Dealing with loss of a pet

[IlsonDerby]

Just looking for advice. Our brilliant cat was hit by a car (whilst we were out of the country so had to say our goodbyes via FaceTime so she could hear our voices at the end) and just feel utterly miserable. 
 

Any advice on how to ease the pain of losing a pet? 

Anyone do anything nice with their ashes or anything? 
 

Not sure where else to ask and I like the anonymity the forum gives for opening up like this. 
 

Anyone here’s to my beautiful idiot 

[CBRammette]

43 minutes ago, IlsonDerby said:

Just looking for advice. Our brilliant cat was hit by a car (whilst we were out of the country so had to say our goodbyes via FaceTime so she could hear our voices at the end) and just feel utterly miserable. 
 

Any advice on how to ease the pain of losing a pet? 

Anyone do anything nice with their ashes or anything? 
 

Not sure where else to ask and I like the anonymity the forum gives for opening up like this. 
 

Anyone here’s to my beautiful idiot 

Losing a pet is terrible and how bad you feel is not really acknowledged. As with losing a person I think the way she died and you being away has made it worse for you. We have always buried our pets ashes where they loved to be in the garden and planted a nice tree/bush on top. Sorry you're going through it

[IlsonDerby]

13 minutes ago, CBRammette said:

Losing a pet is terrible and how bad you feel is not really acknowledged. As with losing a person I think the way she died and you being away has made it worse for you. We have always buried our pets ashes where they loved to be in the garden and planted a nice tree/bush on top. Sorry you're going through it

That’s a nice idea, we didn’t like the thought of her body in the ground in the garden but the ashes under a nice tree or something would be quite special. 

[ilkleyram]

55 minutes ago, IlsonDerby said:

Just looking for advice. Our brilliant cat was hit by a car (whilst we were out of the country so had to say our goodbyes via FaceTime so she could hear our voices at the end) and just feel utterly miserable. 
 

Any advice on how to ease the pain of losing a pet? 

Anyone do anything nice with their ashes or anything? 
 

Not sure where else to ask and I like the anonymity the forum gives for opening up like this. 
 

Anyone here’s to my beautiful idiot 

I’m sorry @IlsonDerby  we’ve had a few dogs and cats over the years. All much loved. 
We’ve treated their memories differently if truth be told. Dogs ashes have gone somewhere on their favourite walks and cats ashes in the garden/flower beds. I do also frame a favourite photo of them and hang it in the house. It serves as a happy memorial of happy memories 

[Comrade 86]

Sadly, I think only time really heals loss. I think the idea of spreading his ashes somewhere he loved is a good one. With cats, I guess that'd be the garden (or a neighbour's garden!) and the only thing I can suggest to ease the sense of loss is to focus on what he brought to your life, the affection, the goofiness and all the stuff that made him so special to you and not his demise. Once this is manageable and that may be a little while, you might think about getting another kitten, given this chap was clearly loved. Every pet needs a loving home and not all owners are good owners, so you wouldn't be replacing him, just giving another animal the love and care he enjoyed.

Sorry mate, that's all I've got, but I hope you don't feel too down for too long.

[Alph]

I lost my Bull Mastiff just over a week ago. 9 years old. 

I've had the breed before and I knew it was going to be tough. Big breed, big presence around the house, very close with the kids. 

I'm waiting on his ashes. Never really liked the idea of ashes on display. Always thought it was a bit morbid but going to have to do something in the spot he used to sleep in so that he's home. Was my best friend. 

No tips on the pain. Still hate coming in from work and him blocking me taking my boots off. 

[Comrade 86]

1 hour ago, Alph said:

I lost my Bull Mastiff just over a week ago. 9 years old. 

I've had the breed before and I knew it was going to be tough. Big breed, big presence around the house, very close with the kids. 

I'm waiting on his ashes. Never really liked the idea of ashes on display. Always thought it was a bit morbid but going to have to do something in the spot he used to sleep in so that he's home. Was my best friend. 

No tips on the pain. Still hate coming in from work and him blocking me taking my boots off. 

Sorry to hear this Alph. 

[Mostyn6]

this topic of conversation/discussion truly turns my stomach. I can still easily bring myself to tears thinking about 2 dogs that I lost in 1993 and 2009! I now have 2 dogs, a very anxious 3 and half year old with stomach/dietary issues, and a 7 month old puppy who somehow seems invincible! My mate recently lost his dog after she got scared on a jog and ran in front of a car and the whole experience of what he went through has kept me awake. I make no secret of the fact I prefer Dogs to Humans in general.

Sorry for your loss @IlsonDerby I have no idea how to deal with it, cos I'm a mess just thinking about the prospect. 😢

[Anag Ram]

Incredible isn’t it how one brave post from someone in pain opens the floodgates for others who have known similar losses.

The loss of a pet is massively under-appreciated. When a creature is important enough to name and be with you on a daily basis, it’s little wonder it will play a big part in a person’s life.

I hope the memories you all have are special ones and that you will remember your pets with a smile. That’s the lasting legacy.

 

 

[JuanFloEvraTheCocu'sNesta]

When our family dog passed away when I was a kid my Dad took us all down the local pub for lunch in an effort to cheer us up. One of the locals we knew walked in, looked at my Mum and said "Jesus, you look like your dog has just died!". Typical.

As an adult I've not had to deal with it yet. We have a three year old dog and a five year old kid. I'm not looking forward to the day (hopefully long in to the future) when I have to sit her down and break the news.

[Comrade 86]

33 minutes ago, Anag Ram said:

Incredible isn’t it how one brave post from someone in pain opens the floodgates for others who have known similar losses.

The loss of a pet is massively under-appreciated. When a creature is important enough to name and be with you on a daily basis, it’s little wonder it will play a big part in a person’s life.

I hope the memories you all have are special ones and that you will remember your pets with a smile. That’s the lasting legacy.

Honestly, and folk will laugh, but the reason I've never had a dog is I couldn't cope with the loss. When I was still living in London, literally all my pals seemed to have dogs (and other pets) and I must have spent a couple of years or more staying in their flats and houses minding their pets while they were away for work, holidays and the like. Even after a few days with them it was hard to say goodbye, so the idea of owning a dog and losing him just puts me off completely. I know it's stupid but it's a line of thought I can't shake.

[Anag Ram]

8 minutes ago, Comrade 86 said:

Honestly, and folk will laugh, but the reason I've never had a dog is I couldn't cope with the loss. When I was still living in London, literally all my pals seemed to have dogs (and other pets) and I must have spent a couple of years or more staying in their flats and houses minding their pets while they were away for work, holidays and the like. Even after a few days with them it was hard to say goodbye, so the idea of owning a dog and losing him just puts me off completely. I know it's stupid but it's a line of thought I can't shake.

Aha, the age old conundrum!

If we are afraid of loss, are we also afraid of love?

The two are so intertwined 😊

[IlsonDerby]

18 minutes ago, Comrade 86 said:

Honestly, and folk will laugh, but the reason I've never had a dog is I couldn't cope with the loss. When I was still living in London, literally all my pals seemed to have dogs (and other pets) and I must have spent a couple of years or more staying in their flats and houses minding their pets while they were away for work, holidays and the like. Even after a few days with them it was hard to say goodbye, so the idea of owning a dog and losing him just puts me off completely. I know it's stupid but it's a line of thought I can't shake.

I think it’s important going into any experience of having a pet knowing that the odds are you will outlive them and say goodbye to them. 

I guess it’s so raw in this instance because our little girl was so young. I think I’d have been upset but not as distraught if she was 18 years old and getting ill with age but she was bouncing around the garden chasing her toys around when we left for our holiday. 
 

To know some Peter rick hit her and didn’t even stop their car is what stings. Where’s the compassion? 

[Comrade 86]

5 minutes ago, IlsonDerby said:

I think it’s important going into any experience of having a pet knowing that the odds are you will outlive them and say goodbye to them. 

I guess it’s so raw in this instance because our little girl was so young. I think I’d have been upset but not as distraught if she was 18 years old and getting ill with age but she was bouncing around the garden chasing her toys around when we left for our holiday. 
 

To know some Peter rick hit her and didn’t even stop their car is what stings. Where’s the compassion? 

So sorry mate. I think this is why so many favour the company of their pets to humans. Oddly, given my earlier post, I'm now thinking about contacting the local rescue shelters. Perhaps giving a dog a home should matter more than other notions. 

Anyway, difficult as it must be, try to enjoy your holiday as best you can. Probably hollow words, but I don't know what else to say.

[IlsonDerby]

3 minutes ago, Comrade 86 said:

So sorry mate. I think this is why so many favour the company of their pets to humans. Oddly, given my earlier post, I'm now thinking about contacting the local rescue shelters. Perhaps giving a dog a home should matter more than other notions. 

Anyway, difficult as it must be, try to enjoy your holiday as best you can. Probably hollow words, but I don't know what else to say.

No it’s important to focus on trying to enjoy the rest of the holiday. She isn’t in pain, she’s at peace. 
 

Definitely get a dog pal. If how I feel at the moment is the price to pay for having her in our lives then it’s still a bargain. She was a brilliant pet. 

[Alph]

1 hour ago, Comrade 86 said:

Sorry to hear this Alph. 

Cheers mate. Cried like a baby. 

I think most people would say they prefer their pets to most the human race

[maxjam]

I've been quite lucky in life, early 50s no health complaints, same for my wife, kids, brother and sister, Mum and Dad.  We're a pretty healthy long lived family.  The only people I have lost are my 4 Grandparents, all of whom were in their 90s.  It was sad, but also felt kinda natural, so I've never really suffered any real feelings of loss. 

I didn't get my first dog until I was 30 and married with kids, a miniature schnauzer that followed me everywhere.  Despite 4 of us in the house, she was 'my' dog.  We eventually had to have her put to sleep at 15yo, she had been failing for a long time prior to that, looking back it was almost cruel to keep her going, but she used to have the odd good day and the alternative was final. 

I'm also a fairly pragmatic and level-headed kinda guy, movies etc don't stir any real emotions.  I take the highs and lows life throws at you pretty well, but watching her 'go to sleep' on my knee broke me for weeks.   I couldn't entertain a conversation about her without my voice breaking and tears rolling down my face.  I often wonder whether it would have been different if she had died naturally.  Knowing that I had played a part in her death, despite good intentions and it definitely being 'time', still weighs heavy to this day.

For the next god knows how long there was a real sense of emptiness, she would have been around my feet or sitting on my knee all day everyday.  Working from home, which I had done for years by then, she was a real 'best mate' and as your kids grow older and become less dependent almost a replacement!

Anyway, cutting my therapy session short, a few years later we decided to get another miniature schnauzer followed by another 18 months later - thinking that they would have each other.  They do of course play with each other and seem to be good mates, but when we all sit down at night one always snuggles up with me, the other my wife. 

They are both still pretty young and full of the joys of life and they bring us immense pleasure - we wouldn't be without them.  We have since taken early retirement and moved to the North Yorkshire coast, they get walked on the beach or across the moors to the woods everyday and have a great life, we'll have lots of great memories that will far outweigh any loss, but at the back of my mind I can't shake the feeling that one day I'll have to go through it all again.

 

[DarkFruitsRam7]

1 hour ago, JuanFloEvraTheCocu'sNesta said:

When our family dog passed away when I was a kid my Dad took us all down the local pub for lunch in an effort to cheer us up. One of the locals we knew walked in, looked at my Mum and said "Jesus, you look like your dog has just died!". Typical.

As an adult I've not had to deal with it yet. We have a three year old dog and a five year old kid. I'm not looking forward to the day (hopefully long in to the future) when I have to sit her down and break the news.

Lost our lab when I was 9. My mum took me to see Marley & Me to cheer me up.

Criminal parenting.

Edited August 7 by DarkFruitsRam7

[Anag Ram]

4 minutes ago, DarkFruitsRam7 said:

Lost our lab when I was 9. My mum took me to see Marley & Me to cheer me up.

Criminal parenting.

Wow, immersion therapy!

[SSD]

Sorry to hear about your cat. Me and my wife's first cat died young, he was only two years old. We was reluctant to let him outside due to the nature of the area and how busy the roads were. Eventually he kept escaping out the back door anyway so we decided we'd let him wonder around.

Sadly, we didn't realise that the house to the back of ours had an aggressive dog who unfortunately killed our cat. I was working from home at the time and I heard a woman screaming over the back of garden. It went quieter and I didn't think anymore of it. A few minutes later they called me and explained what happened. It was horrific and my wife was distraught. There were loads of other cats in the area and none of them had been attacked by any dogs. It must have been really bad timing. 

Honestly, I felt more upset about the cat dying than going to any recent funeral. Whether that was the guilt of not keeping an eye on the animal more, I don't know. It took me a long time to come to terms with it.