Butlins Dolls House.

[Mucker1884]

5 hours ago, Day said:

Lost for words.

 

5 hours ago, Day said:

I should send it in to the local paper to save others making the same mistake I have.

The wife's brother comes every year.

The in laws come every year.

The wife has been multiple times.

You should go, it's great they said. Absolute codswallop.

From the minute you drive in you know it's going to be hell, long queues to be directed which way to drive through the concrete jungle, most places have check in desks in a nice reception area. Not Butlins. You check in like you're crossing a toll bridge and it's a dash for a parking space near your apartment.

I walk into the apartment and it feels like a game of one wrong step and you're through the ceiling, floorboards caving in all over covered by a laminate lino. It's ok, I won't walk around, find the bed and it's as comfy as an ironing board and not much longer. 

I tip toe to the bathroom and faced with that shower, a shower than is smaller than the one on my Dad's yacht. Unbelievable, I grab the bananas for scale, squeeze in, take all the pictures to upload to social media but wait.....absolutely no mobile signal. Ok, they say they have wifi, well they do, but it's 1 bar of 1mb which comes and goes every couple of minutes.

Properly pee'd off I'm here till Friday and still not feeling 100%, I stay in the apartment all night, excuse being not to infect the other guests, yet truth be told, reducing the population wouldn't be a bad thing, might get on the wifi then.

The wife takes the kids and in laws out to the entertainment, I stay in to hear nothing but feral kids running around outside for a good hour before their parents realised they were being anti social. 

I make my way to the kitchen to make a fish finger sandwich, just 2 as they are the chunky ones. 45 minutes in the oven here.

Eat those to be awoken at 6am by seagulls which I can only assume were killing each other.

I feel loads better this morning, but undecided if I should venture out with the rest of the cattle or hide away in the apartment.

 

4 hours ago, Day said:

I came up with a great analogy for Butlins this morning when the seagulls woke me up. Not sure it’s suitable for TripAdvisor though.

Hear me out though, Butlins is like ahem, in the number 2..

Him “It’s not that bad, honestly you should try it, loads of people do it”

Her “One day maybe, I have to be in the mood to try it”

The day rolls round and after 30 seconds

Her “Get out, get out, I don’t like it, get out!”

I won’t ever ask for it again now as it will just remind me of Butlins.

 

 

 

[Crewton]

Went to allot of holiday camps as a kid, although my Dad wouldn't touch Butlins and so we never experienced one of them. Had some great times at the ones we did go to though, tbf. I think most working families went to camps in the 60s and 70s though, certainly among my pals.

[Kernow]

Missed a trick not putting 4 bananas on your head for the final photo.

[Mucker1884]

Tomorrow:

Chapter 2:  Fantasy Island Market - A whole world of wonderment.

👀

[Grumpy Git]

11 hours ago, Day said:

I came up with a great analogy for Butlins this morning when the seagulls woke me up. Not sure it’s suitable for TripAdvisor though.

Hear me out though, Butlins is like ahem, in the number 2..

 

 

Just be glad there wasn't a 'number 2' in the shower.

[Mostyn6]

You should have taken some fancy dress and gone last Friday

[Boycie]

Two mistakes made.

1 Butlins.

2 Skegness.

 

 

 

(I assume it was Skegness, only scan read it, as I doubt you’d be arsed to drive to Minehead or the other one on the south coast that nobody from up norths ever been too.)

[Day]

On 30/04/2024 at 11:02, Alph said:

The red coats will cheer him up. Their relentlessly irritating positive attitude is infectious. 

How can you ever get bored of gangnam style?

It’s on now. 🤯🔫

 

[Anag Ram]

Bet we see you up on stage later 

[Phoenix]

On 30/04/2024 at 11:53, i-Ram said:

This is a very funny thread, although brings back some bad memories of my own.

I took my kids to Butlins Minehead just after I broke up with the first Mrs I-Ram, so 20 years ago. I paid for a ‘Silver’ chalet, as Gold was too expensive. Jesus what a s******* it was. Mouldy shower, terrible dirty paintwork and carpet, and mattresses that when uncovered looked like they might have at some stage been used in an autopsy. It did make me wonder what you got for Bronze, presumably something akin to Alexei Navalny‘s final cell. I did get a discount after much discussion, and me sharing photos with them as to what I was going to send to the press, but we left on day 4 of 7 anyway. After 4 days of a nauseating and annoying young Stephen Mulhern, my ex-wife didn’t seem quite as bad after all.

I think it's gone downhill from there, not to mention the bed bug crisis.

[Chester40]

I wouldn't say I was posh or snobby in any way.

Butlins/Skeggy was a regular holiday when I was a kid and I thought it was fine.

Went 15years ago for a cheap weekend and it looked clean,  chalets were modern-ish. Was pleasantly surprised  .. my mate was right....she went regularly and raved about it.

Over the course of the next 24hours I realised I was no longer the child I had been. 

The caravan and chalets sat in a semi concrete environment that felt depressing. The pool was cold....I mean really cold.

The people were rough. I'm  sorry they were. At around 6pm there were tons of women in pj's n slippers, smoking and walking round with wine and fags. They then all headed over to the club which consisted of really terrible cabaret acts and everyone getting smashed and swearing at their out of control kids. 

We stayed 1 night and went home never to return.

Edited May 1 by Chester40

[Grumpy Git]

4 hours ago, Day said:

 

Is the "Huge Entertainment" a 25 stone stripper?

[Mostyn6]

I cannot relate to this, I never go to Butlins when the families/kids are there, and I only go with the boys for a Music Weekender. I've done Minehead and Skeggy, mainly for 80s Weekenders. I have done Oktoberfest, 90s and Bootleg once each too. We go on the Friday morning and leave on the Monday morning and as a group of 10-16 lads, these Adult Music Weekenders are amazing. Our next one is September and we were talking about it last night, excited for the blowout and laughter. If you want a laugh, I recommend them, 5 star they're not, but you can shower, sleep, eat and drink, so what else do you need?

[Day]

48 minutes ago, Mostyn6 said:

I cannot relate to this, I never go to Butlins when the families/kids are there, and I only go with the boys for a Music Weekender. I've done Minehead and Skeggy, mainly for 80s Weekenders. I have done Oktoberfest, 90s and Bootleg once each too. We go on the Friday morning and leave on the Monday morning and as a group of 10-16 lads, these Adult Music Weekenders are amazing. Our next one is September and we were talking about it last night, excited for the blowout and laughter. If you want a laugh, I recommend them, 5 star they're not, but you can shower, sleep, eat and drink, so what else do you need?

You can shower if you're the size of Warwick Davis, everyone else will have to turn the bathroom into a wet room.

Everything I've heard about the adult weekends sound worse, rammed, drugs, East 17 rolling out on stage on mobility scooters. Not something I will ever want to experience 

[Mostyn6]

5 minutes ago, Day said:

You can shower if you're the size of Warwick Davis, everyone else will have to turn the bathroom into a wet room.

Everything I've heard about the adult weekends sound worse, rammed, drugs, East 17 rolling out on stage on mobility scooters. Not something I will ever want to experience 

 

YOU ^^^^

[Day]

12 minutes ago, Mostyn6 said:

 

YOU ^^^^

I won't be the only one looking at these lineups and thinking, that sounds absolutely horrific. Would rather go spend the weekend watching cricket.

[Gee SCREAMER !!]

6 minutes ago, Day said:

I won't be the only one looking at these lineups and thinking, that sounds absolutely horrific. Would rather go spend the weekend watching cricket.

A bit of a weird mixture.  Put SASH and the DJ SET in the first one and swop out Kenny and Chesney and it might be ok.   I feel a bit sorry for Peter Cox who has a decent voice, how's it got that bad he's sandwiched between Bucks Fizz and Black Lace. A long way from Pretty Woman and Rocky IV soundtracks.

[uttoxram75]

On 30/04/2024 at 11:49, Gee SCREAMER !! said:

Could be Pontins at Prestatyn in the 80's.  Worst week ever.  I still bear the scars.  Quite literally -12 stiches from standing on a broken bottle.

We went to Prestbelsen in the 80's. The swimming pool was shut all week because someone had shat in it the morning we arrived. You had to get a bus from our caravan to the main "entertainment" block as it was a mile walk and we had whinging toddlers in a double buggy.

[uttoxram75]

On 30/04/2024 at 11:53, i-Ram said:

This is a very funny thread, although brings back some bad memories of my own.

I took my kids to Butlins Minehead just after I broke up with the first Mrs I-Ram, so 20 years ago. I paid for a ‘Silver’ chalet, as Gold was too expensive. Jesus what a s******* it was. Mouldy shower, terrible dirty paintwork and carpet, and mattresses that when uncovered looked like they might have at some stage been used in an autopsy. It did make me wonder what you got for Bronze, presumably something akin to Alexei Navalny‘s final cell. I did get a discount after much discussion, and me sharing photos with them as to what I was going to send to the press, but we left on day 4 of 7 anyway. After 4 days of a nauseating and annoying young Stephen Mulhern, my ex-wife didn’t seem quite as bad after all.

Took the grandkids there last year for 4 nights and it was ok tbh.

We had a private caravan on the site which was modern, clean and comfortable in a decent area near the lake. The pool was great with excellent slides for the kids and the weather was kind so we used the beach most days as well.

The downside was a nauseating and annoying middle aged Stephen Mulhearn!

[Gee SCREAMER !!]

10 minutes ago, uttoxram75 said:

We went to Prestbelsen in the 80's. The swimming pool was shut all week because someone had shat in it the morning we arrived. You had to get a bus from our caravan to the main "entertainment" block as it was a mile walk and we had whinging toddlers in a double buggy.

My favourite bit was waking up every morning with a bed full of earwigs.  No idea where they all came from. 😃