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admira

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    RamsTV Streaming | How to Watch

    in Derby County Forum

    Posted

    Now that the Leeds game has been moved by a day, I may have a bit of an issue. 
     

    We are taking the campervan away for a few days and wasn’t able to get an electric pitch. I don’t think the laptop battery will last long enough for both the Leeds and Birmingham games so, if I take a second fully charged laptop, am I allowed to log into Rams TV on two different devices on different days please? 

    Derby County Flags

    in Derby County Forum

    Posted · Edited by admira

    2 hours ago, Ellafella said:

     Very nice late Bay pop-top. I like your set-up.  I too normally have a gazebo alongside...

    We have a pop up awning too but it's only for 3 night minimum stays (I can't be ar*ed to put it up and down otherwise!)

    Molly is dual-fuel (unleaded and LPG) which saves on the costs. Means she can't be lowered though or the tanks will scrape on the floor.

    New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)

    in The Jim Smith Room

    Posted

    A drunk man who smelled of  beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.

    The man's  tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. 

    He opened his  newspaper and began reading.

    After a few minutes the man turned to  the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes  arthritis?"

    The priest replies, "My Son, it's   caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your  fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a  bath."

    The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”,  then returned to his  paper.

    The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised. "I'm  very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had  arthritis?"

    The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here  that the  Pope does."

    New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)

    in The Jim Smith Room

    Posted

    England v Ireland March 17 St Patrick’s Day Twickenham
    This may be of interest to one of you. A friend of mine has two tickets in a corporate box for England v Ireland 17th Mar. He paid £300 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
    It's at Marylebone Registry Office, at 4.30pm. The bride's name is Nicole -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook.

    New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)

    in The Jim Smith Room

    Posted

    A tramp walks in a bar. ‘Get out’ says the barman. ‘If I can show you a cool trick can I stay and have a pint’ ‘Okay’ says the barman. 
    The tramp pulls a hamster out of his pocket and a small piano. He puts them on the bar and the hamster starts playing the piano.
    ‘Wow! that’s amazing here’s a pint. ‘Any more tricks?’ says the barman. 
    The tramp pulls a frog out of his pocket, puts it on the bar and it starts to sing. 
    A man seeing this offers the tramp £300 for the frog. ‘Ok’ says the tramp. He takes the frog and goes. ‘What did you do that for? A singing frog is worth far more than that. ‘Not really’ says the tramp
    ‘Why not?’ says the barman
    The tramp replies ‘The hamster is a ventriloquist’.

    New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)

    in The Jim Smith Room

    Posted

    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
    After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
     
    The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
    "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.
     
    "How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
     
    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
     
    The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
     
    The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
     
    The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!” she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
     
    The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."

    New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)

    in The Jim Smith Room

    Posted · Edited by Boycie

    Let's start with the winners of best joke at this year's Edinburgh Festival. There's some crackers on here. 

    1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

    2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle

    3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

    4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

    5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

    6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

    7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

    8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

    9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

    10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

    11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

    12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff 

    13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

    14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

    15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

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