Parsnip

Did you catch Billy Davies at home?

Omg I had to go back 6 pages to find the first actually funny joke. This thread is painful, it should be locked.

I got mugged by six dwarves last night.
Not happy.

It was hard to read, that. I've been on here for my entire adult life almost and have always respected you as a poster & person. 
I'm not the best person to give advice in these situations, but I can say that I've struggled at times due to extenuating circumstances and often do partake in 'self destructive' behaviour which has had serious consequences in the past. iThe one thing that helps me and gets me through these periods is that I remind myself that feelings - good & bad - are absolutely and utterly fickle. The forced focus on 'positive' things, for me, made things worse. I would think about family, for example, but it would come with an overwhelming sense of letting them down. It just gave me another stick to beat myself. The clarity of almost training my mind to remind myself that every feeling and situation that I have ever had and will ever have will ultimately change, sometimes quickly and sometimes not so quickly, but it will change. 
People are different; people react differently in situations and there is no perfect solution - I just hope you find whats right for you! 

So I was mid poo this morning when there's a knock at the door. Normally I'd ignore it but I'm expecting some stuff from Amazon so I cut it off like a sausage machine, performed an express wipe and stumble downstairs like a ballbag, buttoning as I run.
Jehovah's bloody witnesses. 
If I was ever on the fence about God then I'm not any more. They've blown it. I'm 100% atheist now.

Dirty protest?

So I was mid poo this morning when there's a knock at the door. Normally I'd ignore it but I'm expecting some stuff from Amazon so I cut it off like a sausage machine, performed an express wipe and stumble downstairs like a ballbag, buttoning as I run.
Jehovah's bloody witnesses. 
If I was ever on the fence about God then I'm not any more. They've blown it. I'm 100% atheist now.

So I was mid poo this morning when there's a knock at the door. Normally I'd ignore it but I'm expecting some stuff from Amazon so I cut it off like a sausage machine, performed an express wipe and stumble downstairs like a ballbag, buttoning as I run.
Jehovah's bloody witnesses. 
If I was ever on the fence about God then I'm not any more. They've blown it. I'm 100% atheist now.

So I was mid poo this morning when there's a knock at the door. Normally I'd ignore it but I'm expecting some stuff from Amazon so I cut it off like a sausage machine, performed an express wipe and stumble downstairs like a ballbag, buttoning as I run.
Jehovah's bloody witnesses. 
If I was ever on the fence about God then I'm not any more. They've blown it. I'm 100% atheist now.

So I was mid poo this morning when there's a knock at the door. Normally I'd ignore it but I'm expecting some stuff from Amazon so I cut it off like a sausage machine, performed an express wipe and stumble downstairs like a ballbag, buttoning as I run.
Jehovah's bloody witnesses. 
If I was ever on the fence about God then I'm not any more. They've blown it. I'm 100% atheist now.

So I was mid poo this morning when there's a knock at the door. Normally I'd ignore it but I'm expecting some stuff from Amazon so I cut it off like a sausage machine, performed an express wipe and stumble downstairs like a ballbag, buttoning as I run.
Jehovah's bloody witnesses. 
If I was ever on the fence about God then I'm not any more. They've blown it. I'm 100% atheist now.

Or gods have a wicked sense of humour!

Sky's too blue to worry about losing 0-1 to Rotherham. 

Chipotle Shitzu.
Tastes like chicken.

Chipotle Shitzu.
Tastes like chicken.

In Niagara on business...

Me girlfriend text today to say she got the job she went for which means we’re on the move to Yorkshirrrre oooh errr.
Thought I’d make her a cake to say well done, found a recipe online that we had all the ingredients in the cupboard.
https://www.taste.com.au/recipes/chocolate-coconut-cake/0b68e764-3423-4de9-b546-1abe8c7298a3
They must have made a mistake somewhere because I followed it word for word and.....

As you can see I through a few berries on to jazz it up after the chocolate topping didn’t work out due to their error, just kind of puddled in the middle ?
Just for you @froggg

Jody Morris is clearly an avid reader of the forum.

What a coincidence! I happen to be in the Antarctic right now! Look here's proof...

Or in other words... get your knee in or it didn't happen.

Who the hell is this massive belllend?

Robbed. Absolutely robbed.
My dog is gutted.

After Life is to Netflix shows what RDR2 is to gaming, enjoyable but massively overrated and nowhere near as deep or interesting as it thinks it is.
I didn't feel it offered any real insight to the mind of someone who's suffered such a personal loss and a lot of it felt like it had been written by committee and hit on a few too many obvious/standard emotional manipulation tropes, almost like there was a brainstorming session asking "What do we think people in this situation would think/feel/say" rather than drawing on any deeper, more personal experiences.

I don't think Gervais' character was particularly three dimensional. We're told he's a good man, a very nice man through videos made by his dying wife but that's the point, we're TOLD it, we never actually see it - the only thing we're really shown of his life with her is that he loved to play (generic, borish, annoying) practical jokes.
To me that doesn't show character depth, it shows that he was always a bit of an ********, and now he's being.... an even bigger ********? So again we're just relying on her word. He bought her a dog though (probably one of the biggest, most basic plays of audience manipulation), so he must have been a great guy deep down? Nah, I don't think so.

The only time it ever really got dark was when he gave the homeless character 'enough' money, the only moment when I thought "Oh, this went deep, I want to see the rest, how dark it can get?", but it was pretty much brushed aside within half an episode. I suppose it would have to be, because it is a comedy show, afterall, but the problem is it's just not that funny.
Because there's not any real depth there's no real reason to invest in the character -  essentially you're just watching Ricky Gervais playing Ricky Gervais saying slightly outrageous things. Nothing new there.
It's not particularly clever either, there's one scene where they're in the newspaper office discussing whether God exists and it falls back on "If God created everything, who created God?".... seriously? Is that supposed to be an example of clever writing? It's primary school level discussion.
Don't get me wrong, it was an enjoyable watch, but nothing to go crazy about. I think ultimately the message it was putting across was quite basic, quite simple, but positive and worth taking on board.  That doesn't make it an outstanding piece of work though.

Who the hell is this massive belllend?

Robbed. Absolutely robbed.
My dog is gutted.

This badass is my dog's brother - best working dog winner at Crufts today. I'm actually not a massive fan of Crufts and that kind of dog showing, but my boy is proper champion stock and I'll be cheering 'Dave' on on Sunday where he's up for best in show.

Ugh. I've gone right off em then.

Beautifully marbled 45 day dry aged Aberdeen Angus Rib Eye, marinated in Cajun spice, garlic and oregano, served with dauphinois potatoes, and a Gorgonzola and white pepper sauce, all washed down with a glass of Rioja Tinto.