FindernRam

Scouse kid says to his mate "How do yer spell Darell?"
Mate says "D-a-r-y-l, why, what do you want to know that for?"
He says "It's me dad's birthday next week, Im gettin' him some shoes so I'm texting me Ma so I get a size Daryl fit 'im"
Mate says "It's not Daryl yer dhead, it's Worrall!"

I'm on the computer when missus says "What are you doing?"#
Says me " I'm looking for cheap flights"
She drags me into the bedroom and we make love for hours.
Funny, I never knew she liked Darts!

I'm on the computer when missus says "What are you doing?"#
Says me " I'm looking for cheap flights"
She drags me into the bedroom and we make love for hours.
Funny, I never knew she liked Darts!

I'm on the computer when missus says "What are you doing?"#
Says me " I'm looking for cheap flights"
She drags me into the bedroom and we make love for hours.
Funny, I never knew she liked Darts!

I'm on the computer when missus says "What are you doing?"#
Says me " I'm looking for cheap flights"
She drags me into the bedroom and we make love for hours.
Funny, I never knew she liked Darts!

I'm on the computer when missus says "What are you doing?"#
Says me " I'm looking for cheap flights"
She drags me into the bedroom and we make love for hours.
Funny, I never knew she liked Darts!

Wife's  Diary:    
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.  We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. 
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,      
but he made no comment on it. 
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
He agreed, but he didn't say much. 
I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing." 
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. 
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. 
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. 
He smiled slightly, and kept driving.  I can't explain his behaviour. 
I don't know why he didn't say, “I love you, too.” 
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.  He continued to seem distant and absent. 
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.  About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.  He fell asleep; I cried.
I don't know what to do.  I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.  My life is a disaster. 

Husband's  Diary: 
Who the duck loses to Watford?

I rate him as a manager, think he'll struggle with the Forest regime and leave after 43 days.
Had he been available /affordable pre Cocu, might have been a good choice, but I'm not too unhappy with our man given the grief he has had to put up with.

I rate him as a manager, think he'll struggle with the Forest regime and leave after 43 days.
Had he been available /affordable pre Cocu, might have been a good choice, but I'm not too unhappy with our man given the grief he has had to put up with.

Yeah doubly annoying cos I've not got an any key on my keyboard.

I'm gutted, my wife just left me, said all I talk about is football.
We've been together 44 seasons!

I'm gutted, my wife just left me, said all I talk about is football.
We've been together 44 seasons!

Male Swan!

I'm gutted, my wife just left me, said all I talk about is football.
We've been together 44 seasons!

I'm gutted, my wife just left me, said all I talk about is football.
We've been together 44 seasons!

I put my Pension pot into HSBC management service, medium risk rules. Its done alright over 9 years. Value dipped heavily at beginning of March but is now back to within 5% of where it was. So I'm happy to leave it to the professionals. 
Periodically I try to second guess them with pretend buying or selling of my larger stock holdings. The evidence is they are better at it than me. No surprise. What did surprise me was how few trades they actually do. More active in the currency fields.
Years ago I was friends through my pa in law with the head of a major publishing house. His "hobby" was to peruse the FT each morning and then ring his stock broker. His advice to me was if you can't go big and spread the risk don't do it. Always assume you will lose the lot and invest accordingly. Set a budget and NEVER chase losses!

I'm gutted, my wife just left me, said all I talk about is football.
We've been together 44 seasons!

I'm gutted, my wife just left me, said all I talk about is football.
We've been together 44 seasons!

I'm gutted, my wife just left me, said all I talk about is football.
We've been together 44 seasons!

Say invite instead of invitation!

Say invite instead of invitation!

My Doctor says it that way. I'm worried now!  I'm told he dictates his prescriptions into the computer!

Helga Helga Helga

Very good in their time. Still elicit a chuckle. I find Porridge dull now, despite loving it at the time.

Very good in their time. Still elicit a chuckle. I find Porridge dull now, despite loving it at the time.