New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)

[GboroRam]

I know politics is verboten but still... 

[mozza]

Mass debate, lol..

[Bob The Badger]

[Bob The Badger]

On 27/04/2022 at 15:50, GboroRam said:

I know politics is verboten but still... 

[uttoxram75]

I know some folk are complaining about the government but its not all bad. For example, my car used to only hold £65 of petrol, now it holds £90 worth, thats way more than a couple of years ago.

[Anag Ram]

2 hours ago, Bob The Badger said:

Oi!

I’ll remove the whip!

[Stive Pesley]

10 hours ago, Anag Ram said:

Oi!

I’ll remove the whip!

No! Anything but that Nanny!

 

[Bob The Badger]

 

[Mucker1884]

2 hours ago, Bob The Badger said:

 

Looks more grey than navy to me.  Might need to adjust the contrast!    

[cstand]

On 27/04/2022 at 15:50, GboroRam said:

I know politics is verboten but still... 

@GboroRamI know politics is verboten ???

[Anag Ram]

On 27/04/2022 at 15:50, GboroRam said:

I know politics is verboten but still... 

I hear when Angela Rayner uncrossed her legs he lost his deposit.

 

[Shadowplay]

Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood.

The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.'

The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.'

After a very considerable inspection, the third lady finally says,

'He's not even a member of this golf club'.

[Shadowplay]

A wife asks her husband, a software engineer, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six!"

The husband comes back with six cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?"

"They had eggs!"

[Shadowplay]

My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy.
I am happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don’t be upset—-I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table :
My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.
As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college.
I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference – 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

[Bwash_Ram]

[uttoxram75]

I failed my abseiling exam today  

 

I let myself down badly  

 

 

[Turk Thrust]

What do you call a small prisoner abseiling down a wall?           Condescending…….

[uttoxram75]

I took delivery of a large roll of bubble wrap at work today,

I asked my boss where to put it and she told me to pop it in the corner.

 

Took me three bloody hours.

[Turk Thrust]

Man standing at bar drinking a pint. He needs to go for a pee but worried someone would drink his beer so leaves a post it on his glass saying “I’ve spat in this”.  When he returns someone has written “so have I”

[GboroRam]

Usually drink, usually dance, usually burgle.