Bob The Badger

Just lifted this off Facebook and it amused me.
I must warn you this is a Dave joke. I apologise in advance if I offend anyone called Dave ....
Dave was bragging to his boss one day,
"You know, I know everyone famous there is to know"
"Go on - Just name someone, anyone, and I bet that know them"
Tired of his boasting, his boss decides to call Dave's bluff,
"OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"Not a problem boss"
"Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it"
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door.
Tom Cruise is at home and answers the door himself and shouts,
"Dave! What's happening?"
"Great to see you!"
"Come on in for a beer!
Although shocked and more than a little impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical and he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just pure luck.
"No, no, just name anyone else then"
Dave says.
"President Biden!"
His boss quickly retorts.
"Yup"
Dave says, "We're buddies from years ago"
"Let's fly out to Washington and I'll show you"
So they fly out to Washington and go on the Whitehouse tour"
"While walking through the White House, Biden himself appears, spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying,
"Dave, what a surprise,it's great to see you again after all this time"
"I was just on my way to a meeting but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up"
After they leave the White House grounds the boss tells Dave that he's still not entirely convinced.
Dave again implores him to name another famous person.
After thinking about it for a long time the boss replies with,
"The Pope!"
"Sure thing!"
Says Dave,
"I've known the Pope for years - since before he became Pope in fact"
So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Saint Peter's Square at the Vatican.
Dave says,
"This will never work"
"I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people"
"Tell you what, I know all the Pope's guards here as well so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him,
"What happened?"
His boss looks up and says,
"It was the final straw"
"You and the Pope came out on the balcony and a Japanese tourist next to me said, to me... "
"Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?"
 

Give that woman a Herman Cain award. And then follow it up with a Darwin award.
Remember when we all used to laugh at Darwin award winners and nobody said we were sick and heartless? That was back in the days when we weren't surrounded by snowflakes though.

Just lifted this off Facebook and it amused me.
I must warn you this is a Dave joke. I apologise in advance if I offend anyone called Dave ....
Dave was bragging to his boss one day,
"You know, I know everyone famous there is to know"
"Go on - Just name someone, anyone, and I bet that know them"
Tired of his boasting, his boss decides to call Dave's bluff,
"OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"Not a problem boss"
"Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it"
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door.
Tom Cruise is at home and answers the door himself and shouts,
"Dave! What's happening?"
"Great to see you!"
"Come on in for a beer!
Although shocked and more than a little impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical and he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just pure luck.
"No, no, just name anyone else then"
Dave says.
"President Biden!"
His boss quickly retorts.
"Yup"
Dave says, "We're buddies from years ago"
"Let's fly out to Washington and I'll show you"
So they fly out to Washington and go on the Whitehouse tour"
"While walking through the White House, Biden himself appears, spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying,
"Dave, what a surprise,it's great to see you again after all this time"
"I was just on my way to a meeting but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up"
After they leave the White House grounds the boss tells Dave that he's still not entirely convinced.
Dave again implores him to name another famous person.
After thinking about it for a long time the boss replies with,
"The Pope!"
"Sure thing!"
Says Dave,
"I've known the Pope for years - since before he became Pope in fact"
So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Saint Peter's Square at the Vatican.
Dave says,
"This will never work"
"I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people"
"Tell you what, I know all the Pope's guards here as well so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him,
"What happened?"
His boss looks up and says,
"It was the final straw"
"You and the Pope came out on the balcony and a Japanese tourist next to me said, to me... "
"Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?"
 

Pretty much what I said. He’s quoting facts and stats completely out of context and in a very misleading way. 

I looked at his Twitter profile a couple of weeks ago and he was the antithesis of objective.
He's cherry picking data to support his position in the same way as others are on the opposite side. 
I'm just finishing up Rutherford and Fry’s Complete Guide to Absolutely Everything, an absolutely brilliant book that explodes a lot of myths, explains a lot of things that I had no clue about and all done with a lot of humour by scientists.
They explain that data is useless if you don't understand fully how to interpret it (and most people don't) and if you only take the bits that support your belief.
This guy is running around looking for stuff that out of context and in isolation looks like everything you're being told is wrong.
It's not hard to do that and just because he's smart doesn't mean he's objective, or has the scientific training to fully understand what's going on.
The hard part is to look for data that contradicts what you believe.
It's an actual fact that a glass of red wine has medicinal benefits.
It's also an actual fact that alcohol is a carcinogenic poison and those benefits can be gained by eating a few blueberries or walnuts without the downsides.
It's also a fact that he's a statistician and not a scientist.

I looked at his Twitter profile a couple of weeks ago and he was the antithesis of objective.
He's cherry picking data to support his position in the same way as others are on the opposite side. 
I'm just finishing up Rutherford and Fry’s Complete Guide to Absolutely Everything, an absolutely brilliant book that explodes a lot of myths, explains a lot of things that I had no clue about and all done with a lot of humour by scientists.
They explain that data is useless if you don't understand fully how to interpret it (and most people don't) and if you only take the bits that support your belief.
This guy is running around looking for stuff that out of context and in isolation looks like everything you're being told is wrong.
It's not hard to do that and just because he's smart doesn't mean he's objective, or has the scientific training to fully understand what's going on.
The hard part is to look for data that contradicts what you believe.
It's an actual fact that a glass of red wine has medicinal benefits.
It's also an actual fact that alcohol is a carcinogenic poison and those benefits can be gained by eating a few blueberries or walnuts without the downsides.
It's also a fact that he's a statistician and not a scientist.

Other ones you could have added:
The totally corrupt way that the government gave out huge contracts to friends and colleagues with little or no due diligence.
The bare faced lies from Cummings that the cabinet were then forced to support. Gove chuckling about it to Nick Ferrari was just grim.
The government's criminal decision to send patients into care homes at the start of the pandemic.
The ridiculous start to the pandemic when we locked down way too late. Johnson bragging about shaking hands with Covid patients whilst body bags were piling up in Italy. When we were still allowing people to fly in from Italy, with zero checks on arrival.
The ridiculous decision to not lockdown earlier in Autumn 2020, that then lead to an inevitably longer lockdown in November and another load of deaths. Johnson's total inability to understand leading and lagging indicators.
The social gatherings that were happening in Downing Street whilst the country was prevented from doing anything of the sort.
The expensive debacle of track and trace and our world beating app. The only way out of lockdown apparently. Until lockdown was declared over and neither was ready until cases started rocketing again.
Just a few off the top off my head. I imagine it's these sort of things that the majority of people will remember, rather than the rather fringe complaints we see regularly on here from the same handful of posters.

Fixed that For you.
 
The fact that NHS workers have been unvaccinated al this time is a scandal. Of course vaccination reduces the risk of you catching the virus, having it bad or of spreading it to others. NHS staff sickness is appallingly bad  and they set a terrible example to the people they are supposed to be caring for. Selfish, foolish and despicably careless.
Vaccine passports do not exist in this country (apart from for care workers). If they did, it would not be discriminatory.
 

Okay then, we're just past the halfway point of the season and with a Cup weekend in store now seems like an opportune time to update you all with how we are seeing things as a collective.
 
Man of the Match Awards
Jagielka             4
Bird                   3.5
Knight                3
Forsyth              2
Shinnie              2
Lawrence           2
Thompson         2
Davies               1.5
Sibley                 1
Roos                   1
Allsop                 1
Byrne                 1
Stearman           1
 
Man of the Match Podium Finishes
Davies              12
Jagileka             9
Bird                    9
Knight                8
Shinnie              6
Forsyth              4
Ebosele             4
Allsop                4
Thompson         4
Roos                  3
Lawrence           3
Kazim                 2
Byrne                 2
Sibley                 1
Morrison             1
Buchanan           1
Plange                1
Stearman            1
 
Top 10 Individual Match Performances
 1.   Roos            9.07   (a) West Brom
 2.  Davies          8.78   (h) Stoke
 =.  Bird              8.78   (h) Stoke
 4.  Thompson   8.69   (a) Stoke
 5.  Lawrence     8.63   (h) Bournemouth
 =.  Davies          8.63   (a) Reading
 7.  Knight           8.46   (h) Bournemouth
 8.  Jagielka        8.45   (a) Fulham
 9.  Roos             8.42   (h) Stoke
10. Shinnie          8.39   (a) Sheff Utd
 =. Davies           8.39   (a) Fulham
 
Average Performance Rating for the Season
There has been a total of 6608 ratings provided awarding a total of 43292 points. The average rating thus far is therefore 6.55. The top ten performers have an average rating above that with the remaining 14 being below that average score. The list below shows the players in order of average rating with the number of ratings provided in brackets. As those with fewer ratings provided get more game time it will be interesting to see if it impacts on their current position.
 
 1.  Thompson              7.45   (149)
 2.  Davies                    7.19   (533)
 3.  Knight                    7.14   (322)
 4.  Jagielka                 7.12   (399)
 5.  Allsop                    7.02   (180)
 6.  Bird                       6.96   (507)
 =.  Williams                6.96   (56)
 8.  Stearman              6.82   (164)
 9.  Shinnie                  6.68   (445)
10.  Buchanan             6.67   (243)
11.  Ebosele                 6.49   (266)
12.  Lawrence             6.42   (425)
13.  Roos                     6.38   (353)
14.  Plange                  6.35   (89)
15.  Byrne                    6.29   (480)
16.  Forsyth                 6.20   (372)
17.  Stretton                 6.14   (175)
18.  Jozwiak                6.11   (266)
19.  Cashin                  6.08   (6)
20.  Morrison              6.07   (398)
21.  Sibley                   6.03   (252)
22.  Kazim                   5.82   (222)
23.  Baldock               5.77   (266)
24.  Watson                5.50   (40)
 

I ended up in the watch thread by mistake and it made me realise that I hadn't seen a Tag Heuer that I've had 25 years since we moved back to the UK.
I cannot find it anywhere. I'm honestly not sure what it's worth, other than I know it cost me £750 when I bought it.
I'm a tad bummed though even if I haven't worn it since the battery went 3 or 4 years ago and I couldn't be bothered to get it changed and serviced after being told it was $250 and 3 or 4 weeks to do it.
I doubt I'd wear it anyway as I wear an Apple watch, but that's not really the point.
I also had the shirt that Roy Mac wore for the Charity Shield in 1975. He gave it my dad for helping him with his testimonial and I lost it in the move out the to the US. Especially annoyed about that.
 

Well I feel a bit silly now.
I mentioned it to the wife last night and she said 'I put it ion my jewellery box when we came back for sake keeping after you asked me to look after it you stupid top hat'
She then went upstairs and brought it down.
So...er....anyway, for me it would be a Roy McFarland shirt I had.
Anybody want to buy a Tag Heuer?
 

I think t he film and the first season with Billy Bob Thornton in it.
@Rev I think you and @i-Ram make fair points, although I'd not go as far as to say the acting is wooden.
I think I'd be more critical if I wasn't so wanting to love it and am so invested in it.
It's a bit like Line of Duty which dipped as they dragged it out too long.
I'm still enjoying it, but I don't think it would have harmed to have ended it after the 4th season.

I'm 4 episodes in to The Tourist and it's like watching an Australian, Fargo. Anybody else  see the similarities?
Pretty good. 

I think t he film and the first season with Billy Bob Thornton in it.
@Rev I think you and @i-Ram make fair points, although I'd not go as far as to say the acting is wooden.
I think I'd be more critical if I wasn't so wanting to love it and am so invested in it.
It's a bit like Line of Duty which dipped as they dragged it out too long.
I'm still enjoying it, but I don't think it would have harmed to have ended it after the 4th season.

I almost posted that yesterday!!!
Not the series, more the film. Its exactly the same feel and style yep.

Buy a ticket via your CC then after the game everybody contacts their bank to request a chargeback saying they didn't get what they paid for. 
Everybody will lose eventually but it'll wrap Boro up in paperwork for months. 
Yours sincerely,
Mr Bitter and Mr Twisted

TBF, I am so unobservant she could have been wearing it to bed and I'd probably not have noticed. 
I planned on donating it to @loweman2 so it's his loss really ?

I know what you mean, that's why we still have two left!
I have no clue why, but we're saving them. Utterly ludicrous when you think about it.

Started watching The Tourist last night. An interesting if slightly slow start. Anybody seen it yet?

Buy a ticket via your CC then after the game everybody contacts their bank to request a chargeback saying they didn't get what they paid for. 
Everybody will lose eventually but it'll wrap Boro up in paperwork for months. 
Yours sincerely,
Mr Bitter and Mr Twisted

Well I feel a bit silly now.
I mentioned it to the wife last night and she said 'I put it ion my jewellery box when we came back for sake keeping after you asked me to look after it you stupid top hat'
She then went upstairs and brought it down.
So...er....anyway, for me it would be a Roy McFarland shirt I had.
Anybody want to buy a Tag Heuer?
 

Well I feel a bit silly now.
I mentioned it to the wife last night and she said 'I put it ion my jewellery box when we came back for sake keeping after you asked me to look after it you stupid top hat'
She then went upstairs and brought it down.
So...er....anyway, for me it would be a Roy McFarland shirt I had.
Anybody want to buy a Tag Heuer?
 

When I was 15 I went to see The Fall in BoT and managed to blag my way backstage. 
Think I must've annoyed Mark E Smith as he shoved me away saying "I'll talk to ya later!" So I went over to sit and speak with his wife / bass player Brix E Smith (before she got with that violin bothering villa fan).
When I asked for her autograph I only had a packet of Durex to sign (15 year olds carried these for bugger all reason!)
She wrote "Love & Sex Brix E Smith"
Class!
My misses threw it out!