Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[Sith Happens]

My experience isnt depression as such, it was more stress related caused by work. I bottled it up for a long time, i certainly 'FELT' depressed, so hard to get up in a mornng and carry on and try and put on a happy face and try and give people the impression all was ok.

I think the hardest thing to do is admit to people something is wrong, for me it felt like a sign of weakness. I guess it was easier for me in the end as i knew the cause of the problem, and in the end i just got up one morning and thought i dont care anymore, i went into work, actually sat and cried in front of a colleague, rang my boss all ready to tell him i couldnt do it, and had made my mind up it was my last action at work. He was in a state of shock and couldnt believe how i felt, the next day he was at my office (250 miles) we sat down, talked it all through - agreed why there was problems and agreed how to solve them. I never looked back after that - felt like a load had been lifted, not saying i still dont worry about things sometimes its normal, but i will never bottle things up again.

I am sure this doesnt come close to what you are feeling, but the only thing i can say is talk talk talk - i know its a bit of a cliche but a problem shared and all that.

Hope things get better for you.

[Phoenix]

2 hours ago, Paul71 said:

My experience isnt depression as such, it was more stress related caused by work. I bottled it up for a long time, i certainly 'FELT' depressed, so hard to get up in a mornng and carry on and try and put on a happy face and try and give people the impression all was ok.

I think the hardest thing to do is admit to people something is wrong, for me it felt like a sign of weakness. I guess it was easier for me in the end as i knew the cause of the problem, and in the end i just got up one morning and thought i dont care anymore, i went into work, actually sat and cried in front of a colleague, rang my boss all ready to tell him i couldnt do it, and had made my mind up it was my last action at work. He was in a state of shock and couldnt believe how i felt, the next day he was at my office (250 miles) we sat down, talked it all through - agreed why there was problems and agreed how to solve them. I never looked back after that - felt like a load had been lifted, not saying i still dont worry about things sometimes its normal, but i will never bottle things up again.

I am sure this doesnt come close to what you are feeling, but the only thing i can say is talk talk talk - i know its a bit of a cliche but a problem shared and all that.

Hope things get better for you.

This resonates with me a bit. my problem was the boss was a manipulative bully, who was smiled on by the heirachy(?) at head office, some 200 miles away. He alo seemed to suffer from sort of paranoia that we were all plotting against him.

We all felt we couldn't complain to Head Office, as it would have got reported back to him by the prat of a secretary, whether it was a personal visit or a phone call.

I felt very vulnerable at the time, having re-married, struggling with a mortgage and 3 step-children, one with metal health issues, and 3 of my own. I was in my 50s. He was in his 20's, and it was the sort of thing he would play on.He made  my life, and everyone else in the office, a living hell. One girl did attempt to bring matters to a head and resigned, giving reasons. The department head came up from London and placated her (for a while) using the line that she was being over-sensitive on account of being Asian (implying that it was a discrimination issue). She retracted, but left a little later.

When the b@st@rd eventually left, we were all interviewed (by the Head Office lot) who were completely horrified as they got the same story over and over and over again. It just shows what power one person can hold.

This was over 20 years ago, and I'm not a vindictive person, but he is the one person I could cheerfully throttle, sing comic songs at his funeral,and dance a highland reel on his grave. The fact that he was also a Chelsea supporter should give me sufficient excuse.

Looking back, I should really have grasped the nettle and confronted the situation.

If any of you lot find yourselves in a similar situation, bite the bullet. Life's too short to put up with that cr@p.

[Mostyn6]

cheers @Phoenix for that advice. I'm just clearing my desk....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

only joking. But yeah, things that linger should be dealt with.

I never let things linger. My sadness/depression/misery is fuelled more by what's not happening than by what is happening. Things that I can control, I invariably do eventually get a grip of, things that I cannot truly influence, are the things that play on my mind. Not sure if it's the same for others.

[Tombo]

On 15/12/2015 at 15:00, Uptherams said:

On the blue light point. Anyone can download a piece of software called f.lux for free.  It mirrors daylight and after two days or so of using it you are completely unaware that you are using it. Blue Light is a huge problem, even for people who don't think it is for them. I recommend everyone uses f.lux immediately. 

This is great by the way, thanks!

 

So onto my experience. I have people close to me that have suffered depression but I know that at least one of them reads this forum and I'm not sure it's my story to tell so I won't.

What I can tell you is my own experience about a year ago. I don't think I was depressed, but I felt kind of 'frozen'. I'm a history student at the University of Derby and when work piled up on me I just stopped. I didn't do anything for about two weeks. When I say didn't do anything, I mean really didn't do anything. I sat at my laptop, posted on dcfcfans, metaphorically phoned in a few dates with my girlfriend, and listened to music. I ate ready meals or pretty much just skipped evening meals entirely. Didn't go out, just couldn't be bothered. It was my first year at Uni and I was terrified of all the pressure on my shoulders and terrified of failing.

My girlfriend of the time, who I will always give credit for on this even though she's my ex, convinced me to see a counsellor. I really did not want to, because I felt like that's admitting that there's a problem. "I'm not stressed or depressed, I'm just lazy". Wrong. I needed to admit the problem. And the other one was "Come on, I'm just a student. There's people in this country breaking their backs working 12 hour shifts for crap pay". Wrong. We've all got our problems and comparing them to other people's problems just makes you feel guilty. Never feel guilty for how you feel, you didn't choose to feel that way so don't blame yourself.

I thought about it a bit and thought maybe my problem was that I had no real friends. I was quite well liked by people at Uni and by my flatmates, but nobody I could call a friend. So that's what I decided I needed help with. I was going to go to the counsellor and tell them about my poor social skills, and not at all mention this other crisis because that would be me just being mardy right?

As soon as I went there I just started to feel much better. Just talking to someone made me feel calmer and more secure. All of my problems came out there. The social anxiety, the "depressive behaviour", even the problems in my relationship with my girlfriend (which I believe gave us several more months together before it had to go tits up). Discussed everything and anything. It helped me an immense amount, I got back to doing my coursework and revision and met all my deadlines and remained on the course.

So I wasn't at rock bottom. I wasn't suffering depression. They don't come with a big stamp and mark you "DEPRESSED" when it happens. You just have to keep an eye out for the deterioration. I think I caught it early and managed to deal with it while it was still easy.

My advice is to see someone and talk to them. First things first about counsellors, they're not shrinks. They're not going to diagnose you and whack you on the happy pills. If that's what you need, they'll refer you to a proper shrink who will do that. In Continental Europe, seeing a counsellor is like getting a check-up. We should be emulating this attitude to mental illness. When I told people I saw a counsellor the reaction was "Why? Are you okay? What happened?" Which I understand. They just want to be there for me and that's reassuring. But what is implicit in that is that there had to be something seriously wrong. There wasn't, I just stopped myself as soon as I felt the decline.

If you found a physical problem - you found a lump right? You'd be straight down to your GP because you're not taking any chances, correct? Apply that same attitude to your mental wellbeing. Don't take any chances and assume it's going to get better. It might do, it might get better. But if it doesn't, you're playing a dangerous game. Take action.

 

Apparently, I'm a good listener. So I'm told. So I'll offer what many others have offered on here. If anyone - ANYONE - wants to talk, day or night, I'm here. No matter how well or not we know each other. No matter how well or not we've agreed on certain things on this forum. I realise it's a fairly empty offer because if you don't know someone why would you talk to them about your problems? But desperation works in mysterious ways and you can find people when you didn't even know you were looking. So for what it is worth, I'd like to listen if you want me to.

[Tombo]

Wow that was a long post... I feel bad for having the longest post on this thread when I was talking about such a trivial problem...

See how this guilt thing works? Even now I beat myself up about it from time to time. But it was just a minor thing, I'm sure of that. Could have been worse though.

[SaintRam]

1 minute ago, Tombo said:

Wow that was a long post... I feel bad for having the longest post on this thread when I was talking about such a trivial problem...

See how this guilt thing works? Even now I beat myself up about it from time to time. But it was just a minor thing, I'm sure of that. Could have been worse though.

A lot of my posts are just sequels to each other, so I just give the illusion of being concise. 

Thanks for posting though Tombo, was good to read. 

[Mostyn6]

I think another issue for me is that when someone asks "how are you?", and I respond with a quite throwaway, "meh, been better", it's often met with "why? what's up? What's happened?". Problem with me is that I never have any one real specific thing, and I cannot put into words how I feel. This makes me then reluctant to ever open up to those friends. I suppose over time, almost all of my friends have ended up being crossed off my "open up to.." list as a result of this, ending in isolation.

My latest episode of being down was met by a response (from someone very sensitive and compassionate) of "what happened over the weekend then? something must have".

[Minneapolis Town Tractor]

One thing about the condition is you never know who is suffering i.e pass people on the street, we don't always know how they're feeling, or what their situation is.

Can speak on this freely as have suffered with this for around 10 years, mostly attributed to personal loss and divorce, and while have attended counselling sessions on many occasion, there wasn't any real end product.    

Best thing to do is maybe count your blessings, realize there are those less fortunate than yourself and try to remain positive - no matter how hard it can be at certain times.      Times like now (holiday season) can be a real setback however, but for all other sufferers out there - you're not alone.

 

 

[Tombo]

18 minutes ago, Mostyn6 said:

I think another issue for me is that when someone asks "how are you?", and I respond with a quite throwaway, "meh, been better", it's often met with "why? what's up? What's happened?". Problem with me is that I never have any one real specific thing, and I cannot put into words how I feel. This makes me then reluctant to ever open up to those friends. I suppose over time, almost all of my friends have ended up being crossed off my "open up to.." list as a result of this, ending in isolation.

My latest episode of being down was met by a response (from someone very sensitive and compassionate) of "what happened over the weekend then? something must have".

Yeah I get this, people expect you to be upbeat and fantastic all the time. In my experience it's because they're suffering themselves and they've been practising their best fake smile all morning to make sure they didn't give anything away. The reason they're so interrogative is because they want you to talk about your problems. When you talk about your problems, they can listen and most importantly respond and tell you about all their problems.

I tend to find that when I spend too long in a room with someone, it all comes out eventually. Maybe I just have that effect on people that they're reminded of all their problems when I'm around 

It never helps when people respond like that and ask what's happened. It makes you feel like they don't understand what you're going through. But they do, that's why they're asking. If you think back, you've probably responded the same way without even knowing it. People just struggle to talk about emotion, especially men, so these awkward conversations happen from time to time.

[SaintRam]

I've gotten very good at the veil over the years. I'd probably be quite a good actor

[GboroRam]

20 hours ago, Mostyn6 said:

I think another issue for me is that when someone asks "how are you?", and I respond with a quite throwaway, "meh, been better", it's often met with "why? what's up? What's happened?". Problem with me is that I never have any one real specific thing, and I cannot put into words how I feel. This makes me then reluctant to ever open up to those friends. I suppose over time, almost all of my friends have ended up being crossed off my "open up to.." list as a result of this, ending in isolation.

My latest episode of being down was met by a response (from someone very sensitive and compassionate) of "what happened over the weekend then? something must have".

I don't know if this is any help at all, and I wouldn't say I've ever suffered in the way others here have - but I've been unhappy in my life in the past and was on a crappy management course. Most of it was standard BS but one bit was of use to me.

If you want to change something about your life, change something about your life. Small changes can be a catalyst to bigger change. If you are feeling lost in life, do something, however small, and it may start a domino effect. 

Probably not helpful but it was for me. 

[sage]

I would recommend watching this every few months.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3659786/

Inspirational.

[Mafiabob]

6 hours ago, GboroRam said:

I don't know if this is any help at all, and I wouldn't say I've ever suffered in the way others here have - but I've been unhappy in my life in the past and was on a crappy management course. Most of it was standard BS but one bit was of use to me.

If you want to change something about your life, change something about your life. Small changes can be a catalyst to bigger change. If you are feeling lost in life, do something, however small, and it may start a domino effect. 

Probably not helpful but it was for me. 

I use the serenity prayer when I'm a bit low....

 

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...

[Alph]

People say 'you made your bed now lie in it'. It's true that if you make commitments then you should see them through. Everyone would agree on that?

You can't go through life making decisions and walk away from the consequences. 

But what if you don't want to? Tough ****?

Had a pooh childhood and it was really down to my Grandma who helped me get through feeling down. But she's got Alzheimers now and I went to see her a fortnight ago and she didn't remember me. That was a blow and it just feels like it's one thing after another with what's been happening lately. 

Would love a time machine. Want to start again. But like I said, commitments 

[Ovis aries]

Yesterday and our current form must be a modicum of help does it not.

It certainly has put a spring in my step and I needed it for other reasons.

[RicME85]

On 19/12/2015 at 02:02, SaintRam said:

I've gotten very good at the veil over the years. I'd probably be quite a good actor

Living with a life long condition since birth that has effected me more than most with the same condition has done the same. Most people think Im A OK etc but underneath Im a spiralling dark mess.

[rynny]

9 hours ago, Alpha said:

People say 'you made your bed now lie in it'. It's true that if you make commitments then you should see them through. Everyone would agree on that?

You can't go through life making decisions and walk away from the consequences. 

But what if you don't want to? Tough ****?

Had a pooh childhood and it was really down to my Grandma who helped me get through feeling down. But she's got Alzheimers now and I went to see her a fortnight ago and she didn't remember me. That was a blow and it just feels like it's one thing after another with what's been happening lately. 

Would love a time machine. Want to start again. But like I said, commitments 

My grandad had alzheimers, and it was horrible. My heart goes out to anyone who has any relation or friend suffering from it. When it really kicked in with him he thought he was 21 again, (I guess it was a good time for him) he was in a home and was trying it on with all the female guests there, he was a player in his day and that was his dominant characteristic that came out.

If you want to chat about drop me a pm.

[Alph]

54 minutes ago, rynny said:

My grandad had alzheimers, and it was horrible. My heart goes out to anyone who has any relation or friend suffering from it. When it really kicked in with him he thought he was 21 again, (I guess it was a good time for him) he was in a home and was trying it on with all the female guests there, he was a player in his day and that was his dominant characteristic that came out.

If you want to chat about drop me a pm.

Cheers rynny. Cheers.

Was meant to go see her tonight but I bottled it. She forgets where she lives and sometimes forgets to get undressed. 

She went walking ON the A52 one night. She was found lost in Ilkeston once and she'd walked there from Allenton where she used to live. She had her bag taken off her in Chaddesden after a late night walk. It's mad what it does to people isn't it?

See the confusion in her face when I spoke to her was surreal. She was someone I've always had in my corner.  You don't get many people that are on your team no matter what. Shame when you lose them. 

At least now she's moved house she doesn't go walking. Between carers and the fact she doesn't know where she lives it means her late night wandering is over

[Rev]

How can you tell if it's the medical condition Depression, or just part of your personality?

There are many posts on here that I can relate to, but when do the symptoms become a condition rather than a part of who you are?

 

 

[rynny]

3 hours ago, Alpha said:

Cheers rynny. Cheers.

Was meant to go see her tonight but I bottled it. She forgets where she lives and sometimes forgets to get undressed. 

She went walking ON the A52 one night. She was found lost in Ilkeston once and she'd walked there from Allenton where she used to live. She had her bag taken off her in Chaddesden after a late night walk. It's mad what it does to people isn't it?

See the confusion in her face when I spoke to her was surreal. She was someone I've always had in my corner.  You don't get many people that are on your team no matter what. Shame when you lose them. 

At least now she's moved house she doesn't go walking. Between carers and the fact she doesn't know where she lives it means her late night wandering is over

It is hard, I bottled seeing my grandad quite a few times, always thought that seeing him like that, all confused and no idea where he is or what he is doing, would replace all my memories of him and only remember him for what he had become and not the man he was. 3 years later and I still am not sure whether it was the right decision to go and see him or not, I guess both choices were right and both were wong.

Bless her, in a way it is amazing that she got so far. 

It is a horrible disease, and so little is known. At the moment the experts believe there are 2 types, 1 where there is a slow, steady decline and the other is where they stay the same for a while and then have a big drop, stay at that level for a while then another big drop and so on. My grandad had the latter, and his last few weeks were spent in hospital it was around Euro 2012, his first night was when England played Sweden, strange the details that are remembered.

The carers will be a big help, for your gran and for your peace of mind. The majority are fantastic. My wife's grandfather has been in a home for 18 months with the start of it. The carers there have been brilliant for him.