Dealing with loss of a pet

[Ewe Ram]

I have cats. I’ve also lost cats. The last one was hit on the road. I don’t know whether this may help but Cats Protection have a grief support thing which I’ve heard of but not used. 
my older cat will devastate me when she goes, she’s been through my very bad times with me and, although she’s a pain, she like my shadow. 
you just have to feel it, it will lessen, and I’m sorry 😔 

[maxjam]

1 hour ago, Comrade 86 said:

So sorry mate. I think this is why so many favour the company of their pets to humans. Oddly, given my earlier post, I'm now thinking about contacting the local rescue shelters. Perhaps giving a dog a home should matter more than other notions. 

I do 2 mornings a month at a local rescue and rehoming centre a few miles up the road from us.  If you don't want to care for a dog they are desperate for the usual (money, tins of food, people to help clean kennels, walk dogs etc) but if you can commit, good families that can rehome a dog are always in high demand.  

Most have either been abandoned due to cost of living, people returning to work after covid or their owners dying.  Some obviously have personality problems that you'd really need to be an experienced dog owner (and ideally not be out of the house for more than a couple of hours a day) to consider but most are just sad and desperately lonely - dogs are social animals and latch onto humans. 

I've been volunteering there since November last year and we've rehomed many dogs during that time, only having a couple returned due to owners changing circumstances.  Whilst you're getting a dog that maybe already in its prime or twilight years you're getting one thats almost certainly already house trained and in desperate need of time and affection.  It is also probably not going to be a 10+ year commitment as it would be with a puppy.  We get lots of older people come looking for older dogs that don't require as much walking, 'hopefully' won't outlive their new owners but still require time, love and attention.  After our 2 dogs are gone, if we have others, we'll definitely be rehoming in future.

[Stive Pesley]

A friend said to me that dogs are amazing pets but essentially they are "grief time bombs". We've had our first dog for 4 years now and I already know what he means. I dread the day we lose him. 🥺

[richinspain]

4 hours ago, Comrade 86 said:

So sorry mate. I think this is why so many favour the company of their pets to humans. Oddly, given my earlier post, I'm now thinking about contacting the local rescue shelters. Perhaps giving a dog a home should matter more than other notions. 

Anyway, difficult as it must be, try to enjoy your holiday as best you can. Probably hollow words, but I don't know what else to say.

A mate of mine recently had his 64th birthday, and his childhood pet was still going strong last time I asked. Get a tortoise, it will almost certainly outlive you and you won't have the grief.

(just trying to bring a bit of light relief into the topic, I do also know the pain of losing pets many years ago)

[Cisse]

Sorry for your loss. I have been lucky that my pets have lived pretty old. The way I have comforted myself is that I have thought how happy my pets always were. They knew they were loved and they had happy lives. You can't ask more than a happy life. 

[Sufferingfool]

So Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I recommend you Take your time to decide how best you want to remember them. I lost my best friend last September. He was a massive presence in our lives, literally, a huge golden doodle and I loved him and still miss him now. He was well known in the local park and road and when we lost him through cancer ( put down at home before the pain got too much) people we met on the park welled up with me when seeing he was gone when we met. I struggled to know what to do to remember him then a couple of weeks after, speaking with our window cleaner he said his son had their dog as a tattoo…that was it, at 62 I had my first tattoo on my chest of my lovely friend….no regrets.
A month after he died we were missing having company on our walks and we got a new puppy who is great. Not a replacement but a new member of the family.

The more love you give the more it is returned and the greater the loss….but it is worth it. Remember what a good life you were able to give your lovely friend.

[Mostyn6]

@SufferingfoolI think it would be appropriate to post pics of your puppy, your best friend and the tattoo of your best friend in the Pets thread. You don't have to of course, or you may already have.

[BucksRam]

So sorry to read this @IlsonDerby not least the circumstances and good on you for sharing. 

I lost my old cat of 19 years just over 3 years ago and still miss him. But we chose the time for him to go (had cancer) and were with him as he slipped away peacefully at home. I said at the time no more pets as the loss was just so painful, but 6 months later we got 3 rescue kittens on the basis the joy and comfort they bring far outweighs the loss.  Sadly it wasn't long after that we suddenly lost one of those (suspected rat poison) and I still think of her as she always lay next to me whilst I worked (cue slight tearing up as I remember).  I'm still angry at the senseless loss and the un-justness of it. The remaining two, one of whom is curled up asleep behind me as I write honestly bring a smile every day.

Pets are so much more than "just" a cat or dog. They're family.  How you remember them though is personal to you. We usually scatter their ashes in their favourite spot in the garden. We also have a photo frame done with a favourite picture, with a message around the frame, including their name and nicknames. Much as we'll never forget them, having the picture brings a smile of happy times had, even if with a hint of sadness.

Expect the pain to be raw right now but over time, I hope you can focus on the good times you had in whichever way works best for you.  

[IlsonDerby]

1 hour ago, BucksRam said:

So sorry to read this @IlsonDerby not least the circumstances and good on you for sharing. 

I lost my old cat of 19 years just over 3 years ago and still miss him. But we chose the time for him to go (had cancer) and were with him as he slipped away peacefully at home. I said at the time no more pets as the loss was just so painful, but 6 months later we got 3 rescue kittens on the basis the joy and comfort they bring far outweighs the loss.  Sadly it wasn't long after that we suddenly lost one of those (suspected rat poison) and I still think of her as she always lay next to me whilst I worked (cue slight tearing up as I remember).  I'm still angry at the senseless loss and the un-justness of it. The remaining two, one of whom is curled up asleep behind me as I write honestly bring a smile every day.

Pets are so much more than "just" a cat or dog. They're family.  How you remember them though is personal to you. We usually scatter their ashes in their favourite spot in the garden. We also have a photo frame done with a favourite picture, with a message around the frame, including their name and nicknames. Much as we'll never forget them, having the picture brings a smile of happy times had, even if with a hint of sadness.

Expect the pain to be raw right now but over time, I hope you can focus on the good times you had in whichever way works best for you.  

I’ve already approached the idea of getting another kitten with my other half. Explained that we don’t have to talk about it now why things are so raw and I know it’s very soon but that I don’t want to be in a house without a pet cat knocking about. They make a house feel like a home. I don’t want us to try to replace Piper, she was one of a kind and I’ve never met a cat like her but I want a focus for all the love and energy we have and we know there are plenty out there in need of a loving home. That’s what I’ll miss the most, coming home to someone that’s happy to see you every day. 
Think we’re going to plant a tree and bury the ashes under it so we have an obvious place to think about her. 
 

I hope the cxxx that poisoned your little one ends up in agony for the rest of their lives. Something really chronic and heavy going. 

[BucksRam]

You'll never replace her, same as I won't replace Meg or Bilbo, but the two we now have, Scooby (a nutter) and Callie (scaredycat but cute as)are unique in their own ways. If you have a path forward and feel it's right for you then that's great. 

And as for the "person" who laid down the poison (same for whomever was driving in your case but scarpered)let's just say I'd get banned if I put in writing my thoughts. 

If you can, post Piper in the pets thread and if and when you get a new furball, it'd be good to see them there too. 

[Ewe Ram]

When my cat was taken on the road I knew that the best I could do was rescue and give a great home to another one in need. Hence we have a Cats Protection rescue moggy who was found as a kitten under a hedge. 

[Alph]

Got my dog back yesterday. The Mrs set up what looks like a bit of shrine now. 

Probably seems a bit morbid or OTT for those who don't have pets but it makes us feel better so feck it

 

[Archied]

On 07/08/2024 at 13:18, maxjam said:

I've been quite lucky in life, early 50s no health complaints, same for my wife, kids, brother and sister, Mum and Dad.  We're a pretty healthy long lived family.  The only people I have lost are my 4 Grandparents, all of whom were in their 90s.  It was sad, but also felt kinda natural, so I've never really suffered any real feelings of loss. 

I didn't get my first dog until I was 30 and married with kids, a miniature schnauzer that followed me everywhere.  Despite 4 of us in the house, she was 'my' dog.  We eventually had to have her put to sleep at 15yo, she had been failing for a long time prior to that, looking back it was almost cruel to keep her going, but she used to have the odd good day and the alternative was final. 

I'm also a fairly pragmatic and level-headed kinda guy, movies etc don't stir any real emotions.  I take the highs and lows life throws at you pretty well, but watching her 'go to sleep' on my knee broke me for weeks.   I couldn't entertain a conversation about her without my voice breaking and tears rolling down my face.  I often wonder whether it would have been different if she had died naturally.  Knowing that I had played a part in her death, despite good intentions and it definitely being 'time', still weighs heavy to this day.

For the next god knows how long there was a real sense of emptiness, she would have been around my feet or sitting on my knee all day everyday.  Working from home, which I had done for years by then, she was a real 'best mate' and as your kids grow older and become less dependent almost a replacement!

Anyway, cutting my therapy session short, a few years later we decided to get another miniature schnauzer followed by another 18 months later - thinking that they would have each other.  They do of course play with each other and seem to be good mates, but when we all sit down at night one always snuggles up with me, the other my wife. 

They are both still pretty young and full of the joys of life and they bring us immense pleasure - we wouldn't be without them.  We have since taken early retirement and moved to the North Yorkshire coast, they get walked on the beach or across the moors to the woods everyday and have a great life, we'll have lots of great memories that will far outweigh any loss, but at the back of my mind I can't shake the feeling that one day I'll have to go through it all again.

 

Same with us , we swore we wouldn’t have another dog after the loss of our basset hound Mr Oswald ( ossie ) but we have ended up with two dachshund s ( long story ) , the girl Nellie has claimed me and Dudley has claimed my wife for end of the day cuddle ups though they adore each other and constantly play and lay together, my fav place / time on earth is walking them at esher common watching them run around like loons happy as hell , it’s just an island of peace , we don’t have grandchildren and these two have become like kids to us and know the loss you feel if anything happens to them is very real and hard to get through 

Edited August 9 by Archied

[Alph]

On 07/08/2024 at 16:13, Stive Pesley said:

A friend said to me that dogs are amazing pets but essentially they are "grief time bombs". We've had our first dog for 4 years now and I already know what he means. I dread the day we lose him. 🥺

Definitely scars you once you've been through the loss. 

With the large breeds that only have a life expectancy of 10 years or so it's really setting yourself up. I adore Mastiffs for their traits (docile, lazy, great with kids, stubbornness can be trained out early, quiet and the biggest hugs) but once they get to 5 or 6 it feels like you're keeping an eye on them for any signs of illness or aging. That time goes so fast. 

I can't imagine going again. That's 2 we've lost in our daughter's childhood

@richinspainmight be right. Tortoise is the way

Edited August 9 by Alph

[Mostyn6]

7 minutes ago, Alph said:

@richinspainmight be right. Tortoise is the way

in such an emotive thread, this tickled me 😄

[maxjam]

1 hour ago, Archied said:

Same with us , we swore we wouldn’t have another dog after the loss of our basset hound Mr Oswald ( ossie ) but we have ended up with two dachshund s ( long story ) , the girl Nellie has claimed me and Dudley has claimed my wife for end of the day cuddle ups though they adore each other and constantly play and lay together, my fav place / time on earth is walking them at esher common watching them run around like loons happy as hell , it’s just an island of peace , we don’t have grandchildren and these two have become like kids to us and know the loss you feel if anything happens to them is very real and hard to get through 

They do very much feel like children at times and because they rely on you so much and show so much loyalty and affection it does hit hard when they inevitably leave us. 

I can't offer @IlsonDerby any words of advice other than lots of us have been through the mill, a well loved pet leaves a massive hole, you eventually you come to terms with the loss and take comfort in the good times and the life you've give them.

[Archied]

1 hour ago, Alph said:

Definitely scars you once you've been through the loss. 

With the large breeds that only have a life expectancy of 10 years or so it's really setting yourself up. I adore Mastiffs for their traits (docile, lazy, great with kids, stubbornness can be trained out early, quiet and the biggest hugs) but once they get to 5 or 6 it feels like you're keeping an eye on them for any signs of illness or aging. That time goes so fast. 

I can't imagine going again. That's 2 we've lost in our daughter's childhood

@richinspainmight be right. Tortoise is the way

A friend had a Neapolitan, it was a lovely dog 

[Leeds Ram]

Sorry to hear of your loss @IlsonDerby Losing a pet is really difficult as they do become 'one of the family'. We buried our dog in the back garden and put a nice plant to mark his grave site. It was a horrible day and it will take a while until you consider a new pet. Keep well and just think of all the lovely times you had with them! 

[IlsonDerby]

ThinK I got what I needed from this thread. A place to just be vulnerable about how I’m feeling. 
 

Im glad so many of you opened up and sorry for your various losses too. 

[Mucker1884]

4 hours ago, Alph said:

Got my dog back yesterday. The Mrs set up what looks like a bit of shrine now. 

Probably seems a bit morbid or OTT for those who don't have pets but it makes us feel better so feck it

 

May I be blunt...

From a personal pov (only), you are right that it seems a bit morbid AND OTT to those of us (Me!) that don't have pets... and you are equally right to outwardly dismiss what folk like me think.

This ain't a time for considering others, but rather concentrating 100% on what matters to you (both).

 

Lovely looking lad, btw. 

Condolences.
 👍🍻