Stive Pesley

Harry Redknapp is reportedly earning £500,000 for his appearance on I’m A Celebrity
which after tax works out as £500,000

I once had a one night stand at the Helsinki Airport Hotel with an Air-hostess.
The next morning I woke up, rolled over to give her a bit more Stivey-love but she had disappeared into Finnair

My grief counsellor died last night, but he was so good I don't give a crap. 

Young Fathers was cancelled but Hen he and co were superb on the Thekla (gig on a boat)..
Even did Interstate 5.
Every time I book I wonder if I've seen them too many times yet when they start I know I was right to go.

It's that time of year again..anyone else have issues with pets and Christmas decorations?
 

It's that time of year again..anyone else have issues with pets and Christmas decorations?
 

It's that time of year again..anyone else have issues with pets and Christmas decorations?
 

It's that time of year again..anyone else have issues with pets and Christmas decorations?
 

Saved myself a punch in the face, thanks!
BREAKING NEWS: Company asking employees to sell their products and not buy rival devices shocker! ?

I wanted to marry my old English teacher when she came out of prison but I’m told you can’t end a sentence with a proposition 

Absolutely - plus add to that, we don't seem to value the right professions
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/business/news/the-30-best-and-worst-paid-jobs-in-the-uk-a6740731.html
Seriously - both Marketing/Sales Directors and Advertising/PR Directors are better paid than Doctors?!!
 
FFS - one of these professions could save your life!!

Well I first heard that back in '68... 13 years before I was even old enough to enter a pub, and I can assure you, it worked as well back then as anytime (or place) since.
It's the Martini of the joke world... any time, any place!

This one works well better the pub when you've been drinking
 
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To go and see the idiot
 
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The Chicken

Frank Carson wants his joke book back ?

I thought it was Les Dawson--Both great comics-unlike me.
This is true though:
There was a  commissionaire at work, renowned for being seriously miserable. As he was the first face customers saw this was not good. Now some of us had been on an interpersonal skills course (reminds me why I like being retired). This came up with a theory that if you smiled at someone they wold be happy and a ripple effect would occur.
Well every day we smiled and said something nice to him. Best we ever got was a grunt or "wheres your pass?" One day it was frosty and I slipped base over apex on the step. Papers everywhere. B*****d smiled then.
 

A woman goes to the doctor and said I’ve been taking steroids and I’ve grown a rooster.
Anabolic? Asked the doctor.
No just a rooster.

I've been subscribing to Orthopaedics Monthly for 15 years now.
I've got lots of back issues.

Seems like a good place to post it, but someone just reminded me that it's SEVEN years since the Fenton video
19 million views later (they weren't all me) and it still makes me laugh every time. Anyone else had a pet done some thing REALLY stupid?
 
 
 

Seems like a good place to post it, but someone just reminded me that it's SEVEN years since the Fenton video
19 million views later (they weren't all me) and it still makes me laugh every time. Anyone else had a pet done some thing REALLY stupid?
 
 
 

Seems like a good place to post it, but someone just reminded me that it's SEVEN years since the Fenton video
19 million views later (they weren't all me) and it still makes me laugh every time. Anyone else had a pet done some thing REALLY stupid?
 
 
 

Seems like a good place to post it, but someone just reminded me that it's SEVEN years since the Fenton video
19 million views later (they weren't all me) and it still makes me laugh every time. Anyone else had a pet done some thing REALLY stupid?
 
 
 

Seems like a good place to post it, but someone just reminded me that it's SEVEN years since the Fenton video
19 million views later (they weren't all me) and it still makes me laugh every time. Anyone else had a pet done some thing REALLY stupid?
 
 
 

Seems like a good place to post it, but someone just reminded me that it's SEVEN years since the Fenton video
19 million views later (they weren't all me) and it still makes me laugh every time. Anyone else had a pet done some thing REALLY stupid?
 
 
 

I jumped into a London cab and said 'Waterloo please'
He said 'the Station?'
I replied 'Well I'm a bit fooking late for the battle' 

I see Suggs has come out in support of the Remain campaign's People's Vote
 
It's political madness gone correct