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ramsbottom

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47 minutes ago, King Kevin said:

Can't be arsed to verify it ,but on LTLF they are saying a press conference for this afternoon has been cancelled.

Carry on up the Khyber?

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@FAWAZ_ALHASAWI ‏@fawaz_alhasawi1  7m7 minutes ago

تم بحمدالله والمنه اجراء العمليه اللازمه للشيخ طلال الفهد وبتوفيق من الله نجاح العمليه ...الحمدالله

Translated from Arabic by Bing

Electric operation was her prompt and necessary for the Cheetah and Sheikh Talal Tawfiq Allah operation successful. Thank God

So that's cleared that up then!

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A little bird has told me that one of the reasons the takeover has been delayed, aside from the fact that the Americans want the pink seats ripping out to be replaced with green coloured ones, is that they want to rename the club "The Notting-ham Sherwood Foresters". 

Honestly, you couldn't make it up. 

What does everyone think?

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BREAKING NEWS......................

Latest just coming via video direct from the location where the new potential owners and mr fawaz are currently meeting:

PIfrgJ.gif

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4 minutes ago, Abu Derby said:

A little bird has told me that one of the reasons the takeover has been delayed, aside from the fact that the Americans want the pink seats ripping out to be replaced with green coloured ones, is that they want to rename the club "The Notting-ham Sherwood Foresters". 

Honestly, you couldn't make it up. 

What does everyone think?

Its whole 2nd Battalion was captured at Tobruk....These buyers can't even catch Fawaz for long enough to get him to finalise the deal!

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2 hours ago, CornwallRam said:

@FAWAZ_ALHASAWI ‏@fawaz_alhasawi1  7m7 minutes ago

تم بحمدالله والمنه اجراء العمليه اللازمه للشيخ طلال الفهد وبتوفيق من الله نجاح العمليه ...الحمدالله

Translated from Arabic by Bing

Electric operation was her prompt and necessary for the Cheetah and Sheikh Talal Tawfiq Allah operation successful. Thank God

So that's cleared that up then!

He's had a cashectomy

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22 minutes ago, ramsbottom said:

I took the plunge.  They've resorted to talking about Twitter hard men and fisting the Hoffmeister Bear.  I think it's all going a little bit Apocalypse Now and Fawaz is Col Kurtz...

Ah well. So no MAN CITY OF THE MIDLANDS yet?

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48 minutes ago, ramsbottom said:

I took the plunge.  They've resorted to talking about Twitter hard men and fisting the Hoffmeister Bear.  I think it's all going a little bit Apocalypse Now and Fawaz is Col Kurtz...

:D :D :D

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3 hours ago, ramsbottom said:

I took the plunge.  They've resorted to talking about Twitter hard men and fisting the Hoffmeister Bear.  I think it's all going a little bit Apocalypse Now and Fawaz is Col Kurtz...

I hope you have showered and deloused.

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1 hour ago, DerbyPride said:

Oh dear... On a side note, who knew that Marco Van Basten was a F****t fan?

INT - NOTTS FOREST BOARDROOM - DAY

AL FAWAZ is nervous.  He anxiously polishes the large mahogany table that dominates the room, it's very dusty and obviously hasn't been used in a long time.

There is a knock at the door.

AL FAWAZ
Enter please.

The door opens and in comes EMAD, JOHN J MOORES and assorted lawyer types, one is carrying a long wooden box, approximately a meter long

EMAD
Hello boss.  I've brought the money, er I mean the gentlemen from the airport.  Did I do good boss?

AL FAWAZ
Very good Emad.  You will receive 10 extra virgins once you reach the afterlife for your continued royalty.

EMAD
Thanks boss.  Can I take one of the paintings before I go?

Everybody in the room survey the walls, they're full of oil paintings of AL FAWAZ.  One of him lifting the European Cup, another where he's walking over the River Trent without the bridge etc.

AL FAWAZ
Later Emad, later my friend.

EMAD bows to his master and backs out the room, closing the door behind him.

AL FAWAZ crosses the room and graciously shakes JOHN J MOORE'S hand.  Rather enthusiastically.

AL FAWAZ
Greetings Mr Moore.  I hope you and your money, er sorry.  You & your friends enjoyed the flight over.

MOORES
Let's just cut the **** shall we Fawaz.
Don't think I know what's going on around here.
This club is a piece of ****, it looks like a piece of ****, it smells like a piece of ****, and it's bout as profitable as a piece of ****.
I'm NOT goin to give you fifty million pounds for this dump.

AL FAWAZ
Mr Moores.  You misunderstand.  This club isn't like that at all, this club has prestige.  
My price is very reasonable.  When the team I have assembled has won the elusive third start you will earn more money than you can possibly imagine.

MOORES
Bullshit Fawaz!!!  I don't know a lot about soccer, but the people I've spoken to do.  
They've told this team you've put together is a shower of crap that'll be lucky to avoid relegation.  Whatever that means.

AL FAWAZ
I'm sorry to disagree Mr Money, er ah Moores, Mr Moores.  But your people aren't a knowledgeable as my team of dedicated football experts.

MOORES
And who are they?

AL FAWAZ
Well there's Emad..

EMAD bursts through the door.

EMAD
You want me boss?

AL FAWAZ
Not now Emad!  Go drink some milk!

EMAD leaves bowing as he does so.

AL FAWAZ
(cont.)
There's my main man Kenny Burns.  He know so much about good defenders.  Will always speak the truth.

MOORES
Who else?

AL FAWAZ
Er, Ethel

MOORES
Who in the blue hell is Ethel

AL FAWAZ
She's the tea lady.  She know so many quality players.  Amazing knowledge.

MOORES
I'm sorry Fawaz.  You're talking crap.  The price is £20m and you know that's more than a fair price.
Considering you way you've run this place further into the toilet you should be grateful you're even getting that.

AL FAWAZ
But Mr Moores please.

MOORES
Please nothin'!  Now you either take that price or me & my friends are walking right outta that door, and you'll never see us again.
What's it gonna be sport?

AL FAWAZ
Ok, ok.  Deal.

The two of them shake hands.

MOORES
Now.  Bend over that table and assume the position!

AL FAWAZ
I'm sorry?

MOORES
Bend over that table and drop your britches.

AL FAWAZ
I don't understand Mr Moores

MOORES
Well in that box over there is a large piece of 2x4.  And you're about to get shafted by it.  Or you can kiss your money goodbye?
Now bend over and let's get this party started!

AL FAWAZ bends over the desk.

CUT TO

EXT - NOTTS CITY SQUARE - DAY

A thunderous, terifying shreik echos around the building, sending pigeons scattering in all directions

FADE OUT

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17 minutes ago, ramsbottom said:

INT - NOTTS FOREST BOARDROOM - DAY

AL FAWAZ is nervous.  He anxiously polishes the large mahogany table that dominates the room, it's very dusty and obviously hasn't been used in a long time.

There is a knock at the door.

AL FAWAZ
Enter please.

The door opens and in comes EMAD, JOHN J MOORES and assorted lawyer types, one is carrying a long wooden box, approximately a meter long

EMAD
Hello boss.  I've brought the money, er I mean the gentlemen from the airport.  Did I do good boss?

AL FAWAZ
Very good Emad.  You will receive 10 extra virgins once you reach the afterlife for your continued royalty.

EMAD
Thanks boss.  Can I take one of the paintings before I go?

Everybody in the room survey the walls, they're full of oil paintings of AL FAWAZ.  One of him lifting the European Cup, another where he's walking over the River Trent without the bridge etc.

AL FAWAZ
Later Emad, later my friend.

EMAD bows to his master and backs out the room, closing the door behind him.

AL FAWAZ crosses the room and graciously shakes JOHN J MOORE'S hand.  Rather enthusiastically.

AL FAWAZ
Greetings Mr Moore.  I hope you and your money, er sorry.  You & your friends enjoyed the flight over.

MOORES
Let's just cut the **** shall we Fawaz.
Don't think I know what's going on around here.
This club is a piece of ****, it looks like a piece of ****, it smells like a piece of ****, and it's bout as profitable as a piece of ****.
I'm NOT goin to give you fifty million pounds for this dump.

AL FAWAZ
Mr Moores.  You misunderstand.  This club isn't like that at all, this club has prestige.  
My price is very reasonable.  When the team I have assembled has won the elusive third start you will earn more money than you can possibly imagine.

MOORES
Bullshit Fawaz!!!  I don't know a lot about soccer, but the people I've spoken to do.  
They've told this team you've put together is a shower of crap that'll be lucky to avoid relegation.  Whatever that means.

AL FAWAZ
I'm sorry to disagree Mr Money, er ah Moores, Mr Moores.  But your people aren't a knowledgeable as my team of dedicated football experts.

MOORES
And who are they?

AL FAWAZ
Well there's Emad..

EMAD bursts through the door.

EMAD
You want me boss?

AL FAWAZ
Not now Emad!  Go drink some milk!

EMAD leaves bowing as he does so.

AL FAWAZ
(cont.)
There's my main man Kenny Burns.  He know so much about good defenders.  Will always speak the truth.

MOORES
Who else?

AL FAWAZ
Er, Ethel

MOORES
Who in the blue hell is Ethel

AL FAWAZ
She's the tea lady.  She know so many quality players.  Amazing knowledge.

MOORES
I'm sorry Fawaz.  You're talking crap.  The price is £20m and you know that's more than a fair price.
Considering you way you've run this place further into the toilet you should be grateful you're even getting that.

AL FAWAZ
But Mr Moores please.

MOORES
Please nothin'!  Now you either take that price or me & my friends are walking right outta that door, and you'll never see us again.
What's it gonna be sport?

AL FAWAZ
Ok, ok.  Deal.

The two of them shake hands.

MOORES
Now.  Bend over that table and assume the position!

AL FAWAZ
I'm sorry?

MOORES
Bend over that table and drop your britches.

AL FAWAZ
I don't understand Mr Moores

MOORES
Well in that box over there is a large piece of 2x4.  And you're about to get shafted by it.  Or you can kiss your money goodbye?
Now bend over and let's get this party started!

AL FAWAZ bends over the desk.

CUT TO

EXT - NOTTS CITY SQUARE - DAY

A thunderous, terifying shreik echos around the building, sending pigeons scattering in all directions

FADE OUT

You have a purdy mouth Mr Fridgy.

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