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86 Schmokes & a Pancake

Perspective

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Week from hell. Fortnight actually. Trying to get lawyers to pull their fingers out of their backsides on a property purchase, wisdom teeth making me want to tear half my face off, into third week of broadband issues... Very much an FML kind of period then. What else can go wrong, I found myself thinking. So then it not only rained, but it poured.

First, I got a call from my sister. Our step-brother’s wife had passed away. Transpires she was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months back but the family decided not to broadcast the news, as is their right. She went downhill fast and lost the unequal fight on Sunday night. Instead of going to a wedding this weekend, I’ll now be attending a funeral.

Fast forward a day and a half and whilst discussing arrangements with the old man, he drops the bombshell that he’s being biopsied tomorrow as it looks likely he has prostrate cancer. He too had decided not to say anything but felt that he should at this point. True hardman that I am, I burst out crying over the phone, like that’s really gonna help. WTF Pete, really! 

Sat here now thinking about stuff, mainly my thought processes these last few months and generally questioning my whole value system – what really matters and what really doesn’t. Suffice to say there’s been a seismic change in my mindset. Now I’m left thinking that I’m going to try and be the best I can be for dad, my stepbro for everyone I hold dear but I can’t help thinking why does it take events like these for me to think this way? I really can’t answer that one. I suppose I could if I wanted to, but the truth hurts, doesn’t it?

So there you have it folks, perspective. My advice from my personal little pit of despair is that if there’s anyone around you right now, anyone you care about at all, reach over, give them a hug and tell them that you love them. We all lose folk and we all face trails and tribulations, but taking less for granted will certainly make the inevitable bumps a tad easier to ride.

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4 minutes ago, 86 points said:

 I can’t help thinking why does it take events like these for me to think this way?

But that's true for all of us isn't it?. We all get bogged down and stressed with all the "stuff" that we have to deal with day-to-day and lose sight of what's really important long term.

Anyone who claims otherwise either has a strong claim to be the second coming of the messiah or is lying.

Unfortunately all I can do is offer my best wishes & sympathies but please don't beat yourself up about it fella.

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You just have to get on with it mate,no matter what happens.

I’m really sorry to hear all that,that’s really bad news.

Try and do the best for yourself mate,the only way you can help them is to be in control(as much as you can be)of your 💩.

Nothing wrong with tears mate,if you bottle it up you’re bang in trouble.

Don’t panic on your Dad,just listen to what the doctors say and then if it’s a panic job allow yourself to panic for a set amount of time only,say 10 minutes,when that’s over you have to get on with it.

Keep is posted mated and all the best💪

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21 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

But that's true for all of us isn't it?. We all get bogged down and stressed with all the "stuff" that we have to deal with day-to-day and lose sight of what's really important long term.

Anyone who claims otherwise either has a strong claim to be the second coming of the messiah or is lying.

Unfortunately all I can do is offer my best wishes & sympathies but please don't beat yourself up about it fella.

I guess so. I'll process it pretty quick anyway. I'm good at that in a bad way, if that make sense? Last thing the old man will want is me being a drama queen about it all in any case. Thanks though mate. 

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25 minutes ago, coneheadjohn said:

You just have to get on with it mate,no matter what happens.

I’m really sorry to hear all that,that’s really bad news.

Try and do the best for yourself mate,the only way you can help them is to be in control(as much as you can be)of your 💩.

Nothing wrong with tears mate,if you bottle it up you’re bang in trouble.

Don’t panic on your Dad,just listen to what the doctors say and then if it’s a panic job allow yourself to panic for a set amount of time only,say 10 minutes,when that’s over you have to get on with it.

Keep is posted mated and all the best💪

Cheers John. Still a chance it will all be OK but I know him so well now. He'd not have told me unless he was pretty certain himself. Hopefully it's been diagnosed early enough for the prognosis to be good. And I've stopped crying like a baby now, which is progress of sorts! Do dearly love the cranky old fecker so I guess it just took me by surprise. Life goes on. 

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1 hour ago, 86 points said:

Week from hell. Fortnight actually. Trying to get lawyers to pull their fingers out of their backsides on a property purchase, wisdom teeth making me want to tear half my face off, into third week of broadband issues... Very much an FML kind of period then. What else can go wrong, I found myself thinking. So then it not only rained, but it poured.

First, I got a call from my sister. Our step-brother’s wife had passed away. Transpires she was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months back but the family decided not to broadcast the news, as is their right. She went downhill fast and lost the unequal fight on Sunday night. Instead of going to a wedding this weekend, I’ll now be attending a funeral.

Fast forward a day and a half and whilst discussing arrangements with the old man, he drops the bombshell that he’s being biopsied tomorrow as it looks likely he has prostrate cancer. He too had decided not to say anything but felt that he should at this point. True hardman that I am, I burst out crying over the phone, like that’s really gonna help. WTF Pete, really! 

Sat here now thinking about stuff, mainly my thought processes these last few months and generally questioning my whole value system – what really matters and what really doesn’t. Suffice to say there’s been a seismic change in my mindset. Now I’m left thinking that I’m going to try and be the best I can be for dad, my stepbro for everyone I hold dear but I can’t help thinking why does it take events like these for me to think this way? I really can’t answer that one. I suppose I could if I wanted to, but the truth hurts, doesn’t it?

So there you have it folks, perspective. My advice from my personal little pit of despair is that if there’s anyone around you right now, anyone you care about at all, reach over, give them a hug and tell them that you love them. We all lose folk and we all face trails and tribulations, but taking less for granted will certainly make the inevitable bumps a tad easier to ride.

My thoughts are with you mate , 

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2 hours ago, 86 points said:

Week from hell. Fortnight actually. Trying to get lawyers to pull their fingers out of their backsides on a property purchase, wisdom teeth making me want to tear half my face off, into third week of broadband issues... Very much an FML kind of period then. What else can go wrong, I found myself thinking. So then it not only rained, but it poured.

First, I got a call from my sister. Our step-brother’s wife had passed away. Transpires she was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months back but the family decided not to broadcast the news, as is their right. She went downhill fast and lost the unequal fight on Sunday night. Instead of going to a wedding this weekend, I’ll now be attending a funeral.

Fast forward a day and a half and whilst discussing arrangements with the old man, he drops the bombshell that he’s being biopsied tomorrow as it looks likely he has prostrate cancer. He too had decided not to say anything but felt that he should at this point. True hardman that I am, I burst out crying over the phone, like that’s really gonna help. WTF Pete, really! 

Sat here now thinking about stuff, mainly my thought processes these last few months and generally questioning my whole value system – what really matters and what really doesn’t. Suffice to say there’s been a seismic change in my mindset. Now I’m left thinking that I’m going to try and be the best I can be for dad, my stepbro for everyone I hold dear but I can’t help thinking why does it take events like these for me to think this way? I really can’t answer that one. I suppose I could if I wanted to, but the truth hurts, doesn’t it?

So there you have it folks, perspective. My advice from my personal little pit of despair is that if there’s anyone around you right now, anyone you care about at all, reach over, give them a hug and tell them that you love them. We all lose folk and we all face trails and tribulations, but taking less for granted will certainly make the inevitable bumps a tad easier to ride.

Know exactly what you are going through, just be there for whatever they have to go through, hopefully it will be positive.

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2 hours ago, 86 points said:

Week from hell. Fortnight actually. Trying to get lawyers to pull their fingers out of their backsides on a property purchase, wisdom teeth making me want to tear half my face off, into third week of broadband issues... Very much an FML kind of period then. What else can go wrong, I found myself thinking. So then it not only rained, but it poured.

First, I got a call from my sister. Our step-brother’s wife had passed away. Transpires she was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months back but the family decided not to broadcast the news, as is their right. She went downhill fast and lost the unequal fight on Sunday night. Instead of going to a wedding this weekend, I’ll now be attending a funeral.

Fast forward a day and a half and whilst discussing arrangements with the old man, he drops the bombshell that he’s being biopsied tomorrow as it looks likely he has prostrate cancer. He too had decided not to say anything but felt that he should at this point. True hardman that I am, I burst out crying over the phone, like that’s really gonna help. WTF Pete, really! 

Sat here now thinking about stuff, mainly my thought processes these last few months and generally questioning my whole value system – what really matters and what really doesn’t. Suffice to say there’s been a seismic change in my mindset. Now I’m left thinking that I’m going to try and be the best I can be for dad, my stepbro for everyone I hold dear but I can’t help thinking why does it take events like these for me to think this way? I really can’t answer that one. I suppose I could if I wanted to, but the truth hurts, doesn’t it?

So there you have it folks, perspective. My advice from my personal little pit of despair is that if there’s anyone around you right now, anyone you care about at all, reach over, give them a hug and tell them that you love them. We all lose folk and we all face trails and tribulations, but taking less for granted will certainly make the inevitable bumps a tad easier to ride.

I don't know you other than through your posts on here. but through your posts on here, I like you and you come across like a really decent person across a number of different topics (you and @RamNut @reveldevil @i-Ram  @rynny  and others can get away with views others wouldn't because of your overall posts).

I'm sorry you've gone through what you've gone through, it really does hit hard.

Try to hold on to that feeling of wanting to be the best person you can be, don' let it slip away when things turn around. Too many of us are so focussed on things that in the grand scheme of things don't matter a jot, we sweat the little stuff.

You're already a good bloke, don't beat yourself up about that and it doesn't matter how or when you start trying to be nicer. Not too many people reflect enough to even bother trying.

I hope your dads appointment went well (or goes as well as it can), remember mate as long as it's caught early enough the survival rate is very high and usually for years.

Give him a hug, get close to him again, tell him a couple of things he did that make you proud to be his son and don't neglect yourself or feel the need to be the rock for everyone else. Someone needs to give the cuddler and cuddle as well. If you ever want to chat to a stranger, drop me a pm. I'm happy to chat balls for ages, as you've ALL already seen for years.

All the best pal, keep smiling. Be Good x

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1 hour ago, ronnieronalde said:

I don't know you other than through your posts on here. but through your posts on here, I like you and you come across like a really decent person across a number of different topics (you and @RamNut @reveldevil @i-Ram  @rynny  and others can get away with views others wouldn't because of your overall posts).

I'm sorry you've gone through what you've gone through, it really does hit hard.

Try to hold on to that feeling of wanting to be the best person you can be, don' let it slip away when things turn around. Too many of us are so focussed on things that in the grand scheme of things don't matter a jot, we sweat the little stuff.

You're already a good bloke, don't beat yourself up about that and it doesn't matter how or when you start trying to be nicer. Not too many people reflect enough to even bother trying.

I hope your dads appointment went well (or goes as well as it can), remember mate as long as it's caught early enough the survival rate is very high and usually for years.

Give him a hug, get close to him again, tell him a couple of things he did that make you proud to be his son and don't neglect yourself or feel the need to be the rock for everyone else. Someone needs to give the cuddler and cuddle as well. If you ever want to chat to a stranger, drop me a pm. I'm happy to chat balls for ages, as you've ALL already seen for years.

All the best pal, keep smiling. Be Good x

Thanks so much Ronnie. That's a really thoughtful post. I'm kind of over the initial shock now. Was reeling a bit when I posted tbh. Think there's a good few who would disagree with the 'good bloke' thing 😂 but really appreciate the sentiment.

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2 minutes ago, Steve How Hard? said:

Really sorry to hear about your bad news. Some really solid advice posted above. Take strength from the fact there are some very genuine caring people on here. Wish I could add something more insightful than has already been  said but I'm a good listener if you ever want to let off steam.

Cheers Steve. Not really sure that I should have posted on here but folk have been really nice about it all. Quite touched by the responses. I'm ok anyway. Bit worried about how the boy will take the news as I've not the heart to tell him as yet. Might wait to see what the final diagnosis is as I don't want to upset him for no reason. Thanks again mate.

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2 minutes ago, 86 points said:

Cheers Steve. Not really sure that I should have posted on here but folk have been really nice about it all. Quite touched by the responses. I'm ok anyway. Bit worried about how the boy will take the news as I've not the heart to tell him as yet. Might wait to see what the final diagnosis is as I don't want to upset him for no reason. Thanks again mate.

You've absolutely done the right thing posting it. As somebody  as already said, the worst thing you can do is bottle everything up. We may not all agree on everything about DCFC but we're all Derby at the end of it and in my eyes that sort of makes us all one big family. Keep the faith and keep posting. 👍

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6 hours ago, 86 points said:

Week from hell. Fortnight actually. Trying to get lawyers to pull their fingers out of their backsides on a property purchase, wisdom teeth making me want to tear half my face off, into third week of broadband issues... Very much an FML kind of period then. What else can go wrong, I found myself thinking. So then it not only rained, but it poured.

First, I got a call from my sister. Our step-brother’s wife had passed away. Transpires she was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months back but the family decided not to broadcast the news, as is their right. She went downhill fast and lost the unequal fight on Sunday night. Instead of going to a wedding this weekend, I’ll now be attending a funeral.

Fast forward a day and a half and whilst discussing arrangements with the old man, he drops the bombshell that he’s being biopsied tomorrow as it looks likely he has prostrate cancer. He too had decided not to say anything but felt that he should at this point. True hardman that I am, I burst out crying over the phone, like that’s really gonna help. WTF Pete, really! 

Sat here now thinking about stuff, mainly my thought processes these last few months and generally questioning my whole value system – what really matters and what really doesn’t. Suffice to say there’s been a seismic change in my mindset. Now I’m left thinking that I’m going to try and be the best I can be for dad, my stepbro for everyone I hold dear but I can’t help thinking why does it take events like these for me to think this way? I really can’t answer that one. I suppose I could if I wanted to, but the truth hurts, doesn’t it?

So there you have it folks, perspective. My advice from my personal little pit of despair is that if there’s anyone around you right now, anyone you care about at all, reach over, give them a hug and tell them that you love them. We all lose folk and we all face trails and tribulations, but taking less for granted will certainly make the inevitable bumps a tad easier to ride.

Life is really horrible at times; at others it is wonderful. It's how we react to both the bad and the good that makes us what we are.

Never be afraid to be sad or happy but embrace every moment.

Try to be strong for those around you when they need you most; we're here for when you need a break from real life. 

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21 minutes ago, angieram said:

Life is really horrible at times; at others it is wonderful. It's how we react to both the bad and the good that makes us what we are.

Never be afraid to be sad or happy but embrace every moment.

Try to be strong for those around you when they need you most; we're here for when you need a break from real life. 

Thanks Angie - much appreciated.

Edited by 86 points

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I wish you all the best, brother.

I know people say that balls when they don't exactly mean the words but I do mean the words.

All the best. From your posts, that I always read when I see the username, over all the topics you seem to me like a good bloke. You come across as a 'Dave'. I like that. 

Nowt wrong with a cry. 

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7 hours ago, 86 points said:

Week from hell. Fortnight actually. Trying to get lawyers to pull their fingers out of their backsides on a property purchase, wisdom teeth making me want to tear half my face off, into third week of broadband issues... Very much an FML kind of period then. What else can go wrong, I found myself thinking. So then it not only rained, but it poured.

First, I got a call from my sister. Our step-brother’s wife had passed away. Transpires she was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months back but the family decided not to broadcast the news, as is their right. She went downhill fast and lost the unequal fight on Sunday night. Instead of going to a wedding this weekend, I’ll now be attending a funeral.

Fast forward a day and a half and whilst discussing arrangements with the old man, he drops the bombshell that he’s being biopsied tomorrow as it looks likely he has prostrate cancer. He too had decided not to say anything but felt that he should at this point. True hardman that I am, I burst out crying over the phone, like that’s really gonna help. WTF Pete, really! 

Sat here now thinking about stuff, mainly my thought processes these last few months and generally questioning my whole value system – what really matters and what really doesn’t. Suffice to say there’s been a seismic change in my mindset. Now I’m left thinking that I’m going to try and be the best I can be for dad, my stepbro for everyone I hold dear but I can’t help thinking why does it take events like these for me to think this way? I really can’t answer that one. I suppose I could if I wanted to, but the truth hurts, doesn’t it?

So there you have it folks, perspective. My advice from my personal little pit of despair is that if there’s anyone around you right now, anyone you care about at all, reach over, give them a hug and tell them that you love them. We all lose folk and we all face trails and tribulations, but taking less for granted will certainly make the inevitable bumps a tad easier to ride.

Mate, can’t add much to the sentiments of others. Only say whilst life is a bitch at times, by trying to remember the good things that get you through and keeping perspective as you say, you will somehow keep the ride smoother.

Just wish you all the best

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Weirdly, sometimes it's the worst things which bring us the closest. No experience, however terrible, is ever wasted if it deepens your love for someone. 

I hope that doesn't sound like a platitude. I've lost nearly everyone now, but found it to be true over the years. 

Wishing you all the best, anyway. x

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