DarkFruitsRam7

I’ve had an unusual 2018. I worked incredibly hard for my A-Level results that got me a place at the University of Manchester, where I’ve met some great mates. I had a great summer due to the national team’s heroics and Derby are shaping up nicely this term.
However, I got hit with some upsetting family news in the summer (World Cup Final day) which has affected, and will continue to affect, my whole world, none more so than today. I bloody love Christmas but today, due to the aforementioned news, was rather subdued and disappointing compared to the typically lively family affair.
This has led me to drink a fair few whiskeys and gins after everyone has gone to bed in order to improve the day. During this little session, I had a good chat (via video call) with my mates and I’m feeling much better now.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at with this post, and I know that many are going through far greater difficulties than me (thankfully, I’ve never had issues with mental health) but I thought this was the best place to get things off my chest, particularly because the people on this forum are absolutely fantastic and like a second family to me (@coneheadjohn and @angieram in particular). 
I will regret this post tomorrow morning when I read this as a sober man but, in my mellow state, I feel like it is important to get things off my chest, particularly when I haven’t been able to offload my worries (regarding the family news) to anybody since I found out (I’m the only one in my immediate family who hasn’t told anyone). To all who read this post, I doubt it makes any sense.
Anyway, I really do love this forum. I know that I’m usually a happy-clapping, Dark Fruits-drinking, joke-making poster but nobody’s life is perfect; including mine. 
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and I expect you all to be looking out for me on the telly as I cheer on the mighty Rams at Bramall Lane tomorrow.
Up the ducking Rams.

I’ve had an unusual 2018. I worked incredibly hard for my A-Level results that got me a place at the University of Manchester, where I’ve met some great mates. I had a great summer due to the national team’s heroics and Derby are shaping up nicely this term.
However, I got hit with some upsetting family news in the summer (World Cup Final day) which has affected, and will continue to affect, my whole world, none more so than today. I bloody love Christmas but today, due to the aforementioned news, was rather subdued and disappointing compared to the typically lively family affair.
This has led me to drink a fair few whiskeys and gins after everyone has gone to bed in order to improve the day. During this little session, I had a good chat (via video call) with my mates and I’m feeling much better now.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at with this post, and I know that many are going through far greater difficulties than me (thankfully, I’ve never had issues with mental health) but I thought this was the best place to get things off my chest, particularly because the people on this forum are absolutely fantastic and like a second family to me (@coneheadjohn and @angieram in particular). 
I will regret this post tomorrow morning when I read this as a sober man but, in my mellow state, I feel like it is important to get things off my chest, particularly when I haven’t been able to offload my worries (regarding the family news) to anybody since I found out (I’m the only one in my immediate family who hasn’t told anyone). To all who read this post, I doubt it makes any sense.
Anyway, I really do love this forum. I know that I’m usually a happy-clapping, Dark Fruits-drinking, joke-making poster but nobody’s life is perfect; including mine. 
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and I expect you all to be looking out for me on the telly as I cheer on the mighty Rams at Bramall Lane tomorrow.
Up the ducking Rams.

I’ve had an unusual 2018. I worked incredibly hard for my A-Level results that got me a place at the University of Manchester, where I’ve met some great mates. I had a great summer due to the national team’s heroics and Derby are shaping up nicely this term.
However, I got hit with some upsetting family news in the summer (World Cup Final day) which has affected, and will continue to affect, my whole world, none more so than today. I bloody love Christmas but today, due to the aforementioned news, was rather subdued and disappointing compared to the typically lively family affair.
This has led me to drink a fair few whiskeys and gins after everyone has gone to bed in order to improve the day. During this little session, I had a good chat (via video call) with my mates and I’m feeling much better now.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at with this post, and I know that many are going through far greater difficulties than me (thankfully, I’ve never had issues with mental health) but I thought this was the best place to get things off my chest, particularly because the people on this forum are absolutely fantastic and like a second family to me (@coneheadjohn and @angieram in particular). 
I will regret this post tomorrow morning when I read this as a sober man but, in my mellow state, I feel like it is important to get things off my chest, particularly when I haven’t been able to offload my worries (regarding the family news) to anybody since I found out (I’m the only one in my immediate family who hasn’t told anyone). To all who read this post, I doubt it makes any sense.
Anyway, I really do love this forum. I know that I’m usually a happy-clapping, Dark Fruits-drinking, joke-making poster but nobody’s life is perfect; including mine. 
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and I expect you all to be looking out for me on the telly as I cheer on the mighty Rams at Bramall Lane tomorrow.
Up the ducking Rams.

I’ve had an unusual 2018. I worked incredibly hard for my A-Level results that got me a place at the University of Manchester, where I’ve met some great mates. I had a great summer due to the national team’s heroics and Derby are shaping up nicely this term.
However, I got hit with some upsetting family news in the summer (World Cup Final day) which has affected, and will continue to affect, my whole world, none more so than today. I bloody love Christmas but today, due to the aforementioned news, was rather subdued and disappointing compared to the typically lively family affair.
This has led me to drink a fair few whiskeys and gins after everyone has gone to bed in order to improve the day. During this little session, I had a good chat (via video call) with my mates and I’m feeling much better now.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at with this post, and I know that many are going through far greater difficulties than me (thankfully, I’ve never had issues with mental health) but I thought this was the best place to get things off my chest, particularly because the people on this forum are absolutely fantastic and like a second family to me (@coneheadjohn and @angieram in particular). 
I will regret this post tomorrow morning when I read this as a sober man but, in my mellow state, I feel like it is important to get things off my chest, particularly when I haven’t been able to offload my worries (regarding the family news) to anybody since I found out (I’m the only one in my immediate family who hasn’t told anyone). To all who read this post, I doubt it makes any sense.
Anyway, I really do love this forum. I know that I’m usually a happy-clapping, Dark Fruits-drinking, joke-making poster but nobody’s life is perfect; including mine. 
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and I expect you all to be looking out for me on the telly as I cheer on the mighty Rams at Bramall Lane tomorrow.
Up the ducking Rams.

Having a little pre-night out nap with Jessie after arriving from from uni.

I’ve had an unusual 2018. I worked incredibly hard for my A-Level results that got me a place at the University of Manchester, where I’ve met some great mates. I had a great summer due to the national team’s heroics and Derby are shaping up nicely this term.
However, I got hit with some upsetting family news in the summer (World Cup Final day) which has affected, and will continue to affect, my whole world, none more so than today. I bloody love Christmas but today, due to the aforementioned news, was rather subdued and disappointing compared to the typically lively family affair.
This has led me to drink a fair few whiskeys and gins after everyone has gone to bed in order to improve the day. During this little session, I had a good chat (via video call) with my mates and I’m feeling much better now.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at with this post, and I know that many are going through far greater difficulties than me (thankfully, I’ve never had issues with mental health) but I thought this was the best place to get things off my chest, particularly because the people on this forum are absolutely fantastic and like a second family to me (@coneheadjohn and @angieram in particular). 
I will regret this post tomorrow morning when I read this as a sober man but, in my mellow state, I feel like it is important to get things off my chest, particularly when I haven’t been able to offload my worries (regarding the family news) to anybody since I found out (I’m the only one in my immediate family who hasn’t told anyone). To all who read this post, I doubt it makes any sense.
Anyway, I really do love this forum. I know that I’m usually a happy-clapping, Dark Fruits-drinking, joke-making poster but nobody’s life is perfect; including mine. 
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and I expect you all to be looking out for me on the telly as I cheer on the mighty Rams at Bramall Lane tomorrow.
Up the ducking Rams.

I’ve had an unusual 2018. I worked incredibly hard for my A-Level results that got me a place at the University of Manchester, where I’ve met some great mates. I had a great summer due to the national team’s heroics and Derby are shaping up nicely this term.
However, I got hit with some upsetting family news in the summer (World Cup Final day) which has affected, and will continue to affect, my whole world, none more so than today. I bloody love Christmas but today, due to the aforementioned news, was rather subdued and disappointing compared to the typically lively family affair.
This has led me to drink a fair few whiskeys and gins after everyone has gone to bed in order to improve the day. During this little session, I had a good chat (via video call) with my mates and I’m feeling much better now.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at with this post, and I know that many are going through far greater difficulties than me (thankfully, I’ve never had issues with mental health) but I thought this was the best place to get things off my chest, particularly because the people on this forum are absolutely fantastic and like a second family to me (@coneheadjohn and @angieram in particular). 
I will regret this post tomorrow morning when I read this as a sober man but, in my mellow state, I feel like it is important to get things off my chest, particularly when I haven’t been able to offload my worries (regarding the family news) to anybody since I found out (I’m the only one in my immediate family who hasn’t told anyone). To all who read this post, I doubt it makes any sense.
Anyway, I really do love this forum. I know that I’m usually a happy-clapping, Dark Fruits-drinking, joke-making poster but nobody’s life is perfect; including mine. 
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and I expect you all to be looking out for me on the telly as I cheer on the mighty Rams at Bramall Lane tomorrow.
Up the ducking Rams.

Geez was madness at ours today, we even invited someone we hardly knew for dinner as I heard him talking about being home alone and cooking sausages, fifteen people fed watered and happy.?
 

Bread without butter is like Ant without Dec, just not right at all. Whip out the Lurpack, give it a wipe and get back dunking 

I tried my best, but no matter how much I reduced the picture quality, the file was much too large to upload!
It's both a blessing and a curse, I suppose.

Hello all, 
It's hard to post this but this week has been possibly the worst my mental health has ever been. I recently posted in another thread about wanting to make 2019 positive but ever since Saturday i've gone downhill so so fast. 
I had a little worry, It started as a minor worry, then it developed inside me to a concern, the grew larger and larger into a huge obsession that i couldn't shift and consequently i found myself at the doors of depression. 
I started taking my Citalopram on Saturday but it hasn't yet kicked in. On Monday, i was in absolute hysteric floods of tears crying to my Mum and Dad and since then the floodgates have definitely opened. My mum gave me a Diazepam to help calm me down but this just made me dizzy and sick before eventually having a calming effect late on in evening.
Tuesday i went in to work as normal at about 2:30 my boss told me to get home and rest because i looked very ill. I went to play football in the evening as i always do on Tuesday but this proved extremely difficult. I thought the exercise and fresh air would do me wonders but inside all i was doing was fixating on my problems. Despite nearly passing out 3 times i managed to make it through. After another cry to my parents i managed 6 hours sleep.
Wednesday i was able to see the doctor. He gave me more tablets and some numbers for CBT therapy providers in the local area. I immediately rang them and was quite shocked just how long the process can take and one of them was charging quite a considerable amount.
Wednesday evening as i attempted to try to be active to my mind of things i panicked and fainted for a good few minutes. After coming round i was take to my bed where again, i found myself in floods of tears being consoled by Girlfriend, Mum and Dad.  
Yesterday morning i woke up very early again. 4:45 to be exact. I dragged my duvet down stairs hoping that a change of scenery may help. I went to take my tablet in the morning as i've started doing and then i got really really scared. I looked at these tablets and though 'Why don't i just take loads of them and then i won't have to feel like this anymore?' So i took one, then took a second one straight after. I started Vomiting almost immediately afterwards, panicking and deep breathing. Before i knew, i had fainted once again only to be found by my Mum. Once i had come round, my vomiting continued and my thoughts worsened about just taking more tablets to stop me feeling bad or anything all together. I was taken straight to the hospital and given a number of physical tests that all came back positive so i was allowed to come home. I hadn't at this point mentioned to the hospital or anyone that i was feeling suicidal.  As the afternoon progresses my mood swung again, up and down and up and down again. Eventually i was again hysterical and i decided that i had to tell my parents that i'd worried about ending things that morning if i could. I explained to them that i felt like a constant failure and that peoples life would be easier without me there. I don't think i've ever cried as much as i did yesterday. I had the same conversation with my girlfriend that evening and it absolutely destroyed me saying what i said but i was and still am scared that i will do something stupid. My dad rang one of the metal health helplines and i explained to them what was happening in my mind and they marked me as 'critical' meaning i needed immediate help. They eventually rang and they were absolutely no help what so ever. The earliest they could see me was Saturday afternoon and despite my girlfriend pleading with the man on the phone that i needed immediate help he just said 'Saturday afternoon' then shut down the conversation to hang up. I was left in the darkest hole i think i could possibly have been in and if it wasn't for the people around me i don't know what i would have done. 
I actually began to improve last night and decided that this morning i would come in to work and get myself some routine back. I have done and so far i'm just about on top of my emotions but even the littlest things feels like it could set me off. 
Christmas is my favourite time of the year and i can't even think about it. I just want to be better for it so the people who are around me can enjoy it too. 
I'm sorry for the essay but i thought writing it down might help and i'm hopeful that i can be on the mend soon and one day look back on it with the experience to help others
 

Working class kid that got into a grammar school. It happens.  To be fair, youre going to have to come up with something to change my mental image of you.
Mary from Gogglebox

It's the knee and the furniture more than anything.

Phew, when i scrolled down to the photo i feared the worst..
 

Tough to know what to say to that - but if you've been open and honest and laid this out to friends, and they aren't helping you, then they are the wrong sort of friends
That's not slag them off, but you talk about circles of friends and I find that i have different types of friends. The ones you'd trust with your life, the ones that are great to go out drinking with, the ones you used to work with and are nice enough but you don't have a lot in common with, etc etc. Like you say, I'm sure they all have a ton of their own poo to worry about, and if that means they don't have time to be there for you, then you need to look elsewhere for help. Trying to force them to care and then feeling let down when they don't is a horrible place to be so you shouldn't feel bad about taking positive action to leave them alone. 
I guess you need to know that there is another circle of friends on here who don't know you at all in the real sense of the word, but are always here to listen and not make you feel alone.  You did the right thing posting. If it ever gets this bad - always share your thoughts here and one (or more) of us bell-ends will try and help in whatever small way we can
 

I started this thread 3 years ago cos I realised I was in a very low place, but wasn't sure how low I was, and how much lower I could manage. Sadly, I'm back in a similar place and have been for a month or so, except I'm struggling to find any comfort in self-awareness or knowledge that others are suffering similar.
I've tried to avoid burdening anyone with my feelings over the last month, but am hoping writing it down on here might help, so apologies in advance. I'm in a situation where I am having a daily battle with myself. These battles used to be annual, then monthly, then fortnightly, then non-existent, and they're basically a "what's the point?", and being candid, they've been a give yourself a reason to live internal conversation. The bit I'm realising is that many of my reasons are based on fantasy, ******** and delusion at the moment. Silly things like "you might fall in love and live happily ever after!"!!
What's been quite saddening, but I accept, is that friends I used to rely on can no longer be relied on for anything. Simply as they have other issues to deal with, Mortgages, Weddings, Babies, Family Illnesses, Work issues etc, so I cannot expect them to drop anything just to pander to my neediness.
I drew parallels to Ronnie's post recently, scarily so. In recent months, my only positive has been work, and knowing that I'm doing a banging quality job, or so I thought. I had the wind knocked out of my sales recently, having discovered my manager isn't actually aware of what I am doing and would quite happily see me down the road. Things came to a head, and I won a little battle (that I didn't want) to save my job. But not without a few weeks of feeling very isolated, lonely and victimised.
Over the last few years, those I consider friends have declined almost all invitations to visit or spend time with me, always with reasons I might add, but nevertheless, I've eventually began to take it personally, even if not intentional rejection. Every attempt to get together as a group is just a stressful waste of time, and the reasons they've given to not be able to attend have been quite surprising, and I've taken that as me being way down on the list of priorities.
I went off the radar a few weeks ago. Literally made myself uncontactable. Deleted Whatsapp, Snapchat etc, didn't tweet, didn't post here or anywhere else, and just worked, and went home. I cannot explain why I did this, but eventually people guilted me into getting involved in things. I wrote a lengthy explanation to 20 mates making them aware of what I was going through, and on the whole they responded supportively. I spent a few weeks trying to force myself to be more positive, but the fact that these supportive friends have just carried on being somewhat neglective and ignorant, knowing what I was feeling, has left me feeling doubly negative.
Christmas is never a great time for me, I have always felt lonely and isolated, but that doesn't usually hit me this hard. I've never felt so isolated and emotional, and pointless and worthless and demotivated for life as I do right now. I'm at the stage where the only reason I haven't ended my life is cos it would kill my grandma. She is ill as it is. I've even nearly thought it wouldn't matter as she is ill anyway, so my going wouldn't really matter.
I've recently had a mini-meltdown and told a circle of friends that I'm sick of begging for attention so I will leave them alone, and they should leave me alone. I thought that would be hurtful and I'd be sad, but I'm not. It just gives me the freedom to do what I want without any guilt. Another circle of friends are making me feel like doing similar with them, and if that happens, I will be totally isolated and friendless and the sad thing is that I think I want this.

You just can't believe people would steal the sofas but leave the tv, can you?

You're meant to wake up with a dog after a night out, not before!

Beef bourguignon with a @froggg inspired hasselback potato. 

I'm loving RDR2, I'm really enjoying the storyline, the world is just amazingly crafted and there is a huge amount of to do. Not played any of the multiplayer, just purely on the story mode. Played a lot of hours and still not finished it. It's weird you can become attached to an in game horse. Definitely better than the first, it just feels more interactive.
 
Anyone else playing Smash Ultimate? Came out on Friday, and it's a great game so far. It has all the characters from all the old games, and a huge amount of maps to choose from. 

Just finished the first Red Dead Redemption. I picked up a copy so that I could fully appreciate the new game when I get it.
Wow. My favourite game of all time is Skyrim, particularly because of the world as a whole, but this has the best story of any game I’ve ever played. The map and the side quests aren’t particularly great (apart from the mysterious man (‘I Know You’) side quest) but the ending was gut-wrenching. Bloody love John Marston.
How have people found RDR2? I’m really looking forward to getting it over Christmas and, from what I’ve heard, Arthur is just as compelling a protagonist as John. I’ve also heard there are plenty of references to the first game.
Would be interested to hear your thoughts @Alpha, @David, @AmericanRam, @Matt H.

Still not finished it but it's better than the first one. I know it's bound to have more features and better graphics etc but in terms of enjoyment I've had more out of it. It's slower pace is better imo. 
When you first play it you'll be missing John Marston. You'll think Arthur is a dull old man in comparison. Takes a while for him to shine but I think he's even better than John. 
There's many tie ins with the first game. A handful of characters appear. Although they don't make you nostalgic so much apart from the first meeting with John. New characters are the stars of the show. 
I loved RDR and I thought about giving it a blast in the build up to this one. I've always thought I'd go back and play it but not now. It would feel like an arcade version now. 
It's good. Nothing beats The Last Of Us though. 
Weirdly I've been smashing PUBG mobile. Started off as something to do sat in a car park and now I sit there playing it on my phone when I could play it on PC or PS4. Too easy to pick up and play. Plus I'm better than I am on PC or console. Don't win that many but finish in the top 10 a lot with 5 kills most games. Swear people are cheating!

RDR2 is awesome, a ton of stuff to do asides from the main story. I've put about 30 hours into it and still long ways from finishing it. Plus online beta is cool so far as well. Well worth  a purchase no doubt. I also highly recommend if you can find it playing Red Dead Revolver.

I bought a dry fryer from McArthur Glen. I used it once and I said to the mother in law that I wished I hadn't bought it because it was too big for the kitchen. So she took it to her house. She just took it. She literally just told her husband to put it in their car as they were leaving. It was like £100 And she just took it. It's in her kitchen now. I still can't believe it.

Home made Chinese Chicken Curry (very spicy) with actifry chips, all washed down with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

Think you have lived to be 75 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens...


An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'