ketteringram

Avoid Toy Story 3!

Is that the one with all the Penguins in? 

When are you next there? Are you always in the same spot? I'm in West lower block C, so have a perfect, and close view of the flags in that corner. I can use phone camera, or if you want it done properly, I'll bring me proper camera. 

OCD is a strange illness. You do the compulsions and rituals to prevent the anxiety of the intrusive thoughts. My therapy involved not ignoring the thoughts or avoiding the activities which caused the anxiety but instead doing them and thinking them without performing the rituals and compulsions. It is amazing how the avoidance and the rituals increase our anxiety while actually doing the activities and letting the thoughts happen reduces the anxiety. Hard process but worth it. 
A good example is when I went on the podcast for the first time. Every part of my brain said don't do it and avoid. But I have learnt to ignore the part of my brain that is registering the danger. It is wrong. Like a faulty thermostat. If one person has done it I can too and the anxiety eventually fades. If I had avoided then the anxiety would continue. 
I am just working on leaving the house and checking the door once now. Simple things that cause a lot of anxiety with OCD. 

I suffer from OCD and BDD. I am currently having cognitive behavioural therapy and making great improvements. As soon as you admit to yourself that it is an illness and allow yourself to be treated and follow the advice given then it can make a huge difference. 

Take the bubble wrap of them speaker stands mate, it makes me uneasy.

The view up that skirt is sending you boseyed 

What picture are you hallucinating?

Derbyshire is a footballing town? 

Many years ago, I gave a lift home to a lad of about 18. He'd been out with one of my daughters, on a first date. When they got back, I offered him a lift back to his place.  
He got into the car, and without saying a word, ejected the cassette from the player (it was a long time ago!), and replaced it with one from his jacket pocket. Then pressed play. 
There wasn't a second date. 

Many years ago, I gave a lift home to a lad of about 18. He'd been out with one of my daughters, on a first date. When they got back, I offered him a lift back to his place.  
He got into the car, and without saying a word, ejected the cassette from the player (it was a long time ago!), and replaced it with one from his jacket pocket. Then pressed play. 
There wasn't a second date. 

Many years ago, I gave a lift home to a lad of about 18. He'd been out with one of my daughters, on a first date. When they got back, I offered him a lift back to his place.  
He got into the car, and without saying a word, ejected the cassette from the player (it was a long time ago!), and replaced it with one from his jacket pocket. Then pressed play. 
There wasn't a second date. 

He would have been able to pick his cassette up of the road straight after he had picked himself up.

Many years ago, I gave a lift home to a lad of about 18. He'd been out with one of my daughters, on a first date. When they got back, I offered him a lift back to his place.  
He got into the car, and without saying a word, ejected the cassette from the player (it was a long time ago!), and replaced it with one from his jacket pocket. Then pressed play. 
There wasn't a second date. 

Many years ago, I gave a lift home to a lad of about 18. He'd been out with one of my daughters, on a first date. When they got back, I offered him a lift back to his place.  
He got into the car, and without saying a word, ejected the cassette from the player (it was a long time ago!), and replaced it with one from his jacket pocket. Then pressed play. 
There wasn't a second date. 

Many years ago, I gave a lift home to a lad of about 18. He'd been out with one of my daughters, on a first date. When they got back, I offered him a lift back to his place.  
He got into the car, and without saying a word, ejected the cassette from the player (it was a long time ago!), and replaced it with one from his jacket pocket. Then pressed play. 
There wasn't a second date. 

This thread just goes to show how common it is to have dark times in your life, and how little it is in the public domain.
I struggled whilst at University, not really understanding who I was, questioning my value to those around me. That culminated on my 20th birthday when I left my friends at the time, went home and spent some time self-harming. Luckily I didn't do much damage, but for someone who was very happy and confident before going to University, was quite a shock to me, let alone friends and family.
For me, I felt like I needed to make a change and take control back of my life which involved moving to Warsaw to teach English and be somewhere that needed me to rely on myself. Not saying that's the best option for everyone, but it worked for me. 
Fast forward 12 years and my birthday at the end of May will see me 6 years married, a dog, mortgage, job I love, friends around me and having the confidence to stand up and perform a wedding ceremony for my friends myself. (I'm not a priest by the way!). That's all on top of a great year doing 1884 Group stuff and putting myself out there for ridicule.
It's funny how life works, and I wouldn't want anybody to think I was trying to compare a low point in my life to the struggles others face, some of which are very difficult to read, but I hope I can give a shred of comfort that life can get better if you give it a chance to do so.

My entire family (both parents; older sister and younger brother), excluding myself until last year, suffer seriously from depression. I was always aware that I too had a tendency towards depression but seemed to possess an innate ability to redirect my mind towards thoughts and/or activities which averted falling into a depressive state.
Even when a close mate died of a drug overdose after years where I was the only person who remained to support him through many attempts to get, and stay, 'clean'; even after his family denied him a funeral because they didn't want anyone to know he'd been a drug addict, I sought counselling and worked with families of addicts for years afterward by way of 'processing' all that happened.
But that changed just over 12 months ago when the brain damage I had so miraculously avoided when I 'died' of a pulmonary embolism on 31/10/2007 (I was clinically dead for 45 minutes apparently, then comatose for almost a month) was diagnosed as beginning to happen. Essentially, the diagnosis was that I would likely have all of the symptoms of Alzheimer's within 5-10 years; it's fair to say that I have always been proud of my intellect and strength of mind and the diagnosis struck directly at both. I couldn't divulge the diagnosis to my family and told only a couple of my closest friends. Not long after, the family learned that my father had been gambling once again. The combination hit me badly. I called in sick to work for the week that Sunday night as I could feel - for the first time in my life - a physical weight descend around me, crushing me. I know now it was my first - and only - episode with clinical depression; in a way, I knew it then.
Later that night (I have only admitted this to one person, a mate of 20 years + who had battled clinical depression for several years), I literally started trying to think if I should end it all.
The only thing which snapped me out of the downward spiral was my dog. After spending quite some time with him (saying 'goodbye' I suppose), Ned (very unusually) disobeyed my instruction to go outside and I went ballistic at him.
Ned was terrified, the first time he'd ever cowed in front of me. Having been an abused dog when I adopted him (in April 2007) who'd become confident to the point where few could imagine he'd been a scared, abused little dog when I adopted him, that cut me to the bone. It penetrated the 'fog' around my psyche; all I really immediately understood was that his last memory of me be frightening.
I spent the rest of that night just holding Ned, trying to make it up to him and sought help the next day.
But, had he not defied me and then responded with such obvious terror of me, I honestly don't know what would have stopped me doing something stupid that night. I have no idea what would have happened to be honest; intuitively, I believe I would have found something to cling on to. That, perhaps, is convenient revisionism; all I truly understand is that, for the first time in my life, I was literally careering out of control. 
Now having experienced it, I am strong again. Work has been tortuous in recent months (they've actually tried to use my future disability against me) and, if I was as vulnerable now as I was then, the outcome of recent months may not have been pretty. But I'm not. I am strong again and no one other than myself can undermine me mentally again. My sister and several close friends have proved whom I can lean on when, and if, I need it.

I take beta blockers for anxiety as they really do help the physical manifestations that I experience with anxiety.
also have CBT and councelling to help with the underlying issues. Been like this for almost 2 years. Coming out the other side now hopefully.

Derbyshire is a footballing town? 

Derbyshire is a footballing town? 

Derbyshire is a footballing town? 

Derbyshire is a footballing town? 

Derbyshire is a footballing town? 

After spending the majority of 6 years inside the house I'd like to think I know how you feel. 
It's hard, really hard and most people reading this won't understand what goes off in your head, something so normal as going to the corner shop to pick up a paper scared me to death. 
I won't ever claim to know the secret of overcoming it, for me it was almost forced through a relationship breakdown which at the time absolutely messed me up but looking back was also the best thing to have happened. I was too comfortable, no pressure to go outside so it was easy to put it off for another day. Tomorrow I'll try, tomorrow never comes.
The person that helped me the most was my ex girlfriends mum, the motivation of trying to win her daughter back helped me go down to the doctors, after going through all the surgeries on the NHS website not one would actually come out to me which is just nuts.
Other than finding out I had seriously low levels of vitamin D and my knee was knackered they were pretty much useless, tried to put me on anti depressants, the ones that were so strong they turn you into a zombie. After refusing them I was told to go away and find myself a councillor instead. 
For me taking pills to zombify myself would only mask the issue, it was a course that I wouldn't be able to just stop either, I would have to lower the dose over several months if not years. Vitamin D supplements helped boost my energy, the main source of vitamin D is the sun, I had zero. It's also been linked to SAD and why people struggle so much in the winter. How true that is I don't know. Helped me.
I won't knock the NHS as they do a lot of good but the support and treatment for mental health issues up here at least is shocking.
Now this probably isn't the best advice but what worked for me was I called a mate, opened up, told him everything, he thought I was just loved up and bombed my mates off. He was pretty surprised by everything as I kept it well hidden. Anyway, we started going to the pub, at first sat outside, he would go in, bring the drinks out. I would have half, panic, go home. 
Couple days later try again, having a mate that knew what was happening, was aware that I may suddenly start legging it home made it so much easier and he would come round unannounced some nights just to get me out. 
22nd October 2013 I had my first pint inside the pub. 
1st December 2013 me and my mate ended up in a gay bar down town, didn't realise until the cross dressing DJ got on the decks playing Take That.
[Insert a year of realising how great it is to be outside, going to the pub, seeing mates, online dating]
3rd January 2015 I went to my first Derby game again for years, Southport in the cup.
Never happened overnight, there was fairy with a wand or magic pills. Small small steps, one day at a time and if you fail one day it's ok, don't hammer yourself for it just try again the next day. I'm still not fully cured so to speak, I still have a few moments where I need to walk away and compose myself. 
Knowing what I missed out on helps drive me through each day, I'm not religious, I don't believe in after life or I will have a second chance. 6 years I've lost of my life and there won't be a day goes by that I'm not kicking myself for it. Easier said than done but don't waste another day, you will never get them back.