Dealing with loss of a pet

[Stive Pesley]

5 hours ago, Alph said:

Definitely scars you once you've been through the loss. 

With the large breeds that only have a life expectancy of 10 years or so it's really setting yourself up. I adore Mastiffs for their traits (docile, lazy, great with kids, stubbornness can be trained out early, quiet and the biggest hugs) but once they get to 5 or 6 it feels like you're keeping an eye on them for any signs of illness or aging. That time goes so fast. 

I can't imagine going again. That's 2 we've lost in our daughter's childhood

Our whippet is 4 now, so with a fair wind he might make another 8 - 10 years (according to the vet anyway!)

Another thing we were told by a friend was that once he senses a dog is starting to look and act old, he gets another younger dog. Reckons it gives the old dog a new mate in his final years and also helps you deal with the loss when it happens, as it forces you to carry on being a dog owner

No idea if any of you would agree with that. Definitely interested to hear other people's views as he swears by it

[B4’s Sister]

Losing a pet is devastating. I lost my Bella four years ago and still regularly shed a tear for her. She really was my best friend. I knew I would have another dog at some point but wanted some time and space first.  After only a month, I couldn’t bear how quiet the house was and Lyra came along and fitted settled in perfectly. I did felt guilty for getting another dog so soon but it did help with the healing. I also ended up adopting a budgie too. 

Pets are family members and will be grieved for in the same way. They depend on you for everything and give back so much love. Tbh I prefer dogs to people 🤣

[Alph]

1 hour ago, B4’s Sister said:

Losing a pet is devastating. I lost my Bella four years ago and still regularly shed a tear for her. She really was my best friend. I knew I would have another dog at some point but wanted some time and space first.  After only a month, I couldn’t bear how quiet the house was and Lyra came along and fitted settled in perfectly. I did felt guilty for getting another dog so soon but it did help with the healing. I also ended up adopting a budgie too. 

Pets are family members and will be grieved for in the same way. They depend on you for everything and give back so much love. Tbh I prefer dogs to people 🤣

We bought another dog (Harley) soon after we lost one (Daisy). Had the same feelings. House was too empty but then guilt at replacing a pet. 

What's worse is that I found it really frustrating that Harley wasn't actually a replacement of  Daisy. 

He was more playful, he was more difficult to train with his stubborn streak, he didn't do all the little things that I missed. 

He went on to be the best dog I've ever known though and I can't stand the idea of even attempting to replace him. Not this time. 

Moving on is complicated. @Stive PesleyI do think having a younger dog introduced as the other dog ages works well. Both for the old dog who's as excited as Leo Di Caprio with new girlfriend and for the comfort when the time comes. 

 

Edited August 18 by Alph

[SKRam]

On 07/08/2024 at 09:00, Comrade 86 said:

Sadly, I think only time really heals loss. I think the idea of spreading his ashes somewhere he loved is a good one. With cats, I guess that'd be the garden (or a neighbour's garden!) and the only thing I can suggest to ease the sense of loss is to focus on what he brought to your life, the affection, the goofiness and all the stuff that made him so special to you and not his demise. Once this is manageable and that may be a little while, you might think about getting another kitten, given this chap was clearly loved. Every pet needs a loving home and not all owners are good owners, so you wouldn't be replacing him, just giving another animal the love and care he enjoyed.

Sorry mate, that's all I've got, but I hope you don't feel too down for too long.

I’m sat in my local and just seen this thread and this post has made me cry. Not ashamed to either. I’ll post my own thoughts after reading the rest . Thank you @Comrade 86 beautifully put 

[SKRam]

I have rescue cats. I’d have rescue dogs too if I didn’t have the work commitments. Lottery win and I’ll have a sanctuary at the drop of a hat. I live alone…. But then I’m not alone as the house is busy with paws and demands for food. As it should be. I lost Grace last year who used to sit at the window waiting my return from work. I miss every cat I’ve ever had the pleasure to share my life with, and cry most days. Any girlfriend, she must love cats and animals…. This was Grace. Miss you crazy gorgeous girl 

[maxjam]

30 minutes ago, SKRam said:

I have rescue cats. I’d have rescue dogs too if I didn’t have the work commitments. Lottery win and I’ll have a sanctuary at the drop of a hat. I live alone…. But then I’m not alone as the house is busy with paws and demands for food. As it should be. I lost Grace last year who used to sit at the window waiting my return from work. I miss every cat I’ve ever had the pleasure to share my life with, and cry most days. Any girlfriend, she must love cats and animals…. This was Grace. Miss you crazy gorgeous girl 

You can't explain to people that have never had pets just quite how big of a hole is left behind when they've gone.  Coming home to an empty house or not being greeted by your dog as you come through the door takes a long time to get over.  Despite having two other dogs now, I regularly think about the one we lost a few years ago.  You do eventually come to terms with it though and start to remember the good times you shared rather than the emptiness and loss. 

Hope you reach that point sooner rather than later 👍

[ramit]

I moved with my mother to northern California when I was 12.  My stepdad had a German Shepherd police dog, highly trained and disciplined.  She was so clever, learned quickly, I took to her right away and even as that sort of animal can only have one master, we bonded closely.  After school, Nipper and I walked together into a nearby hilly forest, where we spent our afternoons, she was never on a leash, had a special license not to require one as she was totally obedient and never strayed from my side, until I allowed her to.  She was like this ever playful puppy dog but would turn on a dime when situation or orders required. 

I spent my summers in Iceland and when I returned Nipper would be all over me, a puppy again.  After all these years, I still think of her often, remembering our times together in the forest.  In her old age, Nipper was losing her sight, her arthritis bothered her so she could hardly get up on rainy mornings.  Stepdad decided it was time to put her to sleep in the spring of 79.  We both knew it was coming and our goodbyes were long and tender, before I went back to Iceland.  Stepdad told me later that she laid down calmly on the steel table at the vet's and licked his hand as she was being injected.  I miss my Nipper, I remember my wonderful friend with tears and a smile.

Edited August 18 by ramit
typo

[1977 Ram Raider]

This is our beloved cat who after almost 16 wonderful years we had to say goodbye to a week ago today. The whole family is absolutely heartbroken especially my two young daughters who have known him all their life.

He was a very poorly boy especially when the cancer really took a hold during the last few weeks of his life.

Its harder than I imagined and something I wouldn't like to go through again.

[Alph]

6 hours ago, 1977 Ram Raider said:

This is our beloved cat who after almost 16 wonderful years we had to say goodbye to a week ago today. The whole family is absolutely heartbroken especially my two young daughters who have known him all their life.

He was a very poorly boy especially when the cancer really took a hold during the last few weeks of his life.

Its harder than I imagined and something I wouldn't like to go through again.

It's a double whammy isn't it when you get the pain of loss and then see young children feeling the impact of how final the passing is?

We have two girls too. 12 and 9. Didn't hit them until right at the end and then it's heavy. Haunting actually, their faces. 

Sorry mate. Again, nothing can ease the pain I just hope it turns to fond memories sooner than later. 

[Grumpy Git]

We've got rescue cats. All acquired when they were 'older' kittens and not quite fully grown. Oldest are now 13 and youngest about 6.

Touch wood all still fit and well.

[IlsonDerby]

As an update. We’ve planted a tree in the garden with pipers ashes lay under it (£450 bill in total for being put to sleep and then having her cremated! Grief tax). There’s been plenty more tears especially when the ashes arrived and it felt final but we at least have somewhere to look to and to to in the garden when we’re feeling sad. 
 

We also bit the bullet and went and visited a brother and sister from a litter in Derby. We were unsure but when we met them and saw the squalid conditions they were in we had to take them and rehome them. 
 

They’re incredibly energetic and are keeping our minds busy which helps with the grief of losing Piper.
We’re finally getting to the end of all the issues they came with (gunky eyes and fleas whilst being too light to have any flea treatment). 
 

They won’t ever replace Piper but they’re replacing the time and attention we gave her which was the biggest tangible gap created so despite the decision being taken based on emotion I’m pleased we pushed ahead with it. 
 

It was a lot sooner than we wanted to but with me and my other half being teachers the best time was now so we could spend some time off work with them to help them settle. 

[Carnero]

42 minutes ago, IlsonDerby said:

As an update. We’ve planted a tree in the garden with pipers ashes lay under it (£450 bill in total for being put to sleep and then having her cremated! Grief tax). There’s been plenty more tears especially when the ashes arrived and it felt final but we at least have somewhere to look to and to to in the garden when we’re feeling sad. 
 

We also bit the bullet and went and visited a brother and sister from a litter in Derby. We were unsure but when we met them and saw the squalid conditions they were in we had to take them and rehome them. 
 

They’re incredibly energetic and are keeping our minds busy which helps with the grief of losing Piper.
We’re finally getting to the end of all the issues they came with (gunky eyes and fleas whilst being too light to have any flea treatment). 
 

They won’t ever replace Piper but they’re replacing the time and attention we gave her which was the biggest tangible gap created so despite the decision being taken based on emotion I’m pleased we pushed ahead with it. 
 

It was a lot sooner than we wanted to but with me and my other half being teachers the best time was now so we could spend some time off work with them to help them settle. 

Well at least some good has come out of the sad loss of Piper, with two other cats now being given a good life. Well done you.

[ramit]

An hour ago our neighbor and his friend rang our doorbell to let me know that our cat Baldur had been hit by car just outside our house.  I rushed to him to find him still with no apparent injuries except for bleeding from the mouth.  I heard a short car beep maybe 10 minutes before the doorbell rang, I guess that was it.

My wife and I have just buried Baldur in our garden.  We are hurting. 

Baldur never got to experience a full life, but we take comfort in that he got lots of loving while with us, he was part of our family.  Our son is away at university, we will break the news to him after classes today.  He came home for the weekend, so at least he had some time with Baldur recently.

[Comrade 86]

1 hour ago, ramit said:

An hour ago our neighbor and his friend rang our doorbell to let me know that our cat Baldur had been hit by car just outside our house.  I rushed to him to find him still with no apparent injuries except for bleeding from the mouth.  I heard a short car beep maybe 10 minutes before the doorbell rang, I guess that was it.

My wife and I have just buried Baldur in our garden.  We are hurting. 

Baldur never got to experience a full life, but we take comfort in that he got lots of loving while with us, he was part of our family.  Our son is away at university, we will break the news to him after classes today.  He came home for the weekend, so at least he had some time with Baldur recently.

Urgh, so sorry Ramit. I find it staggering that so many folk seem to think that it's ok to hit any animal, let alone one that is obviously a domestic pet and simply drive on. Accidents happen, but to not at least check the condition of the animal, is the act of a prize Bamford.

Once again, it's hard to know what to say other than I'm really sorry this has happened and I hope you and yours are not too down for too long.

[ramit]

7 hours ago, Comrade 86 said:

Urgh, so sorry Ramit. I find it staggering that so many folk seem to think that it's ok to hit any animal, let alone one that is obviously a domestic pet and simply drive on. Accidents happen, but to not at least check the condition of the animal, is the act of a prize Bamford.

Once again, it's hard to know what to say other than I'm really sorry this has happened and I hope you and yours are not too down for too long.

I want to believe that the driver didn't realize that he hit Baldur.  We live on a street connected to other streets, but it is a dead end and the car that I heard beep was driving into the neighborhood.  I don't want to be suspecting someone or other in the neighborhood of having callously left our cat to die in the street.

He was on my lap just earlier, laying on his back, extending his paw to my face to show his love for me, we were close and had an understanding.

We had to bury Baldur right away, I just couldn't stand looking at the poor little fella laying there in our backyard.  We stuck a large flat whale back bone piece in the ground as his stone and said our goodbyes to him, wishing him a safe journey to his next destination.

Thank you for the kind words, mate.

[Nuwtfly]

Please let me know when it gets easier @Alph

I lost my best friend on the 10th of August and it still hurts as much now as it did then. He had a heart attack. He was nearly two.

Maybe it was just the nature of the relationship between us - he was my shadow and followed me everywhere. I work from home so was literally with him every day of his short life. I'm really struggling with it. Our home, that I love, just hurts me at the moment constantly. He's in every room with me, or at least it feels like he is.

It just feels so unfair and I don't really know how it can possibly get better.

The only thing that reassures me is that people keep telling me they felt the same and they you do get through it. Just feels like I've lost a child or something. I know that must sound silly. But he was our little boy.

 

 

[IlsonDerby]

20 hours ago, ramit said:

An hour ago our neighbor and his friend rang our doorbell to let me know that our cat Baldur had been hit by car just outside our house.  I rushed to him to find him still with no apparent injuries except for bleeding from the mouth.  I heard a short car beep maybe 10 minutes before the doorbell rang, I guess that was it.

My wife and I have just buried Baldur in our garden.  We are hurting. 

Baldur never got to experience a full life, but we take comfort in that he got lots of loving while with us, he was part of our family.  Our son is away at university, we will break the news to him after classes today.  He came home for the weekend, so at least he had some time with Baldur recently.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It is a thoroughly miserable experience. 
 

Take comfort in knowing you’ll have given him the best life possible and he’ll have spent every day happy. 

[IlsonDerby]

19 hours ago, Comrade 86 said:

Urgh, so sorry Ramit. I find it staggering that so many folk seem to think that it's ok to hit any animal, let alone one that is obviously a domestic pet and simply drive on. Accidents happen, but to not at least check the condition of the animal, is the act of a prize Bamford.

Once again, it's hard to know what to say other than I'm really sorry this has happened and I hope you and yours are not too down for too long.

This. Total Bamfords. I don’t care if it’s going to make you late. You’ve hit someone’s family, you didn’t mean to but you have so you should have the compassion to go and alert somebody or take it to the vet. 

[IlsonDerby]

10 hours ago, Nuwtfly said:

Please let me know when it gets easier @Alph

I lost my best friend on the 10th of August and it still hurts as much now as it did then. He had a heart attack. He was nearly two.

Maybe it was just the nature of the relationship between us - he was my shadow and followed me everywhere. I work from home so was literally with him every day of his short life. I'm really struggling with it. Our home, that I love, just hurts me at the moment constantly. He's in every room with me, or at least it feels like he is.

It just feels so unfair and I don't really know how it can possibly get better.

The only thing that reassures me is that people keep telling me they felt the same and they you do get through it. Just feels like I've lost a child or something. I know that must sound silly. But he was our little boy.

 

 

 

We went out and got two kittens that looked completely different from Piper because although we didn’t want to replace our girl we had all this time and love/attention to give and we needed an outlet for it. 
 

We still regularly think about Piper and we’re regularly upset about her but when we’re downstairs and the kittens are sprinting around playfully it does provide a distraction from that hurt and we pour the attention into them rather than just having it build up in a ball of grief in us. 
 

I guess what I’m saying is that there’s no cure for it hurting but we have found it helpful to dive straight back in but specifically with cats that look nothing like her to stress the point we haven’t tried to replace her. 

[Alph]

11 hours ago, Nuwtfly said:

Please let me know when it gets easier @Alph

I lost my best friend on the 10th of August and it still hurts as much now as it did then. He had a heart attack. He was nearly two.

Maybe it was just the nature of the relationship between us - he was my shadow and followed me everywhere. I work from home so was literally with him every day of his short life. I'm really struggling with it. Our home, that I love, just hurts me at the moment constantly. He's in every room with me, or at least it feels like he is.

It just feels so unfair and I don't really know how it can possibly get better.

The only thing that reassures me is that people keep telling me they felt the same and they you do get through it. Just feels like I've lost a child or something. I know that must sound silly. But he was our little boy.

 

 

Aww mate, it’s so hard isn’t it. 
 

The thing about a good owner/dog is that there’s nothing you can do to make them hate you. They’ll let you beat them if that’s the type of person you are. Their loyalty is beyond anything a human could offer. Mine has been a marriage counsellor, mental health professional and security guard. He wasn’t a mate I text every month or meet up for a beer every Christmas. He wasn’t angry with me after I left the hallway light on or grumpy because he had a bad say. When you’ve lost that kind of friend then I think you’re allowed to be broken. Don’t feel under pressure to get over it just because it’s an animal. Sulk! 
 

There’s also a weird pressure that I wonder if @IlsonDerbyfelt? That it’s wrong to “replace” a pet? 
It felt dirty when we did it after my previous dog. It’s like you feel you’re widowed and rushing straight into dating! I remember the vets surprised look when two months later we walked in with a puppy. But it was the best thing ever. As I said, he went on to be the very best dog. 
 

So maybe consider filling that hole with a new pet? Maybe not. It depends I think on how you feel. I felt desperate to replace my previous dog due to the emptiness. This time I don’t feel the urge at all since the emptiness feels like something to celebrate him. 

It seems it’s helped ilson focus on something positive and now he’s able to give a happy life to lovely cats. So maybe it will help you? Don’t let that weird guilt block you if it’s what you do want. Well, I don’t think you should.