Parsnip

4 hours ago, Pearl Ram said:

Members of the forum that use the word “spunked” as opposed to spent or wasted, it’s not big and it’s not clever it is however uncouth and immature to me. 

Dude whenever I see the word "Pearl" there's only one thing that come's to mind.

You dirty bugger.

24 Hours In A&E.

The production of this dogcrap program makes me want everyone on it to die.

The word 'minutes' is really starting to do my head in...

4 minutes ago, Boycie said:

He’s told me how to do them properly with the different temperatures in the  deep fat fryer, and blanching them.

We all get lazy some sometimes.

All that work would be wasted on me. I have the palate of a Labrador.

26 minutes ago, froggg said:

They were Macains gastro, always good in a hurry, made the pie in less than an hour while the chips cooked. ?

You fraud. I used to look up to you as a man of gastronomic esteem. But now look at you, with your thrice cooked oven chips... you're an object of culinary ridicule. 

I'm saddened.

Batshuayi needs to become a world class striker this season for Frank. Who else has he got? Giroud & Tammy? That's not a top 4 strike force at all!

Half decent bowl of pasta at the local pub. The dog wouldn't turn it down.

It must be a good 5 years now since I made the life changing decision to start wearing woman's nightwear instead of men's. I highly recommend you all make this change. The materials are lighter than air, the range of patterns and colours is wonderful and don't get me started on lace. 

Interestingly, nobody judges me. These lovely skin tight bottoms were part of a set bought for me by Mrs Parsnip and this silky leopard skin number was bought for me by Mrs Parsnip's mum.

Just out for a dog walk in me jeans and sandals... just look at them lovely balls.

12 minutes ago, David said:

Should be more careful next time 

Just now, David said:

I’m only 3 years behind you but looking at that pic I feel at least 30 years younger ?

Yeah have a couple of kids and come back to me...

8 minutes ago, David said:

Sandals and jeans!!!! ???

Haven't you got any mirrors in your house to see what you look like before going out?

I'm a 40 year old dad of 2. And I dress accordingly.

1 hour ago, richinspain said:

Does your missus give you a piece of paper with the order on it, just in case?

She pops a note in the little barrel in the dog's collar. The staff there know where to look. Then they sit me down outside with a pint so I can stare in to mid distance for twenty. The dog knows the way there and back. It's a foolproof system. 

Bit disappointing that one eh @BurtonRam7?

I never order an Indian takeaway by telephone. I walk to the restaurant and order at the bar. The 20 minute wait for food is the opposite of an inconvenience. It's quite possibly the happiest time of my life.

1996. 

If you're taking part in a pub quiz and the question is "What year should Noel Gallagher have stopped making music?" the answer is 1996.

I've just had the misfortune of hearing his latest offering. For the sake of morbid curiosity, here it is. You're welcome.

1 hour ago, Boycie said:

Slaw my arse.

I'd rather not.

These organic chicken breasts have been marinating overnight in my own blend of piri piri inspired seasoning. I've just seared them outside over an open flame, shredded up a bit of slaw and boom... healthy, tasty, real food. #flamecooked #chargrilled #realfood #griddlemarks #feelingcute

Made mesen an American style baked eggs on hash brown breakfast in honour of our American fans. I still have no idea what happened to our American fans so if anyone would like to fill me in I'd be very interested y'all.

29 minutes ago, David said:

Just heard that Brendan Rodgers was sacked?

37 minutes ago, sage said:

Waiting for the pool to fill.

 

Same...

Ok maybe not exactly the same.

On 31/01/2019 at 16:14, StivePesley said:

I got mugged by six dwarves last night.
Not happy.

Omg I had to go back 6 pages to find the first actually funny joke. This thread is painful, it should be locked.

5 minutes ago, David said:

Dirty protest?

I've got form.

13 hours ago, David said:

had a RSPCA charity collector the other day, you have 2 options when you open the door

I can't even bring myself to be polite to these orange vested charity idiots on the street - now if they turned up at my house and interrupted my Saturday morning poo... option 3 wouldn't be pretty.

So I was mid poo this morning when there's a knock at the door. Normally I'd ignore it but I'm expecting some stuff from Amazon so I cut it off like a sausage machine, performed an express wipe and stumble downstairs like a ballbag, buttoning as I run.

Jehovah's bloody witnesses. 

If I was ever on the fence about God then I'm not any more. They've blown it. I'm 100% atheist now.