yourself become possessed and then ruining your life. It's not easy. 

But like all of life tests. You find positives and work the best with what you have. 

I wouldn't suggest you stop being a knob and start fixing up. That's fantasy in my experience. I'd say just survive. Don't give yourself a bollocking for being a knob. I believe it's depression that wants you to constantly question yourself. You should just focus on the next thing you're about to do. Constantly look to the immediate future. Like @GboroRam said... small tiny changes can help. I think it's just because you're not dwelling. As soon as you start thinking about your next forward step then you're onto a winner. 

This advice might be poo. But this thread should be about people throwing in their random madness. I survive and there's a good few inspirational people in this thread. 

I hope you find something that works for you. If you don't then you've fecked it mate. But you will. 

All the best to all those struggling. Some posts I can't relate to because every experience is different. Be nice if there was 1 easy coping guide we could all follow innit?

 

Edited March 31, 2019 by Alpha