sage Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 So my ex has just rung me to say she wants to get back together again. What a week I'm having. First I win the lottery and now this. Chester40, Steve How Hard?, Mick Brolly and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mucker1884 Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 7 hours ago, sage said: So my ex has just rung me to say she wants to get back together again. What a week I'm having. First I win the lottery and now this. If you decide not to have her back, how about you and me going on a date, big boy? ? Steve How Hard? and richinspain 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimRam Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 3 hours ago, Mucker1884 said: If you decide not to have her back, how about you and me going on a date, big boy? ? Send me a picture of your knee and I'll think about it. Mostyn6 and Mucker1884 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zag zig Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 uttoxram75, Premier ram, Stive Pesley and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mucker1884 Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 6 hours ago, sage said: Send me a picture of your knee and I'll think about it. Yeah right! Like you haven’t already downloaded my previous offerings! ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 Stive Pesley, cstand, EtoileSportiveDeDerby and 4 others 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted September 15, 2021 Share Posted September 15, 2021 Several members of the House of Lords decided to become Man Utd fans yesterday after they heard they were beaten and humiliated by Young Boys. Steve How Hard? and Bob The Badger 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angieram Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 Borrowed this from Twitter. Apologies if the poster is on here! cstand and Bob The Badger 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob The Badger Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 cstand and EtoileSportiveDeDerby 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 Just had some awful news, my best mate has been killed in a collision with a cement lorry On the plus side, he already has his own statue cstand 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cstand Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 angieram, Steve How Hard? and Rev 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob The Badger Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 5 hours ago, sage said: Just had some awful news, my best mate has been killed in a collision with a cement lorry On the plus side, he already has his own statue My mate drowned in a boating accident. We had a wreath made in the shape of a life belt because, well, we thinks that's what he would have wanted. ----- My brother says he's always having to tighten his belt. Then again, he is a heroin addict ----- If you don't have kids hire a babysitter before a night out. When they arrive say he's asleep upstairs in bed and not to wake him Then when you get back, go upstairs and scream 'where's my baby' ---- The people next door to me have made a sex tape. Obviously, they don't know it yet. ---- The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw" ---- As a family we couldn't decide whether to have grandma buried or cremated… in the end, we let her live. ---- You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; but you teach a man to fish – saved yourself a fish haven’t you? ---- All from Gary Delaney's Gary in Punderland book. There are 1,000 jokes in that book and they are the only clean ones I can remember. Mick Brolly and Steve How Hard? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 Can't believe I got all 6 numbers on the Alaskan Lottery but they refused to pay out. Apparently you have to be Inuit to win it. Mucker1884, ThePrisoner, Mick Brolly and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 On 17/09/2021 at 19:12, Bob The Badger said: My mate drowned in a boating accident. We had a wreath made in the shape of a life belt because, well, we thinks that's what he would have wanted. ----- My brother says he's always having to tighten his belt. Then again, he is a heroin addict ----- If you don't have kids hire a babysitter before a night out. When they arrive say he's asleep upstairs in bed and not to wake him Then when you get back, go upstairs and scream 'where's my baby' ---- The people next door to me have made a sex tape. Obviously, they don't know it yet. ---- The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw" ---- As a family we couldn't decide whether to have grandma buried or cremated… in the end, we let her live. ---- You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; but you teach a man to fish – saved yourself a fish haven’t you? ---- All from Gary Delaney's Gary in Punderland book. There are 1,000 jokes in that book and they are the only clean ones I can remember. Got tickets to see him in December. Bob The Badger 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 Boy George is in hospital after being but by his lizard 5 times. Doctors have advised him to get a calmer chameleon Premier ram, cstand, Mick Brolly and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozza Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 Don't you just hate it when you tell a joke and it comes out wrong.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob The Badger Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 1 hour ago, mozza said: Don't you just hate it when you tell a joke and it comes out wrong.. Yeh. One of my all-time favourite jokes is the wide-mouth tree frog and I got it hopelessly wrong the other day getting it the wrong way around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob The Badger Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 11 hours ago, Rev said: Got tickets to see him in December. I'd have gone to see him if the wife liked him, but the closest he gets to us is over an hour away and can't be bothered to drive on my own. We did see Jonathan Pie a couple of weeks ago (excellent) and have tickets to see Frank Skinner and Jimmy Carr in Plymouth next month. Rev 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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