Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[ketteringram]

5 hours ago, dcfcfan1 said:

most of the side effects written on the leaflet are manufacturers trying to cover their own arse

 

 

Yes. But when you've already spent a couple of hours in the rain, on the embankment of the West coast mainline, a couple of those side effects are worrying. 

[Wolfie]

3 hours ago, ketteringram said:

Yes. But when you've already spent a couple of hours in the rain, on the embankment of the West coast mainline, a couple of those side effects are worrying. 

You should try buying any medication in the USA. Dire warnings of death on packets of ibuprofen. 

I'm not saying side effects don't exist but most people aren't affected by them, or the medication wouldn't be considered safe for use. You should be having regular catch ups with the doc & if side effects are bad you can switch to something else or stop altogether. 

I guess it's a matter of measuring your need against any possible nasties. I can only go on my experience & they worked for me with no discernible negatives. 

[ketteringram]

11 hours ago, Wolfie said:

You should try buying any medication in the USA. Dire warnings of death on packets of ibuprofen. 

I'm not saying side effects don't exist but most people aren't affected by them, or the medication wouldn't be considered safe for use. You should be having regular catch ups with the doc & if side effects are bad you can switch to something else or stop altogether. 

I guess it's a matter of measuring your need against any possible nasties. I can only go on my experience & they worked for me with no discernible negatives. 

I know. But you see things very differently, at various stages of your life, and hugely dependant on state of mind. If I was given those now, I'd take them no problem. Thing is though, I don't need them now. When they were prescribed to me, I was in a right state. The doctor asked me about three questions. Didn't even look up from the notes he was making, presumably about the previous patient. Anyway, I decided not to eat them. I took a different route.  Maybe they'd have helped. I'll never know. They'd almost certainly have speeded up the process of getting better. I hope I never have to make such choices again. 

Glad that they worked for you. A couple of others have told me the same. 

[Sexydadbod]

I was hesitant to post this on here incase it comes across that I'm attention seeking but I can assure you I'm not, I just need to get this off my chest somewhere. I don't want to say that I think I have a form of depression as such because I don't believe that's fair on people who genuinely have it but over the last year or so I've been really down. I don't know what the particular cause of it was, maybe a collection of factors such as stresses with work or such but every day seems like a slog to get through. Even the so called good things that I used to like doing before now make me upset and down now and it feels like a ton of bricks have just fallen upon me. The good days are ok but the bad days which seem to be on a regular basis now are really ****. I now more pessimistic than I ever have been in my life. I don't feel that I can talk to any family relatives or friends because I feel they won't understand and I'm hesitant to even get a diagnosis from the doctors because I had some problems when I was younger which were just brushed off by them. I've tried doing physical activities like lifting weights which I must admit helped for a short while to take my mind off things but even doing that seems like a slog. Sorry for this massive piece of text but can anyone with similar experiences in the past possibly give me advice about how to get through this period? I thought this was just what every normal person experiences but I'm convinced it's something more than that

[Mostyn6]

9 minutes ago, McLovin said:

I was hesitant to post this on here incase it comes across that I'm attention seeking but I can assure you I'm not, I just need to get this off my chest somewhere. I don't want to say that I think I have a form of depression as such because I don't believe that's fair on people who genuinely have it but over the last year or so I've been really down. I don't know what the particular cause of it was, maybe a collection of factors such as stresses with work or such but every day seems like a slog to get through. Even the so called good things that I used to like doing before now make me upset and down now and it feels like a ton of bricks have just fallen upon me. The good days are ok but the bad days which seem to be on a regular basis now are really ****. I now more pessimistic than I ever have been in my life. I don't feel that I can talk to any family relatives or friends because I feel they won't understand and I'm hesitant to even get a diagnosis from the doctors because I had some problems when I was younger which were just brushed off by them. I've tried doing physical activities like lifting weights which I must admit helped for a short while to take my mind off things but even doing that seems like a slog. Sorry for this massive piece of text but can anyone with similar experiences in the past possibly give me advice about how to get through this period? I thought this was just what every normal person experiences but I'm convinced it's something more than that

if there's one thing you should know, you should never feel like your own feelings, if though you perhaps cannot explain and understand them, are irrelevant on the basis of comparison.

The whole reason I started this thread was because I was consumed and confused. Consumed by a heavy sadness, and confused as to why, when I have no relative reason (compared to others). 

It became apparent from this thread that there is a massive spectrum from being aware you feel a bit low, to being on the brink of suicide, and beyond.

I cannot tell you what to do, and I cannot and will not tell you to ignore your feelings, but one or two things I will advise, take an hour and read through this thread, it will amaze you what you relate to and what you pick up. I will also say, talk to someone, anyone, it doesn't matter who, just saying it will be massively therapeutic and will trigger the recovery (or dealing with) process. Also, if weights aren't working, change the exercise for something else, if you're in a rut or regime, you won't feel a sense of achievement and a challenge.

All said and done mate, you are not alone in your feelings. You never will be. Hope things improve for you, and if you ever want to PM me, please do so. I have PMd others off the back of this thread, and it helped me, and others have PMd me, and I sincerely hope just talking helped them.

 

[Sexydadbod]

1 minute ago, Mostyn6 said:

if there's one thing you should know, you should never feel like your own feelings, if though you perhaps cannot explain and understand them, are irrelevant on the basis of comparison.

The whole reason I started this thread was because I was consumed and confused. Consumed by a heavy sadness, and confused as to why, when I have no relative reason (compared to others). 

It became apparent from this thread that there is a massive spectrum from being aware you feel a bit low, to being on the brink of suicide, and beyond.

I cannot tell you what to do, and I cannot and will not tell you to ignore your feelings, but one or two things I will advise, take an hour and read through this thread, it will amaze you what you relate to and what you pick up. I will also say, talk to someone, anyone, it doesn't matter who, just saying it will be massively therapeutic and will trigger the recovery (or dealing with) process. Also, if weights aren't working, change the exercise for something else, if you're in a rut or regime, you won't feel a sense of achievement and a challenge.

All said and done mate, you are not alone in your feelings. You never will be. Hope things improve for you, and if you ever want to PM me, please do so. I have PMd others off the back of this thread, and it helped me, and others have PMd me, and I sincerely hope just talking helped them.

 

Thanks for responding and in depth Mostyn I am grateful. I must admit that before I was ignorant about things like Depression but experiencing something similar has made me open my eyes

[Mostyn6]

1 minute ago, McLovin said:

Thanks for responding and in depth Mostyn I am grateful. I must admit that before I was ignorant about things like Depression but experiencing something similar has made me open my eyes

no problem, but trust me, reading some of the posts in this thread has helped me come on leaps and bounds, and quite selfishly, cos it perhaps feels somewhat inappropriate, I haven't credited those that bared their personal issues for helping me deal with mine. There are plenty though, from the communicating side of things, to lifestyle, diet, medication, exercise etc etc

[Wolfie]

23 minutes ago, McLovin said:

I was hesitant to post this on here incase it comes across that I'm attention seeking but I can assure you I'm not, I just need to get this off my chest somewhere. I don't want to say that I think I have a form of depression as such because I don't believe that's fair on people who genuinely have it but over the last year or so I've been really down. I don't know what the particular cause of it was, maybe a collection of factors such as stresses with work or such but every day seems like a slog to get through. Even the so called good things that I used to like doing before now make me upset and down now and it feels like a ton of bricks have just fallen upon me. The good days are ok but the bad days which seem to be on a regular basis now are really ****. I now more pessimistic than I ever have been in my life. I don't feel that I can talk to any family relatives or friends because I feel they won't understand and I'm hesitant to even get a diagnosis from the doctors because I had some problems when I was younger which were just brushed off by them. I've tried doing physical activities like lifting weights which I must admit helped for a short while to take my mind off things but even doing that seems like a slog. Sorry for this massive piece of text but can anyone with similar experiences in the past possibly give me advice about how to get through this period? I thought this was just what every normal person experiences but I'm convinced it's something more than that

I'm not an expert but Mostyn is spot on (and that's a sentence I didn't think I would ever type).

One thing though: Execise is great & can help a lot but I would recommend doing cardio stuff instead of weights. Get the blood pumping for a good period of time regularly and you should feel some benefit.

[Rev]

My mother in law passed away at the end of June, and I'm finding it incredibly hard to comfort her daughter, my wife.

She's been ok-ish up to now, good days and bad, however now we're nearing the finish of dealing with the estate, and she's lost the focus of dealing with practical matters, she's falling apart, and it's breaking my heart to see her like this, and nothing I can do makes any difference.

She dreams almost nightly of her mums last few days, the sound of the so called 'death rattle', and bursts into tears at the slightest trigger.

There's only so many times I can tell her that she needs time before it becomes a meaningless platitude, but I can't see a way to support her with anything meaningful.

It doesn't help that I'm a cold fish, I try and distract her from things, but lately it's become all consuming.

Does anyone have any practical advice they can offer, any experience of bereavement councilling etc?

[Boycie]

1 hour ago, reveldevil said:

My mother in law passed away at the end of June, and I'm finding it incredibly hard to comfort her daughter, my wife.

She's been ok-ish up to now, good days and bad, however now we're nearing the finish of dealing with the estate, and she's lost the focus of dealing with practical matters, she's falling apart, and it's breaking my heart to see her like this, and nothing I can do makes any difference.

She dreams almost nightly of her mums last few days, the sound of the so called 'death rattle', and bursts into tears at the slightest trigger.

There's only so many times I can tell her that she needs time before it becomes a meaningless platitude, but I can't see a way to support her with anything meaningful.

It doesn't help that I'm a cold fish, I try and distract her from things, but lately it's become all consuming.

Does anyone have any practical advice they can offer, any experience of bereavement councilling etc?

Been through this, and all I can say is just be there for her, take the rough, and try and imagine what she's going through. Sounds like you're doing everything you can anyway and it will get better. My missus lost her mum at 21, sad times.

councilling is a good option for many a situation, I certainly would recommend it.

[ladyram]

Hello all, I hope you all found something today that made you smile at least once xx

[ariotofmyown]

This thread is incredible, never seen it before. Amazing what people have been posting. Hope everyone has benefited from it and kudos for Mostyn for starting it.

Not sure if it's been mentioned on this thread, but do the club get involved much in mental health awareness?  Could be a good place to reach people who are struggling.

[toddy]

19 hours ago, reveldevil said:

My mother in law passed away at the end of June, and I'm finding it incredibly hard to comfort her daughter, my wife.

She's been ok-ish up to now, good days and bad, however now we're nearing the finish of dealing with the estate, and she's lost the focus of dealing with practical matters, she's falling apart, and it's breaking my heart to see her like this, and nothing I can do makes any difference.

She dreams almost nightly of her mums last few days, the sound of the so called 'death rattle', and bursts into tears at the slightest trigger.

There's only so many times I can tell her that she needs time before it becomes a meaningless platitude, but I can't see a way to support her with anything meaningful.

It doesn't help that I'm a cold fish, I try and distract her from things, but lately it's become all consuming.

Does anyone have any practical advice they can offer, any experience of bereavement councilling etc?

Councilling is a must mate. It will never take the pain away put it will make it liveable.

[Ashz09]

All the time I feel worthless, Un-Motivated, Fatigue, Tired, Stressed, Keep having headaches now and again. I seem to blame myself for the way my life is and I have to get on with it. Constantly irritated I keep flogging it off like it's fine I'm meant to feel this way. Some of it I blame on having Type 1 Diabetes as it can be due to that. I just feel rock bottom I have a great skill set regarding I.T. and problem and my employer keeps promising a pay rise which also doesn't help with myself esteem. My whole familys near enough suffered from it and I'm trying my best not to add to that number but it's hard.

I guess in someways I like praise makes me feel great and socializing which neither have I really had I used to rely on both from work. I get neither now the place is getting smaller and smaller.

I've been advised to get another job and I'm worth at least £4,000-£5,000 more then what I'm on but keep getting rejected. Just started to have enough everyday is a struggle at work I'm going from a 3 man team to a 1 man team and been told no helps coming in and to get on with it. I'm fine with that as I want to prove myself I guess and don't want them to feel I'm not capable (I'm sounding like this is my cover letter for a company to feel sorry for me!). At home my Daughter keeps playing up, not sleeping properly which causes me to have hardly any sleep + Diabetes sugar going up due to this along with stress. Missus is getting stressed a lot shouting etc which I can't blame her.

I've read a great piece at work about depression and I'm well known for keeping my emotions in but it made me feel like crying (Then had to suck it up because someone came for help with work!). I tick most of the boxes for depressing (Usually I'm in denial but starting to think I have it.) but feel bad as well because the contracts losing money and my colleague works 3/5 days so leaves no one at work for technical support or WMS support.

All in all I needed to write this I'm unsure what to do or what to say or whether it even matters any more. I've been not stop for the past god knows how many years with many set backs I've just took on board and told myself what ever get on with it. I think everything is catching up now. Am I finally realizing I might have to get this diagnosed? Unsure!?

[Anag Ram]

Just now, Ashz09 said:

All the time I feel worthless, Un-Motivated, Fatigue, Tired, Stressed, Keep having headaches now and again. I seem to blame myself for the way my life is and I have to get on with it. Constantly irritated I keep flogging it off like it's fine I'm meant to feel this way. Some of it I blame on having Type 1 Diabetes as it can be due to that. I just feel rock bottom I have a great skill set regarding I.T. and problem and my employer keeps promising a pay rise which also doesn't help with myself esteem. My whole familys near enough suffered from it and I'm trying my best not to add to that number but it's hard.

I guess in someways I like praise makes me feel great and socializing which neither have I really had I used to rely on both from work. I get neither now the place is getting smaller and smaller.

I've been advised to get another job and I'm worth at least £4,000-£5,000 more then what I'm on but keep getting rejected. Just started to have enough everyday is a struggle at work I'm going from a 3 man team to a 1 man team and been told no helps coming in and to get on with it. I'm fine with that as I want to prove myself I guess and don't want them to feel I'm not capable (I'm sounding like this is my cover letter for a company to feel sorry for me!). At home my Daughter keeps playing up, not sleeping properly which causes me to have hardly any sleep + Diabetes sugar going up due to this along with stress. Missus is getting stressed a lot shouting etc which I can't blame her.

I've read a great piece at work about depression and I'm well known for keeping my emotions in but it made me feel like crying (Then had to suck it up because someone came for help with work!). I tick most of the boxes for depressing (Usually I'm in denial but starting to think I have it.) but feel bad as well because the contracts losing money and my colleague works 3/5 days so leaves no one at work for technical support or WMS support.

All in all I needed to write this I'm unsure what to do or what to say or whether it even matters any more. I've been not stop for the past god knows how many years with many set backs I've just took on board and told myself what ever get on with it. I think everything is catching up now. Am I finally realizing I might have to get this diagnosed? Unsure!?

If you want to explore the way you feel then I would recommend trying counselling/ psychotherapy.

Sometimes just saying it out loud is a relief. A good qualified therapist will truly listen.

I wish you all the best 

[ketteringram]

2 hours ago, Anag Ram said:

If you want to explore the way you feel then I would recommend trying counselling/ psychotherapy.

Sometimes just saying it out loud is a relief. A good qualified therapist will truly listen.

I wish you all the best 

Agree with this . It may take a few goes to find the right person . So don't be put off if the first try doesn't work out . Whatever else you do , it's clear that one way or another , work life needs sorting out ! Hope you start to sort it out quickly . 

[Mostyn6]

@Ashz09 taking your post on face value, your boss may have twigged your personality trait (wanting to please and not be seen as failure) and could be well be exploiting this.

I wouldn't advise anything drastic just yet, but if you can try and remove your mind from the situation and think what advice you'd give yourself. This method has served me well in taking control of issues head on.

Think of your goal in the situation, then think of how you can get someone else to come to making the decision that you want them to make. It may sound simplistic. But if your work is good, and your boss relies on it to make him/herself look good, it's probably time to go and sit down with your boss and ask for some career advice.

I was in a similar situation where I asked an old boss if I could sit with him as I needed advice. He took the bait cos it massaged his ego a bit, then I asked how he would go about leaving the business if he was me, but without burning bridges, and if he would give me a glowing reference. I pretended I thought his hands were tied and pretended I blamed the business for exploiting me, I mentioned I had job offers (lies!) that were half interesting and on the same money, and didn't see potential progress in the business as nobody was helping my personal development. I then abruptly stopped and said I was sorry to burden him with this, I will perhaps go to HR or something. He was gob-smacked as I made it like it wasn't personal, but he was obviously shamed.

At the end of the day, you're doing an admirable thing by conducting yourself in the right way, but you are human and have limitations. Always cover your arse by ensuring you've made it clear that without help, the risks to the business are increased, I would also, without sabotage, consider decreasing your workload a bit. Think of it this way, if you tell someone you cannot do something, and then you go and do it, you've proved yourself wrong, so why would they listen to you?

Again, if your line manager won't listen, put it in writing, explaining that you value your career and future, and have the best interests of the business at heart,.... If you need help writing this kind of stuff... I'm an expert  

I just hope you soon learn to take a step back and learn to take control. Just speaking to someone helps, but I hope if you can step back, you start valuing yourself better, gain confidence and assertion, and hopefully things will straighten out for you.

[Pearl Ram]

@Ashz09 Sorry for what you're going through, can't be easy but I urge you to try and find a good counsellor/therapist. You and your Mrs are in the business of creating memories for your daughter and you don't want them to be all about her mam shouting and bawling. (My mam was a shouter and bawler)

I'm 57 now and still can't stand the sound of a ticking clock in a room when everything else is quiet because that's what I used to hear in the aftermath of one of my parents frequent rows when one of them cleared off and that was 50 years ago.

Sincerely wish you all the best for the future.

[Rev]

Find another job @Ashz09, even if it's paying less in the short term, you spend 1/3 of your life there, no point if it makes you so unhappy you can't enjoy the rest of your time.

If you're as good at your job as you think, and I'm sure you are, it will soon be recognised under a decent employer, even if you have to take a short term drop.

Most employers are decent, don't let your experience in your current employer make you think all firms are the same.

The worst thing to do in your situation would be to stay put for the money, take anything that allows you to live to the minimum standard you can tolerate, and be happier in yourself. 

One last thing, when you hand your notice in, and they offer you more money to stay, tell them to ********, if you're worth it now you were worth it a week ago!

[Ashz09]

Thanks for the advice guys. It's much appreciated. I think Yesterday was hard for me and overall emotional and just needed to speak out. The problem is now I'm feeling better today I feel maybe I was over dramatic yesterday and in fact I don't have depression.. Which is annoying seems it just wants to effect me when it wants or makes me believe it.. Funny how a human brain works.

I agree I do need a new job which will turn my life completely. I've never had to find a job they've all came my way but I always thought it'd be easy I fit the roles perfect but they all require high end university degrees which is depressing. In some ways it seems they don't recruit you on your skill set or the person you are! Just on education only. I'll keep searching and hope a job comes up locally! Makes you appreciate the fact when people say finding a job is hard it actually seems that way.

I always remember a mate of mine took psychology up as a job and I'll always remember him saying Depression is a sign of the week and the tablets don't do anything.. They make you think they have and it tricks your brain. It's best to stay strong and sober then dwarf your brain with illusions and fake emotions.. Stuck with me for 10 years that.