Animal is a Ram

A few spoken phrases really wind me up.
'You couldn't make it up' - please. One man wrote Lord of the Rings. I'm sure whatever you've seen is believable.
'Going to give 110%' - If you can give 110%, you weren't giving 100% in the first place. Off you go.
 

I regularly drive up the A1 to Normanton (the West Yorkshire one). I leave at around 0630 to get there for 0815 and I always sit at 60mph behind a lorry on cruise control. It uses less fuel and I don't need to hurry.
As the traffic builds up as I go past Doncaster there is often a long queue of cars bumper to bumper in the outside lane crawling at 30mph while I and the lorries cruise past at 40-50mph.  I cannot understand the logic of the other drivers.
I'm often beeped at for "undertaking them" and occasionally encounter somebody darting into my lane dangerously to then brake test me because I flashed my lights. 
If they all used the right lane when joining the road instead of darting automatically into the outside lane the road would move a lot more smoothly.

Finally picked FM2019 up after being bought it for Christmas.
Started unemployed as is my tradition. Picked up the Leyton Orient job in late October 2018
Lampard was sacked by Derby in mid September, has just been replaced by John Coleman(!) after interviewing Jaap Stam. 23rd.
Karanka was also sacked by Forest, has just been replaced by Roberto Di Matteo. 21st, 4 points ahead of Derby.
Harry Redknapp has just taken over at Burton, and Wolves have sacked Nuno.
and perhaps the weirdest twist, Stoke are top of the league under Rowett... ?

Moving house, I found an old laptop. Imagine my joy when I found, not smutty pics or Uni assignments, but a copy of FM11 in the disc compartment!
I loaded it up to find a Derby save in 2012, 1 season in. Here’s the update - knowing players that will make it helps a bit. Derby are into the Prem, with a strike force of young Hazard, Lukaku and Griezzmann. I’ve just signed Pogba (he was still in the United reserves) to compete with Ramsey in CM. Mamadou Sakho is a beast at CB, keeping Shaun Barker captain from the bench. Miles Addison is learning from Patrick Vieira how to become a CDM, and De Gea is just about keeping the goalie shirt away from Opsina.
While I have used no cheats or naughty practices, I do have a fair amount of capital in the bank, so I’m starting to wonder if young me might have tinkered a tad. Even if that’s he case, I’m gonna take this team on and see if we can’t make the top half this season, maybe even top 4...

There are 10 types of people - those that understand computers...........

Last night the trick or treaters were out. First one looked like a Gloria Gaynor attempt.
First I was afraid, I was petrified..

Got this today from  the only man to have played every game in both of the first division championship season ! Goalkeepers were certainly braver back in the day ! (In my opinion ?)

Here's the guy with his flag if you want to know more, @RebelScum. 
 

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
 
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.

Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.  You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...
"Something happened.  I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."
 
 
The man agrees to talk with his wife.
 
The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
 
"I have," says the man.
 
 
 "And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.
  
  "We're having granite worktops."

A man with  a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a


Xmas fancy  dress party


He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden

leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his

problem.  A  few days later he receives a parcel with a
note

Dear  Sir,


Please find enclosed a  Pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald  head and with your wooden
leg you will be just right as a Pirate.

The  man is offended that the outfit  emphasizes his disability, so he
writes a letter of complaint..  A week passes and he
receives another parcel and note:

Dear  Sir,

Sorry about the previous  parcel. Please find enclosed a

monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and
with your bald head you will really look the part. 

The  man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company
has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing
attention to his bald head.  So he writes a really strong
letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small
parcel  from the company with the accompanying letter:

Dear  Sir,

Please find enclosed a  tin of Golden Syrup.

We suggest you pour the tin of  Golden Syrup over your bald
head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.



 

Much prefer Owen commentating than the guy we had last season. Good job OB. 

After a drive from Derby to Croydon (and back again the following day):
Middle lane hoggers, when the left is free. The number of people who don't know how to drive is too damn high.
 

After a drive from Derby to Croydon (and back again the following day):
Middle lane hoggers, when the left is free. The number of people who don't know how to drive is too damn high.
 

After a drive from Derby to Croydon (and back again the following day):
Middle lane hoggers, when the left is free. The number of people who don't know how to drive is too damn high.
 

Which Cov fan dares try to hide the majestic Ram?!

Which Cov fan dares try to hide the majestic Ram?!

Said goodbye to my best mate this morning ..
 

 
R.I.P , Jake , owd lad..

Which Cov fan dares try to hide the majestic Ram?!

Which Cov fan dares try to hide the majestic Ram?!

After a drive from Derby to Croydon (and back again the following day):
Middle lane hoggers, when the left is free. The number of people who don't know how to drive is too damn high.