Farts, where do you stand?

[Boycie]

Down wind obviously.

But, it’s a natural bodily function like a sneeze of a cough isn’t it?

Ok, some farts can smell rank, maybe after a skinfull at the Feathers for instance,  but other times it can be a triumph of sound and timing.

Now I don't need to tell you that a text book fart starts low and ends high with maybe a warble at the mid point. But what’s the best one you ever did location wise?

Has anyone done the library let off?  Or maybe the butchers bottom burp?

Come on, don’t be all snooty, what with all the lack of debate on grown up subjects this is what the members want.  

[Highgate]

21 minutes ago, Boycie said:

Down wind obviously.

But, it’s a natural bodily function like a sneeze of a cough isn’t it?

Ok, some farts can smell rank, maybe after a skinfull at the Feathers for instance,  but other times it can be a triumph of sound and timing.

Now I don't need to tell you that a text book fart starts low and ends high with maybe a warble at the mid point. But what’s the best one you ever did location wise?

Has anyone done the library let off?  Or maybe the butchers bottom burp?

Come on, don’t be all snooty, what with all the lack of debate on grown up subjects this is what the members want.  

Interesting choice.  You really have a deep interest in the subject it seems ?

[Gritstone Ram]

A girl who worked in the office with me who was obsessed on the subject. She told me everytime she was letting one off. She then told me what kind of fart it was. Her favourite was what she called a pant warmer. This was silent but came out quite warm. These were proper rank in smell.

Anyway one day she was telling me she was going out on a date. The next day when she came in I asked how the date went and she told me it was going ok until she went back to his and needed to crack one out. She made out she needed the toilet and went off but realised she was going to rip out a noise. In a rush she sat on the towel in the toilet to muffle the sound. She was a bit of a legend. I still tell the story to people at work 10 years later.

[mozza]

The average staircase has thirteen treads, every tread, beat that..

[Boycie]

I liked to let them out in class on the plastic chairs. Proper rasping material was that.

The teacher used to say “I think someone needs to go to the toilet!”

I look back now and blame the gluten.

[froggg]

Some of the funniest are when you think you’re alone and crack out the loudest smelliest fart, when someone just walks around a corridor corner as it’s dropped.?

[sage]

24 minutes ago, Gritters said:

A girl who worked in the office with me who was obsessed on the subject. She told me everytime she was letting one off. She then told me what kind of fart it was. Her favourite was what she called a pant warmer. This was silent but came out quite warm. These were proper rank in smell.

Anyway one day she was telling me she was going out on a date. The next day when she came in I asked how the date went and she told me it was going ok until she went back to his and needed to crack one out. She made out she needed the toilet and went off but realised she was going to rip out a noise. In a rush she sat on the towel in the toilet to muffle the sound. She was a bit of a legend. I still tell the story to people at work 10 years later.

Please stop repeating this story. My missus is a changed woman now.

 

[sage]

11 minutes ago, froggg said:

Some of the funniest are when you think you’re alone and crack out the loudest smelliest fart, when someone just walks around a corridor corner as it’s dropped.?

Or walking through the Bass Recreation Ground with two mates and let a good one go and then turn round to see a woman walking 5 yards behind you.

This happened to a mate...honest...ahem...

 

[Phoenix]

14 minutes ago, froggg said:

Some of the funniest are when you think you’re alone and crack out the loudest smelliest fart, when someone just walks around a corridor corner as it’s dropped.?

Funny for who?

[ViewsFromTheMiddle]

There’s never been a fart that wasn’t funny.

[Norman]

I was in Lincoln about 2 months a go with the mrs. Shopping bores me, so I had a great idea.

I had just eaten a huge McDonalds for lunch ( Chicken Legend meal (large) with a double cheeseburger and 20 chicken nuggets is my standard order) and I was bubbling away nicely. 

We ventured outside and was walking through a lot of people. I thought I would relieve some stomach pressure and embarrass her at the same time. 

So I lifted my leg and gave it some extra oomph for more noise. There was no noise. Instead I shat myself. 

The tables had turned, and the mrs was in stitches. I waddled to M and S and up the escaltor. It went on forever. Into the toilet I went to inspect the scene. It was bad, but not through to the shorts stuff.

I sat back in relief and awaited my new pair of boxers from Primark via the mrs.

Sometimes farting is bad.

[froggg]

33 minutes ago, Phoenix said:

Funny for who?

Looking back, as this is a reminiscence thread.

[Boycie]

11 minutes ago, Norman said:

I was in Lincoln about 2 months a go with the mrs. Shopping bores me, so I had a great idea.

I had just eaten a huge McDonalds for lunch ( Chicken Legend meal (large) with a double cheeseburger and 20 chicken nuggets is my standard order) and I was bubbling away nicely. 

We ventured outside and was walking through a lot of people. I thought I would relieve some stomach pressure and embarrass her at the same time. 

So I lifted my leg and gave it some extra oomph for more noise. There was no noise. Instead I shat myself. 

The tables had turned, and the mrs was in stitches. I waddled to M and S and up the escaltor. It went on forever. Into the toilet I went to inspect the scene. It was bad, but not through to the shorts stuff.

I sat back in relief and awaited my new pair of boxers from Primark via the mrs.

Sometimes farting is bad.

This reminds me when I once told my 6 year old it’s ok to poop your pants,It can’t be helped sometimes.

It didn’t stop him taking the mickey out of me though.

[Gritstone Ram]

57 minutes ago, Norman said:

I was in Lincoln about 2 months a go with the mrs. Shopping bores me, so I had a great idea.

I had just eaten a huge McDonalds for lunch ( Chicken Legend meal (large) with a double cheeseburger and 20 chicken nuggets is my standard order) and I was bubbling away nicely. 

We ventured outside and was walking through a lot of people. I thought I would relieve some stomach pressure and embarrass her at the same time. 

So I lifted my leg and gave it some extra oomph for more noise. There was no noise. Instead I shat myself. 

The tables had turned, and the mrs was in stitches. I waddled to M and S and up the escaltor. It went on forever. Into the toilet I went to inspect the scene. It was bad, but not through to the shorts stuff.

I sat back in relief and awaited my new pair of boxers from Primark via the mrs.

Sometimes farting is bad.

You sharted that’s what it’s called 

[Wolfie]

Don’t want to kill this intellectual thread but since I went low carb, farts are a distant memory. 

[eddie]

Just before the lift stops to let you out at your floor is the best time.

[GboroRam]

When you're in a café and the need comes, and you think it's a great idea to sneak it out in time with the music that's playing. 

Then you remember you've got your headphones in... 

[Boycie]

33 minutes ago, eddie said:

Just before the lift stops to let you out at your floor is the best time.

I did similar passing the second floor on the way to the fourth.

It stopped at the third.

 

[froggg]

1 hour ago, Boycie said:

This reminds me when I once told my 6 year old it’s ok to poop your pants,It can’t be helped sometimes.

It didn’t stop him taking the mickey out of me though.

Get yer coat.

[Steve How Hard?]

cRAp thread but it's blown me away.