Tamworthram

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
 
  These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
  in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
  the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
 
  ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
  WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
  ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
  WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
  _______________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
  WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
  WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
  WITNESS: July 18th. 
  ATTORNEY: What year? 
  WITNESS: Every year. 
  _____________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
  WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
  ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
  WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
  _________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
  WITNESS: Yes. 
  ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
  WITNESS: I forget.. 
  ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
  ___________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
  WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
  ____________________________________ 
 
  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
  WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
  ___________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
  WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
  _________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
  WITNESS: Yes. 
  ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
  WITNESS: Getting laid 
  ____________________________________________ 
 
  ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
  WITNESS: Yes. 
  ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
  WITNESS: None. 
  ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
  WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
  WITNESS: By death.. 
  ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
  WITNESS: Take a guess. 
  ___________________________________________ 
 
  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
  WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
  ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
  WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
  _____________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
  WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
  ______________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
  WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
  _________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
  WITNESS: Oral... 
  _________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
  WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
  ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
  WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
  WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
 
  ______________________________________ 
  And last: 
 
  ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
  WITNESS: No. 
  ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
  WITNESS: No. 
  ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
  WITNESS: No.. 
  ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
  WITNESS: No. 
  ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
  WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
  ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
  WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
 
 
 

An oldy but started watching Still Game on Netflix over lockdown, just to watch something less intense and it’s perfect. Just a daft and funny sitcom with a wee bit of heart. Lovely stuff and easy going. Final series is only on iplayer though at the moment.

Probably an unpopular opinion but I watched Once upon a time in Hollywood last weekend and quite enjoyed it. 7/10

Probably an unpopular opinion but I watched Once upon a time in Hollywood last weekend and quite enjoyed it. 7/10

Have to disagree. One of my favourite films.

Have to disagree. One of my favourite films.

On your recommendation I watched it last night and would agree with your assessment and rating. Good film with great British/Irish cast.
 

Agreed. One of the best films of all time. The country club scene and the ‘lemons’ is quite possibly the funniest scene in film history. Di Caprio at his finest! 

Ok who is going to tell B4 Cinemas will not be re-opening in 2020? Bagsy not me.

It certainly is mate.  Might give it a watch myself!
Lee Remick... Remind me... Is that the guy that went on to play The Six Million Dollar Man?

Easy viewing but Celebrity SAS started last night. Biggest disappointment though was Fash punching like a girl. Other that that, wasted an hour. 

I'm almost ashamed to admit it's one of my favourite films.
I'm afraid your criticism could be levelled at pretty much any film. 

My ignorance of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles Toe.

Binge-watched Tiger King yesterday. No issue with 'recreationals' but being a meth head really ain't a good look. Anyway, feel like I need counselling now. Maddest docu ever. 

Like a few others, just finished Tiger King. Very difficult not to binge watch it which is usually a good sign.
Watched the first episode of the new series of Friday Night Dinner. Definitely, in my opinion, a series that has jumped the shark.
Now trying to get into the latest series of WestWorld. Finding it hard going. 

Hoping my invite is in the post...need to lose a few teeth first though to get into character. 

I thought it was another solution to the toilet roll shortage. 

Drama Channel is amazing!
The ads are almost all for ATOL protected holidays and cruises with a few for medicines thrown in.
Just needs the Andrex puppy and Kevin the Koala for the full set!

Not necessarily directly related to CV but my wife, currently recovering from breast cancer, has had to go back on antidepressants. We’ll get through it, especially as she’s determined not to stay on them for too long. It’s not easy trying to stay up beat myself when my wife, daughter, son in law, and brother in law all suffer from depression (reckon I must have a curse or something). But, as I say, we’ll get through it.

Not necessarily directly related to CV but my wife, currently recovering from breast cancer, has had to go back on antidepressants. We’ll get through it, especially as she’s determined not to stay on them for too long. It’s not easy trying to stay up beat myself when my wife, daughter, son in law, and brother in law all suffer from depression (reckon I must have a curse or something). But, as I say, we’ll get through it.