Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[HuddersRam]

19 hours ago, dcfcfan1 said:

 

At least you have a girlfriend, your the same age as me and Ive never had a bloody date!

Seriously though, I cant relate at all, but as a trainee pharmacist I see a lot of people with issues of that sort. It is better for you to hit the nail early on, start talking (dont listen to your ego), and get it of your chest. Dont sit and wait and lie to yourself, saying "oh its only temporary , it isnt a big issue, I need to man up ect ect".

Well done.

A persons ego can hold you back from being honest to yourself and seeking help at times

I would say though I would not start Anti depressants soon or whatever medication the doctors want to give you. I think talking, being pro-active, finding activities which gives your life meaning and something to LOOK FORWARD TO (Biggest KILLER OF FEELING LOW) is key. I as a future pharmacist (only my opinion) think depression is being tackled wrongly and incorectly by our health care proffesionals- too much drugs and too little talking.

 

Best of luck mate

Thanks for that buddy and sorry to hear about your lady luck! Really interesting what you mentioned about the anti-depressants as well. I was speaking to a friend last night who was on them for a year and a bit but just took himself off them and has barely felt a difference. I imagine they're probably what I might be offered but think I'd rather try the whole talking it out thing to begin with, seens as not talking is probably partly the reason I'm seeing the doc in the first place!

[PistoldPete2]

Just had my medicine review with doctor.. after a year on citalopram he thinks I should take it for another year. It calms me down a bit which i have needed , but Im surprised at the length of time they recommend for the medication. Trouble is Ive come off the meds before , was fine at first but with all the further troubles in my life since then  Ive had a relapse and that's  why they think im on this for the long term.

Talking therapy is OK if you go private but the NHS is useless at this IMO. Theyre just overwhelmed. 

 

[dcfcfan1]

27 minutes ago, HuddersRam said:

Thanks for that buddy and sorry to hear about your lady luck! Really interesting what you mentioned about the anti-depressants as well. I was speaking to a friend last night who was on them for a year and a bit but just took himself off them and has barely felt a difference. I imagine they're probably what I might be offered but think I'd rather try the whole talking it out thing to begin with, seens as not talking is probably partly the reason I'm seeing the doc in the first place!

once you are on them, it is very very hard to go off them and they do have their side effects! You want to avoid that road if possible and leave it as a last resort. Physcological help is much much better

 

And haha lady luck, its  not that important, Ive made peace with it so its fine. 

[Rev]

16 minutes ago, PistoldPete2 said:

Just had my medicine review with doctor.. after a year on citalopram he thinks I should take it for another year. It calms me down a bit which i have needed , but Im surprised at the length of time they recommend for the medication. Trouble is Ive come off the meds before , was fine at first but with all the further troubles in my life since then  Ive had a relapse and that's  why they think im on this for the long term.

Talking therapy is OK if you go private but the NHS is useless at this IMO. Theyre just overwhelmed. 

 

That may be your experience, but it's possibly not the same for everyone, my wife has recently accessed grief counseling through the NHS, the service received was speedy, effective and free to access!

Your local health authority may have let you down personally, but I couldn't speak highly enough of the difference that the NHS has made in our life's, and wouldn't want to discourage anyone from taking the step if they need so.

[PistoldPete2]

55 minutes ago, reveldevil said:

That may be your experience, but it's possibly not the same for everyone, my wife has recently accessed grief counseling through the NHS, the service received was speedy, effective and free to access!

Your local health authority may have let you down personally, but I couldn't speak highly enough of the difference that the NHS has made in our life's, and wouldn't want to discourage anyone from taking the step if they need so.

Sure I did say IMO, and it may well be different for others.

[Tony Le Mesmer]

I've had talking therapies. First time i didn't really 'get it' and just went away having not really benefitted. What's important is that you arm yourself with a load of books about CBT, depression etc and really get an understanding as to how your brain works effecting your thinking patterns, mood and indeed mental AND physical health. Without this prior knowledge underpinning your awareness then you'll struggle to gain any benefits. You have to be open to learning and understanding how the mind works IMO.

I've had good and bad therapies but i have to say that Derbyshire offers the best and most varied services I've encountered. If you live in North Yorkshire or Doncaster then best of luck with that.

Having said that I feel the therapy is too short lived and it's easy to relapse back into old patterns without the ongoing support. Once a week for an hour or so for 6-12 weeks is not a comprehensive and ongoing supportive time period to combat and challenge deep rooted behavioural thinking and therefore I would hazard a guess that many people who have had some form of CBT or / and counselling have certainly needed to have more than one block of sessions.

As I've said though, reading around the subject can help so so much and allows you to take things in in your own time.

My anxiety is gradually decreasing due to the fact that I'm not giving myself a hard time anymore. It's my brain and it's thinking patterns that are the problem and not me as a person and it's not my fault. It's the fault of my brain interpreting a situation as dangerous when in fact it isn't and therefore my body is kickstarted and primed for a battle when in reality I'm simply stood in a long queue getting agitated as it's one of those that wind round so you have to face people on either side. I hate those and they make me nervous so my body gets me ready to run away from all the zombiefied people in the post office queue when in reality i am in no real danger.

Situations like that happen all the time and therefore i am constantly living on cortisol overdose which makes it difficult to lead a normal life when in actual fact you are pretty 'normal' anyway.

 

 

 

 

[Tony Le Mesmer]

Like going to Derby games. Hustle and bustle, thousands of people milling around, some shouting, some walking into you. I particularly dislike the moment i enter the busy concourse once through the turnstile. It's really just a rush to get through the sea of people and up the stairs to my seat. Once i'm sat down then i'm fine. I managed to get an end seat. There is absolutely no way i could sit and watch a match stuck in the middle of a row of people. Just couldn't do it. At lower league clubs i'm fine but at Derby or other packed places forget it. I'm the same in the cinema. Got to have an end seat.

That's why away games worry me because I need to be guaranteed an end seat and I'm not sure I they can be allocated like this. Maybe if I explained I have an anxiety disorder and it was a necessity otherwise I couldn't go would help but I'm not sure.

I would have been to an away game by now but it's really because of this I haven't but didn't want to admit it to anybody. I was waiting for maybe Brighton or somewhere miles away where there would be plenty of seats unsold that I could move to if I felt uncomfortable. Anyway. Sometimes I get really frustrated as for most they just get up on a match day, go out and can't wait for the day to unfold and don't give it a second thought. For me, it's a military operation riddled with doubts and anxiety. Must admit though I've been a lot better than I expected before the season kicked off. It's getting easier each game as I get used to surroundings and routine and it helps being sat around the guaranteed same people most weeks as the anxiety about getting lumbered next to some drunken neanderthal hipster beardy types swearing and going on about fanny every two minutes isn't there.

That's the key to beating anxiety. Keep forcing yourself into situations that you struggle with and gradually your brain will acclimatise and accept that the situation isn't a threat anymore and the anxiety will reduce. It's easier said than done but there is no way anxiety will win over football. Never.

[PistoldPete2]

23 hours ago, Tony Le Mesmer said:

I've had talking therapies. First time i didn't really 'get it' and just went away having not really benefitted. What's important is that you arm yourself with a load of books about CBT, depression etc and really get an understanding as to how your brain works effecting your thinking patterns, mood and indeed mental AND physical health. Without this prior knowledge underpinning your awareness then you'll struggle to gain any benefits. You have to be open to learning and understanding how the mind works IMO.

I've had good and bad therapies but i have to say that Derbyshire offers the best and most varied services I've encountered. If you live in North Yorkshire or Doncaster then best of luck with that.

Having said that I feel the therapy is too short lived and it's easy to relapse back into old patterns without the ongoing support. Once a week for an hour or so for 6-12 weeks is not a comprehensive and ongoing supportive time period to combat and challenge deep rooted behavioural thinking and therefore I would hazard a guess that many people who have had some form of CBT or / and counselling have certainly needed to have more than one block of sessions.

As I've said though, reading around the subject can help so so much and allows you to take things in in your own time.

My anxiety is gradually decreasing due to the fact that I'm not giving myself a hard time anymore. It's my brain and it's thinking patterns that are the problem and not me as a person and it's not my fault. It's the fault of my brain interpreting a situation as dangerous when in fact it isn't and therefore my body is kickstarted and primed for a battle when in reality I'm simply stood in a long queue getting agitated as it's one of those that wind round so you have to face people on either side. I hate those and they make me nervous so my body gets me ready to run away from all the zombiefied people in the post office queue when in reality i am in no real danger.

Situations like that happen all the time and therefore i am constantly living on cortisol overdose which makes it difficult to lead a normal life when in actual fact you are pretty 'normal' anyway.

 

 

 

 

I think you are right Tony, "depression" whatever that may mean, but more likely someone who by their nature may look at the downside will have an exaggerated perspective of the threats they are under. So the stress hormones kick in , adrenaline,cortisol or whatever. It becomes hard to control, and becomes a vicious cycle, as by avoiding stressful situations you become more withdrawn and then depressed, and so it goes on.

the meds I am taking citalopram are supposed to treat both depression and anxiety. They certainly seem to be having an effect in that I seem a bit calmer. 

[Tony Le Mesmer]

Good to hear that Pete. Keep focussed and just try as best you can. That's all you can do and hopefully it will be enough for you.

[BondJovi]

I only had one block of hour weekly sessions for 12 weeks. I was offered another block if I felt I needed it but everything fell into place. There are times I think it may be useful to deeper explore my mind but it isn't essential to me. Just being able to talk was a revelation for me, that feeling of saying exactly how you felt and thought without the worry of what the other person would think of you.

I was initially refused the service as my issues weren't deemed serious enough. But I can easily see had I not got a job, got the girl, I would have been back for more sessions. As we become more open and less caught up in this men don't have worries and weaknesses society, the need for mental health services will continue to grow. I certainly think you should be guaranteed two blocks of sessions as long as you commit to wanting the support.

Downside of all this is that my story writing has dried up!

[Hugh Jorgen]

I've kept away from posting on this thread for about 9 months but I always read the new posts with interest. Its such an amazing thread with cyber strangers opening up about their fears and life problems, uniquely heartwarming I find it - and proof that a lot of us 'normal' folk do have issues that feel good to share once the courage has been raised to do so. 

With the talk being about therapy I thought I'd add my positive experience to maybe help persuade anybody thinking about it to take the plunge and go for it.  

I went through counseling for PTSD, some of it was with the NHS and the bulk of it privately (i was fortunate enough to have it funded through insurance). They both helped, but in my experience the private therapy was more focused on my requirements. 

Its good to talk to a stranger, let it all out, they won't judge you, they will see the root cause of your problem and offer practical self help to resolve it. There is no magic wand, you've got to want to overcome your issue and have some determination to succeed. Experienced therapist's will have probably come across your problem with other patients and have numerous techniques to help you overcome them. The CBT helped for me, its a circular way of addressing your issues and slowly reprogramming the brain and thought processes to help you overcome the issue.

I learnt some good, simple coping techniques to help me combat my anxieties, basic stuff like breathing techniques, take slow deep breath's in through the nose and breathe out slowly through the mouth. Sounds daft but it helped me. When I was anxious or getting agitated composing myself and breathing correctly really helped. I was still bricking it about the cause but as @Tony Le Mesmer pointed out the more you put yourself through the cause of your anxiety the less difficult it becomes. Sometimes for me things went wrong and it left me a nervous wreck and set me back a few days or weeks but you have to persevere to get past the anxiety.  Or take the easy way out and avoid the situations that cause the anxiety. I did this for ages but as my fear was traveling in vehicles the excuses for not going anywhere where wearing thin. At the start I couldn't get to the end of our street without throwing up or having cold sweats and feeling faint, but over time and with sympathetic driving from whomever was driving me around (I was unable to drive at the time due to various broken bones, plaster casts and metal bolts/wires hanging out of me) my situation improved. Its still not perfect, I don't think it will ever return to my pre-accident level, but at least I'm able to travel around again and not make excuses.

If anybody is looking for a therapist make sure they have a good armoury of skills, some will have one or two techniques and they might not be the right ones for you - go to one that covers all aspects, unless you know the specific one you need.

I saw a therapist in Derby that had as long a list of BSC's and diploma's as your likely to see, she is in her mid fifties so has plenty of experience, she covered everything even hypnosis! 

[Rambo11]

A quick thank you to people that liked/quoted my post.

I apologise for taking so long to repost but I've spent the last 2 weeks fearing that people would mock me. Nothing to do with the people on this forum, unfortunately it's just how my mind works!

I apologise if it's a personal question, but what do you guys use as coping techniques?

For example, I live in Ilkeston (for my sins), but every other week I go to Nottingham after work for a couple of drinks by myself. My friends have regularly offered to come with me but I reject it because I often find that this time alone with my thoughts helps me. I've found that I do enjoy some time alone 

I guess I wonder if I'm alone in feeling that way, and wonder if anyone has any advice?

 

[ketteringram]

38 minutes ago, Rambo11 said:

A quick thank you to people that liked/quoted my post.

I apologise for taking so long to repost but I've spent the last 2 weeks fearing that people would mock me. Nothing to do with the people on this forum, unfortunately it's just how my mind works!

I apologise if it's a personal question, but what do you guys use as coping techniques?

For example, I live in Ilkeston (for my sins), but every other week I go to Nottingham after work for a couple of drinks by myself. My friends have regularly offered to come with me but I reject it because I often find that this time alone with my thoughts helps me. I've found that I do enjoy some time alone 

I guess I wonder if I'm alone in feeling that way, and wonder if anyone has any advice?

 

You use whatever coping method you need. Yours seems fine to me, but I'm hardly the best person to judge it!

[Coneheadjohn]

49 minutes ago, Rambo11 said:

A quick thank you to people that liked/quoted my post.

I apologise for taking so long to repost but I've spent the last 2 weeks fearing that people would mock me. Nothing to do with the people on this forum, unfortunately it's just how my mind works!

I apologise if it's a personal question, but what do you guys use as coping techniques?

For example, I live in Ilkeston (for my sins), but every other week I go to Nottingham after work for a couple of drinks by myself. My friends have regularly offered to come with me but I reject it because I often find that this time alone with my thoughts helps me. I've found that I do enjoy some time alone 

I guess I wonder if I'm alone in feeling that way, and wonder if anyone has any advice?

 

Excercise for me mate.Gym,run when I'm up to it.

Believe it or not I find reading this forum helps,any release from whatevers stressing you.

[SillyBilly]

1 hour ago, Rambo11 said:

A quick thank you to people that liked/quoted my post.

I apologise for taking so long to repost but I've spent the last 2 weeks fearing that people would mock me. Nothing to do with the people on this forum, unfortunately it's just how my mind works!

I apologise if it's a personal question, but what do you guys use as coping techniques?

For example, I live in Ilkeston (for my sins), but every other week I go to Nottingham after work for a couple of drinks by myself. My friends have regularly offered to come with me but I reject it because I often find that this time alone with my thoughts helps me. I've found that I do enjoy some time alone 

I guess I wonder if I'm alone in feeling that way, and wonder if anyone has any advice?

 

Once released from the stigma of doing things alone and the internally "perceived" social unacceptability of doing so, it is empowering. I take work where I can get it, that means being geographically flexible and living alone for 5/7+ of the year. I used to literally stare at the wall in the evenings in a comatose state - I was too self-concious of doing things alone. I couldn't go for an evening stroll without a dog in tow...that'd be weird. Pop into a local pub without a friend...that'd be weird. Go to the cinema to watch a film I'd been waiting to see for ages...what loser does that? That is no way to think I can assure you. Thankfully and plainly, I don't give a f**k now and do whatever I please, a lot of what I do involves my own company. Too much wasted time. If you're being alone is an escape, as it can be to me, then all the good for it.

On a side note, I am currently taking 5-HTP (about 10 days in) as a non-prescribed means of regulating mood but primarily to alleviate chronic insomnia. First time I took it, approx. half an hour before bed, I was asleep within 20 minutes or so... that hasn't happened since forever (with the exception of being coaxed into an alcohol induced coma ofcourse). The effects have slowly been dwndling though, albeit I am still falling to sleep within an hour or so which is highly unusual for me. Anyone else tried it?

[BondJovi]

Some people just reach a socialising saturation point, when what you then want is to be alone. I would never want to go to the pub alone, or see a film or even go to a gig but I could happily sit on my own listening to music for hours. I never did enjoy nights out much when I was younger, just too many people. You don't have to be the centre of the party to have a good time. I am certain that alone time, that processing time or even switch off time is vital for a more healthy mental state. Helps you understand your own mind better.

[Tony Le Mesmer]

Depression , anxiety , stress....

Got all 3 at the bloody minute.

Toothache agony for about 72 hours now. Not slept for about 40 of them. Just sat up killing time, can't take any painkillers yet as too soon since last ones.

Who invented teeth? They need culling.

Great recent posts on this topic. I do a lot of things on my own, mostly preferred but I must admit I went to the cinema in the daytime alone to see the Partridge Alpha Papa film when it first came out and I wasn't confortable at all. Felt so self conscious and weird about it.

[loughboroughRAM]

This week marks the 2nd anniversary of a very close mate going missing and eventually being found in a river. The intervening period has been tough for so many reasons and I've never really aired my true feelings until recently. 

To put it into perspective I caught the school bus with this guy every day for 7 years, played football and cricket together even after we finished school, went to gigs together and went on many nights out together - even born on the same day in QMC would you believe it. He introduced me to my then girlfriend and we were always kind of close. Then one January morning in 2015 I get back from a lecture to my missus sat on my bed telling me she has some news and I'll need to take a seat. Even though I knew what was coming, nothing ever prepares you for that news. Obviously this rocked me quite a bit having never really had anything like this happen to me before but over the next few months I kind of managed to get a grip on it. 

That autumn I moved to Germany for 6 months on a placement for my course at uni and this is where things began to get difficult. Earning very little it was hard to properly get out and about, especially when you're in a massive country where you literally know nobody. This was the beginning of my depression - nothing to this day quite compares to the loneliness I experienced and it was during this time, when I was alone with my thoughts that I began to think more and more of my friend. I was lucky in that I had a caring girlfriend who'd Skype me every night but once those calls ended I was alone again and even during the calls I began to feel like she wasn't there and that she was just on a screen and that I was hundreds of miles from anyone I knew and loved. I got through those months by telling myself that it would be over soon and I'd be home in a couple of months and it would all be ok. Wrong.

Once back in the UK I had another internship lined up - unpaid except my expenses, meaning I had to work a second job to earn some sort of income. This meant long days leaving the house at 7am and getting home at 1am with 30 minutes to get ready for my evening shift. I also worked weekends as it was a busy pub/restaurant which meant I had no real free time. It began to put a strain on relationship with my long term girlfriend and after 4 happy years together, stress drove me to ending it. At the time I guess I didn't realise the state I was in but looking back I can recognise how empty and soulless I had become. Again I got through this period thinking it would be fine and I'd be back at uni soon and I'll be able to relax. Once more I was wrong.

I pretty much immediately realised I had made a mistake ending things with my ex (who is also the same uni as me) and tried to reconcile things after she had spend a good 2 months trying to change my mind but I was too stubborn at the time. Unfortunately so much time had elapsed that she was no longer interested, despite my best efforts. She insisted on wanting to be friends but claimed to not want a relationship at the time, meaning we spent loads of time together on what I feel was false pretenses in many ways. This wasn't helped by my issues of inferiority and self confidence (its fair to say I was punching with this girl) which was one of the causes of me ending things as I was convinced that sooner or later she'd sack me off for someone else. All this at the same time as trying to handle an insane workload on my course which is notoriously heavy in terms of the workload dragged me further down into a pit of despair.

It was a this stage that I began to realise I was at my lowest point. I was failing assignments or behind in some aspect and began to have really negative thoughts. I'm a fairly rational guy and always manage to find reason which prevents me from doing something daft but there has been a couple of times when I've quite literally been peering over the edge. I decided to get help and see someone (this was in November) through my university counselling service but they couldn't sort me out until the new year. I ended up having the worst Christmas ever, I just felt so alien and lonely even though I was with my family etc I just felt like I didn't want to be there. I came home between Christmas and New Year (being half Danish we spent Christmas in over there) and hoped I'd maybe be happier but nope, still felt awful and alone.

I'vended up having to take a break from my studies to get my head straight as the way I was going I'd have wasted my degree and most definitely found myself in a darker place than I am currently. Loneliness is such a killer, no one really seems to understand how it truly feels - the same goes for depression. People seem to think it's just a phase and that it'll pass but it doesn't work like that. Two years ago before my friend passed, I was an upbeat and optimistic person in every aspect whereas now I rarely manage to see the positives in many things. At that time I would've laughed anyone out of town who suggested I'd be in the situation I'm now in because I was so naive when it came to stuff like this.

Sorry for the essay just needed to get that off my chest.

[True Ram]

2 hours ago, loughboroughRAM said:

This week marks the 2nd anniversary of a very close mate going missing and eventually being found in a river. The intervening period has been tough for so many reasons and I've never really aired my true feelings until recently. 

To put it into perspective I caught the school bus with this guy every day for 7 years, played football and cricket together even after we finished school, went to gigs together and went on many nights out together - even born on the same day in QMC would you believe it. He introduced me to my then girlfriend and we were always kind of close. Then one January morning in 2015 I get back from a lecture to my missus sat on my bed telling me she has some news and I'll need to take a seat. Even though I knew what was coming, nothing ever prepares you for that news. Obviously this rocked me quite a bit having never really had anything like this happen to me before but over the next few months I kind of managed to get a grip on it. 

That autumn I moved to Germany for 6 months on a placement for my course at uni and this is where things began to get difficult. Earning very little it was hard to properly get out and about, especially when you're in a massive country where you literally know nobody. This was the beginning of my depression - nothing to this day quite compares to the loneliness I experienced and it was during this time, when I was alone with my thoughts that I began to think more and more of my friend. I was lucky in that I had a caring girlfriend who'd Skype me every night but once those calls ended I was alone again and even during the calls I began to feel like she wasn't there and that she was just on a screen and that I was hundreds of miles from anyone I knew and loved. I got through those months by telling myself that it would be over soon and I'd be home in a couple of months and it would all be ok. Wrong.

Once back in the UK I had another internship lined up - unpaid except my expenses, meaning I had to work a second job to earn some sort of income. This meant long days leaving the house at 7am and getting home at 1am with 30 minutes to get ready for my evening shift. I also worked weekends as it was a busy pub/restaurant which meant I had no real free time. It began to put a strain on relationship with my long term girlfriend and after 4 happy years together, stress drove me to ending it. At the time I guess I didn't realise the state I was in but looking back I can recognise how empty and soulless I had become. Again I got through this period thinking it would be fine and I'd be back at uni soon and I'll be able to relax. Once more I was wrong.

I pretty much immediately realised I had made a mistake ending things with my ex (who is also the same uni as me) and tried to reconcile things after she had spend a good 2 months trying to change my mind but I was too stubborn at the time. Unfortunately so much time had elapsed that she was no longer interested, despite my best efforts. She insisted on wanting to be friends but claimed to not want a relationship at the time, meaning we spent loads of time together on what I feel was false pretenses in many ways. This wasn't helped by my issues of inferiority and self confidence (its fair to say I was punching with this girl) which was one of the causes of me ending things as I was convinced that sooner or later she'd sack me off for someone else. All this at the same time as trying to handle an insane workload on my course which is notoriously heavy in terms of the workload dragged me further down into a pit of despair.

It was a this stage that I began to realise I was at my lowest point. I was failing assignments or behind in some aspect and began to have really negative thoughts. I'm a fairly rational guy and always manage to find reason which prevents me from doing something daft but there has been a couple of times when I've quite literally been peering over the edge. I decided to get help and see someone (this was in November) through my university counselling service but they couldn't sort me out until the new year. I ended up having the worst Christmas ever, I just felt so alien and lonely even though I was with my family etc I just felt like I didn't want to be there. I came home between Christmas and New Year (being half Danish we spent Christmas in over there) and hoped I'd maybe be happier but nope, still felt awful and alone.

I'vended up having to take a break from my studies to get my head straight as the way I was going I'd have wasted my degree and most definitely found myself in a darker place than I am currently. Loneliness is such a killer, no one really seems to understand how it truly feels - the same goes for depression. People seem to think it's just a phase and that it'll pass but it doesn't work like that. Two years ago before my friend passed, I was an upbeat and optimistic person in every aspect whereas now I rarely manage to see the positives in many things. At that time I would've laughed anyone out of town who suggested I'd be in the situation I'm now in because I was so naive when it came to stuff like this.

Sorry for the essay just needed to get that off my chest.

Good luck mate

[Anag Ram]

4 hours ago, loughboroughRAM said:

This week marks the 2nd anniversary of a very close mate going missing and eventually being found in a river. The intervening period has been tough for so many reasons and I've never really aired my true feelings until recently. 

To put it into perspective I caught the school bus with this guy every day for 7 years, played football and cricket together even after we finished school, went to gigs together and went on many nights out together - even born on the same day in QMC would you believe it. He introduced me to my then girlfriend and we were always kind of close. Then one January morning in 2015 I get back from a lecture to my missus sat on my bed telling me she has some news and I'll need to take a seat. Even though I knew what was coming, nothing ever prepares you for that news. Obviously this rocked me quite a bit having never really had anything like this happen to me before but over the next few months I kind of managed to get a grip on it. 

That autumn I moved to Germany for 6 months on a placement for my course at uni and this is where things began to get difficult. Earning very little it was hard to properly get out and about, especially when you're in a massive country where you literally know nobody. This was the beginning of my depression - nothing to this day quite compares to the loneliness I experienced and it was during this time, when I was alone with my thoughts that I began to think more and more of my friend. I was lucky in that I had a caring girlfriend who'd Skype me every night but once those calls ended I was alone again and even during the calls I began to feel like she wasn't there and that she was just on a screen and that I was hundreds of miles from anyone I knew and loved. I got through those months by telling myself that it would be over soon and I'd be home in a couple of months and it would all be ok. Wrong.

Once back in the UK I had another internship lined up - unpaid except my expenses, meaning I had to work a second job to earn some sort of income. This meant long days leaving the house at 7am and getting home at 1am with 30 minutes to get ready for my evening shift. I also worked weekends as it was a busy pub/restaurant which meant I had no real free time. It began to put a strain on relationship with my long term girlfriend and after 4 happy years together, stress drove me to ending it. At the time I guess I didn't realise the state I was in but looking back I can recognise how empty and soulless I had become. Again I got through this period thinking it would be fine and I'd be back at uni soon and I'll be able to relax. Once more I was wrong.

I pretty much immediately realised I had made a mistake ending things with my ex (who is also the same uni as me) and tried to reconcile things after she had spend a good 2 months trying to change my mind but I was too stubborn at the time. Unfortunately so much time had elapsed that she was no longer interested, despite my best efforts. She insisted on wanting to be friends but claimed to not want a relationship at the time, meaning we spent loads of time together on what I feel was false pretenses in many ways. This wasn't helped by my issues of inferiority and self confidence (its fair to say I was punching with this girl) which was one of the causes of me ending things as I was convinced that sooner or later she'd sack me off for someone else. All this at the same time as trying to handle an insane workload on my course which is notoriously heavy in terms of the workload dragged me further down into a pit of despair.

It was a this stage that I began to realise I was at my lowest point. I was failing assignments or behind in some aspect and began to have really negative thoughts. I'm a fairly rational guy and always manage to find reason which prevents me from doing something daft but there has been a couple of times when I've quite literally been peering over the edge. I decided to get help and see someone (this was in November) through my university counselling service but they couldn't sort me out until the new year. I ended up having the worst Christmas ever, I just felt so alien and lonely even though I was with my family etc I just felt like I didn't want to be there. I came home between Christmas and New Year (being half Danish we spent Christmas in over there) and hoped I'd maybe be happier but nope, still felt awful and alone.

I'vended up having to take a break from my studies to get my head straight as the way I was going I'd have wasted my degree and most definitely found myself in a darker place than I am currently. Loneliness is such a killer, no one really seems to understand how it truly feels - the same goes for depression. People seem to think it's just a phase and that it'll pass but it doesn't work like that. Two years ago before my friend passed, I was an upbeat and optimistic person in every aspect whereas now I rarely manage to see the positives in many things. At that time I would've laughed anyone out of town who suggested I'd be in the situation I'm now in because I was so naive when it came to stuff like this.

Sorry for the essay just needed to get that off my chest.

 

2 hours ago, True Ram said:

Good luck mate

Hi Loughborough Ram.

Your story is very moving and I'm glad you have chosen to share it.

You have suffered a number of losses. I work for Cruse bereavement and in my time there I have learned that those who share their experience with trained bereavement volunteers can gain a better understanding of themselves in relation to their loss.

I know they have offices in Derby and Leicester should you wish to investigate.

I wish you all the best and hope you find a way through this difficult time.