Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[Animal is a Ram]

The more regular readers of this thread may recall that my 'father-in-law'* was diagnosed with lung cancer about 6 months ago.

* I invert commas as I'm not married to my girlfriend, but as he was calling me his son-in-law, I feel I should use it.

He sadly lost his fight Tuesday night, I was stuck in traffic, but I'm told he was very peaceful, and he's now pain free.

Trying my damnedest to support my girlfriend's family, but I'm finding it incredibly difficult when I don't have any experience with losing a loved one, and having suffered from depression in the past, trying to keep myself together is also proving hard.

Apologies if this looks like a cry for attention, but I know a few members had asked when I last posted.

Stay in good health people, and don't forget to tell those you love, that you love them.

[Boycie]

1 minute ago, Animal is a Ram said:

The more regular readers of this thread may recall that my 'father-in-law'* was diagnosed with lung cancer about 6 months ago.

* I invert commas as I'm not married to my girlfriend, but as he was calling me his son-in-law, I feel I should use it.

He sadly lost his fight Tuesday night, I was stuck in traffic, but I'm told he was very peaceful, and he's now pain free.

Trying my damnedest to support my girlfriend's family, but I'm finding it incredibly difficult when I don't have any experience with losing a loved one, and having suffered from depression in the past, trying to keep myself together is also proving hard.

Apologies if this looks like a cry for attention, but I know a few members had asked when I last posted.

Stay in good health people, and don't forget to tell those you love, that you love them.

That's really sad news. Just be there for her and take any stress that she may throw your way, I'm sure later in your relationship she'll appreciate you helped. 

[Mostyn6]

@AmericanRam all I can say is just to be there. Be the pillow, be the shoulder, be the rock, be the pair of ears, and, hardest of all, be totally selfless. Realise your own mental strength will be pushed to the limit, but if you have that awareness, you will be okay.

sorry to hear that your father-in-law won't be around to see you become bonafide son-in-law mate.

[Rev]

2 minutes ago, Mostyn6 said:

@AmericanRam all I can say is just to be there. Be the pillow, be the shoulder, be the rock, be the pair of ears, and, hardest of all, be totally selfless. Realise your own mental strength will be pushed to the limit, but if you have that awareness, you will be okay.

sorry to hear that your father-in-law won't be around to see you become bonafide son-in-law mate.

Damn autocorrect.

[Mostyn6]

1 minute ago, reveldevil said:

Damn autocorrect.

huh?

[Rev]

Sorry to hear that @Animal is a Ram, if you need anything, or  just to talk to a stranger just PM me, I appreciated your response when going through a similar scenario.

 

 

[Rev]

4 minutes ago, Mostyn6 said:

huh?

Trump's bad, but not that bad.

[Mafiabob]

Sorry to hear @Animal is a Ram just echo what everyone else is saying to you. 

[angieram]

https://www.facebook.com/DerbyCounty1/videos/10154426715215797/

Some of you may remember that I did some volunteering around World Suicide Prevention Day back in September. I've been trying to get my hands on the video they showed before the game ever since to post on here. Didn't realise that they'd already put it on their Facebook page. Doh!

Anyway, the link is above if anyone wants to watch it - it's a good message all year round.

 

[Bridgford Ram]

On 10/30/2016 at 07:57, Bridgford Ram said:

I've been wanting to post in here for nearly a week but not quite built up the courage until now.  I have had a slight history with depression initially diagnosed in 2009 as Stress, Depression and Anxiety - although I am not sure what ratios I was suffering with each of them or how long I had actually been ill.  Back then it was related my mum being diagnosed with a terminal illness and being made redundant and the confidence issues related to that.  I had tablets from the doctor and with a couple of small setbacks have been pretty good for most of the time since.

 

Then on Monday there was a change at work, our MD and his number 2 have been made redundant our team are moving to be part of another.  This has created a massive worry for me.  It is filling all my thoughts, I am losing my appetite, struggling to sleep, not enjoying things that I previously love and not wanting to be alone as that is thinking time.  My question is, when does being worried about something become something more serious?

It has brought home how my job - which is probably 75-80% of the family income - underpins everything we as a family have and I just keep replaying thoughts of everything we could lose.

Amazingly it has been a month since I posted this and to some degree I am still suffering, my ability to sleep (which has never been great) has got worse and I very rarely get any decent sleep after 4am - although falling asleep is no problem.  Whilst my appetite has improved I am still losing weight (about a stone in 6 weeks).  Although I am exercising and eating more sensibly I am at a weight I have never been able to achieve before.

I do have good days, I got into a decent position with the job changes I mentioned above, then someone crashed into my car and I spiralled again into 'worst case scenario' thinking.  Then when I thought I was getting better with that I reacted badly to something lovely that my son did last weekend.

It just feels that my ability to cope with things is not there at the moment.  I also find myself checking work emails and sales on the websites I manage far more often than I should.

Do you guys thing I should go to the doctors based on the above, or do you think the improvement I am seeing in the last month means that I can do this without?

[McRamFan]

53 minutes ago, Bridgford Ram said:

Do you guys thing I should go to the doctors based on the above, or do you think the improvement I am seeing in the last month means that I can do this without?

Yes go and see a Doctor, however you need to be completely open with them. Also bear in mind some docs are better than others.

[Tony Le Mesmer]

53 minutes ago, McRamFan said:

Yes go and see a Doctor, however you need to be completely open with them. Also bear in mind some docs are better than others.

The key to overcoming what underpins worry IMO is acceptance. I realise that we get so involved in our lives and things that clearly are vital such as employment, health, relationships, finances are all we can think about sometimes but it does us no good.

One thing is certain in life and that thing is change. We need to be open to change, accept it and not let the threat of change rule our lives.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

I know it's not what you want to hear but just say you have concerns about redundancy. Try to sit down and work through possible scenarios with your partner of how you could both work through things if redundancy happened.

Be prepared. Ok so your life and lifestyle may change but if you work with it rather than against the change then you'll be in a stronger position to deal with it. If redundancy is going to happen then it's going to happen. No amount of worrying can change that. All you can do is make contingency plans or be as best prepared as you can.

I recently discovered a lump on my arm. Initially I worried like hell that it could be sinister but then I accepted that if it was then it was. I wouldn't be able to change it. You just have to prepare and have plans. My plan was to go to the doctors, get it checked out and pledge to change my lifestyle to reduce likelihood of illness and be positive. Other than that there isn't anything else I can do. With worry, if you can address the worry immediately then do it. If you can't then it's not worth worrying about because there is nothing you can do.

Sorry I'm rambling a bit and not sure if I'm making sense. I feel for you mate as I myself have anxiety brought on by worrying about anything and everything. I'm still alive, I can eat and although I'd like to be healthier, younger and have more money - I haven't.

No point me worrying about being younger because that's out of my control. I have to accept it and move on. No point in me worrying about being healthier or richer either because if I wanted to be I can take steps to try and be.

They might not work but they are variables I have some degree of control over.

I hope things work out mate and do go to the doctor. Be honest and be specific. If he offers you medication straight away then tell him to p*ss off, leave and find another doc.

In the meantime, just try not to worry. Things change and things have a knack of working out in the end. You just have to be flexible with your thinking patterns and positive.

I got made redundant from a decent foundry job years ago and once I'd got over the initial difficulties it enabled me to discover myself a bit more and try different things. It also made me stronger and also meant I didn't have to see half of the deadheads I used to work with.

Hope it all works out. Keep us posted man and just keep your head up and be open with friends and family.

Life is life, it's not a competition to see who can get the best house, car, holidays etc. It's about enjoying the company of people you love and respect and that can be done even if you're skint.

Rambling again. Apologies if I've posted something that may have offended you or if it comes across like I'm trying to trivialise your situation.

I've been there and understand to a certain extent.

all the best

[Day]

I've remained fairly silent in this thread, not really wanting to jump in as I may come across as an ******** and offend someone when it's not my intention at all. Members that have been on this forum for a long time will know I was diagnosed with sever anxiety where I barely left the house for around 5 years, my girlfriend at the time left me and I was a complete mess. So I'm only talking from personal experience combined with what I read over the years, I'm certainly no medical expert or will ever claim to be.

Erase the word depression from your dictionary, it's a word that is a huge umbrella trying to cover many issues, some of which may not even be mental disorders. It's an awful word and one that is used too lightly in everyday conversations. There isn't even any clear guidelines as to what "depression" is.

I could walk into a doctors this morning and within 5 minutes walk out with a anti depressants prescription and signed off work with very little effort and those twice a day before meal tablets will make you feel better but they are also masking the root cause of what is making you unhappy.

Analogy time, you're in debt, bills keep rolling through the door, final payment demand letters and you're putting them straight in the bin without warning. At some point those unopened letters will end up in bigger problems with bailiffs banging at your door.

Best thing to do? open the letters and deal with them, make the call, explain your situation and that's exactly what you should do if you are feeling unhappy, talk to a loved one, explain how you're feeling and break down in tears if you need to, just be completely open with them and hide nothing. Those sleepless nights are you trying to deal with things alone, all the lads will know this but how good does it feel when you unload on to the missus?.......this is no different, unload those thoughts as well and you will feel 10x better I swear. (If you are single you will need a close friend, family member or relative to unload on but just the thoughts, they may not appreciate the other)

Next step is to make changes, if you look back through this topic many possibly without realising have listed the root causes to their unhappiness, change it. Change isn't always easy but neither is sleepless nights and going through days thinking whats the point of me even being here. 

For some it may take weeks, months of talking to get down to the root cause but there always is a root cause for most people. Theres always that one thing be it your wife, job that you can change.

You only live once, no second chances at all this, the days, weeks, months soon mount up and wether you're young or old it's time you will never get back. I lost pretty much 5 years of my twenties, kick myself in the balls everyday for that, time lost as I chose to be the man and try to deal with those little issues by myself which snowballed into one huge ****** that blocked the front door.

Never no matter what age just accept it's part of you, just the way you are!

Just to end on I do realise that sometimes people have issues where change and talking won't help, they are wired up wrong and need medical help. Also feeling unhappy can be down to a loved one where change is not an option, death unfortunately is a part of life that is not always easy to get your head around when it happens to someone close. 

[Rev]

Talk to your GP @BridgfordRam, I'm guessing you live in the same healthcare area as I from your username, (Nottingham).

If so, you can self refer to see an expert by obtaining a questionnaire from the doc's, and sending it off.

Wasn't expecting much, but the service they've provided a loved one has been very impressive so far, and quick off the mark too!

Good luck.

 

[Tony Le Mesmer]

Anyone got any advice on dealing with difficult people or people who you have absolutely nothing in common with but have to spend time with?

If I have to work with people I don't share any common ground with I find it unbearable. The small talk can only get you so far.

I've left jobs because of this. Any advice anyone?

Difficult people or people who do and say things you don't agree with or are upset / offended by. In the past mainly I've just tried to avoid these types of people instead of really telling them what I think. I don't like upsetting the applecart. Similarly I take criticism personally and often get annoyed.

[Mostyn6]

4 hours ago, Tony Le Mesmer said:

Anyone got any advice on dealing with difficult people or people who you have absolutely nothing in common with but have to spend time with?

If I have to work with people I don't share any common ground with I find it unbearable. The small talk can only get you so far.

I've left jobs because of this. Any advice anyone?

Difficult people or people who do and say things you don't agree with or are upset / offended by. In the past mainly I've just tried to avoid these types of people instead of really telling them what I think. I don't like upsetting the applecart. Similarly I take criticism personally and often get annoyed.

this is an odd one and not one I can relate to. I tend to have the outlook of something like "if you're unemployed and in the job centre with scumbags for £70 a week and being forced to attend pisspoor paid job interviews, would you swap that for 10x the money to be with people you may not like?". The answer should reset your mood.

Working, sadly is something you need to do to pay for things you want. You're being paid to be with people you may not want to be with... just crack on and enjoy spending your money cos you're earned it.

[Sith Happens]

5 minutes ago, Mostyn6 said:

this is an odd one and not one I can relate to. I tend to have the outlook of something like "if you're unemployed and in the job centre with scumbags for £70 a week and being forced to attend pisspoor paid job interviews, would you swap that for 10x the money to be with people you may not like?". The answer should reset your mood.

Working, sadly is something you need to do to pay for things you want. You're being paid to be with people you may not want to be with... just crack on and enjoy spending your money cos you're earned it.

Of course not everyone in a job centre is a scumbag. Having been there myself this year I can testify to that.

The difficulty in going to the job centre is more bring treated like you are...the whole ethic of job centres is wrong...like you say being forced to attend crap interviews....quality over quantity every time...apply for 3 quality potential jobs a week is far better then applying for 30 a day.

When I got offered my new job, which didn't start for 2 and a half weeks I was told I had to apply for temporary jobs to fill the two weeks, ha yeah cause that's going to happen.

Don't get me started on the rights or wrongs of being out of work...it's a different topic really.

[froggg]

4 hours ago, Tony Le Mesmer said:

Anyone got any advice on dealing with difficult people or people who you have absolutely nothing in common with but have to spend time with?

If I have to work with people I don't share any common ground with I find it unbearable. The small talk can only get you so far.

I've left jobs because of this. Any advice anyone?

Difficult people or people who do and say things you don't agree with or are upset / offended by. In the past mainly I've just tried to avoid these types of people instead of really telling them what I think. I don't like upsetting the applecart. Similarly I take criticism personally and often get annoyed.

Imagine how the Police feel ?

[PistoldPete2]

4 hours ago, Tony Le Mesmer said:

Anyone got any advice on dealing with difficult people or people who you have absolutely nothing in common with but have to spend time with?

If I have to work with people I don't share any common ground with I find it unbearable. The small talk can only get you so far.

I've left jobs because of this. Any advice anyone?

Difficult people or people who do and say things you don't agree with or are upset / offended by. In the past mainly I've just tried to avoid these types of people instead of really telling them what I think. I don't like upsetting the applecart. Similarly I take criticism personally and often get annoyed.

I think the simple answer is ignore them? Or at least only do the small talk. 

I think if someone is really offensive it can be quote reassuring that you don't agree with them. I mean I would be quite worried if I found myself agreeing with Donald trump. 

[Sith Happens]

5 minutes ago, PistoldPete2 said:

I think the simple answer is ignore them? Or at least only do the small talk. 

I think if someone is really offensive it can be quote reassuring that you don't agree with them. I mean I would be quite worried if I found myself agreeing with Donald trump. 

Sadly millions of Americans do.