More to life than Football.

[GlastoEls]

@David I applaud you.

Been down lots of those roads - tests, IVF, multiple miscarriages - we’ve lived the tears and longing and what I dreaded in particular was Christmas and the presents and going to panto with extended family and hearing the kids in bits laughing.  

For us IVF worked, eventually, and I tucked in a little one tonight. If I can help at all, please don’t hesitate. 

[TigerTedd]

I wasn’t sure if I could possibly say anything comforting here. But also couldn’t just leave it with a like on your post. I’ve been thinking about you over Easter, and have everything crossed for your second scan.

Whatever the outcome though, it sounds like there’s some hard decisions to come.

Life absolutely sucks sometimes. But at some point in the future, could be a year, could be 5 years, could be ten years, you’ll be happy, and you’ll look back and wonder how the hell you got through this. But you did. And whatever has happened, all the good, and the bad, has got you to that point of being happy, whatever that looks like. it might seem like a long way off, but it’s there waiting for you. 

always remember “this too shall pass.”

[Chester40]

On 01/04/2024 at 00:13, GlastoEls said:

@David I applaud you.

Been down lots of those roads - tests, IVF, multiple miscarriages - we’ve lived the tears and longing and what I dreaded in particular was Christmas and the presents and going to panto with extended family and hearing the kids in bits laughing.  

For us IVF worked, eventually, and I tucked in a little one tonight. If I can help at all, please don’t hesitate. 

I second all this.

Plus lots of other comments.

You won't know for sure what the right decisions are, as we don't know the future or what would have happened if you had taken another path.

All you can do is think carefully, be honest in your reasoning and then stick to it together,  enjoy the positives and not spend your life wondering what might have been.

Don't feel you have to keep updating everyone but do know that if you do want to ..people want to hear what you're saying and care, and have everything crossed it works out eventually. 

[Leeds Ram]

Really sorry to hear this David. All you can do I guess is keep your head up and try to enjoy the positives. You can't know what the future will bring but I hope it is full of happiness. 

[TomBustler1884]

@David just wanted to check in. Sounds like you guys have been going through it. As someone who was lucky enough to see IVF eventually work for us, I know how difficult that particular rollercoaster, especially with early stage pregnancy loss.

I saw your post on Instagram regarding foster parent approval - is that a light at the end of the tunnel for you all?

[Day]

Ok, it's time for an update. Will be another long post despite trying to keep it brief as possible.

Following Leanne's miscarriage, we made the difficult decision to not put ourselves forward as SGO (special guardianship order) which would have meant the boys stay with us until they are 18.

We did say however that we would be happy to remain foster carers until the assessment process plays out with their mum and if they go back to her or placed for adoption.

Their mum failed her parenting assessment, however she was given an opportunity to complete some training and take things from there.

A few weeks later, the boys mum told us she was pregnant. She has the same due date as what we had. You could probably imagine how we felt. She's 23, he's just turned 18, just got his first new job.

Shortly after we attended a meeting where we was told due to the pregnancy and found her own home, she would be reassessed with her boyfriend, the father of the unborn child. 

This assessment once again came back negative, yet the boys would be transitioned back to her with more training.

The reason we were told is basically children services funding is at it's limit, they have more kids in care per 100 than most of the country and cannot afford to keep children in care unless there was a major risk to their lives. Had this case been in another better funded area of the country with less kids in care, they would not go back.

Few days later it was on the local newspaper website, North East Lincolnshire is the 3rd highest in the country for kids in care.

We was told they would look to move them back to her by the end of July so the eldest could complete the school term, with a plan that every 4 weeks would increase the contact. Their mum lives on the other side of town, would find it difficult not driving and being pregnant getting across town to get him to school.

The initial 4 week plan was complete this week and due to be reassessed on Tuesday.

The plan was, Tuesday 2 hours for tea after school, Wednesday have the youngest dropped off, have him all day and pick the eldest up from school, take him back him and we collect at 5.30pm. Same for Friday and then Saturday collect at 10am and drop off at 6pm. That's it, a 4 week plan.

However.

Last Friday whilst they were at their mums, due to be picked up at 5.30pm, we received a message around 4pm to say contact social services urgently, it was decided they would stay at their mums overnight. Something that was not in the plan at all.

The following day, the same happened again, they were now staying the Saturday as well and would be returning Sunday.

They returned, everything was fine.

Tuesday they were due to go to their mums for 2 hours, this was part of the plan, however their mum messaged us to say have you heard they are staying over tonight? We hadn't, contacted social services and said we're not happy as we're trying to plan our lives around this agreed plan and it's just getting changed last minute. We was told they would get back to us.

They never.

We agreed with their mum that they would go Wednesday instead for the night, this was last night, she would take the eldest to school in the morning and drop the youngest off straight after around 9am.

Around 6pm last night, their mum messaged to say have we heard from social services as their is another new plan in place, we said no and tried to contact them, no answer. 

This morning, their mum messaged again asking if we have heard from social services, we said no as we hadn't, she replied saying basically the new plan is now for the youngest not to return this morning and they would both stay with her until Sunday. Although she needs to come see us with the youngest for an hour before picking the eldest up from School today and again on Saturday during the afternoon.

1) We would be both at work today during that hour, the boys aunty was collecting and looking after until we got home, 2) Saturday we have already made plans as per the original plan which were in her care 10am till 6pm.

Anyhow, having contacted social services and fostering this morning, letting them know just how we feel about the levels of communication and incompetence.

Fostering team have been great to be fair, social services, shocking. The fostering team were not happy as the new plan had not even been agreed with anyone but the boys mum and should not have been active until the legal team signed off on it and we was consulted, after all we are the registered carers, we have to be able to facilitate any change of plan.

We've now heard the new proposed plan which is to stay overnight with us just once a week now, plus see the youngest twice a week for an hour, prior to collecting the eldest from school.

We have told them we're withdrawing, the levels of communication are not acceptable and we've had no real chance to explain to them what's going on, say goodbye as such. This transition plan was for everyone to adjust in a slow, structured plan yet in 4 weeks they've blown it apart.

I don't even know what to say at this point now, I'm just sat here in utter disbelief with the whole process. 

 

[ColonelBlimp]

Wish you and Leanne all the best, no idea what to say here, just know you are both supported on here and if any of us could do something to help, we would.

[Day]

Thanks, to be honest there isn't anything to say. 

Since they've been with us 27th October, every meeting we've had with various services with the mum present, it's all been about stability, routine, even the school teacher has been in the meeting saying the eldest thrives off a routine.

It's a joke, we pack them off for the day, we always let them know what was happening that day, now they won't have a clue when or if they will see us again, crazy.

[Alph]

Just now, Day said:

Thanks, to be honest there isn't anything to say. 

Since they've been with us 27th October, every meeting we've had with various services with the mum present, it's all been about stability, routine, even the school teacher has been in the meeting saying the eldest thrives off a routine.

It's a joke, we pack them off for the day, we always let them know what was happening that day, now they won't have a clue when or if they will see us again, crazy.

What is at the bottom of this mess? Funding/under staffed or just plain unacceptable incompetence? 

I'm angry just reading it. I'd be off the scale if I was you or Leanne

[Day]

5 minutes ago, Alph said:

What is at the bottom of this mess? Funding/under staffed or just plain unacceptable incompetence? 

I'm angry just reading it. I'd be off the scale if I was you or Leanne

Everything.

Too many children in care, not enough staff to look after the cases so they are stretched, working long hours and end up walking away. 

They even moved offices for children services recently, been told some staff are even working whilst sat on the floor in there as there isn't enough desks. They've gone from a large building, to something with a few rooms.

I feel for them in one sense, however there is a certain level of incompetence as well thrown in, if you're leaving a mums house having telling her the boys would be staying with her until Sunday. You can't tell me a 2 minute call in the car when leaving to let the foster carers know the situation is too much on the workload.

https://www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk/news/grimsby-news/proportion-north-east-lincolnshire-children-9245641

Here's the article I mentioned, 1 in 57 kids in the area are in care. In Derbyshire it's 1 in every 153.

All about reducing the numbers where safe to do so, what they are not saying which the staff will tell you is it's reducing to cut costs.

Meanwhile in Grimsby, we have a bridge that's been closed for a year now as it goes multi million pound restoration work to ensure it still lifts for boats.

I've lived here around 20 years now, it's not been lifted once, it's not needed. It's only ever small dinghies that might go under it once a month or so.

Makes you sick it really does.

[Ram-Alf]

1 hour ago, Day said:

Thanks, to be honest there isn't anything to say. 

Since they've been with us 27th October, every meeting we've had with various services with the mum present, it's all been about stability, routine, even the school teacher has been in the meeting saying the eldest thrives off a routine.

It's a joke, we pack them off for the day, we always let them know what was happening that day, now they won't have a clue when or if they will see us again, crazy.

Mum pregnant at 23 with her 3rd child, Dad 18 and has a new job, Mum gives birth so 5 in the household...what could possibly go wrong, The poor kids must be confused, You and yours must be pissed off.

You have to do what's good for you and yours, No advice from me that's for sure...I wish you all the best...it's a mess 😡

[Premier ram]

1 hour ago, Day said:

Ok, it's time for an update. Will be another long post despite trying to keep it brief as possible.

Following Leanne's miscarriage, we made the difficult decision to not put ourselves forward as SGO (special guardianship order) which would have meant the boys stay with us until they are 18.

We did say however that we would be happy to remain foster carers until the assessment process plays out with their mum and if they go back to her or placed for adoption.

Their mum failed her parenting assessment, however she was given an opportunity to complete some training and take things from there.

A few weeks later, the boys mum told us she was pregnant. She has the same due date as what we had. You could probably imagine how we felt. She's 23, he's just turned 18, just got his first new job.

Shortly after we attended a meeting where we was told due to the pregnancy and found her own home, she would be reassessed with her boyfriend, the father of the unborn child. 

This assessment once again came back negative, yet the boys would be transitioned back to her with more training.

The reason we were told is basically children services funding is at it's limit, they have more kids in care per 100 than most of the country and cannot afford to keep children in care unless there was a major risk to their lives. Had this case been in another better funded area of the country with less kids in care, they would not go back.

Few days later it was on the local newspaper website, North East Lincolnshire is the 3rd highest in the country for kids in care.

We was told they would look to move them back to her by the end of July so the eldest could complete the school term, with a plan that every 4 weeks would increase the contact. Their mum lives on the other side of town, would find it difficult not driving and being pregnant getting across town to get him to school.

The initial 4 week plan was complete this week and due to be reassessed on Tuesday.

The plan was, Tuesday 2 hours for tea after school, Wednesday have the youngest dropped off, have him all day and pick the eldest up from school, take him back him and we collect at 5.30pm. Same for Friday and then Saturday collect at 10am and drop off at 6pm. That's it, a 4 week plan.

However.

Last Friday whilst they were at their mums, due to be picked up at 5.30pm, we received a message around 4pm to say contact social services urgently, it was decided they would stay at their mums overnight. Something that was not in the plan at all.

The following day, the same happened again, they were now staying the Saturday as well and would be returning Sunday.

They returned, everything was fine.

Tuesday they were due to go to their mums for 2 hours, this was part of the plan, however their mum messaged us to say have you heard they are staying over tonight? We hadn't, contacted social services and said we're not happy as we're trying to plan our lives around this agreed plan and it's just getting changed last minute. We was told they would get back to us.

They never.

We agreed with their mum that they would go Wednesday instead for the night, this was last night, she would take the eldest to school in the morning and drop the youngest off straight after around 9am.

Around 6pm last night, their mum messaged to say have we heard from social services as their is another new plan in place, we said no and tried to contact them, no answer. 

This morning, their mum messaged again asking if we have heard from social services, we said no as we hadn't, she replied saying basically the new plan is now for the youngest not to return this morning and they would both stay with her until Sunday. Although she needs to come see us with the youngest for an hour before picking the eldest up from School today and again on Saturday during the afternoon.

1) We would be both at work today during that hour, the boys aunty was collecting and looking after until we got home, 2) Saturday we have already made plans as per the original plan which were in her care 10am till 6pm.

Anyhow, having contacted social services and fostering this morning, letting them know just how we feel about the levels of communication and incompetence.

Fostering team have been great to be fair, social services, shocking. The fostering team were not happy as the new plan had not even been agreed with anyone but the boys mum and should not have been active until the legal team signed off on it and we was consulted, after all we are the registered carers, we have to be able to facilitate any change of plan.

We've now heard the new proposed plan which is to stay overnight with us just once a week now, plus see the youngest twice a week for an hour, prior to collecting the eldest from school.

We have told them we're withdrawing, the levels of communication are not acceptable and we've had no real chance to explain to them what's going on, say goodbye as such. This transition plan was for everyone to adjust in a slow, structured plan yet in 4 weeks they've blown it apart.

I don't even know what to say at this point now, I'm just sat here in utter disbelief with the whole process. 

 

As heartbreaking as it is you have made the right decision, Social Services are a joke, speaking from experience, you have been there for the children , done your very best and for this they will always appreciate you , stay strong mate

[Reggie Greenwood]

1 hour ago, Day said:

Everything.

Too many children in care, not enough staff to look after the cases so they are stretched, working long hours and end up walking away. 

They even moved offices for children services recently, been told some staff are even working whilst sat on the floor in there as there isn't enough desks. They've gone from a large building, to something with a few rooms.

I feel for them in one sense, however there is a certain level of incompetence as well thrown in, if you're leaving a mums house having telling her the boys would be staying with her until Sunday. You can't tell me a 2 minute call in the car when leaving to let the foster carers know the situation is too much on the workload.

https://www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk/news/grimsby-news/proportion-north-east-lincolnshire-children-9245641

Here's the article I mentioned, 1 in 57 kids in the area are in care. In Derbyshire it's 1 in every 153.

All about reducing the numbers where safe to do so, what they are not saying which the staff will tell you is it's reducing to cut costs.

Meanwhile in Grimsby, we have a bridge that's been closed for a year now as it goes multi million pound restoration work to ensure it still lifts for boats.

I've lived here around 20 years now, it's not been lifted once, it's not needed. It's only ever small dinghies that might go under it once a month or so.

Makes you sick it really does.

Not sure how old the boys are but I’d let them know you still care for them as it must be confusing for them . Take care of yourselves and do what you feel is right for you both.