Bob The Badger

Just lifted this off Facebook and it amused me.
I must warn you this is a Dave joke. I apologise in advance if I offend anyone called Dave ....
Dave was bragging to his boss one day,
"You know, I know everyone famous there is to know"
"Go on - Just name someone, anyone, and I bet that know them"
Tired of his boasting, his boss decides to call Dave's bluff,
"OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"Not a problem boss"
"Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it"
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door.
Tom Cruise is at home and answers the door himself and shouts,
"Dave! What's happening?"
"Great to see you!"
"Come on in for a beer!
Although shocked and more than a little impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical and he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just pure luck.
"No, no, just name anyone else then"
Dave says.
"President Biden!"
His boss quickly retorts.
"Yup"
Dave says, "We're buddies from years ago"
"Let's fly out to Washington and I'll show you"
So they fly out to Washington and go on the Whitehouse tour"
"While walking through the White House, Biden himself appears, spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying,
"Dave, what a surprise,it's great to see you again after all this time"
"I was just on my way to a meeting but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up"
After they leave the White House grounds the boss tells Dave that he's still not entirely convinced.
Dave again implores him to name another famous person.
After thinking about it for a long time the boss replies with,
"The Pope!"
"Sure thing!"
Says Dave,
"I've known the Pope for years - since before he became Pope in fact"
So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Saint Peter's Square at the Vatican.
Dave says,
"This will never work"
"I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people"
"Tell you what, I know all the Pope's guards here as well so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him,
"What happened?"
His boss looks up and says,
"It was the final straw"
"You and the Pope came out on the balcony and a Japanese tourist next to me said, to me... "
"Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?"
 

I'm on the fence tbh. However, I do think that a lot of people like him got away with this kind of behaviour because teams/friends closed ranks and stuff got shut down.
It was easy to do that 20+ years ago, now it isn't and people who maybe wouldn't have spoken out are forced to do so.
Whereas I think social has gone too far in many cases, it has also brought a lot of people to justice and stopped a lot of stuff from being swept under the carpet.

Good guess 
 

Good guess 
 

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

Is 29 the combined age of everybody in the photo or the combined IQ?
Maybe both?
And he should leave Joanna Lumley alone, she's lovely.

Is 29 the combined age of everybody in the photo or the combined IQ?
Maybe both?
And he should leave Joanna Lumley alone, she's lovely.

Is 29 the combined age of everybody in the photo or the combined IQ?
Maybe both?
And he should leave Joanna Lumley alone, she's lovely.

I totally agree that they won’t know what to do with humour when expecting vitriol, but also agree with the response before that people might think we mean it. 
 
Personally, I am expecting 90 mins of “Stevie Gibson w*nks off dogs”. If anyone complains, we can just say it might not be true, but we don’t know it’s not, and so we have to act as though it might be true. That’s the logic that seemed to apply to us stopping Boro getting to the premiership. Makes perfect sense. 

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

Even better.

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

Even better.

I'd love the Derby fans there today to use a poo load of humour. People really struggle to cope with humour when they're expecting vitriol.
The matter is settled and I think a lot of us believe the timing is totally intentional by Gibson in terms of the transfer deadline AND today's game.
He's positioned himself on moral the high road knowing that if Derby fans klick off we will look even worse than if he was still threatening action.
Steve Gibson, he's one of our own would be a funny and lovely sarcastic chant that would get others on side.
Trashing the ground and attacking pubs just makes you look thick and not only disliked even more by other clubs, but by other Derby fans too.
Enjoy the day.
 
 

Even better.

I've been trying to get an appointment to see my doctor for ages. I finally saw him on Tuesday and showed him the rash on my testicles.
He just ignored me and kept pushing his trolley round Tesco.

Team talk - done!!