Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[ketteringram]

@David  . Re your Dec 2 post . 

What you are saying , in a nutshell , is to act . Take action. . . Make the change etc etc . You are absolutely spot on of course . But you know full well, that it's never that simple when you are in it. I know you understand that . Your lost five years . Would they have been avoided by someone saying that to you some time in year one ? We've been in similar states . 

Your post is brilliant . You're writing it now . You wouldn't have written that in the middle of that lost five years . Thanks for posting it. I understand it , because I'm the right side of it at the moment . Well most of me is. Regret is a bitch to deal with though . 

[Day]

25 minutes ago, ketteringram said:

@David  . Re your Dec 2 post . 

What you are saying , in a nutshell , is to act . Take action. . . Make the change etc etc . You are absolutely spot on of course . But you know full well, that it's never that simple when you are in it. I know you understand that . Your lost five years . Would they have been avoided by someone saying that to you some time in year one ? We've been in similar states . 

Your post is brilliant . You're writing it now . You wouldn't have written that in the middle of that lost five years . Thanks for posting it. I understand it , because I'm the right side of it at the moment . Well most of me is. Regret is a bitch to deal with though . 

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, you're right though, nobody talked to me like that, everyone just assumed I was happy. Not easy at I just hope it clicks with one person as losing years like that still drives me mad today

[SillyBilly]

41 minutes ago, ketteringram said:

@David  . Re your Dec 2 post . 

What you are saying , in a nutshell , is to act . Take action. . . Make the change etc etc . You are absolutely spot on of course . But you know full well, that it's never that simple when you are in it. I know you understand that . Your lost five years . Would they have been avoided by someone saying that to you some time in year one ? We've been in similar states . 

Your post is brilliant . You're writing it now . You wouldn't have written that in the middle of that lost five years . Thanks for posting it. I understand it , because I'm the right side of it at the moment . Well most of me is. Regret is a bitch to deal with though . 

Agreed, the key thing is just having someone to talk to about it.

My own "struggle" is the periodic return of a crushing sense of pointlessness of life, often coming from nowhere and seemingly completely independent of any external factors. This can sweep over me like a blindsided broadside and last for weeks, if not months; I tend to be in no mood for inspirational quotes or advice to exercise, my mind will leave that state when its ready to, as willing to leave as it was to enter. I can only describe it as an almost programmed futility response where I lose interest in hobbies, work, relationships and anything else I cared about the day before. This is not anxiety, loss of confidence, response to a loss or frustration at work etc., rather a pronounced disinterest in anything and genuine questioning of everything that life is about. What is the point of my job? What is the point of society? What is the point in having children? One learns to live with it over the years despite the fact it has got hairy at some low points. It does feel like living two lives at times. Being very analytical (some may gather this from my posting history) I have found to be both my biggest strength and success in life but also my achilles heel, it can be particularly pernicious and cruel when turned inward.

My own policy is to avoid (or sharply reduce) the internet and TV when I am in that frame of mind, it can help I find.

[Tony Le Mesmer]

On ‎08‎/‎12‎/‎2016 at 21:40, SillyBilly said:

Agreed, the key thing is just having someone to talk to about it.

My own "struggle" is the periodic return of a crushing sense of pointlessness of life, often coming from nowhere and seemingly completely independent of any external factors. This can sweep over me like a blindsided broadside and last for weeks, if not months; I tend to be in no mood for inspirational quotes or advice to exercise, my mind will leave that state when its ready to, as willing to leave as it was to enter. I can only describe it as an almost programmed futility response where I lose interest in hobbies, work, relationships and anything else I cared about the day before. This is not anxiety, loss of confidence, response to a loss or frustration at work etc., rather a pronounced disinterest in anything and genuine questioning of everything that life is about. What is the point of my job? What is the point of society? What is the point in having children? One learns to live with it over the years despite the fact it has got hairy at some low points. It does feel like living two lives at times. Being very analytical (some may gather this from my posting history) I have found to be both my biggest strength and success in life but also my achilles heel, it can be particularly pernicious and cruel when turned inward.

My own policy is to avoid (or sharply reduce) the internet and TV when I am in that frame of mind, it can help I find.

Great post sillybilly and one to which I can relate. I tend to be a deep thinker too and constantly wondering about the point of things or why is x and y. It drives me mad. If I could learn just to live my life and enjoy it for what it is then it would be more enjoyable and a lot easier.

I too analyse everything down to the last detail. I get days where I try to get on with people and just make inroads in life and then I'm back to square one for a bit questioning why this has to be this way or why such and such a person is a complete ********.

I have accepted that there is no ultimate point to being here. There is no meaning in life but we are here so why spend our whole lives looking for a definitive answer to a question that doesn't have one.

However this still doesn't stop me questioning things and being bewildered at times.

Life is literally a path and if you know you're on the right one I envy you people.

[SillyBilly]

1 hour ago, Tony Le Mesmer said:

Great post sillybilly and one to which I can relate. I tend to be a deep thinker too and constantly wondering about the point of things or why is x and y. It drives me mad. If I could learn just to live my life and enjoy it for what it is then it would be more enjoyable and a lot easier.

I too analyse everything down to the last detail. I get days where I try to get on with people and just make inroads in life and then I'm back to square one for a bit questioning why this has to be this way or why such and such a person is a complete ********.

I have accepted that there is no ultimate point to being here. There is no meaning in life but we are here so why spend our whole lives looking for a definitive answer to a question that doesn't have one.

However this still doesn't stop me questioning things and being bewildered at times.

Life is literally a path and if you know you're on the right one I envy you people.

My own theory (on life meaning and general well-being) is that 150,000 years just isn't sufficient evolutionary time to take people facilely from foraging in the savannas of East Africa to being sat in a tin can twice a day, staring at Excel for 8-10 hours and spending the salvaged hours watching a glowing box! It is no surprise that antidepressant presciptions broadly increase with GDP/capita (effectively a measure of how far a population has moved away from a "natural" existence). While I wouldn't expect Ethiopians to be on prozac (for obvious reasons), it is telling the likes of America/Canada top the list of the developed nations (no time off work being the primary reason IMO); all the while in Japan you have to join a queue to jump off a bridge (not to mention the 500,000 "Hikikomori"). I basically consider Western life to be inherently unnatural and therefore unsurprisingly unwholesome. The world is a bunch of apes in suits and dresses trying to pretend they want something different to those that lived a few millenia ago. I am not convinced they do but our global economy spins on it...consumption of s*8t that it is. As you can see I think way too deep on this too .

 

[ramit]

i am better at talking about how i am feeling than writing about it, but if i do i make it into a poem

Some weeks, this is me

Bleak

i am so sad and i don't know why
something good has passed me by
and every thought within my head
is poisoned by a pitch black dread

i am so tired and i cannot sleep
my anguish is intense and deep
and thinking of it i have observed
something inside say it's deserved

i am so bewildered am feeling ill
i swear it's all against my will
i want to break free into the light
but feel too weak to put up a fight

i am so afraid that i will fail
to escape out of this awful jail
pray to God to give me strength
and help me go to any length

 

[Mostyn6]

10 hours ago, ramit said:

i am better at talking about how i am feeling than writing about it, but if i do i make it into a poem

Some weeks, this is me

Bleak

i am so sad and i don't know why
something good has passed me by
and every thought within my head
is poisoned by a pitch black dread

i am so tired and i cannot sleep
my anguish is intense and deep
and thinking of it i have observed
something inside say it's deserved

i am so bewildered am feeling ill
i swear it's all against my will
i want to break free into the light
but feel too weak to put up a fight

i am so afraid that i will fail
to escape out of this awful jail
pray to God to give me strength
and help me go to any length

 

You'd be very very very surprised just how many people in the world would find resonance in this. 

Very well captured.

[ramit]

48 minutes ago, Mostyn6 said:

You'd be very very very surprised just how many people in the world would find resonance in this. 

Very well captured.

Thank you kindly Mostyn.  i wrote this a few months ago but only posted it on a poem site a few days ago because i was embarrassed about it, like it was self pity.  A member contacted me privately to tell me how much she could relate to the content.  Was sad for her that she could relate and at the same time relieved that i am not the only one, which of course was an absurd idea to nurture.   Yes, we tend to think we are so unique with our problems

[Mostyn6]

23 minutes ago, ramit said:

Thank you kindly Mostyn.  i wrote this a few months ago but only posted it on a poem site a few days ago because i was embarrassed about it, like it was self pity.  A member contacted me privately to tell me how much she could relate to the content.  Was sad for her that she could relate and at the same time relieved that i am not the only one, which of course was an absurd idea to nurture.   Yes, we tend to think we are so unique with our problems

one thing, if only one thing, that this whole thread should teach you, nobody is unique in suffering. I don't mean it to play anything down, but I've taken a clear thought from this thread, whatever feeling I have had, good or bad, someone else has experienced the same or more. 

[ronnieronalde]

I find myself reading this thread more than the main forum these days.

Everybody is different, everyone of us handles things differently. I'm at the stage similar to @David managed to turn things around but still occasionally angry with myself for "losing" the 2 years I lost.

Like Ramit, I find writing poetry helps a lot and it was probably writing and then reading back this over and over that helped me snap out of it, made me remember that underneath it all, I'm a good lad.

Love You

What do you do when you've stopped loving you?
When you hate yourself for the things that you do and don’t do.
When you keep punishing yourself for all that you’ve done.
When those you loved have left you. When they've long since gone.

When you see your own reflection and hate the way that you look.
When you’re ashamed to admit that you couldn’t give a ****.
When you don’t go to bed 'cos you can’t face the dreams you have while sleeping
When you hate the thought of waking up cos all you do is keep on weeping.

When you can’t stand to look at yourself through your own eyes.
When your disgust is focused on one person and it’s you, you despise.
When you open your own mouth and all you hear is lie after lie
When you’ve given up on yourself so badly, that you don’t even try.

When you tell those around you, that of course you’re alright.
When you’re secretly wishing they’d just get out of your sight.
When you can’t admit that you’re not feeling well to anyone who asks.
When you can’t even begin to complete the simplest of tasks.

When it’s been so long since anything went right.
When you know deep inside you can no longer fight.
When you go four or five days without taking a shower.
When you can’t move from your room, cos you don’t have the power.

So please God come and tell me what should I do?
Have You ever been to that place when You’ve stopped loving You?
Why can’t I stop hating everything about me?
Why can’t I open my eyes to the good stuff, why can’t I let myself see?

When will I stop trying to hide?
When will I stop dying inside?
Whatever it is that I’m trying, I’ve still had no luck.
I’m still lying, I’m still crying and I still don’t give a ****.

What do you do when you no longer love you?
Please don’t ask me cos I haven't got a clue.
All I can do is keep my eyes open day after day.
And hope the self-loathing vanishes, keep praying it goes away.

[Tony Le Mesmer]

8 minutes ago, ronnieronalde said:

I find myself reading this thread more than the main forum these days.

Everybody is different, everyone of us handles things differently. I'm at the stage similar to @David managed to turn things around but still occasionally angry with myself for "losing" the 2 years I lost.

Like Ramit, I find writing poetry helps a lot and it was probably writing and then reading back this over and over that helped me snap out of it, made me remember that underneath it all, I'm a good lad.

Love You

What do you do when you've stopped loving you?
When you hate yourself for the things that you do and don’t do.
When you keep punishing yourself for all that you’ve done.
When those you loved have left you. When they've long since gone.

When you see your own reflection and hate the way that you look.
When you’re ashamed to admit that you couldn’t give a ****.
When you don’t go to bed 'cos you can’t face the dreams you have while sleeping
When you hate the thought of waking up cos all you do is keep on weeping.

When you can’t stand to look at yourself through your own eyes.
When your disgust is focused on one person and it’s you, you despise.
When you open your own mouth and all you hear is lie after lie
When you’ve given up on yourself so badly, that you don’t even try.

When you tell those around you, that of course you’re alright.
When you’re secretly wishing they’d just get out of your sight.
When you can’t admit that you’re not feeling well to anyone who asks.
When you can’t even begin to complete the simplest of tasks.

When it’s been so long since anything went right.
When you know deep inside you can no longer fight.
When you go four or five days without taking a shower.
When you can’t move from your room, cos you don’t have the power.

So please God come and tell me what should I do?
Have You ever been to that place when You’ve stopped loving You?
Why can’t I stop hating everything about me?
Why can’t I open my eyes to the good stuff, why can’t I let myself see?

When will I stop trying to hide?
When will I stop dying inside?
Whatever it is that I’m trying, I’ve still had no luck.
I’m still lying, I’m still crying and I still don’t give a ****.

What do you do when you no longer love you?
Please don’t ask me cos I haven't got a clue.
All I can do is keep my eyes open day after day.
And hope the self-loathing vanishes, keep praying it goes away.

Must have taken some balls to write that and put it down for all to see. Very poignant in places Ronnie.

There was only one but that stood out though for me amongst all

'Im a good lad......'

Your words not mine nor anybody else's. Use this simple phrase and build on it because there is a strong possibility that it's true. You just have to believe it more. Believe in yourself.

 

[Ashz09]

On 12/8/2016 at 21:40, SillyBilly said:

Agreed, the key thing is just having someone to talk to about it.

My own "struggle" is the periodic return of a crushing sense of pointlessness of life, often coming from nowhere and seemingly completely independent of any external factors. This can sweep over me like a blindsided broadside and last for weeks, if not months; I tend to be in no mood for inspirational quotes or advice to exercise, my mind will leave that state when its ready to, as willing to leave as it was to enter. I can only describe it as an almost programmed futility response where I lose interest in hobbies, work, relationships and anything else I cared about the day before. This is not anxiety, loss of confidence, response to a loss or frustration at work etc., rather a pronounced disinterest in anything and genuine questioning of everything that life is about. What is the point of my job? What is the point of society? What is the point in having children? One learns to live with it over the years despite the fact it has got hairy at some low points. It does feel like living two lives at times. Being very analytical (some may gather this from my posting history) I have found to be both my biggest strength and success in life but also my achilles heel, it can be particularly pernicious and cruel when turned inward.

My own policy is to avoid (or sharply reduce) the internet and TV when I am in that frame of mind, it can help I find.

Know the feeling my friend.Got a payrise, Listened to the girlfriend about needing help with the daughter which has since turned her mood for the better. Got the Daughter into a routine. Thought life couldn't be better.

Come of this weekend I feel down again. Questioning whether money was the real reason I was unhappy at work. Questioning what's the point in life when you just can't wait for 5pm and after that the weekend all the time.. Even then the weekend isn't all that great.

It comes and goes is this normal does everyone have this? I keep saying to myself it is normal everyone has emotions and days of feeling appreciated and feeling life is great then straight to the other end of the scale.

[SillyBilly]

2 hours ago, Ashz09 said:

Know the feeling my friend.Got a payrise, Listened to the girlfriend about needing help with the daughter which has since turned her mood for the better. Got the Daughter into a routine. Thought life couldn't be better.

Come of this weekend I feel down again. Questioning whether money was the real reason I was unhappy at work. Questioning what's the point in life when you just can't wait for 5pm and after that the weekend all the time.. Even then the weekend isn't all that great.

It comes and goes is this normal does everyone have this? I keep saying to myself it is normal everyone has emotions and days of feeling appreciated and feeling life is great then straight to the other end of the scale.

I think it is entirely normal, the internet provides a platform (unlike before) to realise how normal it is, namely through threads like this. A wholly good thing. That being said, one still has to stand back from time-to-time though, divorce yourself from your personal situation and become your own arbitrator on whether your feelings are crossing the blurred boundaries of the rational to the irrational. My own internal assessment is I think way more deeply than the "average" which is reflected in the fact I sleep so little (my mind races with hypotheticals for hours), it leaves me prone to disturbing myself with questions that are perhaps best left unanswered. As someone who avoids doctors at all costs (following an incorrect diagnosis of Crohn's disease in lieu of a benign bowel complaint), I have never troubled them with a visit for a professional opinion (I suspect I know the result), preferring only to manage these lows as best as one can.

I hope it picks up for you. A quote I particularly like is "If you can't your situation, then change your attitude to the situation". Considering the situation is "life" itself sometimes, forcibly training your mind to accept this is the way it is and always will be, has been for me, a particularly liberating thing. It is an empowering concept when you realise you are in control of how you think about something and that you, and you alone, are responsible for your own happiness. It might not be palatable to present that idea to yourself when feeling low but that reality check can often turn things around (for me at least).

[dcfcfan1]

5 hours ago, Ashz09 said:

Know the feeling my friend.Got a payrise, Listened to the girlfriend about needing help with the daughter which has since turned her mood for the better. Got the Daughter into a routine. Thought life couldn't be better.

Come of this weekend I feel down again. Questioning whether money was the real reason I was unhappy at work. Questioning what's the point in life when you just can't wait for 5pm and after that the weekend all the time.. Even then the weekend isn't all that great.

It comes and goes is this normal does everyone have this? I keep saying to myself it is normal everyone has emotions and days of feeling appreciated and feeling life is great then straight to the other end of the scale.

Understand you mate. But look on the bright side, you have a good job, payrise, supportive girlfriend and a lovely daughter. Much better off than most people in life, some would kill to be in your position

 

Keep fighting mate

[Ashz09]

Thanks SillyBilly you talk a lot of sense. I do believe I'm strong enough for a long time. A lot of my family have or had depression and I'm trying to be the one who doesn't get diagnosed for it. At one point the mother was on that strong tablets she hardly any emotions at all. Could of been for the best but was horrible to see. I guess that's why I'm fighting it to keep not exactly pride so to speak but knowing I'm in full control of my emotions. I've took a step back from my situation and keep saying I've got a decent job with decent pay they understand my Type 1 and let me work from home on Hospital dates etc. They do generally look after me. I just wish there was job prospects and an actual team to work in. Will keep trying and fighting for a new job and generally trying to find happiness..

True DCFCFan1 I do tell myself that a lot too.I do tell myself a lot to appreciate what I have. I guess my mind wants more and thrives in socializing. Unfortunately my life isn't quite involved in that at the moment lol.

[PistoldPete2]

On 8 December 2016 at 21:40, SillyBilly said:

Agreed, the key thing is just having someone to talk to about it.

My own "struggle" is the periodic return of a crushing sense of pointlessness of life, often coming from nowhere and seemingly completely independent of any external factors. This can sweep over me like a blindsided broadside and last for weeks, if not months; I tend to be in no mood for inspirational quotes or advice to exercise, my mind will leave that state when its ready to, as willing to leave as it was to enter. I can only describe it as an almost programmed futility response where I lose interest in hobbies, work, relationships and anything else I cared about the day before. This is not anxiety, loss of confidence, response to a loss or frustration at work etc., rather a pronounced disinterest in anything and genuine questioning of everything that life is about. What is the point of my job? What is the point of society? What is the point in having children? One learns to live with it over the years despite the fact it has got hairy at some low points. It does feel like living two lives at times. Being very analytical (some may gather this from my posting history) I have found to be both my biggest strength and success in life but also my achilles heel, it can be particularly pernicious and cruel when turned inward.

My own policy is to avoid (or sharply reduce) the internet and TV when I am in that frame of mind, it can help I find.

Isn't the pointlessness of life one of its charms? I mean football is pointless really if we are honest. The more pointless things I can fill my life with , the better . 

[jono]

35 minutes ago, PistoldPete2 said:

Isn't the pointlessness of life one of its charms? I mean football is pointless really if we are honest. The more pointless things I can fill my life with , the better . 

I am a bit like SillyBilly although not as extreme I suspect. .. Do all the sums .. Look at the end of the road .. You can see with perfect clarity where it's all going even with a fair wind. What's the point, hell in a hand cart 

Then I remember that Dalai Lama quote .. The purpose of our lives is to be happy, and the one from I can't remember which Rock Star .. Our purpose in life is to mess about and have fun, don't listen to anyone that tells you any different. 

I am getting towards the back end of my working life, still a bit to go. Relatively stable but going to do something a bit out of left field ( for me ) .. I used to be worried about change, status, what might be, what I "should" be doing or what I could have done. Now I am looking forward to it and gunning at the prospect .. Not a lot of money but a contribution 

i am in awe of you guys that have shared your tribulations .. Keep doing it .. It's healthy. None of us is immune. Mates, even cyber mates are a huge help and want to help. I feel humble moaning about my occasional black dog days and grim pragmatic fatalism. 

Pete you are right .. The delightful daftness of excessive footy passion is a perfect example of what we should be doing. Worrying too much about Trump, Putin, pension deficits the knackered boiler and Brexit won't make us happy or enrich the one way journey that is our life. Ball, back of the net, jumping for joy most certainly does. The guy who founded Honda said "The value of your life can be determined by how many times your soul has been strired." .. So for me I want to try ( and I fail often ) to find things that stir my soul. 

[SillyBilly]

56 minutes ago, PistoldPete2 said:

Isn't the pointlessness of life one of its charms? I mean football is pointless really if we are honest. The more pointless things I can fill my life with , the better . 

Not how my brain is wired unfortunately, wish I could take that approach though. Football is for entertainment, losing interest in being entertained isn't particularly fun. I think I've only posted one or two football related posts all season so yes, probably is pointless for me at present . I only have to read about 4 threads on the bright side .

 

[ketteringram]

14 minutes ago, jono said:

I am a bit like SillyBilly although not as extreme I suspect. .. Do all the sums .. Look at the end of the road .. You can see with perfect clarity where it's all going even with a fair wind. What's the point, hell in a hand cart 

Then I remember that Dalai Lama quote .. The purpose of our lives is to be happy, and the one from I can't remember which Rock Star .. Our purpose in life is to mess about and have fun, don't listen to anyone that tells you any different. 

I am getting towards the back end of my working life, still a bit to go. Relatively stable but going to do something a bit out of left field ( for me ) .. I used to be worried about change, status, what might be, what I "should" be doing or what I could have done. Now I am looking forward to it and gunning at the prospect .. Not a lot of money but a contribution 

i am in awe of you guys that have shared your tribulations .. Keep doing it .. It's healthy. None of us is immune. Mates, even cyber mates are a huge help and want to help. I feel humble moaning about my occasional black dog days and grim pragmatic fatalism. 

Pete you are right .. The delightful daftness of excessive footy passion is a perfect example of what we should be doing. Worrying too much about Trump, Putin, pension deficits the knackered boiler and Brexit won't make us happy or enrich the one way journey that is our life. Ball, back of the net, jumping for joy most certainly does. The guy who founded Honda said "The value of your life can be determined by how many times your soul has been strired." .. So for me I want to try ( and I fail often ) to find things that stir my soul. 

Me too . Any ideas ? 

[SillyBilly]

29 minutes ago, jono said:

I am a bit like SillyBilly although not as extreme I suspect. .. Do all the sums .. Look at the end of the road .. You can see with perfect clarity where it's all going even with a fair wind. What's the point, hell in a hand cart 

 

It is interesting you say extreme, as I have literally not shared that information with anyone bar partners (not even family), it follows that you're rarely presented with context as it were. From my own point of view I wouldn't change anything which I guess indicates a degree of contentedness with life. As I said in another post, I do think these down periods are perfectly normal (and it is good to share), you just have to watch out for when the invisible line is crossed.