Fostering

[Day]

I mentioned a few weeks ago in another topic that we are currently looking after 2 young boys (2 and 3), they moved in with us back in October and currently under assessment for temporary kinship foster parent status.

It's tough. Knowing we have at least 2 foster parents on here, just wanted to unload really.

We stepped in, trying to help out in short notice, I think it was 3 weeks from hearing they need our help to moving in and they have been fantastic. Settled in so well, this side has been an amazing experience.

The other side, not so. 

Meetings in person, remotely, check ups, health visitors, assessments, training courses then on top of that being available for contact with their mum and her mum (their gran) wanting her slice of our time

Where is the time left to, you know, do fun things with the boys like they should be doing? With both of me and Leanne working, just not finding the hours in the day. We're about to go through Family Conference which is an agreement for scheduled contact visits. The boys mum is wanting twice a week!

It's honestly overwhelming and I can understand why there is a shortage of foster parents available in our local area at least. Even the paperwork with weekly diary, accident forms, medication forms. 

Yesterday I was emailed another batch of assessment meetings. 

With those they want to dig into my finances, family tree, personality, education, leisure activities, even interview our ex partners and send us for a medicals.

Pretty much every Tuesday into the new year for 2 months will be taken up by this one particular department.

As I say, then you have social services, health services, an independent reviewer all wanting to take any other free hours you get until we get to the final boss which is the fostering panel that has to approve us.

Doesn't stop then either as this is only temporary whilst social services consider court orders and possible SGO orders.

Don't get me wrong, I get they have to be careful, most kids entering the fostering system have not found themselves there without going through tough times. They need to check that they are placed in a suitable home. Just feels like the whole process could be streamlined with less people ticking the same boxes.

Take DBS checks for example, we had to have them before placement through social services, now Fostering team want to do them again, surely they are there on file that can be shared?

Not much point to this post really than to say life is hard right now, currently writing this whilst in a Microsoft Teams waiting room for this weeks remote meeting. I respect you all that have been through this process.

[Comrade 86]

Hope things settle down for you very soon mate. Hopefully someone like @sage can offer some sound advice and hopefully confirm that these are processes and will be done soon enough. It's a really courageous thing you've done and I'd hope there will be easier times ahead for all parties concerned. 

[sage]

25 minutes ago, David said:

I mentioned a few weeks ago in another topic that we are currently looking after 2 young boys (2 and 3), they moved in with us back in October and currently under assessment for temporary kinship foster parent status.

It's tough. Knowing we have at least 2 foster parents on here, just wanted to unload really.

We stepped in, trying to help out in short notice, I think it was 3 weeks from hearing they need our help to moving in and they have been fantastic. Settled in so well, this side has been an amazing experience.

The other side, not so. 

Meetings in person, remotely, check ups, health visitors, assessments, training courses then on top of that being available for contact with their mum and her mum (their gran) wanting her slice of our time

Where is the time left to, you know, do fun things with the boys like they should be doing? With both of me and Leanne working, just not finding the hours in the day. We're about to go through Family Conference which is an agreement for scheduled contact visits. The boys mum is wanting twice a week!

It's honestly overwhelming and I can understand why there is a shortage of foster parents available in our local area at least. Even the paperwork with weekly diary, accident forms, medication forms. 

Yesterday I was emailed another batch of assessment meetings. 

With those they want to dig into my finances, family tree, personality, education, leisure activities, even interview our ex partners and send us for a medicals.

Pretty much every Tuesday into the new year for 2 months will be taken up by this one particular department.

As I say, then you have social services, health services, an independent reviewer all wanting to take any other free hours you get until we get to the final boss which is the fostering panel that has to approve us.

Doesn't stop then either as this is only temporary whilst social services consider court orders and possible SGO orders.

Don't get me wrong, I get they have to be careful, most kids entering the fostering system have not found themselves there without going through tough times. They need to check that they are placed in a suitable home. Just feels like the whole process could be streamlined with less people ticking the same boxes.

Take DBS checks for example, we had to have them before placement through social services, now Fostering team want to do them again, surely they are there on file that can be shared?

Not much point to this post really than to say life is hard right now, currently writing this whilst in a Microsoft Teams waiting room for this weeks remote meeting. I respect you all that have been through this process.

Just like teaching, in fostering it's the adults that drive you mad, not the kids.

It will be impossible to do if both of you are working full time.

Money can be a dirty word, social services think you vulgar at times, but they aren't volunteers. Make sure you are paid and receive everything due to you.

This isn't the most important thing for the kids, but I can assure you, fostering will prevent you earning what you earned before. 

[MaltRam]

Nothing useful to add; the late wife and I toyed with the idea, but then she fell ill and that was that.

I do have to say thank you for doing it though.  People like you and the missus putting others first, especially vulnerable youngsters, is inspirational. 

 

[Ram-Alf]

I take my hat off to you and yours for a sterling effort and to give those 2 boys for the time being a steady home life, There's been far too many Children stuck in the Social services who then get put with another family and then...well you know...the kids suffer or worse.

Social services have taken a battering this last few years, Over worked and underpaid, I see those hoops your jumping through are never ending and you ask yourself...why bother, Then you look at those 2 young uns...that's why 👍

I have a lot of time for those who do the right thing by bringing Children into their homes, Unfortunately this now comes with all the hassle that you are having to deal with.

I wish you and yours and the 2 little ones a great Xmas ☺️

[Day]

55 minutes ago, sage said:

Just like teaching, in fostering it's the adults that drive you mad, not the kids.

It will be impossible to do if both of you are working full time.

Money can be a dirty word, social services think you vulgar at times, but they aren't volunteers. Make sure you are paid and receive everything due to you.

This isn't the most important thing for the kids, but I can assure you, fostering will prevent you earning what you earned before. 

Leanne's working full time, I only do 16 hours, as you say it would be impossible to do more.

I have no complaints over money, it's far more than we ever expected, with a weekly payment each, plus an extra week at Christmas, on their birthdays and 2 weeks holiday allowance. 

Although if it goes to SGO it's means tested so we won't have a clue what until they decide.

[Day]

46 minutes ago, MaltRam said:

Nothing useful to add; the late wife and I toyed with the idea, but then she fell ill and that was that.

I do have to say thank you for doing it though.  People like you and the missus putting others first, especially vulnerable youngsters, is inspirational. 

We are the boys great aunt and uncle, I don't think we have done anything that anyone else in our position would have done.

Mainstream foster parents though, with no previous connection to the child they take on, knowing the process, they are the inspirational ones.

[sage]

Just now, David said:

Leanne's working full time, I only do 16 hours, as you say it would be impossible to do more.

I have no complaints over money, it's far more than we ever expected, with a weekly payment each, plus an extra week at Christmas, on their birthdays and 2 weeks holiday allowance. 

Although if it goes to SGO it's means tested so we won't have a clue what until they decide.

Ok. If you are only doing 16 hours it's OK.

The contact with family who fooked up the situation in the first place is a nightmare. Try to fight to reduce the amount of contact by offering proof of the impact it has.

Twice a week is too often to allow the kids to process then get back into routines of your house. It will be a long battle, but it will be needed in the long term.

Just keep battling for what is right for the kids 

 

[Day]

25 minutes ago, The Last Post said:

I take my hat off to you and yours for a sterling effort and to give those 2 boys for the time being a steady home life, There's been far too many Children stuck in the Social services who then get put with another family and then...well you know...the kids suffer or worse.

Social services have taken a battering this last few years, Over worked and underpaid, I see those hoops your jumping through are never ending and you ask yourself...why bother, Then you look at those 2 young uns...that's why 👍

I have a lot of time for those who do the right thing by bringing Children into their homes, Unfortunately this now comes with all the hassle that you are having to deal with.

I wish you and yours and the 2 little ones a great Xmas ☺️

We attended a course last week, skills to fostering, had to be done as part of the process.

A question was asked, "has anyone seen a change of care worker in their case", was a 50/50 split in the room and the guy running the meeting said it comes as no surprise as there is a high turnover in staff.

Found that kinda worrying as surely to judge and assess others, you must have to go through significant training yourselves? If there is a high turnover, would it be fair to assume that some are being fast tracked in?

[Wolfie]

Are you fostering through the local authority or a private organisation?. Forgive me if I've missed an obvious answer in your post @David

Only because Mrs Wolfie has many years' experience in this field via managing various social work teams (not Derbyshire) and I'll ask if she can offer any guidance or reassurance.

[sage]

1 minute ago, David said:

We attended a course last week, skills to fostering, had to be done as part of the process.

A question was asked, "has anyone seen a change of care worker in their case", was a 50/50 split in the room and the guy running the meeting said it comes as no surprise as there is a high turnover in staff.

Found that kinda worrying as surely to judge and assess others, you must have to go through significant training yourselves? If there is a high turnover, would it be fair to assume that some are being fast tracked in?

I got told that social workers need to change roles to get a rounded experience. Kids needs are way down the list.

Can I suggest you get a book on attachment theory. You will need to understand this

[Day]

1 minute ago, sage said:

Ok. If you are only doing 16 hours it's OK.

The contact with family who fooked up the situation in the first place is a nightmare. Try to fight to reduce the amount of contact by offering proof of the impact it has.

Twice a week is too often to allow the kids to process then get back into routines of your house. It will be a long battle, but it will be needed in the long term.

Just keep battling for what is right for the kids 

We asked the social worker who said once every 2 weeks for 2 hours, if it went to court once a month would be the likely order.

It's finding that balance in our own lives and what's best for the boys, they are young and adore her, they won't understand the reasons and for confidentiality not allowed to disclose, especially on a public forum. 

Me and Leanne don't want to be seen as the bad guys for preventing access to their mum where when they get older they resent us for.

[Day]

4 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

Are you fostering through the local authority or a private organisation?. Forgive me if I've missed an obvious answer in your post @David

Only because Mrs Wolfie has many years' experience in this field via managing various social work teams (not Derbyshire) and I'll ask if she can offer any guidance or reassurance.

Through the local authority

[sage]

1 minute ago, David said:

We asked the social worker who said once every 2 weeks for 2 hours, if it went to court once a month would be the likely order.

It's finding that balance in our own lives and what's best for the boys, they are young and adore her, they won't understand the reasons and for confidentiality not allowed to disclose, especially on a public forum. 

Me and Leanne don't want to be seen as the bad guys for preventing access to their mum where when they get older they resent us for.

Sorry I misread. Mum wants twice a week, not is getting twice a week.

Twice a week would be a disaster.

Every 2 weeks gives them time to process.

 

[Mucker1884]

I don't envy either of you, but am doffing my sombrero to you both as I speak.
Yeah, I get they are related and all that, but still, what you pair are doing... and offering those boys... goes way beyond any perceived norm of "family duty".

I can't help thinking that if they (The authorities and associated agencies) were this stringent with actual birth parents, maybe there'd be less of a need for foster parents (Numbers-wise).
Maybe I'm being harsh there, but from the outside looking in, it does sometimes appear that many "natural parents" could benefit from the odd "how to" lesson, and associated checks.

Apologies for wandering off at a slight tangent.

Keep up the great work... and have a bloody fantastic family Christmas!  👍

[ramit]

Much respect to you and your partner, David, you are doing a wonderful thing for the boys. 

My father adopted his granddaughter in his old age, my much younger brother had no secure housing, which is required and the mother was not up to the parenting task, so to save the girl from the social services road, he and my stepmother did this, but with doubts that it would be of much help.  The girl was troubled when she came to them, but changed immensely for the better and is a fine young lady today.  Father became her anchor in life.

[Wolfie]

@David

Here's the advice from Mrs Wolfie...

Yes at the start The carer the process is absolutely gruelling. There are lots of checks that have to be done and a really complex and in-depth assessment will need to be completed. The assessment will be the main bundle of information that is considered by the fostering panel prior to foster care has been agreed. I have often seen the impact that the process can have on potential foster carers. I would make the suggestion that they have an open and honest discussion with their supervising social worker. They need to be able to outline what they have said in the post and say that the demands made on them need to be better coordinated.

I would suggest to the person who posted this to also ask their supervising social worker who will be completing this assessment to have a flexible approach. This can be at more convenient times for both yourself and your wife and fit around work. There are at times certain companies who have a fostering friendly policy in place, which means that they have very flexible approach to their staff Managing their time around the fostering assessment. If you don’t know anything about this, I would speak to your work and if needed again, you can get the supervising social worker to write to your work just to see if they can provide you with some flexibility.

The level of contact that is being suggested is very usual given that the final order hasn’t been made. At the beginning of contact is arranged on the premise that children will return to the care of their parents. For this reason there remains a high level of contact in place. Once an order is agreed by the court the usual level of contact for children who are looked after is around one contact every six weeks and that usually lines up with the school holidays  so all I can say for now is hang in there. 

If the contact goes ahead as once every fortnight, speak with the social worker for the children and see if transport can be arranged to and from the contact and that a member of the social care team can perhaps supervise the contact as well.

 

Hope this helps a bit. You're doing a great thing!

[Day]

22 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

The level of contact that is being suggested is very usual given that the final order hasn’t been made. At the beginning of contact is arranged on the premise that children will return to the care of their parents. For this reason there remains a high level of contact in place. Once an order is agreed by the court the usual level of contact for children who are looked after is around one contact every six weeks and that usually lines up with the school holidays  so all I can say for now is hang in there. 

If the contact goes ahead as once every fortnight, speak with the social worker for the children and see if transport can be arranged to and from the contact and that a member of the social care team can perhaps supervise the contact as well.

Just on this bit, is that twice a week as suggested by their mum, or once a fortnight suggested by Social worker?

[Mostyn6]

the most serious element to this is whether David will be raising them as Rams.

Joking aside, all the best Daveo. Very big thing you are doing here. Never underestimate how much influence an upbringing has on people when they're adults.

[Wolfie]

26 minutes ago, David said:

Just on this bit, is that twice a week as suggested by their mum, or once a fortnight suggested by Social worker?

Once a fortnight.