Rev Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I work in a small company, engineering environment. After lunch break, went into the holding area next door to the machine shop to select my next job. It was empty of people, but had been recently visited by a colleague, on walking through I was grabbed by the smell of death, and having the worlds worst gag reflex, I promptly vomited into my mouth. Whilst making my way to the bin to clear my mouth, said colleague walked back in and the smell hit me again x10. I puked again, filling up my mouth similar to how a pelican would feed it's young, or a 16yr old on his first night of Snakebite might, and managed to rush next door and deposit my lunch in a handily placed plastic box, much to the amusement of my fellow workers. Smelly fellow associates are nothing new, normally we pin them down and disgorge the contents of a air freshener so that they may get the message, but if you swop the word colleague above for Managing Director you may get my predicament. How on earth do you tell your boss, the man you rely on for your income, that he fookin stinks? He's a big man, 6'5" at a guess, and maybe 30 st, which I can only assume precludes him from normal bathing, and indeed arse wiping, hence the progressively worse nature of his aroma Monday to Friday. I'm guessing he gets the workers at the local hand car wash to give him the once over at weekends, but that doesn't help us lads come Friday. How can I cope with this situation, other than calling in sick every Thurs/Fri? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tombo Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Go all in and hose the f****** down. You'll either get a promotion for your moxie or sacked on the spot. He who dares Rodders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozza Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Christmas is coming, buy him a nice selection of sweet smelling toiletries Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I really don’t feel like the laughing chimp gif would be any use in this situation. Anonymous polite note on his desk to make him aware that noses have detected a foul aroma radiating from his torso. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ossieram Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Stick a note on his office door telling him he's a smelly git who needs a bath and a can of deodorant the size of a petrol tanker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i-Ram Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I am sure l have seen something in Boots that should help. Huge Boss Deodorant. You might get it gift wrapped for free this time of year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted November 23, 2017 Author Share Posted November 23, 2017 Good advice all. The polite angle has been tried, suggesting that a pack of wild hounds has made a bed of his clothes, his cologne doesn't suit him, an airwick in every room, etc etc. I can only assume he thinks the Yankee Candle burning from every flat surface adds to the Zen of the place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1of4 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 You can't be subtle about it. Put a large notice on his desk and on every notice board, telling the boss that he stinks and he needs to improve his personal hygiene. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrdave85 Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 You need to smuggle someone who doesn't actually work there to come in and tell him to his face. That way, he can suffer the consequences with no real worry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Well if being polite didn’t work, fill a bucket with Brut and set a trap so when he enters his office the bucket will empty on his noggin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronnieronalde Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Casually drop the name of the company you work for on here, anonymously of course. I'll give him a call today, tell him we're looking for a world renowned stink pig for the next Stink Pig World Cup (obviously to be held somewhere in Nottingham!! :-) and he comes highly recommended as the flag bearer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GboroRam Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Secret Santa. Rigged. Gift set of deodorant, year's supply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Buy an old world war 2 gas mask and wear it around him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted November 24, 2017 Author Share Posted November 24, 2017 5 minutes ago, Boycie said: Buy an old world war 2 gas mask and wear it around him. I've asked Santa for scuba equipment this year. He'll probably bring me flippers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 We have this on the bog door at work, maybe you could sneak the gas mask pic on his office door... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McRamFan Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 PM me his number and I'll call and tell him that he stinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mostyn6 Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 be mindful not to humiliate him. It's a very tender subject, and perhaps one best handled by Human Resources. I once worked with a bloke whose feet smelt like ....er.... something I cannot describe, one day, he was sitting opposite me during lunch and I got a whiff of his rotten feet (with boots on) under the table as tucking into my cob. I nearly vomited too. Ended up slamming my half eaten cob on the table and saying something like "ffs Mick, you're f***** feet f***** stink and you've ruined my f***** lunch! Sort it out, it's bang out of order in this day and age!". I got a slapped wrist off the manager for being insensitive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leicester Ram Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Gonna have to murder him, mate. Can't see any other reasonable way out of this, he's got to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted November 24, 2017 Author Share Posted November 24, 2017 6 minutes ago, Leicester Ram said: Gonna have to murder him, mate. Can't see any other reasonable way out of this, he's got to go. I'm amazed he's alive as it is. He gets out of breath breathing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 1 hour ago, Moist One said: be mindful not to humiliate him. It's a very tender subject, and perhaps one best handled by Human Resources. I once worked with a bloke whose feet smelt like ....er.... something I cannot describe, one day, he was sitting opposite me during lunch and I got a whiff of his rotten feet (with boots on) under the table as tucking into my cob. I nearly vomited too. Ended up slamming my half eaten cob on the table and saying something like "ffs Mick, you're f***** feet f***** stink and you've ruined my f***** lunch! Sort it out, it's bang out of order in this day and age!". I got a slapped wrist off the manager for being insensitive. Hold up, did he take his shoes off at dinner or that bad the smell leaked through the leather? If so that’s beyond bad, never smelt anyone feet whilst in shoes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.