Norman

Did you go back to work today, mate?

Who, KSI of Joe Weller?

Booooooooooooooooo
Dick head.

Tears or tears. 
It's the pronunciation that interests me

Sounds software related....or just trying to avoid taking your calls/texts

Is it still plugged in?

Food or his missus? ?

Sneezing and farting simultaneously
You don't know whether to check your hand first or your pants

Hope all goes well tomorrow Paul. Anxiety is understandable all things considered.  Don’t get worrying about posting rubbish on here tonight either. I really doubt anyone will notice any discernible change in your posting quality.

@BurtonRam7 Any chance you could return on the 21st of June as the 20th is my birthday and I’d prefer not to be sickened on that day, thanking you in advance PR. 

Revise. Please, please revise.
You will not regret my advice. Although my advice is on the assumption you're going to uni? If that's wrong then forget this advice.
For university holds many things. Fire engine call-outs, illegal substances, take-aways, beer, football and the odd lecture and arrest.
The freedom when you've been unshackled from your cruel, cruel parents will feel like we've just beaten the likes of Watford and Bournemouth in the Premier League and have risen up the table to 16th and just a minus 16 goal difference.
You'll find people there who support teams like Coventry and Portsmouth. You can reel off all our dissapointments and see who really has suffered the worst season.
And then there's the women. Treat them with respect . Remember, they don't care about how many games you've been to, or how many times you've been away this year. They're not interested in seeing the Derby/Sheffield Wednesday bounce on Youtube, or that Wanchope goal at Old Trafford with Graham Richard's voice playing over the top.
It is the best place in the world. Freedom, lack of responsibilities, optional part-time employment only, free money to spend on dodgy haircuts and fashionable clothes that just don't suit you. You might even make some friends .
Revise. It'll be worth it. Get on the course you want to at the uni you want to.
 

Nice growler 

I can't reiterate this enough! A Levels will be the toughest set of exams in your life so I recommend to put absolutely everything into them to get the rewards.  Uni will be piss easy in comparison, particularly first year which is just a year of going out on the pull.

Revise. Please, please revise.
You will not regret my advice. Although my advice is on the assumption you're going to uni? If that's wrong then forget this advice.
For university holds many things. Fire engine call-outs, illegal substances, take-aways, beer, football and the odd lecture and arrest.
The freedom when you've been unshackled from your cruel, cruel parents will feel like we've just beaten the likes of Watford and Bournemouth in the Premier League and have risen up the table to 16th and just a minus 16 goal difference.
You'll find people there who support teams like Coventry and Portsmouth. You can reel off all our dissapointments and see who really has suffered the worst season.
And then there's the women. Treat them with respect . Remember, they don't care about how many games you've been to, or how many times you've been away this year. They're not interested in seeing the Derby/Sheffield Wednesday bounce on Youtube, or that Wanchope goal at Old Trafford with Graham Richard's voice playing over the top.
It is the best place in the world. Freedom, lack of responsibilities, optional part-time employment only, free money to spend on dodgy haircuts and fashionable clothes that just don't suit you. You might even make some friends .
Revise. It'll be worth it. Get on the course you want to at the uni you want to.
 

Revise. Please, please revise.
You will not regret my advice. Although my advice is on the assumption you're going to uni? If that's wrong then forget this advice.
For university holds many things. Fire engine call-outs, illegal substances, take-aways, beer, football and the odd lecture and arrest.
The freedom when you've been unshackled from your cruel, cruel parents will feel like we've just beaten the likes of Watford and Bournemouth in the Premier League and have risen up the table to 16th and just a minus 16 goal difference.
You'll find people there who support teams like Coventry and Portsmouth. You can reel off all our dissapointments and see who really has suffered the worst season.
And then there's the women. Treat them with respect . Remember, they don't care about how many games you've been to, or how many times you've been away this year. They're not interested in seeing the Derby/Sheffield Wednesday bounce on Youtube, or that Wanchope goal at Old Trafford with Graham Richard's voice playing over the top.
It is the best place in the world. Freedom, lack of responsibilities, optional part-time employment only, free money to spend on dodgy haircuts and fashionable clothes that just don't suit you. You might even make some friends .
Revise. It'll be worth it. Get on the course you want to at the uni you want to.
 

Revise. Please, please revise.
You will not regret my advice. Although my advice is on the assumption you're going to uni? If that's wrong then forget this advice.
For university holds many things. Fire engine call-outs, illegal substances, take-aways, beer, football and the odd lecture and arrest.
The freedom when you've been unshackled from your cruel, cruel parents will feel like we've just beaten the likes of Watford and Bournemouth in the Premier League and have risen up the table to 16th and just a minus 16 goal difference.
You'll find people there who support teams like Coventry and Portsmouth. You can reel off all our dissapointments and see who really has suffered the worst season.
And then there's the women. Treat them with respect . Remember, they don't care about how many games you've been to, or how many times you've been away this year. They're not interested in seeing the Derby/Sheffield Wednesday bounce on Youtube, or that Wanchope goal at Old Trafford with Graham Richard's voice playing over the top.
It is the best place in the world. Freedom, lack of responsibilities, optional part-time employment only, free money to spend on dodgy haircuts and fashionable clothes that just don't suit you. You might even make some friends .
Revise. It'll be worth it. Get on the course you want to at the uni you want to.
 

Revise. Please, please revise.
You will not regret my advice. Although my advice is on the assumption you're going to uni? If that's wrong then forget this advice.
For university holds many things. Fire engine call-outs, illegal substances, take-aways, beer, football and the odd lecture and arrest.
The freedom when you've been unshackled from your cruel, cruel parents will feel like we've just beaten the likes of Watford and Bournemouth in the Premier League and have risen up the table to 16th and just a minus 16 goal difference.
You'll find people there who support teams like Coventry and Portsmouth. You can reel off all our dissapointments and see who really has suffered the worst season.
And then there's the women. Treat them with respect . Remember, they don't care about how many games you've been to, or how many times you've been away this year. They're not interested in seeing the Derby/Sheffield Wednesday bounce on Youtube, or that Wanchope goal at Old Trafford with Graham Richard's voice playing over the top.
It is the best place in the world. Freedom, lack of responsibilities, optional part-time employment only, free money to spend on dodgy haircuts and fashionable clothes that just don't suit you. You might even make some friends .
Revise. It'll be worth it. Get on the course you want to at the uni you want to.
 

Revise. Please, please revise.
You will not regret my advice. Although my advice is on the assumption you're going to uni? If that's wrong then forget this advice.
For university holds many things. Fire engine call-outs, illegal substances, take-aways, beer, football and the odd lecture and arrest.
The freedom when you've been unshackled from your cruel, cruel parents will feel like we've just beaten the likes of Watford and Bournemouth in the Premier League and have risen up the table to 16th and just a minus 16 goal difference.
You'll find people there who support teams like Coventry and Portsmouth. You can reel off all our dissapointments and see who really has suffered the worst season.
And then there's the women. Treat them with respect . Remember, they don't care about how many games you've been to, or how many times you've been away this year. They're not interested in seeing the Derby/Sheffield Wednesday bounce on Youtube, or that Wanchope goal at Old Trafford with Graham Richard's voice playing over the top.
It is the best place in the world. Freedom, lack of responsibilities, optional part-time employment only, free money to spend on dodgy haircuts and fashionable clothes that just don't suit you. You might even make some friends .
Revise. It'll be worth it. Get on the course you want to at the uni you want to.
 

Tony ****ing Blair.

Another lunatic to watch out for.. 

Maltesers in a box.., 

Up the Aberdeenshire Rams flag at Preston North End.

Up the 100 pages of Derby County Flags.