Work & Home Life

[Comrade 86]

Was musing on how much effect this whole EFL / sanction / admin saga had had on my home and work life, likewise my physical and mental health. Certainly recently I've been pretty much glued to the internet and have probably had my fair share of sleepless nights too, but then a notebook /PC is the tool I use for work, so it's not hard to keep a browser open all day and night. Harder to do if you're a roofer or a brain surgeon!

With the 3 year nightmare hopefully now drawing to a close, what effects have you seen and what do you hope to change when the saga is finally over? I'll be looking to take care of myself a bit more, spend more time outdoors and exercising and cut down hours staring at handsets and PCs. Travel, live music and some more time with friends and family too as I feel like our woes have stymied my readjustment post-Covid yet.

What about you guys and gals?

[BaaLocks]

I'm quite politically interested and at one point it literally felt like all the things I held dear (outside my family) were falling apart. We had Brexit, the Labour Party, then the BoJo effect, then just ever increasing bat bananas policies, lies and the like (I'm not trying to get a cheap politics rant in, bear with me). Alongside this the company I work for - established and long standing - is really struggling and then Derby County have been going through what they have. Fortunately, my wife hasn't left me or that probably would have been a full house.

But I have to say that since the end of last season I've taken a view on the football side that what will be will be. I keep getting texts from mates traumatised about the latest events at Pride Park but I've just stepped back and taken a view that if I can't control it why am I worrying. Indeed, there really are some positives out of this - I can't remember the last time I was more excited to see the fixtures and I have no long term desire to be a Premier League toy for some super rich playboy, watching the latest multi-million transfer come and go as we struggle to get the 42 points needed to hang on with the big boys.

So, yes, it has been a really interesting time but personally I am past the point of really caring and content to live with whatever outcome we end up presented with (which isn't certain again - it's great that Clowes has stepped in but it's still not certain if he either can, or wants to, be a long term solution for a club that has a set up that is far from cheap to maintain).

[BucksRam]

Similar position @86 Hair Islands, in that I work from home 99% of the time, on a laptop so have had far too easy access to t'internet.  At times I became obsessed with looking at this forum, twitter, NewsNow, DET etc hoping for good news.  And became pretty depressed with the whole thing, compounded by also letting the apparent success of other clubs affect me, and getting more and more bitter at the PL clubs spending £100s of millions on just one player, the likes of Rudiger demanding half a million a week,  when a tiny proportion of that would have saved our club.  Like @BaaLockssays, I could go on too about the detrimental impacts of what's happening in the country, the cost of living, Ukraine etc.  It all affects us in so many ways. 

However, as I've mentioned on here before, in the time we've been dealing with Mel's little leaving present, my family has suffered 3 bouts of covid, my wife's been diagnosed, and beaten breast cancer, my Mum was diagnosed, and beat ovarian cancer (although now dealing with completely unrelated breast cancer - mastectomy this Weds) and my eldest has had pretty bad anxiety issues for which we are seeking medical help.  My best mate lost his father, another his mother.  Many on here have similar challenges, or worse. 

So a while back I took a conscious decision to change my mindset.  Much as I love Derby County, and of course football, I have absolutely no control over what happens there. None.  Family, friends, and of course my own well-being are far more important.  I binned off NewsNow and the DET (not a difficult decision).  I deliberately imposed social media blackouts on myself.  I made myself go out for lunchtime walks.  And it's helped massively.  Yes I still get wound up with the footballing world - it's broken.  We all know that - I suspect though we'd feel less strongly about it if none of what's happened to Derby had occurred.    

All I want to do is focus on the football again, discuss how we played, how we should have clung to that 1 goal lead and why, oh why did we have to concede in the 94th minute - again. I hope by the end of this week, we can all begin to have those conversations again. Until then, I'll focus on my Mum's op this Wednesday, and maybe, just maybe do a little internet search that evening to see if there's a bit of news from Mr Clowes. 

Have a good day all. 

[BaaLocks]

All the best for your loved ones in the coming weeks, months and years @BucksRam. Far more important than anything that happens wrt eleven blokes chasing a ball.

[Comrade 86]

@BaaLocks similar to my headset really. I've mentioned before that  it's not just DCFC that folk have had to endure. We've had an unholy trifecta od Covid, Derby and a war in Europe. I feel pretty fortunate to have not been impacted more significantly but a lot of my friends were struggling even before this and it's been hard not being able to see them as much as I'd have liked, or to help some the way I feel I should. I do love Derby, despite it being a bonkers club in recent years but I feel like the real change I'd like to make is to address the balance of how I spend my quality time. Less bickering with perfect strangers, more living life.

@BucksRam I think I did see you mention some of this stuff elsewhere though forgive me as I don't recall which thread. It does seem that you've had a really tough time of it and for that I'm sorry, but it's heartening that you're already taking steps that I've only just arrived at thinking about. I doff my cap to you sir!

I think reading your post has helped simplify my thinking. Sometimes I get lost in the process but I think for me personally, a lot of the changes that would be immediately beneficial are really quite straightforward and not to be over-analysed. I'm always going to be a Ram nut, but I think recent weeks have made me feel like I'm hiding a little in their ongoing travails and that's something I think I'll address by stepping back and significantly reducing my time spent trawling the site. I'm lucky that I have a lot of friends who I hold dear and look out for me better than I might deserve so it'd be nice just to simplify things and as I said, spend more time with them and my family.

Anyways both, thanks for the replies. All the best! 

[Wolfie]

DCFC's woes are just one more current turd in the logpile for me, what with all the other bad stuff happening here and abroad.

[Leeds Ram]

It's difficult as at the height of Derby's current problems when liquidation seemed like a real possibility, it would be impossible to deny it consumed my days. Given, I'm 'working from home' and have little to no rigid timescales imposed on me, it's been very easy to be distracted by the mess. I've been lucky in the sense there has been little personal trauma, unlike many of the posters on here who have had a horrid time and I truly wish the best for everyone in their own personal/family struggles. My main concern is simply, what job can I get once I've handed in my thesis this week so I can do nice things with my gf and get a place of my own. Which yes is stressful and at times upsetting, but not in the same league as some posters self-described difficulties. 

I think football can seem like the world, and there are times and moments where it does engulf your life both for good and ill. But, when something tragic really hits home, you realise that yes football is community and to a degree family but the truly important things are at home with family and friends. 

[BucksRam]

Thanks @BaaLocks and @86 Hair Islands.  Really appreciate that. Yes it's been tough but I'm under no illusion many have it far worse. 

Love this forum, love this club but the reality is I now choose what I focus on: I remain lucky to have family, friends, work and (screwed knee aside) my health. That's what's important.  

Virtual hug, fist pump, high five to you too. ?

[Mucker1884]

It's plain from above that... regardless of timing... there comes a time in life when something tells you to step back, take stock, and re-evaluate just what really matters, what matters a little bit, and what doesn't actually matter at all ("In the grand scheme of things")!

Of course, those categories will differ for us all, as indeed the actual trigger (and/or triggers), but I suspect it comes to us all at some stage (God-willing that we survive long enough!)

I won't bore you with my own triggers, suffice to say that since 2016, I have viewed DCFC as no more than a hobby.  Mostly enjoyable.  Occasionally frustrating, with the odd millisecond of euphoria thrown in.  But always a hobby.  Never taken too seriously.  Never "allowed" to rile me.
Many other aspects of my life also got "the treatment"... some being escalated on the scale of importance, some being kicked completely into touch, and many more now stand somewhere in between.

When that trigger comes, you know.  You just know!  And the re-evaluation happens, whether you plan it or not!  

xxx ?

[Comrade 86]

1 hour ago, Wolfie said:

DCFC's woes are just one more current turd in the logpile for me, what with all the other bad stuff happening here and abroad.

It's kind of felt that way mate. We had that period where despite the football-related woes, there was such a wonderful spirit about the club that for a moment, it almost went back to just being a fan again. Naively perhaps, I saw that as something of a watershed but I know it's not now, as divisions return. I'll not be getting involved in any of that moving forwards and will be using the block function significantly more! Selfish perhaps, but that's just how I'm inclined right now. 

Hope things improve for you soon buddy. At least the club is heading in the right direction again and that's something I guess!

[Comrade 86]

1 hour ago, Leeds Ram said:

It's difficult as at the height of Derby's current problems when liquidation seemed like a real possibility, it would be impossible to deny it consumed my days. Given, I'm 'working from home' and have little to no rigid timescales imposed on me, it's been very easy to be distracted by the mess. I've been lucky in the sense there has been little personal trauma, unlike many of the posters on here who have had a horrid time and I truly wish the best for everyone in their own personal/family struggles. My main concern is simply, what job can I get once I've handed in my thesis this week so I can do nice things with my gf and get a place of my own. Which yes is stressful and at times upsetting, but not in the same league as some posters self-described difficulties. 

I think football can seem like the world, and there are times and moments where it does engulf your life both for good and ill. But, when something tragic really hits home, you realise that yes football is community and to a degree family but the truly important things are at home with family and friends. 

My lad is just finishing up a post-grad at Kings College, London. I really think that school kids and those at Uni have had a tough time of it for a lot of reasons and with so much uncertainty around the global economy, it's only reasonable that you have concerns about the future. I know my lad does, even if he tries his best to hide them. Fingers crossed for you and the likes of @DarkFruitsRam7, @Andicis and even @Millenniumram(?). It might well be a tough few years ahead, indeed it's most likely, but things will turn eventually, they alway do. All the best in any case mate,

[RadioactiveWaste]

Yes, it's affected me both at "home" and at "work from home" along with a world landscape that's not looking especially great (covid, cost of living, Ukraine war, climate change, economic uncertainty, changed jobs, neighborhood "dramas") it's been a another method for my mind to go "ah ha, we get all worried depressed and stressed about this now as well"

Hopefully DCFC can go back to being a joyful escape from the pressures of life and worrying about team selection, formations and transfers.

I've not been easy for my partner, but between her, the dog and running I've been able to mostly keep positive and not go back to the dark places.

 

[Leeds Ram]

1 hour ago, 86 Hair Islands said:

My lad is just finishing up a post-grad at Kings College, London. I really think that school kids and those at Uni have had a tough time of it for a lot of reasons and with so much uncertainty around the global economy, it's only reasonable that you have concerns about the future. I know my lad does, even if he tries his best to hide them. Fingers crossed for you and the likes of @DarkFruitsRam7, @Andicis and even @Millenniumram(?). It might well be a tough few years ahead, indeed it's most likely, but things will turn eventually, they alway do. All the best in any case mate,

Oh wow, that is great for your lad you must be really proud of him. I hope he's been enjoying his time as much as he can. Yeah it's not a great time to be leaving especially as a PGR student in social sciences when departments seem to be shutting by the day. My uni has a careers support center (to help us find alternative avenues and apply those transferable skills) but have very little aimed at PGR students. What 'support' exists on a good day is unimaginative and on a bad day is actively unhelpful and depressing. But, like you say it'll all work out I'm sure and there are thousands in exactly the same boat . I hope your lad takes a bit of time to himself once he's graduated and finished his studies, I'll be taking my first real break from work in 6 years in 3 weeks for a holiday to Cornwall and I already cannot wait. 

[Comrade 86]

2 minutes ago, Leeds Ram said:

Oh wow, that is great for your lad you must be really proud of him. I hope he's been enjoying his time as much as he can. Yeah it's not a great time to be leaving especially as a PGR student in social sciences when departments seem to be shutting by the day. My uni has a careers support center (to help us find alternative avenues and apply those transferable skills) but have very little aimed at PGR students. What 'support' exists on a good day is unimaginative and on a bad day is actively unhelpful and depressing. But, like you say it'll all work out I'm sure and there are thousands in exactly the same boat . I hope your lad takes a bit of time to himself once he's graduated and finished his studies, I'll be taking my first real break from work in 6 years in 3 weeks for a holiday to Cornwall and I already cannot wait. 

He's going off travelling, he says. I've told him he can fund that ?

[Archied]

The covid stuff ,lockdowns , shut downs of golf courses( for me ,gyms and other sports for others ) followed by the derby county disaster where something that has been an ever present since childhood can and nearly is gone in the blink of an eye has aged me physically and mentally, ive put weight on that I’m really struggling to shift and I have become far more cynical which is something I don’t enjoy 

[Anag Ram]

I keep getting asked how I cope with all the stuff going on at work, at Derby County, lockdown etc.

 I think it’s a case of remembering what’s really important. Your health and happiness are key, and whilst health is often down to luck, happiness is having people around you that care about.

The stuff you think is important pales into insignificance when your health or that of a family member is threatened.

So it’s family first, Rams second for me.

DCFC has given me some great times and I can’t wait to watch them again soon. However, the team I watch next will be very different and I’ve come to terms with that.

My family are the constant I can rely on.

 

[Comrade 86]

6 hours ago, Archied said:

The covid stuff ,lockdowns , shut downs of golf courses( for me ,gyms and other sports for others ) followed by the derby county disaster where something that has been an ever present since childhood can and nearly is gone in the blink of an eye has aged me physically and mentally, ive put weight on that I’m really struggling to shift and I have become far more cynical which is something I don’t enjoy 

This is kind of where I'm at to be honest. I've said before that the Covid thing was tough enough on most folk across all age groups. Some, we now know, seem to have had a right old time of it, but we'll not venture into politics as it serves no purpose in the context of this thread. The key things for me moving forwards are being more mindful of my partner, likewise my health and the biggest thing is family and friends. The weird thing is, despite probably easing myself away from this forum, I'm actually thinking about buying a season ticket for the first time in years, perhaps for the away games.

I hear you on the weight thing too. I never really notice save for clothes not fitting me well as it seems to go on all over so there's no easily noticeable paunch to warn me. At one point I was north of 17 stone, but I'm lucky as while I can pile it on swiftly, it seems to come off quickly too. The gym is the big one for me - it's going to be hateful at first, but the benefits begin to hit within a fortnight so if I can just survive the first 10 days or so, I'll be fine. Induction booked at local 24 hour set up booked for Friday. There's something therapeutic about banging out the miles or sets whilst everyone is asleep! 

[Comrade 86]

7 hours ago, Anag Ram said:

I keep getting asked how I cope with all the stuff going on at work, at Derby County, lockdown etc.

 I think it’s a case of remembering what’s really important. Your health and happiness are key, and whilst health is often down to luck, happiness is having people around you that care about.

The stuff you think is important pales into insignificance when your health or that of a family member is threatened.

So it’s family first, Rams second for me.

DCFC has given me some great times and I can’t wait to watch them again soon. However, the team I watch next will be very different and I’ve come to terms with that.

My family are the constant I can rely on.

 

Amen to that Anag.

[ramit]

i have begun going swimming again to get back in some sort of form.  Went bowling this evening with my son and was sweating like i was hard at work, my stamina is just shot.  Been hectic in the family, my mother is in a care home now, her mind quickly slipping away and it's difficult to witness.  My brother in law had a stroke and then got Alzheimer which is developing quickly and my only sister is in poor health and now her memory seems to be getting foggy too.  Been cleaning out mother's house and that was a huge job for sis and me and we've sold it and mother sometimes knows and sometimes talks about going home, sigh.  Covid messed up my son's education, his grades have plummeted, there were so many classes that got canceled.  My cousin's stepson committed suicide last week, he was 18 and then his girlfriend did the same two days later.  My sociopath brother wants to come over for coffee to pick up our relationship, we hardly ever speak and i know what he wants and am dreading meeting him.

i follow world events too closely for my own good, i hardly ever go out, i check on Derby a thousand times a day and wonder how anyone can put with me anymore, but i appear to be married to a saint and therefor do count my blessings.  It is certainly time for a change, to begin taking better care of myself and my loved ones.

[Anag Ram]

2 hours ago, ramit said:

i have begun going swimming again to get back in some sort of form.  Went bowling this evening with my son and was sweating like i was hard at work, my stamina is just shot.  Been hectic in the family, my mother is in a care home now, her mind quickly slipping away and it's difficult to witness.  My brother in law had a stroke and then got Alzheimer which is developing quickly and my only sister is in poor health and now her memory seems to be getting foggy too.  Been cleaning out mother's house and that was a huge job for sis and me and we've sold it and mother sometimes knows and sometimes talks about going home, sigh.  Covid messed up my son's education, his grades have plummeted, there were so many classes that got canceled.  My cousin's stepson committed suicide last week, he was 18 and then his girlfriend did the same two days later.  My sociopath brother wants to come over for coffee to pick up our relationship, we hardly ever speak and i know what he wants and am dreading meeting him.

i follow world events too closely for my own good, i hardly ever go out, i check on Derby a thousand times a day and wonder how anyone can put with me anymore, but i appear to be married to a saint and therefor do count my blessings.  It is certainly time for a change, to begin taking better care of myself and my loved ones.

Wow, I found your post both sad and moving. A real insight into how hard life can become but some hope in your last sentence.
Taking better care of yourself and sharing fun times with your saintly wife will give you the energy you will need for your caring side.

I wish you every success.